Total Drama Quest: Book One
by Velvien
Summary: The campers are thrust into another world where Geoff is the "Chosen One". There, he and Bridgette are given the task of defeating the evil queen Heather. TDWT/ROTI never happened. Discontinued/indefinite hiatus.
1. Act 1: Who Needs A Rabbit Hole?

**A/N: Okay, I really don't want to know where I got the idea to do a TDI parody of RPG's, but here it is.**

**Just a brief warning: This fic is rated T due to language and eventual violence. And other stuff that may crop up depending on what I feel like doing. **

**And I believe that's all for now. On with the story.**

BOOK THE FIRST: THE HEATHER MENACE

ACT I: PROLOGUE

* * *

Who Needs A Rabbit Hole?

"Wow, Bridge! This place is beautiful!"

Somewhere on Vancouver Island, two teens walked side by side through the pines, ignoring the chilling winter wind. One of them, a female clad in a heavy turquoise jacket, giggled at her comrade's enthusiasm. "Yeah, it is. This is the Forbidden Plateau."

"Cool name," Geoff replied as he stretched and leaned against a nearby tree. His unbuttoned pink shirt openly defying Old Man Winter, he smiled and removed his cowboy hat. "So, what's so forbidden about it?"

"Well, there's this legend among the native Comox people that one time, during an attack from another tribe, they brought their women and children up here for protection. When they came back for them, they had all disappeared. This place has been taboo for the Comox ever since."

"Spooky." Geoff scooted to one side to allow Bridgette sit next to him. As she cuddled up to him, he said, "So, what did your friends say?"

"About what?"

"That party I said I would throw!"

She cast her boyfriend an amused glance. "Oh yeah. They're cool with it."

"Awesome! We're going to rock Tofino like it's never been rocked before!"

She laughed with him, Geoff's infectious excitement spreading to her. "Sounds…did you hear something?"

Suddenly alert, she stood up, head whipping back and forth. It sounded like something had brushed by a bush. Seeing her alarmed look, Geoff asked, "Um…there isn't anything dangerous here, right?"

"Only the largest concentration of cougars in North America."

Geoff leapt off his rear and to Bridgette's side, joining her on a quick cougar search. He felt the girl shuddering, although he was oblivious to her thoughts. Every story that circulated around Tofino about attacks from the large cats swam through her mind, a maelstrom of fear created by just the shaking of leaves. _It's okay, Bridge. Even if there's one nearby, it's not likely to attack. Just calm down._ Sighing, she sat back down, still peering around. "Sorry about that. I guess there's nothing."

"Yeah." He plopped down next to her and announced, "And besides, I wouldn't let a big cat hurt you."

"You're so sweet, Geoff," Bridgette said for what felt like the hundredth time since his arrival two days ago, giving him a quick peck on the cheek. Blushing slightly, Geoff grinned back her and rose, having spotted a pretty wildflower growing in spite of the harsh December conditions. As he bent down to pluck it, Bridgette heard some rustling close by. Leaping to her feet, she screamed, "Geoff, look out!"

The party animal barely had time to get his hands up before a tan-furred feline was on him. One claw ripped through his shirt and tore into his chest while the other was seized by his other hand. Roaring, the cougar used its weight and pushed him the ground, trying to get a shot at his neck. Every bit of advice Bridgette had ever heard for dealing with cougars ran through her brain, every single one of them useless to Geoff at the moment. Panicking and thrashing was _not_ the way to ward off a mountain lion. Reaching down to pick up the first stone she could find, Bridgette threw her animal-loving creed to the wind and pelted the beast with the rock. The cougar roared its pain and turned to her in rage, only to receive another one to the face. Casting one last hungry glare at Geoff, still writhing on the ground, it turned and bounded away. Bridgette darted over to the wounded teen, fear and worry consuming her. "Oh my god, Geoff! Are you -"

"It's cool, I'm fine," Geoff replied, sitting up and placing a hand over the gash in his chest. He placed a finger over her mouth before she could protest his claim. "Seriously, it's not too deep."

"Geoff…" Bridgette began before suddenly leaning in to embrace him. "I'm so sorry. We never should have…"

"Nah, it's cool. I mean, as long as I have you to protect me, we'll be fine."

She pulled back and smirked. "That's not funny. Come on, you gotta get to a hospital."

"Can't we stay a little longer? I mean, I haven't even taken picture of this place yet…"

"...Fine. But only a few minutes."

"You're totally awesome, Bridge!" Geoff leapt up and pulled out a camera, which had somehow remained unscathed during the tussle with the cougar. Bridgette rolled her eyes and stood up next to him, examining the wound. It looked rather bad, but it didn't seem too deep, just as Geoff had said.

Some distance behind them, two man watched as Geoff took pictures of what he called the "beauteousness of nature". The shorter one whispered, "I think they'll do. Do your stuff, Phil."

Phil nodded and crept silently through the overgrowth. The two were too busy conversing to notice him. Once he was right behind them, he lifted both hands and hammered the backs of the teens' heads. Geoff and Bridgette collapsed to the forest floor, the camera shattering against a mossy boulder. Phil nodded over at his partner and dragged the two off to regions unknown.

* * *

"Guh…what happened…" Bridgette moaned, feeling cold stone pressed against her face. Shaking her head, she rose up to one knee. From somewhere in front of her, an indeterminable distance away, a cheery voice boomed, "Bridgette! Geoff! Welcome to Castle Wawanakwa! I am your liege, Chris Maclean the First!"

_Oh, no_…Bridgette's head snapped up. The demon from the past summer sat on a throne, dressed in a royal-looking suit with a golden crown perched upon his head. Next to her, Geoff leapt up and ran over to Chris. "Chris, dude! Awesome to see you again, man!"

"Thanks, man. Your girl doesn't seem so thrilled, though."

"Please tell me this isn't another season of Total Drama…" Bridgette was whimpering, refusing to look at Chris. The reality show host/apparent monarch laughed. "Calm down, Bridgette. This isn't another TDI. It's something _much_ bigger than some stupid reality show."

"Really?" Geoff asked, visibly excited. Chris nodded. "Yep! The fate of this world is at stake! And you, Geoff…are the Chosen One! Congratulations, you get to save the world!"

"WOO-HOO!" Geoff began running around, waving his hat around as though it were a rag doll. "Didja hear that, Bridge? I'm the _Chosen One_! Wooooo-hoo!"

All Bridgette found herself capable of doing was slapping her palm onto her forehead. Geoff was the nicest, coolest person she had ever met, but sometimes he could just be a complete idiot. Such as now. "Um…Geoff? This may not be such a good thing…"

"I'm gonna be famous! Yeah!"

"…Ugh…forget it."

After several minutes of celebrating the revelation, Geoff came to a halt, panting. "So…what exactly…does the Chosen One…do?"

Ignoring Bridgette's second face palm, Chris said. "Save the world."

"From…what?"

"A person I like to call 'Queen Bitch'." Bridgette smirked a little at that. "So, we're fighting against Heather?"

"Now, I didn't say that. Now listen. The queen is plotting to take over the world."

"Um…" Bridgette began, noting that Geoff was still wearing a manic grin. "How is she gonna do_ that_?"

"She is a powerful sage that vaporize you with her mind? Yeah, I think that could help a quest for world domination."

The teens laughed at this, although Bridgette's was more than just a little nervous. "Um…you're joking, right?" Chris shook his head, the grin of a sadist plastered on his face. "Sorry. No jokes to be had here in the hall of the reality king. Queenie's capable of destroying this entire castle in under three minutes if she wanted to."

That wiped the grin off of Geoff's face. "Um…so you're saying that I'm fighting a witch who could me with a thought?"

"That's right, Geoff."

"…_How_?"

"That's why you're here." Chris stood up and began pacing before the now terrified teens. "Now, listen. You are the Chosen One. That means that you - and everyone you travel with - cannot die. And you're the only one who can defeat the Queen. First, you must recover the legendary sword, Enceladus. It's being held in the Northern Fortress, about…eh, one hour north of here. You then must find you're way to the moon so you can empower Enceladus with ice powers. Or something like that. Then you will be able to defeat the Queen."

"Wait…so I'm invincible?" Geoff asked excitedly, prompting a short burst of laughter from the king. "Nope, sorry dude. You and Bridge can't be _killed_, but you can be _defeated_. If everyone in your party goes down, you will magically wind up back in the last castle you saved in."

"Saved…" Bridgette muttered. "Chris, you're making this sound like some kind of video game."

"I know. Funny, eh?"

_No._ "So what is the this 'saving'?"

Chris sighed and adopted a bored, 'I've said this too many times already' tone. "At each castle, you may talk with the ruler of the province. They will make a record of who's been defeated, how much money you have, what equipment you have, what you've killed, et cetera. If you get wiped out, not only do you return to the last place you saved at, you lose everything that you didn't have when you saved. So save. Often."

Bridgette and Geoff just stared. He couldn't possibly be serious. For them to be so obviously in a game…the surfer mumbled, "How does that even work…"

"Don't question it. Now your first task is to retrieve Enceladus from the Northern Fortress. So get going, and good luck with that."

"Good luck, Geoff," Bridgette muttered. "Defeat the queen quickly."

"Wait a minute, Bridgette," Chris interrupted. "At the moment, Geoff is only capable of swinging a sword. He'll need someone to heal his wounds. And trust me, there'll be plenty of those."

"I'm going _with _him?"

"Sweet, Bridge!" Geoff exclaimed, giving her a crushing hug. "We're gonna save the world together!"

"And you won't be just you two, either. If you got to the pub, you'll find that several people willing to join you. Select two of them. And," Chris added, tossing them a jingling pouch. Geoff was nearly knocked over by the weight of it's contents. "You need to go the blacksmith's shop. Buy armor for yourselves - Geoff's a Hero, Bridgette's a Cleric - and for whoever you bring with you. And don't come back until you have Enceladus. Now get outta here!"

Two guards emerged from thin air and dragged the two clear out of the castle, roughly throwing them onto the street. After recovering from the near-violent treatment, Geoff said, "So…where's that pub?"

* * *

**A/N: Okay, here's how it's gonna work. This story will be split first into 'books' (read: major arcs) and 'acts' (sub-arcs). If you're wondering about the length of this fic, there will be three books. The first two will contain between 8 and 10 acts and each act will be anywhere from 1 to 4 chapters. The third book is only three acts long, but I believe the acts will be longer. Rather than updating chapter by chapter, I believe I will only update upon the completion of an arc. That way, I don't leave you guys dangling.**

**I don't really care that much about getting a lot of reviews. Rather, I'd love for them to be giving advice/constructive criticism. Especially in regards to whether or not I'm managing to keep the characters in character. I learn from you, I apply what I learned to my writing, my writing improves, the story improves, you guys win. Yay.**


	2. Act 2: Brave New World

**A/N: Okay, yeah, I know I said I would only update when I had finished an arc, but...whatever. Here's the next chapter.**

**Violence and blood are contained within this chapter. But hey, that's why this is rated T.**

ACT II: THE SACRED SWORD

* * *

Brave New World

The pub was not particularly difficult to find. It was the largest building on the city's main thoroughfare, as well as its most derelict. The tan paint was in the process of peeling away, revealing the warped, wooden planks that made up the building's exterior. Both of the windows were broken, the building was tilting slightly to the left and was being held up by a sign that might have been from the front of the pub, and the door was in the middle of the street. The interior was hardly an improvement. Various sections of the ceiling lay on the vomit-stained floor, the paint was entirely gone from the walls, and the noxious combinations of scents one would expect from a cramped bar permeated the room.

Geoff, it seemed, loved it.

"Dude, a bar! I've never been inside one before!"

"Calm down, Geoff..."

"Do you think they'll serve us alcohol?"

Bridgette slapped her boyfriend's head. "Don't even go there."

"Oh, come on!"

"You're the Chosen One, Geoff. You should _not_ be drinking!"

"Just one! Please? I mean, this stuff is supposed to be great for parties!"

"You've had great parties without beer. No."

"Aww, fine..." Sulking, Geoff pushed his way through the smelly crowd, making sure no one so much as touched Bridgette, and stopped in front of the counter. The bartender, who looked to be just as drunk as his patrons, sneered at him before turning to 'clean' a glass with a filthy wash cloth. Geoff just grinned and chirped, "Hey, dude!"

"Yer underage, kid. Git out."

"Nah, dude, I'm the Chosen One."

Twenty-seven pairs of eyes turned towards the two as the sound of shattering glass cut the drunken babbling. The shocked bartender gaped. "You...the Chosen One?"

"Yep, that's me! Me 'n Bridge are gonna save the world."

"Yes, that's right," Bridgette cut in, throwing Geoff a look that clearly said 'shut up'. "The King said that we could recruit some people to help here."

The bartender looked between the two of them. "All right, if ya're who ya claim ya're, prove it. Show me some proof, because I ain't-'

The wall exploded. Wood chips pelted the crowd, debris rained from the dilapidated ceiling and the entire building shook. As several men ran for their lives, the smoke cleared to reveal Chris on an ATV. Sliding off of the ridiculously out-of-place machine, he grinned at the bartender. "Hey, man. I know it's hard to believe, but the guy in the pink shirt is, in fact, the Chosen One."

And with that, Chris hopped back on the vehicle and zoomed out the way he came, leaving everyone that wasn't Bridgette or Geoff to wonder what he was riding. The bartender blinked a few times before barking, "All right, listen up. If ya do not want to travel with the Chosen One, git outta here. If ya do, come talk to him."

The first batch potential recruits turned out to be too drunk to do or say anything that would give even the slimmest sliver of a chance of making it. By the time the alcoholics were done and Bridgette was at her wits' end, another gaggle had formed. Sobriety certainly helped, but this group also proved to be incompetent.

"Name's Joe. Through my vast knowledge of foreign comics, I can create a giant humanoid robot that will be unstoppable."

"John. I can...tell monsters their favorite bands suck? Damn it, I'm useless..."

"I'm Tyler, the greatest athlete in Wawanakwa! I've been practicing boxing for the last few days, so if you need a fighter, I'm your guy!"

"Really?" Geoff inquired with a wry smile. "Hit me with your best shot, dude."

"Alright, but I pack a wallop," Tyler replied, returning the grin. "Don't say I didn't warn you..."

The athlete drew took a step toward Geoff, tripped over the air and crashed into the bartender fist-first. Geoff doubled over laughing while Bridgette stared incredulously at Tyler. He chuckled nervously to himself. "Heheh...I meant to do that..."

Tyler slumped away to a three-legged chair as someone else stepped up to prove how unfit to be an adventurer he was. After several more complete idiots, a familiar tan-skinned girl stood before them. "Hello, I'm-"

"'Sup, Courtney?" Geoff exclaimed, reaching out to shake her hand. The CIT leaned in and whispered, "Listen, Geoff. Don't go around announcing you know me. There's something very weird going on and the less suspicion we attract, the better. And I believe _everyone _from TDI was brought into this world."

"Whoa, wait," Bridgette replied, startled."_World_?"

"Yes, Bridgette. World. We are clearly not in Canada anymore. And I may be wrong, but I don't believe any countries use swords as their primary weapons anymore. Or magic, for that matter."

"Honestly, I was hoping Chris was joking when he mentioned magic," Bridgette grumbled before being overrode by Courtney's incessant talking. "But anyways, please do not act like you know anyone from Total Drama. Got it?"

"Gotcha, miss," Geoff replied, grin still intact. "So then, what's your name, ma'am?"

Courtney defeated the urge to slap her forehead and went into full business mode. "As I was saying, I'm Courtney. I am currently enrolled in the Wawanakwa School of Law and am planning on running for a seat on the Senate as soon as I meet the age requirement. Although I may not have the fighting skill of many of these *ahem* 'athletes', my skills as a party manager will indubitably prove invaluable on your journey."

Ignoring the looks of confusion Geoff and Bridgette were giving her, Courtney continued on. "Many quests have fallen apart due to poor management of money and equipment. I could help you decide if it is truly necessary to buy that shiny sword ("Of course it is", Geoff whispered) or consume that valuable herb. If you hire me, I promise I will guide your quest in the direction of success!"

She emphasized the 'success' portion of her speech by pounding a fist against her flat palm. When the two newly-designated heroes were a bit slow to respond, Courtney added, "Oh, and I also have 1000 gold you...can..._where the hell is my purse_!?"

"Shouldn't leave your stuff lying around, princess."

A young man with a green mohawk was sitting on the other side of the bar, holding up a plain brown purse in his hand. He grinned as Courtney sputtered in rage."D-Duncan! Give it back!"

"Now, now, princess. Is that how you ask for something!"

"GIVE IT! I'm warning you..."

As she began to chase Duncan around the pub, Bridgette leaned over to Geoff and whispered, "This place is a madhouse. We need to get out of here!"

Geoff nodded and clambered onto the counter. "All right, listen up dudes! We have made our decision! The lucky person who gets to come with us is...Tyler!"

As the rest of the crowd voiced their displeasure, the athlete cried out in joy and sprinted over to Geoff. "Thanks, man! You won't regret this."

"I'm sure we won't," Bridgette said. She reached over and yanked Geoff's head over to her. "What are you doing? Why him?"

"Well, we need someone to come with us. And he's the best one out of everyone here."

"What about Courtney? She'd be a lot more useful. And you haven't asked Duncan yet..."

"Because they're gonna be making out in the next minute." Certain sounds emanating from behind a table indicated that his prediction had come true. "Okay, so they're already at it. They won't even hear us right now. I say we just go with Tyler for now."

"...Okay." Bridgette signaled to Tyler to follow her. "Let's go, Tyler. We need to stop by the blacksmith before heading out."

"All right, I am _so_ ready for this! Those monsters won't even know what hit 'em! Um...we are going again?"

* * *

"...but yeah, I totally destroyed that guy!"

"That's great, Tyler," Bridgette said in dismissal. She hoped Tyler had the talent to back up his nonstop boasting, but highly doubted it. He had proven himself to be just about the _worst_ person ever at sports on Total Drama Island, despite his love for athletics. As detailed as his stories were, she had incredible difficulty story believing any of the crap spewing from his mouth. Geoff, on the other hand, was far too interested in Tyler's feats, asking for more info on every tale told. This one was no different. "Dude, how'd you know what spell he was gonna cast?"

"Well, ya see, he would always back up slightly before he..."

Bridgette sighed and tuned Tyler out, concentrating solely on locating the elusive smithy. The city of Wawanakwa was a massive, labyrinthine jumble of houses and shops, a chaotic mess of a metropolis. Finding anything there seemed an impossible task. The haphazard design began to become more spaced out as the approached the surrounding fields. Finally, at the very edge of town, they found a tiny, circular building, the entrance adorned with a sword-shaped sign. She nudged Geoff and asked, "Think that's it?"

"Good eyes, Bridge!" Geoff exulted as he sprinted toward the shack. The inside was very simple: a single metal table sat dead-center with a furnace built up against the limestone wall. A man sat on the cold ground behind the counter. Seeing he had customers, he stood up and welcomed them "Hey, welcome to the one-and-only Wawanakwa Weapon and Armor! What can I get ya?"

"Hello," Bridgette returned politely "We need equipment for a...um, cleric?"

All she got out of Geoff was a shrug. She continued, "Yeah...I think Chris said cleric. And some for a hero."

"Hero? You mean like...the Chosen One?" The surfer nodded The man was now sporting a grin not unlike the ones Katie and Sadie wore when watching Justin. "This guy's the...wow. How's this, you give me your autograph and you can get a sword and breastplate for free. Deal?"

"Cha, sure man! Got a pen?"

After Geoff signed a slip of paper, the smithy produced a copper broadsword and vest out of thin air. Bridgette cocked an eye at the size of the plate. "Um...shouldn't his armor be a little bigger?"

"Aye, it should," the blacksmith answered, carefully taping the autograph to the wall. "But I'm having a bit of a shortage. Ya see, I buy all of my copper from a mining company down in one of the southern towns. Their only open mine at the moment is smack in the middle of the Wanak Forest. For a decade now, they would mine the copper and sell it to me. Using the money I made from my business, I buy more metal. They need me, I need them. However, a couple months ago-"

"Dudes! How do I look?"  
The three turned to stare at Geoff. The copper plate, several sizes too small, barely covered his chest. His entire midsection was left vulnerable to attacks. In addition to the armor, he still wore the same hat, shirt and shorts he was known for. In short, he looked absolutely stupid. Tyler burst into laughter while Bridgette just gawked. The blacksmith cocked an eyebrow an continued. "Anyways, a couple months ago, several miners were killed by a large pack of beasts that had never before been seen. The surviving men described them as being the size of bears, but with a body structure more like that of a beaver."

"Giant beavers?" Geoff asked. "Aw, man, they're here too?"

The smith grabbed Geoff by the shoulders, shaking him like a rag doll. "You know of these fell beasts?"

"Yeah, dude. Me'n Bridge were chased halfway across this one island by a pack."

The man gasped and fell to his knees, as though he were pleading to a god. "Please, O Chosen One, hear my request. You are the only one who knows what these things are and has the power to stop them. Please, eliminate these creatures for me!"

"Uh...sure, man," Geoff replied, confused at receiving such treatment. "I'll do it as soon as possible."

"Thank you," the smith replied, nodding his head in gratitude. "Now, then. I believe that the young miss here needs some equipment."

Bridgette shrugged. "I guess so. I really don't like weapons, though."

"Do not worry. As a cleric, you will do very little fighting. You're name is Bridge, right? Kinda funny..."

"It's Bridgette," she corrected him coldly, throwing a glare at her boyfriend. The smithy gave her a wide grin. "My apologies, Bridgette. Now, I'm not exactly an expert with non-metal armors, but I'm pretty sure your coat is better than pretty much anything this city has got to offer."

"Why not another breastplate?" Bridgette asked, glancing at Geoff's clashing attire.

"Because," Tyler spoke up. "Metal armor and weapons will weigh you down. For example, there's no way I could have handed Zuul that beatdown I gave him if I was wearing metal."

"Yes," the blacksmith agreed. "As a cleric, you need full mobility to heal your allies. That plate weighs a good 20 pounds. No, you really should just try to stay out of the battle unless you need to heal Tyler or the Chosen One."

"I'm cool with that," Bridgette replied with a shrug and a smile of her own. "I hate fighting, anyways."

"Very well then. Here's your staff."

Bridgette stared at the object he forced into her hands. "It's a stick," she commented.

So it was. The appearance of the supposed 'staff' indicated that someone had simply yanked off a branch from a pine tree. The stick feathered into a myriad of branches less than half way up from the carved handle. The smithy cackled and boomed, "Nonsense. Aye, it may have been a mere stick at one point, but not anymore! Was not the Chosen One's sword once a chunk of copper or your coat simple cotton? This staff is imbued with magic! Will you not buy it?"

Bridgette still looked doubtful. "Um...I guess..."

"Very good! That's 300 gold, plus the tax rate...336 gold, please."

"300 of these gold coins for a _stick_?"

"No, 336 of those gold coins. And it's not just a stick, as we've already been over. Sorry, but Chris's laws..."

"Whatever," Bridgette growled. Geoff grinned and stuck a hand into his pocket. Then into another. Desperately, he searched through every hole in his clothes before screaming, "It's gone!"

"What's gone?"

"That pouch that Chris gave me! The one with our money!"

Joining Geoff in panicked frenzy, Bridgette began searching all of her pockets as well, although she knew that she never so much as touched the gold. Tyler piped up. "That stupid criminal probably took it along with Courtney's purse. Don't worry, I'll cover ya."

Tyler tossed Bridgette a black wallet, heavy from the gold. After nearly three minutes of counting out coins, she took her staff. "Aren't you gonna get something, Tyler?"

He flashed her a confident smirk. "I'll be fine, brah. Trust me."

"All right then, guess that's everything," Geoff announced. "See ya, dude."

"You, too," the blacksmith called out to their retreating forms. "Remember my request!"

* * *

The first half hour of travel was spectacularly uneventful. A massive green expanse of grass, bushes and gently rolling hills lay to the north of Wawanakwa. Without any obstacles whatsoever, Tyler was free to boast once more. Bridgette grumbled about her staff still having pine needles on it but otherwise just listened to the jock's stories. Truth be told, he wasn't too bad at weaving tales, although there were far to many inconsistencies within them for Bridgette or Geoff to fully believe a single one of them. And they were certainly more sane than what spewed from Izzy's mouth back at Camp Wawanakwa. The peace of the northern hills was brought to a sudden halt by a rabbit, of all things.

About halfway to the fortress, the trio heard what sounded look fighting. Bridgette was the first to dare to look at what lay behind a certain bush. A large white rabbit was wrestling with a small bobcat. Except for the fact that the feline had sabertooth-style fangs and the rabbit had a massive horn poking out of its furry forehead. The cat was already bleeding profusely from a hole in its side. The surfer waved her companions over and pointed. "Wow. Never thought I'd see a wildcat get wounded by a rabbit."

"Yeah, babe," Geoff whispered back. "Bet that cat's wishing he found...something...else...what's wrong, Tyler?"

Tyler had gone pale and was trembling. Forcing his mouth to move, he whimpered. "Th-that's a horned cottontail...I don't think the cat is the predator here..."

As if on cue, the horn ripped through the bobcat's chest, impaling it straight through the heart. The bobcat howled and collapsed as glistening fangs began to protrude from the bunny's mouth. Transfixed in fear of this world's fauna, Bridgette uttered a weak squeak of terror. Which the cottontail picked up on. It turned its wolfish eyes upon the travelers and growled, a demonic sound that sent even more shivers up her spine. Smiling cautiously, she bent down and (to Tyler's absolute disbelief) tried to talk to it. "Um...hey, guy. Don't worry, we're not here to hurt you..."

"Move, Bridgette!" Tyler leapt past her, fist flying. The rabbit simply hopped to one side, safely away from the punch. It attempted to gore the athlete, but he chose the exact right time to trip over the air and came away horn-free. He did ended up face-down on the dying bobcat.

Before the rabbit could get another shot at spearing him, Geoff loosed a war cry and lifted his sword over his head. The cry distracted the bunny from a possible easy meal, but Geoff completely froze up as it jumped at his chest. The copper plate thankfully held as the creature bounced off, and Geoff swung the blade straight down, far too slow hit the nimble creature. Bridgette shrieked as it lunged for her next, stumbling over to Tyler's side. "Tyler, what the heck is this thing?"

"This guy is the most feared predator in the entire province! These cottontails have been known to go after humans."

"Like he's doing right now," Geoff hollered, jumping away from another strike. Tyler stood back up and expertly whiffed a kick, bungled a punch and tripped over his target. Before he could be impaled, Geoff slashed again. The blade missed the rabbit entirely, but did carve a nice, bloody gorge into Tyler's foot. The athlete screamed and hobbled away from the battle, leaving Geoff and Bridgette to fend for themselves. The rabbit was now dogging Geoff step for step, the party boy only staying alive through lucky blocks with his sword. Bridgette, having dropped her staff while avoiding the bunny's attack, clutched her head in horror. She needed something—anything, really—to distract the monstrosity long enough for them to escape. And Tyler was not helping one bit. He was just sitting next to the deceased cat, whimpering over his gash. _The bobcat..._

Bridgette darted over to the corpse and, shuddering, picked it up. Gaining the beast's attention with an incoherent shout, she threw the bloody thing as far as she could. Although the feeling of an animals blood covering her hand revolted her nearly to the point of vomiting, Bridgette managed a small smile as the rabbit chased its meal. Geoff, bending over and panting, wheezed, "Good thinking, Bridge..."

"Good one, brah!" Tyler called out as he stood up, trying not to put much weight on his mangled foot. "Now, let's get outta here before that bastard comes back."

Geoff and Bridgette sprinted away from the rabbit, leaving Tyler to hobble behind in agony. Nothing else opposed them on their path to the fortress, and they soon found themselves at its gates.

* * *

Inside the fortress, a large man stood before a stove, smiling hungrily. Closing his eyes, he sniffed the air and froze. Yes, the sticky buns smelled as sweet and cinnamony as they should, but there was something else there. Something not edible, very familiar...he almost had it...

The smile grew insidious as he cackled to himself. "Heh heh hee...I'm havin' shrimp tonight!"

* * *

**Yeah, you could probably guess who the guy in the fort is. It's rather obvious from my standpoint, but that's to be expected.**

* * *


	3. Act 2: Epic Acts Of Courage And Heroism

**A/N: Violence. Blood. Tyler being thrown around like a rag doll. You've been warned.**

* * *

Epic Acts Of Courage And Heroism

The sound of the gate slamming shut resounded throughout the immense hollow room. Nearly blinding in its whiteness, the chamber was astoundingly empty, save for the doors at either end. And the three who had just entered, of course."

Shuddering from the permeating cold, Tyler whispered, "Man, guys. This place is really giving me the creeps."

"I know, man," Geoff responded. "It's like that one room right before a really hard boss in a game or something."

Tyler nodded. "Yeah, something like that."

"Yeah, there probably is someone behind that door. And why are we whispering?"

"Good question."

"Hey, guys?" Bridgette said, piercingly loud compared to the boys' whispering. "Can we just get this over with?"

Before either guy could respond, the far door was launched off of its hinges with a deafening _boom_. As the echoes reverberated around the room, Chef Hatchet stomped through the doorway, scowling the teens. In one hand he held what looked like a large lavender nail, over four feet in length and a good two inches around. As he approached, he barked, "What do you think you're doin' comin' into _my _fortress without askin'? Your butts better be headed back out before I—"

He stalled when he saw Geoff, trying to remember what Chris had told him about the party animal. However, Tyler wrecked his train of thought. "Ha, yeah right! We are gonna take you down right here, right now! This is for what you put us through on TDI!"

And he charged, bellowing like a madman. He balled both fists and stared down Chef, intent on ending the battle with a single blow. But that would be boring if that happened, right? As soon as the jock was close enough, Chef lashed out with his weapon, wielding it like a spear. Tyler narrowly dodged impalement, but was swept off to the side by Chef's strange tool. As he crashed into a granite wall, Chef barked out his harsh laughter. "Now, listen here, you punks. This is _my _fortress. No one enters _my _fortress without _my_ permission. Ya got that? You'd better retreat now and remember that. Or I'll have no choice but to...you get my drift. Now, go on! Get out! You have no chance against the Salad Sword!"

"...Salad Sword?" Bridgette asked before realizing what we meant. "Wait, Enceladus?"

"Yeah, that!"

"Sorry, Chef dude," Geoff said, eying the strange weapon, "but we need that."

Chef chuckled darkly. "Oh, you _need_ it, huh? Well, go on! Try and take it from me, you sissies!"

"Oh, it's on now!" Tyler declared, throwing himself at the mad cook once more. He was again dispatched with a heavy blow from the side. Chef roared, "Is that all you got?"

"Heck no, I'm just getting warmed up! Cowabunga!"

Bridgette slapped her forehead as Tyler was launched across the room for the third time. "Geoff, I think you should handle this."

"Uh, Bridge? By myself? How am I supposed to do that?"

"Of course not by yourself. Just use your MOVE!"

Bridgette dove away from her boyfriend, leaving Geoff to nearly be skewered by Enceladus. Screaming, he turned tail and began running circles around the room, Chef in hot pursuit. Covering her ears to ward off his screams, Bridgette hurried over to where Tyler lay in a daze. He looked up and whimpered, "Hey...please heal me..."

"Um...okay." Bridgette held out her staff, looking at it as though she had never seen it before. She waved it over his head to no effect. Holding it above her head and commanding it to heal him yielded similar results. The same with waving over him and commanding it simultaneously. He displayed a distinct lack of accelerated healing after Bridgette pointed it straight at him and swore at it to work. Repeating those actions did nothing, and finally the surfer just slammed it on the ground. "How the heck does this thing even _work_?"

"Augh!"

Bridgette jumped in shock as Geoff flew by and became embedded deep in the stone, legs flailing wildly. Chef cackled and shouted, "And then...there was one. Heh heh heh heh..."

"Oh, crap, oh, crap, oh, crap..." Petrified, the surfer repeated that mantra as Chef's thundering footfalls drew closer. She turned to look over her shoulder and squeaked like a mouse when she saw Chef only a couple feet behind her. Raising the sword/club, he hollered, "Game over, sissies!"

"Not yet!" Tyler stopped feigning defeat and jumped in front of the blow. He took it full force but managed to grab a hold of the weapon, preventing him from winding up against the wall a fourth time. As Chef violently tried to shake him loose, he shouted, "Bridgette! Get Geoff outta the wall! Hurry!"

"Okay!" She turned and grabbed Geoff by the ankles, prompting him to thrash harder. "It's okay, Geoff! It's me!"

No good. He was too far into the stone to hear her. With a defeated sigh, she anchored one leg against the smooth rock and pulled, eliciting a muffled yelp of pain from her boyfriend. After a few seconds of tugging, they both rocketed away from the wall, with Geoff landing on top of her. Still panicking, he screamed and rolled away before realizing who had pulled him off. "Oh, wow, ya scared me there, babe."

She gave him a thankful smirk as he pulled her back up and drew his now-bent sword. He returned the smile before turning to face Chef, now smashing Tyler against the floor to shake him of. Geoff charged forward and took a swipe at the larger man. It wasn't a particularly beautiful swing, but that hardly mattered. The copper cut through Chef's apron and dug into his skin, leaving a foot-wide gash across his chest. Howling, Chef positioned Tyler(still clutching Enceladus) in between him and Geoff to dissuade him from attacking again. He winced in pain and growled, "That was a lucky shot, party boy! You won't get another!"

And he jammed the toothpick-like weapon deep into the ground, finally knocking the red-clad athlete off. He took another slice from Geoff to the left arm and lashed out with a powerful kick. It connected with Geoff's chin and sent him skidding back against the cracking wall. Tyler tried to take advantage of Chef's lowered guard with a kick of his own, but managed to miss. Neither Chef nor Bridgette were particularly surprised by his poor aim. "Boy, you have got to get glasses or sumthin'! In the next life, that is!"

Enceladus crashed down upon Tyler's head and drove him into the floor like a stake. His head lolled to one side and Bridgette could tell he was either unconscious or worse. Geoff, limping on his right foot a little, charged forth, nameless weapon held over his head. He yelped and leapt to the side of Chef's first strike, ducked under the second and jumped the last. The blade sliced Chef's face this time, leaving him to howl his rage. Turning and grinning at his girlfriend, Geoff shouted, "Woo-hoo! I think I'm getting the hang of this sword fighting stuff!"

"Um...Geoff? Behind you?"

Bridgette shook her head as Geoff screamed and was chased around the room again. Taking advantage of Chef's absence, she went and knelt down next to Tyler. She leaned in and whispered, "Hey, Tyler? Tyler!"

"L...lind...wha?"

"Um, hold on. I'm gonna try this again."

She shook her staff, waved it over his head, commanded it to heal him, pointed it at him, swore under her breath, and performed just about every combination of those actions imaginable. Tyler remained bruised, babbling quietly about Lindsay. Sighing in frustration, she turned to find Geoff. He was in the process of flying right at her head. "Oh, crap!"

Bridgette ducked and felt Geoff pass over her, a dull thud signaling his crash into the wall. Chef stomped over to her again, the blood running down his face somehow making his sneer all the more terrifying. Chuckling to himself, he whispered, "By the way, you're usin' it wrong, blondie."

And he raised Enceladus high over his head, cackling down at the petrified surfer. She squeaked and rolled to the left as the sword came down, damaging the stone floor. The sword followed her and struck her in the chest, leaving her gasping for air. The staff flew from her hand and struck Tyler on the head. Another blow followed, catching her from the side with sickening crunch, before Chef kicked her all the way back against the wall. She tried to rise again, but collapsed, heaving. Chef's manic grin widened as he looked down at her broken frame. "Tell ya what. If ya never come near this place again, I'll let you go."

"And if we don't?"

Chef's whipped around and received a blow to the face. Tyler stood grinning at Chef, arms crossed, wounds completely healed. Throwing Bridgette's staff over to her, he shouted, "Let's go!"

* * *

"Hey, um...Chris? Your Majesty?"

"What?" Chris whined, in the process of tearing into a turkey leg. "I'm eating here, Phil!"

"Um...Geoff and Bridgette are, um...kinda losing..."

"Losing? They aren't even supposed to be fighting anyone yet!"

Phil sighed. "Chef didn't want to give them the sword."

Chris stared blankly for a moment. "Oh. Oh well. Sucks to be them. Guess we're gonna need a a new Chosen One."

"Um...what was all that you were saying about not dying?"

"Honestly? I don't what can happen to them here. I just fed them that so that they'd go and do this." Chris threw the remainder of the leg, clocking Phil on the head. "Now, can I _please_ eat in peace?"

Phil whimpered and ran back out, calling back, "Yes, Your Majesty!"

* * *

Bridgette groaned, agony shooting through her entire body. Her ribs were broken, breathing felt like trying to suck in fire, and her legs were numb. Vaguely, she heard the sounds of Tyler and Chef fighting, but that hardly mattered anymore. As far as she was concerned, it was game over. And the pine branches poking at her skull weren't helping matters. She moaned again, and tried to roll away from the annoying stick. Yeah, so much good that thing had done her. At least she would have been able to defend herself with a sword. There was nothing to do but wait for whatever Chef had in store for her, which would probably not include alleviating her pain...which, she realized, felt like it was going away.

She ran a finger down her side, gasping as she felt her ribs. Her perfectly healed ribs. The pain that breathing brought had completely faded while she consumed in her pessimism. Virtually jumping to her feet, she grinned and ran over to where Geoff lay slumped against the wall. _Maybe if I just poke him with this..._

She poked with the staff, holding it against his skin for several long moments. She watched in wonder as the cuts and bruises on his face mended themselves in mere seconds. His shoulder snapped into place and his knee twisted. No amount of prodding could do anything for his battered armor or torn shirt, however. He blinked and muttered, "Bridge...?"

Before she could embrace him, he was back on his feet, eternal grin brightening his face. "You got it to work, huh? That's my girl!"

"Um...Tyler did, actually," she admitted, locking joyful eyes with him. "It works by contact."

"Cool. Now what do you say we take down Chef?"

"Yes, dammit!" Tyler shouted, held upside down by Chef. "I could _really_ use some help here!"

"I got your back, dude!" Geoff picked up his sword again and charged, Bridgette only steps behind. Chef threw Tyler to the ground and swung at Geoff. The grinning party-goer ducked and stabbed, piercing Chef's stomach. Beside him, Bridgette hit Tyler once with the staff. Whatever magic the staff used poured into the athlete, and he was back on his feet a second later. As Chef and Geoff dueled, Tyler sneaked in and threw a punch at Chef. It missed badly, as per usual, but the cook was distracted enough to take a blow to the backside from Geoff. He howled and tried to strike his assailant down, but Tyler's follow up kick actually found its mark, leaving a footprint on Chef's head. The larger man spun around and knocked the two down. Thanks to Bridgette, they were both up again almost before Chef had finished his spin, grinning at him. The cook gawked. "That's...that's impossible, man! I knock you out, and you're back up right away?"

"Damn right, dude!" Tyler crowed, preparing to strike again. "I told you, we are so taking you down here! Let's finish him, man."

Chef let an "eek" and retreated as his foes struck out at him again. Once he was a safe distance away, he roared, "All right, roaches! I didn't want to have to use this, but you guys just won't stay down! Say hi to Chris for me...as ya fly over his fancy little castle! Chef Buster!"

And he launched forward, literally gliding over the ground, Enceladus scraping against the stone. He cackled at the petrified athlete before him and brought the sword around. The blow struck Tyler in the chest and launched him against the wall for the fourth time that fight. The only difference being he was about fifty feet off the ground. Moaning, he fell out of his impact-created niche and slammed against the ground, unmoving. The remaining heroes stared at his motionless body while Chef laughed. "Ha! That's right, you punks don't stand no chance against the Salad Sword! You up next, party boy!"

Geoff screamed and ran (again), but was no match for Chef's new-found speed. He, too, found himself high above the floor for a few seconds before crashing down like a meteor, crater and all. Chef barked out his joy before turning to Bridgette. And Tyler again, who looked like he was in perfect health in spite of his ruined clothing. His sports attire was so dirty it didn't even appear red anymore, but he was still giving Chef a confident smirk. Chef howled, "Why won't you fools stay down? And you will _not _be doin' that, blondie!"

Chef launched a Chef Buster at the surfer, but his intercepted by Tyler's leg. The larger man cried out as the athlete tripped him, giving Bridgette a window of opportunity to heal Geoff. Chef felled Tyler with one leg-snapping strike and rose, growling. As he stomped towards them, his breathing an angry hiss, Tyler shouted, "Hey, Bridgette! I got an idea!"

"An idea?" Chef hollered, turning around. "You think you can fool me with some fancy idea? If ya do, you're _wrong_. I will not-"

"Knock away the sword, dude!"

Chef gasped and tried to block Geoff's attack, but was far too late. The blade struck the back of the cook's hand. He roared in pain and dropped Enceladus. Grinning, Geoff picked up the legendary blade and, in a sing-song voice, said, "Oh, Chef?"

"Forget it, dude!" Tyler called out as Bridgette jabbed at his leg. "We just need the sword, right?"

Geoff stared at Enceladus for another second before grinning. "Oh, yeah, huh. Tyler, Bridge, let's go!"

Bridgette fell into step beside Geoff, smiling up at him, while Tyler trailed behind. The three walked back out the fortress, leaving Chef to cry over his cut hand. Several minutes of mourning later, Chef glared at the gate. "Oh, they are _not_ getting' away with this! Where did I leave Ol' Betty?"

* * *

"Well, guys," Tyler began as they wandered through the rolling hills once more. "I'd say that was an excellent adventure."

"Except for you two getting thrown around all the time," Bridgette retorted, although she was smiling. Tyler chuckled. "Oh, come on. What's an adventure without a little pain and danger?"

"Cha, I know man," Geoff exclaimed, exchanging a fist bump with the athlete. "I mean, one time at this party a few years ago..."

"Um, Geoff?" Bridgette squeaked, suddenly looking terrified. "Do you hear galloping?"

"Uh...yeah? What's so bad about..."

All three turned to look behind them. Several hills away, Chef was riding towards them on a little white pony, a fierce glare and dried blood combining to give him the scariest face in all of Wawanakwa. Geoff took off, shouting, "Run!"

They did. Chef chased them through the grass towards Wawanakwa, his weight dramatically slowing down Ol' Betty. Even at full gallop, the horse had trouble catching the fleeing teens. They were almost into the outskirts of Wawanakwa before he was any real threat to them. "All right, you thieving roaches! This is the end for you!"

Tyler, out of breath and about to collapse, wheezed, "You guys...go on...I'll hold him off for you..."

He turned and tried to jump-kick Chef off his mount, but was rammed by the horse instead. He fell to the ground in front of the horse, unwillingly tripping the equine. And getting trampled in the process, of course. Chef roared incoherently as he fell to the ground, watching as Geoff and Bridgette continued their flight towards the castle. He sneered at the athlete. "Boy, you are dead!"

"Bring...it..." Tyler replied, trying to sound intimidating despite his ragged state. He rose and received a punch to the jaw, knocking him to the dirt again. Chef taunted, "What, can't get up? Finish him, Betty!"

Nothing happened. "...Betty?"

"I think the rabbit has her, man."

Chef looked over the hills and saw a white rabbit hopping away, his prized horse in its maw. "No! Betty! Get back here!"

"Forget it, dude," Tyler grumbled. "She's gone and you can't catch Geoff."

"Oh, yeah?" Chef snarled. He grabbed Tyler's collar and pulled him up to his face. "Let's play a game. I'm gonna throw you as far as I can. If I catch you before you hit the ground, I win."

"Eek..."

"You think I'm slow, red? Think again!"

And with a mighty toss, Tyler was flying high above the country surrounding Wawanakwa. As he continued his meteoric rise, he briefly marveled at the strength Chef must have had to throw him so far. And then he cursed the madman as he began to plunge towards the ground..._ahead_ of his companions. If Chef was capable of catching him here, there was no way those two would be able to outrun him. Helpless, he watched the ground rise up to meet him.

* * *

Bridgette and Geoff were completely unaware of Tyler's plight. Geoff, huffing, began to slow down before falling to his knees. "Bridge...I...can't...run...anymore..."

She knelt next to him, giving him a small, encouraging smile. "We have to do this, Geoff. I don't know how much longer Tyler can hold off Chef, but I'll bet that-"

Tyler crashed into the earth next to her, digging a hole upon impact. She turned and saw Chef barreling down a hill towards them on foot. She jabbed her staff down the Tyler-made hole and grabbed Geoff's arm before taking off again. Behind her, Tyler clambered out of the hole and followed behind as she dragged her protesting boyfriend along. They entered the city and began winding their way through the crowded streets. Chef, on the other hand, simply trampled anyone who got in their way. Chef was mere meters behind when they passed the pub, nearly running over a certain tan-skinned girl. Ignoring Courtney's indignant screech, they made their way up onto the bridge connecting the castle to Wawanakwa proper. The guards at the end look confused as the four figures ran across the bridge towards the castle gate. Bridgette, the only one of the group who still had enough breath to speak, shouted, "Open the gate!"

"Open the gate and die, fool!" Chef barked, glaring at the soldiers. They looked at each other, unsure of what they should do. Bridgette answered that for them. "This guy's the Chosen One! We need to see Chris!"

The gate went up. "They're lyin'! Close it and I'll take care of them!"

The gate came back down at Chef's request. Tyler, now almost in Chef's grabbing range, called, "Don't listen to this madman! Open the gate!"

Up. "Did you hear what this ingrate called me? Close it!"

Down. "Open it!"

"Close it!"

"Open!"

"Close!"

"Chef's evil! Open!"

"Why you...! Close the damn gate!"

The guards settled on halfway up just as they reached the gate. Bridgette and Tyler slipped under, carrying Geoff with them. Chef tried to do the same and smashed his head against the steel door. From the ground, he growled, "Okay, _now_ open it!"

* * *

Chris tapped his foot impatiently. It had been an hour since Phil's last update, and he really wanted to know if they needed a new Chosen One. In the silence of throne room, he began pondering who should replace Geoff. Bridgette was obviously out, Duncan was unreliable, Heather had a certain major issue...ah yes, Trent. The goody-goody would certainly accept the task. And hey, he even had a guaranteed ally in Gwen. Yes, Trent would be perfect...

The doors rattled as someone tried to enter. Chris looked up and shouted, "Sorry! Door's locked!"

He pressed a switch and the doors flung inwards, revealing a panicked Phil. "Ah, Phil! Do you have an update?"

The former cameraman/pizza deliveryman knelt from the doorway. "Chris...I mean, Your Majesty! The Chosen One has arrived!"

Chris leapt to his feet, grinning ear to ear. "Awesome. Bring 'em in!"

Phil didn't need to. Bridgette (still dragging Geoff) and Tyler burst through the door behind him and crashed into him. As the four went down in a tangled, Chef broke through the doors behind the ones the trio had entered through, completely destroying them, and tripped over the mass of bodies on the ground. Chris blinked at the tangled mass before him before bursting into laughter. "That...was...awesome!"

He waited until the five were untangled before continuing. "Well, first off, congratulations on acquiring Enceladus, Geoff!"

Geoff gave him a weak thumbs up from the ground. After being dragged along the ground during the mad rush to the gate, he had wound up looking even worse off than Tyler. Chef didn't look particularly good, either, due to his ripped and bloody clothing, a broken nose, and a nasty gash on his cheek. Bridgette was the only one who came out of the battle still looking decent. Chef shot Geoff a glare before shouting, "Gimme back my sword _now_, you little-"

"Whoa, Chef!" Chris cut him off. "Geoff's the Chosen One! He kinda needs Enceladus."

Chef nodded, but continued glaring at Geoff. Ignoring him, Chris pressed on. "Okay then, I have no idea why you fought Chef-"

"Because he wouldn't give us the sword!" Tyler shouted, jabbing a finger at the cook. Chef growled and jabbed Tyler in the chest. "Yeah, because you came in all threatenin' me an' all! Would you give the legendary Salad Sword to someone like that? Didn't think so."

"Hey, you threatened us first!"

"I told you to leave, I didn't say nothin' 'bout fighting you!"

"Enough, guys!" Chris said, separating the two. Once he was certain they would stay quiet, he continued. "Okay, no matter what the circumstances, you guys acquired Enceladus. Good job. Now that you've done that, I can tell what the next part of the chall...er, quest is. You must-"

"Betty!" Chef cried out suddenly, tearing up. Every one else just stared in confusion until Chef explained. "My pony! It got eaten by a rabbit!"

As the large man broke down into a crying fit, Chris stepped over to him and patted him on the shoulder. "It's okay, big guy. I'm sure Betty lived a wonderful life."

As he comforted Chef, he looked at the others and circled his ear with a finger to indicate his true thoughts on the matter. Chef continued bawling. "But...b-but...I always wanted a pony! And now that I get one, it...WAAAAH!"

Still patting him on the shoulder, Chris looked over at Phil. "Hey, Phil? Can you take the crybaby out to the infirmary? I need to speak with these guys."

Grumbling something about not being a babysitter, Phil gently dragged the crying cook out of the throne room. As soon as the doors were closed, Chris cleared his throat. "Anyways...now you must travel to the moon to empower Enceladus!"

"_What_?" Bridgette demanded. "How are supposed to do that?"

Chris shrugged. "I don't know, Bridgette. Never done it myself. You're gonna have to figure it out yourselves."

"Do we have to?" Tyler asked. "I mean, it's the legendary sword! How much 'empowering' does it need?"

Chris chuckled a bit, much to the other's annoyance. "Does Enceladus look like a sword to you? I'd say it's closer to a giant purple toothpick than a sword right now. No, you must empower it to even have a shot at defeating Hea...Queen Bitch."

"Ha! I knew it!" Tyler shouted. "The evil queen is Heather!"

"You didn't even know there was an evil queen," Bridgette commented. Tyler put a finger over his lips and whispered, "Shh..."

"I didn't say that, Tyler," Chris added. Before either could remind that yes, he pretty much did tell them that, he said. "Look, I don't have a lot of time right now, and I won't be able to tell you this later."

"Why no-"

"Tut, tut, tut. Not now, Tyler." He grinned at the three irritated teens before him and briefly reflected upon the joy he got out of torturing them so on TDI. Good times. "Now, anyways...you must find your own way to the moon so the legendary sword can actually become...a sword. I don't know how, but I'm sure someone does. Supposedly—and please don't hold me this—there are three sages who know the secret to reaching the moon. Oh, and there's this hermit south of here that might know something. Other than that...good luck."

"Now, once you do that, you must head to the far east to the province of Discordia. Off the northeastern shore is the queen's floating castle. You'll need to enter the castle and destroy her once you've powered Enceladus. And then you win, and you can go home. Any questions?"

"Yeah...Geoff's kinda out of it," Bridgette said. "Can we wait until tomorrow to start?"

Chris looked slightly miffed. "All right, fine. You can rest in the inn. I'll check out a room for you. Anything else?"

Nothing. "All right, get going then. I still have some stuff to tell you, but I'll wait until tomorrow. The inn is right next to the pub."

* * *

Courtney was pacing in front of the inn with a scowl when they arrived. Bridgette smiled and called out, "'Sup, Courtney?"

The CIT was snapped out of her reverie by the greeting. She waved back. "Oh, nothing. Just...thinking. What happened to Geoff?"

"I...kinda dragged him through the town," Bridgette muttered, looking down at Geoff. His shirt was entirely torn off, his shorts were wrecked, and the copper breastplate was covered in dents. "He needs to rest tonight."

"I see. I'll take it you'll continue your little quest tomorrow."

"Yeah," Bridgette replied, noting with unease the glaring going on between Tyler and Courtney. She remembered that they had a bit of a conflict near the end of TDI. Nothing had been resolved since then, it seemed. Courtney cut off her glare and gave Geoff a professional-looking smile. "Well then. Perhaps you'd like a party manager? From the looks of things, you guys wound up pretty banged up from your first quest. I could help you with advice on item usage, tactics, what kind of equipment to bring...anything except actual combat. Furthermore-"

"You can come, Courtney," Bridgette sighed, more to end her friend's speech than anything. Tyler shot her a betrayed glare, but didn't protest further. The CIT replied, "Thank you for selecting me to be your party manager! I will do my best to-"

"Whatever," Tyler cut in as he entered the hotel. "Let's just go."

Courtney sputtered in indignant rage for a few seconds before following Geoff and Bridgette in. Tyler had already acquired a room key. He called out, "All right guys, second floor. Let's move!"

As they made their way up the wooden steps, Courtney complained under her breath. "Why is he always so enthusiastic? I mean, come on! We're just going to spend a night at an inn. There's no reason to be so _happy_ about it. And who dresses like that? It's tacky and has no sense of professionalism. In fact, it's about the worst thing he could wear if he wanted a job..._what the hell is this_?"

Her screech was sudden enough to elicit a startled jump from Bridgette. She proceeded to trip over a table leg and smack her face against the wooden form of one of the room's four beds. Courtney wasn't paying any attention to her friend, though. She marched right up to Tyler's face and yelled, "You damn pervert! What's the idea with only having one room? I am _not_ sleeping in the same room as you!"

"Just so you know, Chris paid for only one room. We don't have enough money for another, Miss I'm-A-CIT-So-I'm-Leader."

Courtney gasped. "Shut up, you talentless little...you..."

"What am I, huh?"

"Guys, stop it," Bridgette commanded, laying her worn-out man on one of the beds. "It'll be fine."

Throwing a harsh look at Bridgette, Courtney threw herself onto a bed. "Fine. It's just improper for us to all be sleeping in such proximity to each other."

"You're not fooling anyone," Tyler declared, leaning against his bed. "We all know that you'd be all for this if it meant snuggling up to Duncan."

"_Shut up_!"

"Guys..." Bridgette moaned, claiming the last bed for herself. "Let's just calm down and discuss our next move."

"Well, what _is_ our next move? You guys haven't even told me what our objective is," Courtney reminded her. She was sitting cross-legged on her bed, still occasionally glancing at the athlete. Bridgette pulled Geoff's blanket over the now-sleeping party boy and said, "Well, apparently, we're supposed to take this sword to the moon to power it up or something so we can defeat this queen."

Courtney blinked. "That's _impossible_."

"I know, but Chris said that there were some sages we need to find."

"And," Tyler interjected, "there's supposed to be this hermit south of here. I say we go see him first."

Forgetting her resentment for the athlete, Courtney nodded. "I agree. It's the most logical place to start. What about you, Bridgette?"

She nodded and mostly disappeared beneath her own covers. "Yeah, sounds good."

"Well, it's decided," Tyler declared, stretching. "Night, all."

"Night, Tyler," Bridgette murmured, already falling asleep. From her bed, Courtney said, "OK, if I get up early enough tomorrow, I'll go get supplies for us."

No one voiced any complaints, and she joined them in sleep.

* * *

**(Far away, in Castle Discordia...)**

"Beth? Could you go ask my cook what's taking so long?"

The queen sat upon her throne, filing her nails. Before her stood Beth, who was nodding obediently. "Yeth, ma'am!

As the short farm girl speed away, the queen eyed her other handmaiden. "Lindsay, please go tell our new recruit to come up here. You can have the rest of the day off if you do that."

Lindsay yipped in joy. "Yay, I get a free day!"

"_After _you bring him up here. Forget, and you get to clean up after the slaves."

"I know, don't worry," Lindsay replied, striding away. "I won't forget."

Several minutes passed before a tall man made his way into the throne room. Falling onto one knee, he said, "Ah, Heather. How may I be of service?"

"Well," Heather said, mind lost in impure thoughts. "For starters, one of my servants claims that someone has claimed Enceladus. She's a bit...unstable, but she's usually reliable. I need you to gain their trust. If you can, kill the sages, too. They're making me nervous."

With a drawn-out bow, the man replied, "As you wish."

* * *

**A/N: And so concludes the first proper arc of TDQ. Who is the hermit? Who is Heather's new henchman? Will Tyler and Courtney be able to refrain from killing each other? Some of that may be answered next time. Stay tuned! Er...keep reading. Whatever the term is...**


	4. Act 3: The Hermit On The Hill

**A/N: Okay, you know what? Screw updating by act. I'll just follow the norm and update upon each completed (and proofread) chapter.**

**This chapter contains very little blood and violence, but there is a nice little obscenity less than 1000 words down. That's right, I do NOT censor anything.**

* * *

**(Chris narrating): Last time, on Total Drama Quest...Geoff and Bridgette's romantic trip to Vancouver Island was interrupted first by a mountain lion and then by me. They found themselves in another world, one in which I was king of Wawanakwa province. That's right, baby! I'm king! I fed them a bunch of crap and sent them to find allies at a nearby pub. They wound up selecting another former TDI castmember, our favorite jock Tyler. Not my choice, but then, I'm not them.**

**The three of them traveled up to the Northern Fortress to steal the legendary sword Enceladus from our very own Chef Hatchet. And along the way, they nearly got killed by a rabbit. That's pathetic, guys! Anyways, they fought Chef and pretty much got their butts handed to them. Geoff got a lucky shot in and they fled the fortress, Chef close behind. They managed to escape his wrath and I rewarded them with more crap. And then I made Chef my chef again. Courtney also joined them at some point, despite having no desire to battle. Freeloader!**

**What is this, anyways? A quest, or just another one of my shows? What perils will they face? And why am I, the handsome host, being being relegated to _recap duty_? I'm a king, for crying out loud! Get ready for:**

**ACT III: QUEST FOR MAGIC**

**...on Total...Drama...Quest!**

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The Hermit On The Hill

The entire town was awakened by a massive explosion shortly after dawn the following morning. The blast was strong enough to rattle entire buildings and loud enough to scare off every animal for miles around. And yet, there was no fire, no light, nothing to indicate that anything had happened in Wawanakwa that morning. The buildings shook, sure, but none were damaged in the slightest. For the townsfolk who dared to come out of their havens, the source of the blast was abundantly clear.

Chris Maclean the First was standing in front of a cannon, holding a megaphone in front of it and wearing earplugs. His new cook Chef Hatchet of the Northern Fortress stood on the opposite end of the gun, holding a burnt match. As the citizens of Wawanakwa settled into an angry mob, Chris raised his hands to calm them. "People of Wawanakwa! This is our latest weapon, the...um...Gun Of Awesome! That was just a test. I repeat, that was just a test!"

The ever-expanding crowd continued to bristle. Chef inched closer to the nearby inn, preparing to make a break for it. Chris continued trying to work his way out his little problem. "Seriously, people! The thing wasn't even loaded!"

That failed to lower the tension, so he tried again. "Trust me, this was absolutely and completely necessary! What you just heard is the harbinger of doom for our foes! With this, we will be unstoppable!"

"What enemies? The last war was nearly a century ago!"

"Well," Chris began. "There _is _that crazy queen in Discordia. She could attack at any moment, so we need to be prepared! Yeah..."

"We have the Chosen One! We don't need your fancy weapons!"

"Oh, come on! When I have ever steered you wrong? Trust me, this will be necessary."

After several more explanations of increasing absurdity, the crowd began to disperse. Chris leaned against the war machine and said, "That was close, eh, Chef?"

The cook glared daggers at him. "Chris man, if you _ever _pull that kind of stunt again..."

"Trust me, Chef. I knew what I was doing."

Four sleep-deprived teenagers, shock still in their eyes, trudged out of the inn. Bridgette grumbled, "I'll take it that was our wake-up call?"

Even when faced with the tired glares of the Chosen On and his party, Chris remained inexorably cheerful. "That's right, Bridgette! You won a cookie!"

He tossed a cookie from who-knows-where to the surfer. She caught the stale dessert without even looking, still fixing the monarch with a grumpy scowl. "Thanks to your cannon, Geoff's head is bleeding again."

Indeed, it was. Geoff was holding a reddening towel against his forehead. When Chris just looked confused, Courtney explained, "When your little toy went off, Geoff actually jumped out of bed and hit the ceiling. You nearly gave me a heart attack!"

"Oh. Sorry?" Chris shrugged, prompting a shriek from the party manager. "You damn idiot! How much gunpowder did you put in that?"

Again, Chris just shrugged. Chef pointed to a foot-high bucket on the ground. "See that bucket? I put about five bucketfuls in. I figured it needed a little more power."

Courtney and Bridgette stared, horrified, at the small container. Five of those was enough to... "Chris Maclean! If that thing had exploded, we'd all! Be! _Dead_!"

Chris seemed to ponder the possibility of him dying. "Oh, yeah...yeah, that thing isn't meant to have that much powder in it. I don't have any idea how Chef packed it all in there. Yeah. My bad."

Courtney face-palmed at this. "Your bad? _Your bad_? That's all you can come up with? _Your fucking bad_? Do you have any _semblance_ of foresight?"

Chris raised a hand. "First off, no need for language like that. And of course I have foresight."

"He just chooses not to use it," Chef grumbled, clearly less than thrilled with the prospect of fiery death. Chris glared at him. Damn it, Chef was supposed to be on _his_ side, not annoying CIT's! "Ahem...anyways, today is the day you leave Wawanakwa!"

"We've only been here one day, man," Geoff reminded him. Chris beamed and continued. "Regardless! I now bequeath to you...an herb! That's right, a one time use item that might heal your wounds and will certainly taste worse than Chef's Wood Plank Stew!"

Geoff nearly threw up just from the memories of that particular dish. Converting a hot tub into a meal did _not_ result in an appetizing meal. Still, he took Chris's gift while Tyler threw up his hands, irritated. "Oh, come on! That's the best you can do? A disgusting leaf? We have Bridgette for healing!"

"Sorry, Tyler. I'm on a budget."

All four teens just stared at Chris. No way in hell were they buying that. Courtney growled, "You. Are. A. _King_. Don't you have a treasury or something?"

"Yes, you are correct, Courtney! And that treasury is gonna buy me a bigger cannon!"

"Yeah," Bridgette replied, rolling her eyes. "I think there are some cottontails near the Northern Fortress that didn't hear you."

"Correct! Want another cookie?" She fervently shook her head and Chris shrugged. "Suit yourself. But anyways! May I ask where you're headed first?"

Geoff scratched the back of his head, careful not to let the towel slip. "I don't think we've decided yet..."

"The hermit," Courtney chirped. At Geoff's confused glance, she explained, "The three of us decided on the hermit while you were passed out last night."

He grinned and shrugged. "Cool. I guess we're going to the hermit's place first."

"Good choice, guys," Chris replied, smiling with what liked pride. "Well, then. After you leave the city, you cannot come back to the castle again. EVAR! So do you wanna save now?"

"...what?"

"Oh, sorry, Courtney! I forget to explain saving to you. You see, if you-"

"I _really _do not care, Chris," she huffed. "I guess we'll...save."

"All right then! Let's see...Tyler has 134 gold, Courtney has 566, Bridgette and Geoff have...none? Where'd that money I gave you go?"

"I think Duncan stole it," Bridgette admitted. Beside her, Geoff nodded and whispered, "Hey Bridge? Can you heal this?"

She struck him in the temple with her stick. With in moments, the skin looked as good as new. "Nice! Thanks, babe! So..."

"The money," Chris deadpanned. "You say Duncan stole it?"

They jumped as Courtney swore her second vicious oath in ten minutes. "Argh...stupid! Stupid! Stupid!"

"What's wrong, Courtney?" Bridgette asked, placing a hand on her shoulder. The manager shook off the palm and growled, "That damn ogre! After I chased him down and got my purse back, I noticed he had another wallet...but I just thought that it was his! Argh, that little thief..."

As Courtney's ranting trailed off into under-her-breath cursing, Chris continued his analysis of their inventory. "So, let's see...that's exactly 700 gold, one herb, a copper plate, a copper sword, a stick, and absolutely no monsters killed, which is disappointing to say the least. Okay, your progress is saved! Should you fall in battle, you'll return to this very spot."

"I'll believe that when rabbits sprout horns," Courtney snapped, tired of Chris's very existence at that point. She didn't know what to make of the looks her comrades were giving her, nor could she figure out why Chef started crying. She didn't particularly care, either. Explanations would just delay the journey further. Thankfully, Chris saved her from any education on why 'rabbit' suddenly seemed to be a taboo word. "I guess before you I leave I should give you a sense of direction. Wawanakwa province—aka, where we are right now—is smack in the middle of the world. To the west lies the coastal province of Tofino. That's right, Bridgette, that province is named for your home town! To the north is Wüste, a province that is split in half by a mountain range. The strange weather patterns have left the northern half a frosty desert and the southern half a rain forest. Trust me, it's really weird.

"Uturneos lies borders us to the east, but I've never actually seen it. Those guys built wall along their borders and have closed off all ports to anything but trade. It's annoying. To the far north is the frozen island province of Leukonesia. It's cold and snowy, and that's all you really need to know about it. Discordia, including the queen's castle, is as far east as you can get. Like Uturneos, I don't know much about it. And finally, there's Inciniera to the far southwest. And since that's just an uninhabited island with a volcano, you should just ignore it. Got it all that?"

"No," Courtney and Tyler exclaimed simultaneously. They exchanged a glare as Chris said, "Didn't think so. Here's a map. Oh, and the hermit doesn't let just anyone talk to him. You need to have...THIS!"

Courtney snatched the slip of paper from Chris. "Hermit Permit? You couldn't come up with anything better than that?"

Still sniffling over the rabbit reference, Chef muttered, "I though it was catchy, goody-two-shoes! You insult me one more time, and my foot is booting your insensitive butt all the way to Inciniera!"

"Um..sorry..." Courtney replied, growing increasingly annoyed about not knowing what a rabbit had done to Chef. "It...it is catchy, I guess..."

"That's better, girl."

"Well, now," Chris chirped, looking over the group again. "I guess that's all! You're on your own now!"

Before anyone could think of protesting, he drew a smoke pellet and slammed it against the street. As the smokescreen enveloped an entirely human-less section of the road, Chris and Chef ran off in plain sight of Geoff. He scratched his head and asked, "So...what now?"

"We need supplies," Courtney replied, looking at the cookie and herb Bridgette was still holding. "And you need new clothes, Geoff."

"I kinda like it," Bridgette giggled. Geoff looked down and yelped. Besides his breastplate (he wondered how he managed to fall asleep wearing jagged metal.), there was nothing covering his chest or abdomen. His shorts were also ripped to shreds. "Gah! When did this happen?"

"When we dragged you all the way to the castle," Tyler answered with a chuckle. "Sorry, dude, but we can't have the Chosen One looking like crap."

"You're no better," Courtney snapped. "Your clothes are so dirty, they're not even red anymore! Which, by the way, is an entirely obnoxious color, especially on the field of battle. Your enemies could see coming from miles away dressed like that!"

"Courtney, drop it," Bridgette pleaded. The constant bickering between the two, as well as Courtney's ranting, were already giving her a headache. "Okay, how's this..."

"I'm gonna go buy supplies," Courtney huffed, turning towards the market. "Bridgette and Geoff, you two can wait for me at the southern outskirts. Tyler, you come with me."

"What? Why me?" Tyler inquired, balling his fists. "Look, personally, I can't stand being near you-"

"And personally," Courtney screeched over him, "I'm not gonna spend one coin on you. You're buying your own clothes, and that's final! Now let's go!"

Before he could plead to Geoff or Bridgette, Courtney had a wiry grip on his wrist and was dragging him off with her. Geoff tilted his hat and muttered, "Whoa. Harshness."

* * *

About half an hour later, Courtney and Tyler arrived at the outskirts, a motley collection of houses and small stores. Courtney held a bag of various herbs, while Tyler trudged behind her. He did not look happy in his cheap new t-shirt and shorts. Blue, it seemed, was not his color. Sitting on the grass were Geoff and Bridgette, each holding their respective weapons. Courtney stopped in front of Geoff and produced a new pink shirt, similar to the one that was recently destroyed. "Here you go, Geoff. I'm surprised they had one of these here. I also purchased 10 herbs and a couple of antidotes."

Bridgette took one of the darker leaves and studied it. "Antidote? What for?"

"It's a cure-all," Courtney announced, beaming. "Supposedly, it can cure any type of monster-inflicted poison. I only bought two because they're 50 gold each. Plus Chris's stupid tax."

"Nice," Geoff said, looking at the herb in question. He noticed Tyler's glum look. "What's wrong, dude?"

Tyler erupted, pointing at Courtney. "Thanks to Miss 'I-Know-Better-Than-You', I'm flat broke. Wearing this crap! I can't believe I let you convince me to buy this stuff!"

"What, was I supposed to be your clothes for you like your _mommy_?"

"Whoa, cool it, guys," Geoff said, moving in between them. "No need to fight now."

Bridgette rolled her eyes. "That's all they've been doing since Courtney joined us."

Courtney snarled one last time at Tyler before storming ahead. "Let's go. We really should try to reach the hermit as quickly as we can."

"Hold on," Geoff called. He unstrapped the battered armor and threw on his new shirt, Bridgette watching every moment. After he had put the plate back on, Courtney said, "Let's hurry. It's about nine right now, but we should hurry anyways."

"Hey, last time I checked, Geoff was our leader," Tyler retorted. Before Courtney could offer up her own comeback, Bridgette shouted, "Okay, seriously! Enough!"

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"Bossy bitch!"

"Ha, you have to cuss to get your point across? I swear, you're even more stupid than that neanderthal Duncan. You're like...an Australopithecine!"

"At least I don't make up words!"

"That is _not_ made up! Go learn some paleontology, you idiot."

"And Courtney takes the lead with that really long word! Can Tyler come back?"

"Shut up, Geoff!" Courtney roared. Bridgette just clutched her head. This was what happened when two people, adamant in their belief that they could never lose, met. No, not quite. This is what happened when two such persons met and another one was there to provide running commentary, including but not limited to who he thought was winning. Geoff's enthusiasm wasn't shared by either of the two arguers, though. "Oh, come on, guys. I just thought if you guys won't stop fighting, I'd make a game out of it, ya know? At least try to make it a little less stressful."

"That's the problem, Geoff," Courtney snapped, nose upturned. "You are clearly ill-equipped for thinking."

"Courtney..." Bridgette said warningly. Courtney sighed and said, "Um...sorry about that. I just kinda got...carried away, I guess."

"Well, you did claim that you excel at saying bad things about people," Tyler reminded her. "You're sure displaying that right now."

Courtney snorted and concentrated solely on climbing the gently sloping hill before her. The hill was the only significant raise in elevation for miles around, as it seemed that the majority of southern Wawanakwa was flat grassland. And the nearby Wanak Forest, of course. The forest reached higher than they had ever figured, towering even over the hill. The outer edge of it looked peaceful enough, but untold terrors lay within, according to Tyler. The hill itself was a good three hours away from the main city. They had seen some small villages strewn throughout the countryside, but never bothered to stop by one. It wasn't until Tyler began whining that he was hungry that realized they had forgotten to buy food back in Wawanakwa. The last village was nearly twenty minutes behind them. The newly-ended fight was the result of trying to discuss their course of action.

If anything good could be said of the journey, it was that no monsters had attacked them. In fact, the plains seemed as barren of animals as it was devoid of natural features. Not that they had taken comfort in not seeing any threats; quite the opposite, actually, as Bridgette reminded them constantly that predators were likely hidden or too fast to outrun on the flat grasslands. However, with the fight taking up most of their thoughts and the hilltop hut growing nearer, their fears left them. As with the rest of the trip, they reached the door of the hut without incident. Tyler stepped up and pounded on the door. A voice answered, "Hermit Permit, please."

_Chris was actually serious about that_?. Grumbling, Courtney pulled out the crumpled paper and asked, "Where do I put this?"

"Just slide it under the door, eh."

Damn it, she knew that voice! She complied and stared impatiently at the door, waiting for the redneck inside to decipher the words on the permit. The door gave a slight creak moments later as it opened outward, revealing a smiling prairie boy wearing a blue toque over his mullet. "Hey, guys. Come in."

"No!" Courtney screamed. Once every eye in the vicinity was on her, she kept protesting. "We are _not_ working with a sexist pig like you, Ezekiel! No way!"

"Oh, come on, Courtney," Geoff said, trying to soothe her anger. "You never know, the dude might have changed."

Ezekiel shrugged. "I guess you could say that, eh."

"Oh, really?"

Motioning for them to follow him, Ezekiel retreated into his hut. He chuckled to himself. "Yeah. Eva kinda proved me wrong back there, eh. Not to mention Gwen and Heather getting so far in the show."

Courtney rolled her eyes, but still followed him inside. "Whatever. Let's just get this over with."

"Hey, Zeke, man," Tyler inquired, holding his stomach. "Do you have any food?"

"Just some bread and deer meat, eh." Ezekiel pointed to a cabinet, frowning in concern at Bridgette's betrayed look. "What?"

"Sorry, I really don't like meat." She noted with some irritation that Ezekiel's gaze never left her. Tyler came and sat down, carrying a loaf of stale bread and a strip of deer flesh. Feeling the texture of the rug, he commented, "Deer skin?"

The prairie boy leaned against the pine wall. "Yup. I have to fend for myself, eh. That includes hunting in those woods. And my dad told me never to waste, eh."

Bridgette jumped up as though the carpet was electrified. She scurried as far away from it as she could and sat down on the bare floor. "So, um...do you have any idea how to get to the moon?"

"Huh?"

"Ezekiel," Courtney said, looking as professional as she could. "According to Chris, we need to reach the moon to empower Geoff's sword."

Ezekiel looked at the slightly incandescent weapon. "That's supposed to be a sword?"

"Not just a sword," Courtney corrected, slightly miffed that he refused to look at her. "That's the legendary Enceladus."

He cast a dubious eye on the 'sword'. "I dunno. Doesn't look too legendary to me, eh."

Collective faceplant. Once Courtney had recovered from his typical ignorance, she snapped, "Listen, you redneck! That sword is our only hope if we're gonna defeat Heather!"

"Yeah! Plus, it's glowing. It has to be special" Tyler added, arms crossed. Courtney rolled her eyes and mumbled, "Yes. Of course. Glowing means it's important..."

"Sorry, sorry," Ezekiel said, slightly frightened by Courtney's anger. "I'll take your word for it, eh."

"Okay, guys, we're getting off track here," Geoff said, calming them down before anyone else could get snappish. He hadn't yet realized that Ezekiel hadn't looked away from his girlfriend yet. Bridgette clearly did, as she was giving the home-schooled kid a cold glare. "Do you know of a way to reach the moon?"

"Sorry, eh," Ezekiel answered, dipping his head. "Can't think of anything right now. There might be something in my books, though."

"Great, you could check that out for us," Courtney exclaimed. "How long do you think it will take?"

"Eh, well," Ezekiel began nervously. "Some of my books are in different languages, eh."

"Why do you have them if you can't read them?" Tyler demanded. Ezekiel finally looked away from Bridgette to glare at the athlete. "I didn't have a choice, eh. And besides, I'm fluent in eight different languages. I can read most of them. However, some have a few words in some language I've never seen in my life, eh."

"I'm sure there are plenty of languages a home-schooled farm boy has never seen in his life," Courtney snapped, her frown deepening as his eyes flipped back over to Bridgette. "Can you help us or not?"

"I can try," he declared, a shade of pride in his voice. "But I also had a book with translations for the weird language."

"_Had?" _Courtney shot, her voice becoming shrill. Ezekiel raised hands in defense. "It's not my fault, eh! About a week ago, those beavers from Boney Island raided my house and took it, along with my spellbook."

Bridgette blinked at this bit of knowledge. How long had he been here? Weeks? Months? Did Chris bring him and some others here right after Total Drama Action? _Not important now_, she reminded herself. Courtney was beside herself with fury and disbelief. "Beavers. _Beavers_ took your book. In a _raid_. How am I supposed to believe that?"

Her comrades slowly inched away from her, but she didn't care. She stood up and stormed over to Ezekiel, who managed to stay calm in face of the imminent explosion, no doubt a carryover from his misogynistic views. "Well, it's true, eh."

"You are totally _useless_!" She spat, getting right up in his face. To her chagrin, the prairie boy didn't even flinch. "Of all the books, you had to let the _translator_ get stolen! Why didn't you, like, _guard _it or something?"

"Kinda hard to guard something while running for your life, eh. It sucks, though. That was my source of magic."

"Source of magic?" Bridgette asked, suddenly interested in hearing him speak. Before Courtney could remind them that this _was not_ important, Ezekiel replied, "Yeah. Can't do a thing without it, eh."

"Look, we really don't care what you hit things with," Courtney interrupted. "And that was really stupid of you to-"

"Wait, hit things?" Ezekiel's face all but told Bridgette that she had been doing her healing stuff wrong. A bit nervous, she said, "Yeah. I've been hitting people with my staff to heal them."

Ezekiel struggled not to laugh at that. Anyone else, yes, he would have, but not her. "Can I see your staff?"

"Sure," she said with a shrug. She handed him the pine branch and he inspected it, trying to tune out Courtney's impatient, hissing breathing. Finally, he handed it back and announced, "It's just a stick."

"What?" Bridgette said, shocked. "But...I paid 300 gold for that!"

"No, _I _paid 300 gold for that," Tyler corrected, although glares from both females shut him up. Ezekiel shrugged and said, "Sorry. You got ripped off, eh."

Bridgette crossed her arms, totally not buying this. "So, how was I healing Geoff and Tyler, then?"

"Bridgette, we don't have time for-" Courtney began, but Ezekiel was already answering. "It's because you're a cleric, eh. You already have magic running through you, but since you don't know any magic words-"

"Oh, _please_," Courtney said, not at all pleased with being cut off. "Magic words? We don't have time for this. Right, Geoff?"

Geoff shrugged and smiled. "It's whatever Bridge wants."

Courtney gasped in dismay, but remained quiet. Geoff was leader, and whatever he said, went. Bridgette and Ezekiel both look happy with his decision, and Tyler didn't matter to her whatsoever, so she had to let it slide. Glad to be learning the correct way of doing things, Bridgette said, "You can go on."

Glad to be talking to the hottest chick he knew, Ezekiel said, "Well...since you don't know the words, you have to channel your magic through a medium, such as a staff. Once you learn some spells, though, such things become useless, eh."

"So why do you need your book?"

"Using magic is draining on the human body, eh. We can only do so much at once. By making that book my 'Source Of Magic", as it's called, all of my spells are powered by it. But I can't do anything without it, eh."

"Brilliant, Zeke," Courtney chided with a roll of the eyes. "Instead of guarding your only weapon, you let some oversized beavers take it. Do you know what foresight is?"

He gave her a small smile. "Knowing then what I do now? Yeah, I know. I screwed up, eh."

"I'll say you did. Now there's even less of a chance you'll be useful! And _why _are we still here, anyways? We're not going to-"

"Hey, Courtney?" It was Geoff, laying down in one corner, hat over his face. "Why are you so angry all of a sudden?"

"I am _not_ angry!"

"Yeah, you are."

Courtney glared at him for a few seconds before deciding not to risk being left behind for her attitude. "How's this. If we reach the moon—which will totally _never_ happen, by the way—I'll tell you. _If _you don't ask me anymore questions on the matter."

"Sounds good, babe." Ezekiel once again managed to tear his gaze away from Bridgette, this time to ask the party animal a question. "Hey, how's this? I'll read all my books to try to find something while you guys retrieve my book. Okay?"

"_No_," Courtney raged. "We are _not _doing your work for you, you little twerp! We'll look for one of the sages and come back later."

"We'll do it," Geoff corrected her. She gasped and turned on him. "_What_? We don't even know if he could even help us! Why bother with a dangerous quest?"

"Because deadly quests are fun."

"Shut up, Tyler!"

Geoff sat up and explained. "Well, you see, that blacksmith that sold Bridge her staff-"

"You mean, overpriced _stick_."

"Sorry, Bridge. Well, anyways, he said that there was a mine in that forest and that the miners couldn't reach the mine because of the beavers. If we help him, he'll have more stuff to make armor with! And then I could totally get a rad new set of armor!"

"That would make sense," Courtney replied, still not convinced, "_if_ this same smith hadn't just ripped you off with by charging 300 gold for a _stick_!"

"Well, I don't see anything better to do," Bridgette argued. "And plus, if we get the books back, Ezekiel might come along with us."

Ezekiel blushed slightly. Courtney's glare flashed between the two as she growled, "You actually _want _this redneck with us?"

Bridgette shrugged. "He's a magic user. I'm sure he'd be useful at some point."

Although she acknowledged that the surfer had a point there, Courtney wasn't ready to concede. "But he's...Tyler! What do you think?"

"Game on!" The athlete cheered, rising into a boxing position. "We'll send those beavers all the way back to Boney Island!"

Courtney sighed. Defeated again. "Very well. We'll get your stupid books."

She marched towards the door and kicked it out onto the hillside. Her rage not quite gone, she turned and shouted, "Come on, let's go!"

"Hold on, Courtney," Geoff called back, slowing rising to his feet. "Hey Zeke, dude. Got any spells to teach Bridgette?"

"Sorry," Ezekiel said, looking slightly shamed. "I don't know any healing words, eh."

"It's all right, Zeke," Bridgette said. "I'll be fine."

Tyler was rummaging through the pantry again. "Hey, Zeke! Can we take some of this food along?"

"Sure, eh. Bridgette can eat some to get her strength back if she uses too much magic."

The surfer in question give him a sly smirk. "Because girls don't have as much stamina as guys do, right?"

"What? No, I didn't mean that, eh!"

Giggling at the flustered teen, she said, "I'm just teasing you, Zeke."

Courtney, impatient as usual, called out, "Okay, can we go yet? I really don't want to have to sleep in that forest."

"We're coming," Tyler replied, stuffing several strips of deer meat into a bag. One of Ezekiel's, of course. Bridgette scrunched up her nose in disapproval. "Um...can't you bring some bread?"

"Why? This meat is awesome, and the bread's kinda hard..."

"She's a vegetarian, dude," Geoff reminded him as he waved Enceladus around carelessly. Tyler muttered a meek 'sorry' and returned to the pantry. When he turned back around, two loaves of bread were hanging out of the sack. "All right, then! Let's do this!"

Courtney wheeled around and began hiking down the hill. "Yes. Let's get this pointless side-quest over with."

"This is hardly pointless," Bridgette chastised. As they descended towards the woods, Ezekiel stood in his doorway and shouted, "Good luck, eh!"

Three of the four waved back at him, and he resigned himself to the task of fixing his door. He smelled rain, and the last thing he needed was a flooded hut.

* * *

**Okay, let's see...oh yeah, pairings. Forgot to mention these. At the moment, I'm going with all canon pairings (GxB, GxT, OxI, etc.) I may change some things around a little later, though.**

**And thanks to the Kobold Necromancer for explaining to me how to get those neat lines. Farewell, ugly strings of o's! However, if you do spot any remaining strings of o's (or major grammatical errors) please notify me and I will edit it upon my next update.**


	5. Act 3: In The Woods

**A/N: Wow, this chapter did _not_ want to get written. Sorry for the delay.**

**Warnings: Rather morbid detail, violence, and hormone-driven teenagers doing what they do.**

* * *

In The Woods

The forest was beyond dark and smelled like death. The trees that stabbed the skies created a thick canopy, shutting out all light. They were growing so close together that even Courtney would have trouble slipping between them. Even the worn path through the woods, undoubtedly cleared out by the miners of months past, was far from 'clear', what with the slippery blanket of pine needles and knotty roots poking through the ground. The trail was obviously not meant for an unfortunate soul who had balance issues on land.

Bridgette squealed as she found herself falling towards the hard earth again. She had once again failed to notice the knotted root in her path, and paid for it with a cut on her cheek. Geoff, wielding Enceladus, their only source of light in the forest, bent down and picked her back up. After she pulled herself as close to him as she could, they continued down the narrow, winding path through the ancient trees. Behind them, Tyler was strolling along casually and Courtney was growling at everything around her. After Bridgette's sixth tumble, she snapped. "What is _with_ this stupid forest? It isn't natural for trees to be this close to each other..."

"It's not," Bridgette agreed. "Unless...Geoff, could I see Enceladus for a second?"

"Sure, babe." Bridgette dug the glowing weapon into the nearest pine and felt the inside. The the wood was utterly void of moisture and crumbled as her fingers rubbed it. "It's...dry. This tree's dead!"

She lifted the sword to observe the tree further. It was leaning back, away from the path. A nearby tree was growing so close to it that it's branches were filling in the old tree's space, blocking all sunlight. Waving Enceladus around, her frown deepened. "This entire forest is pretty much dead. The trees are so close together, nothing else can get sunlight and none of the dead trees can fall."

"Cool," Tyler said, arms crossed. "Anything else you can tell us by looking at one tree?"

She shot him a nasty look (not that he could see that in the dark) and continued. "I'm guessing that there's a pretty big water source underground. There's no other way that-"

Courtney rolled her eyes and snapped, "That's _great_, Bridgette, but I don't think anyone else here cares."

After throwing another scowl, Bridgette hung her head slightly as she trod ahead. No one ever seemed to care about that kind of stuff. Geoff, noticing his girlfriend looking about as gloomy as the forest they were marching through, whispered, "It's okay, Bridge. I'd love to hear about the trees later."

She smiled and leaned up for a kiss, "You're so sweet, Geoff."

A seventh root found itself wrapped around Bridgette's ankle, and she went down again, pulling Geoff with her. Tyler chuckled as he passed the entangled duo. "Heh. Cute, you guys. Real WHOA!"

His foot kicked Bridgette's shin and he went over, landing with a painful crash on top of her and Geoff. Courtney, trailing behind the others, snorted. "You need to learn to pay attention, Tyler. You can-"

She shrieked, shockingly loud in the lifeless forest, and stumbled over Bridgette as well. Using Tyler's head as support, she pulled herself up and dusted herself off. Tyler followed, his annoyed frown unseen in the abyssal darkness. Bridgette and Geoff weren't getting up, though. Courtney waited for several moments. They remained on the ground. She and Tyler tried to exchange concerned glances, although it was difficult when they could hardly see each other. Courtney stepped over to the couple and knelt down. "Are you guys o..."

She suddenly stood back up and shouted, "We don't have time for you to make out! _Stop it_!"

Bridgette and Geoff continued for another two seconds before pulling away. This time, it was Bridgette pulling her friend back to his feet, her face glowing so much she thought it may actually be visible in the black. Courtney wasn't impressed, though. "You guys really don't need to do that all the time."

"This is the first time we've kissed since we started this stupid quest," Bridgette reminded her. "I mean, we've realized there's more to do than make out all the time."

"Sure," Tyler replied, voice laced with sarcasm. "That's all you did on the Playa Des Losers."

"And TDA," Courtney added. Bridgette rolled her eyes and clarified, "I meant since then."

As much as Courtney wanted to continue teasing her friend, she wanted even more to not have to sleep in these woods of death and darkness. She urgently pressed forward and commanded, "Let's go, people. We have some books to find."

They followed behind, silent save for their footfalls. They meandered down the winding path for a good hour, never seeing any other life. The forest, just as Bridgette had claimed, seemed to be dead. Finally, deep in the woods, they came across a fork in the road. Geoff, leading the way, cast Enceladus's glow as far as he could down either branch. The first few meters of both paths looked no better than the other. As he tried to decide the best way to go, Tyler and Courtney overtook him and went separate ways. The CIT turned back and yelled, "Tyler! We're going this way!"

"Huh?" Tyler called back, trying to find his companions. An exercise in futility, that, had it not been for Geoff's sword. "Nuh-uh, we're going this way!"

"And why should we follow you?"

"Because I know this forest better than any of you," Tyler declared, jabbing a thumb against his chest. "That way's too dangerous."

"What, so you've been here?" Courtney asked doubtfully. Tyler, not expecting her to challenge his claims with that, was caught off guard. He scratched back of his head and stared down at the dirt. "Well, yeah! Maybe! No...but still! I've talked with the miners who've been here, and they said that the right path is dangerous. We're going this way."

Courtney sniffed in annoyance, trying to determine if the jock was really just that stupid. "_You're_ on the right path, you half-wit!"

"No, you are!"

"Guys..." Geoff began, but his words had no chance of silencing Courtney. "_You're _saying that _I'm_ directionally challenged? I used to be a CIT, remember?"

Tyler snorted. "Yeah, I remember. That's all you ever said on TDI."

A cracking sound came from somewhere over near Tyler, nearly unnoticed by everyone but Bridgette. Alert, she wandered over to where he was standing, listening carefully while Tyler continued the argument. "And you know what? I don't think anyone even cared!"

"_What?_ I'm a natural leader, and I would have won that stupid contest if Harold hadn't-"

"Bull. You were completely useless during the challenges, all you did was boss us around-"

From high above Tyler's head, something snapped, a quietus for his arguments. He looked up, clueless as to what was going on. Bridgette, however, wasn't. "Tyler, _move_!"

She ran forward and tackled him just as something very large and heavy crashed to the earth. Geoff whipped Enceladus around and saw a splintering log barring the path. There was no sign of them. Emotions of fear, anger and despair, among others, flooded his thoughts. He cried, "Bridge! No!"

He charged the broken tree, ready to destroy the entire thing if it meant saving her. Somewhere behind the log, Bridgette called back, "It's all right, Geoff! We're fine."

The maelstrom of negativity lifting from his chest, he continued walking towards his friends. The two of them emerged from underneath the tree, having crawled through the narrow space. Geoff scooped up his girlfriend and said, "Oh man, was I worried, babe. You sure you're okay?"

She gave him a quick peck on the cheek and said, "Yeah, I'm fine. Don't worry."

Tyler groaned and slumped against a nearby tree, trying to work out what the _hell_ had just happened. Still wobbling from the shock, he lurched over to his savior and mumbled, "Thanks."

"Yeah," Bridgette replied, a bit breathless. Geoff carried her back over to the lefthand path, Tyler close behind. Courtney scurried up to them, anxious to check on her friend, but didn't ask any questions.

* * *

"What is _this_?"

Geoff briefly wondered why Courtney even bothered asking, as it was pretty clear what it was. An earthen wall rose up at the end of the path, a cliff nearly fifteen feet high laced with various metamorphic rocks. Above them, spots of twilight shone through the branches, giving hope that they wouldn't need to rely on Enceladus to see the entire way. Assuming they could pass this newest barrier, of course. Tyler took the initiative and began climbing up one of the trees. "This is what the miners called the first terrace. It means we're about halfway through. Each of the three terraces-"

"_Halfway_?" It was safe to say Courtney wasn't pleased. "We're only _halfway_ through this forest?"

Tyler, startled by her outburst, missed the next branch and fell. After spitting out a mouthful of dirt and pine needles, he said, "Yeah. We're probably gonna have to sleep here tonight."

That did it. Courtney roared and grabbed the athlete by the collar. "_Why _didn't you tell us this earlier?"

Not even bothering to fight her off for fear of enraging her further, he muttered, "Um...I dunno..."

"That was _important information_, Tyler! Now where are going to sleep?"

"Uh..." Tyler scratched his head, deciding then that he should probably work on getting on this girl's good side. Geoff's head dropped in between them as the party boy hung from a branch like a monkey, his hat defying gravity by staying on his head. He gave both a calming smile, as well as he could while upside down, and said, "Come on, guys. No need to be arguing now."

Courtney sighed and said, "You're right. Let's go."

They watched as Geoff carefully clambered across the gnarled branch, grabbed another branch and made his way to the earthen barrier as though he were on a monkey bar. He grabbed hold of a third branch and hoisted himself up onto the terrace, grinning at his comrades. "Let's go, dudes! It's not that hard."

Tyler and Courtney followed his path across the tree, but Bridgette refused to even approach the dead pine. Geoff bent down over the cliff and asked, "What's the matter, babe?"

The surfer took a step away from the tree and cried, "I can't! I know I'll fall!"

"You can do it, Bridgette!" Courtney reassured her. "If Tyler can get up here, you can, too!"

"What's that supposed to mean, huh?" Tyler shot, but the CIT ignored him. "It's not that long of a climb! You can do this!"

"No pressure, babe! I've gotcha!" Geoff shouted, leaning over to climb back down, probably to carry her up by himself. Not even the sight of her boyfriend preparing to risk himself to help her was enough to convince Bridgette. She took another step back and tripped over an unearthed root,, smacking her head against a nearby tree. No real damage was done, but it was enough for Geoff to cry out and nearly fall from the branches were it not for Tyler. The jock pulled his leader back onto solid ground and commented, "I don't think she's gonna do this."

"We hadn't realized that, Tyler." Courtney's sarcastic barb silenced the jock, and as usual, she didn't care. She tapped Geoff, who's worry was melting away at the sight of Bridgette healing whatever minor wounds she had acquired, on the shoulder and asked, "What now? She's too afraid of falling to climb the tree, and we can't just leave her behind."

Geoff seemed to ponder this as Bridgette rose and gingerly walked over to the cliff wall. "One of you guys can pull me up."

Courtney and Geoff looked at each other, confirming that the suggestion certainly had its merit. The CIT whispered, "Let's do that."

Geoff turned and motioned for Tyler to come to him. "Alright dude, lower me down and I'll grab her."

"You can count on me!" Tyler exulted, eager to be doing something. He bolted over to them, but Courtney halted him. "Hold it! There's no way _you_ are going to be responsible for holding both of them up!"

Tyler scratched his head. "Why not?"

"Because you're an absolute failure of an athlete," Courtney reminded him. If it was gratifying to her to see the hurt look on his face, she didn't show it. "Geoff will lower you down. That way, if you mess this up, only one person will pay. And that person happens to be a cleric, so there won't be any real harm done."

"Harsh," Geoff noted, flinching as Courtney silenced him with a glare. Tyler's shoulders drooped slightly and he uttered a glum "fine." He fell to his stomach and pulled himself forward so that he was dangling over the precipice. He vaguely noted that Courtney said, "Nothing against you, Tyler. This is just for the good of the party."

After giving Courtney a quick, disapproving scowl, something that was quite rare for him, Geoff grabbed Tyler's ankles and lowered him further. He inched forward as far as he could without falling, although Courtney grabbed on of his ankles in case he misjudged how far forward he could crawl. Down below, Bridgette stretched as far as she could and managed to grab hold of one of Tyler's hands. Tyler clamped down as hard as he could and shouted, "I got her. Pull up! Oops, sorry Bridgette."

Bridgette wrinkled her nose, having no way of wiping her face clean of Tyler's spit. "It's okay."

Geoff strained to pull the two up, with Courtney watching in anticipation behind him. He struggled for several long seconds before managing to yank the two up. Before he had recovered, Bridgette was all over him with a powerful glomp. She wanted to gush about how he was the sweetest, kindest person she knew, but Courtney put an end to that thought with her usual authority. "Okay, people. We still have a long ways to go in this forest, and it's gonna be night soon. I say we find a safe place to camp and finish tomorrow. We do not want to fight these beavers at night."

"Aren't beavers day-active?" Geoff asked the bundle of pure happy in his arms. Bridgette nodded, and Tyler grinned. "All right, then. I say we ambush them while they're sleeping! We can take them out without a fight."

Bridgette, although clearly uncomfortable with the thought of killing animals, nodded. "That's a good idea. If we catch them while they're asleep..."

"But we need sleep, too!" Courtney protested. "It'll be way past midnight before we reach the mine! We are _not _without a decent amount of sleep. Right, Geoff?"

"I dunno," Geoff replied, looking between the three of them. "I kinda agree with them."

Courtney sighed. Those three thought alike far too often, and it was usually the exact opposite of what she believed. She hated to admit it, but she was the odd one out in the group. "Three against one...very well, then. No sleep it is."

Drip.

Something fell from high above, striking the ground with little force, although it was still enough to catch the teens' attention.

Drip. Drip. _Splish_.

Two more liquid meteors struck the ground, and a third impacted against Geoff's hat.

An uncountable number of drips and splashes, and everything was suddenly very wet. Geoff placed his hat on Bridgette's head and declared, "Okay, I dunno about you guys, but I think we should find shelter for the night."

Tyler and Bridgette both nodded their agreement while Courtney took off down the path, shrieking. Geoff carefully picked Bridgette back up and they followed Courtney through the woods.

* * *

"Well...this is convenient."

Courtney, dripping-wet and exhausted, looked around the clearing, silently cursing the water pouring down from the branches. After the terrace, the trees grew close enough to block out sunlight once more, and Geoff had taken the lead after Courtney had been clothespinned by a stray branch. Blocking out sunlight didn't necessarily equate to blocking out rain, though. The rainwater flowed down through the branches in thick cascades, dousing all that wandered under the forest's canopy. The floods brought out a musty aroma from the forest, a testament to the decay that surrounded them. By a stroke of luck, they never had any long-deceased trunks try to fall on them. And so they reached the wide break in foliage, drenched by the deluge but otherwise just fine.

Courtney wandered around the clearing, examining every corner. It was nearly perfectly encircled by the ancient trees, toadstools growing in with the roots. The path only stretched in two directions: where they came from, and where they were going. After walking around once, Courtney said, "I say we stay here for the night."

"Just a second," Bridgette said, looking at the trees. "Geoff, can I see Enceladus?"

He shrugged. "Sure, Bridge."

The naturalist took the weapon and, as she had done earlier, dug into a tree. After feeling inside, she moved and did the same with each pine she came across. Tyler slumped against the first tree she inspected and inquired, "What're you doing?"

"Just a second..." He snorted in annoyance, but either Bridgette was out of earshot or she didn't care. Once she had given each tree a look, she returned the glowing weapon to its rightful owner. "All of these trees are still alive. It should be safe to sleep here."

"Unless we get attacked by wholly beavers," Tyler reminded her. "What's to stop them from killing _us _while we're asleep?"

"The terraces," Bridgette replied with a sly smirk. "Beaver's can't climb sheer cliffs, and they can't just climb trees like we did."

"You mean like _we _did," Courtney replied. "But how did the beavers get so far into the forest if they can't climb?"

"Chris," Tyler answered simply. Courtney rolled her eyes and asked, "Chris? What makes you think that?"

"Well, he brought all of us here, right?" The jock slid down into a sitting position and pulled out the food he had brought. "I woke up right in front of a training hall in Wawanakwa, and Geoff and Bridge woke up in his throne room. Right where we needed to be. I don't know where you woke-"

"In front of the Senate house," Courtney answered the non-question, nodding her head in understanding. If Chris had the power to place anyone or anything anywhere in this world...Tyler chuckled at her response. "Figures."

"They have a Senate house?" Geoff asked, easing himself and Bridgette to the ground. They cuddled as closely as they could. Courtney rolled her eyes. "That's not important, but yes they do. I'm not sure what point it serves in a province ruled by a dictator such as Chris, but..."

"Yeah, it's not like Chris to have someone but himself to have any real control," Bridgette agreed, ignoring the rumbling of her gut. "But anyway, he probably put those beavers in the mine a couple of months ago. So we should be safe from them until we reach the third terrace."

"That's my girl," Geoff whispered. He looked across the clearing and called, "Hey, Tyler, dude! Pass the grub!"

Tyler groaned, upset at having to stand up again. However, Courtney spared him the annoyance. "I'm up, I'll do it."

Before she could snatch the bag away, Tyler grabbed two strips of meat for himself, grumbling that deer would do nothing about his thirst. Courtney looked around the clearing another time as she crossed. She knelt next to the snuggling couple and and offered them the food. Bridgette lazily reached out and grabbed both loaves of bread. She was surprised to find that the bread was still hard. Whatever material Ezekiel made his bags from, they were incredibly waterproof. She handed one of the loaves to Geoff, who began munching happily. Through a mouthful of bread, he managed to say, "Thanks, Courtney!"

"No problem," Courtney chirped, pulling the one of the last four strips of meat for herself. "Listen, the wood is too wet to burn, so we can't build a fire. Can I borrow the sword for a minute?"

"Sure."

"Thank you." Courtney grabbed the dull end of Enceladus and for the briefest of moments, Bridgette saw a strange, victorious light in Courtney's eyes. And then the illusion was gone, the CIT looking somewhat awkward holding such a large weapon. She planted into the ground in the middle of the makeshift camp, lightly illuminating the entire clearing. Taking a seat in the mud near Tyler, she asked, "So, Tyler. What can you tell us about the rest of the forest?"

"Well," Tyler answered between mouthfuls of deer, "we should be safe until after we climb the second terrace. Once we're past that, we'll start to encounter animals—mostly deer and rabbits and stuff like that."

"So I guess the trees thin out a bit?" Bridgette asked. Tyler shrugged. "I dunno. Probably. But there is something we need to watch out for: the snare."

"Let me guess," Courtney interjected. "It's some kind of plant that eats animals."

"Like a Venus flytrap," Tyler replied with a nod. "It's large enough to swallow a full-grown man. At least, according to the miners."

"So we just watch out for a giant plant. No big deal, right?" Tyler shook his head at Bridgette's question. "Not that easy. The snare is very well hidden. The miners used to clear them out, but it's been months since anyone's been there. We'll need a plan in case we encounter them."

"We'll discuss that later," Bridgette decided with a wide yawn. Resting her head on Geoff's shoulder, she realized that he was already asleep, the remainder of his bread laying on the earth. Before she became lost in the comfort of sleep, she cast a tired look on the meat Courtney had. "How's that stuff taste, anyways? I don't remember the last time I had some..."

"Bland," was Courtney's response as she tried to rip a chunk out of her meal. "Tough, too. But still better than the garbage Chef would serve us."

"Aye," Tyler concurred. Bridgette laughed softly and said, "I think I'd take bland over vomit-inducing, too. Well, night, guys."

Courtney smirked as Bridgette fully slumped against Geoff. Too cute. She wondered if she and Duncan looked like that during that stupid camping challenge back at Camp Wawanakwa. Probably not...

"Hey, Courtney?"

She growled and looked over at the jock, both shivering from the frigid air and rainwater. "What?"

Tyler crossed his arms and returned the glare. "Okay, look. I know you don't like me, and I sure as hell don't like you-"

"Really," Courtney hissed, voice as cold and biting as the wind. "I hadn't noticed."

"But if all we do is argue, we're not gonna be of much use to Geoff and Bridge."

She scoffed. "Ha! Says you. Do I need to remind you-"

Tyler slammed a fist into the mud, splattering his drenched clothes, but managed to keep his voice low so he wouldn't wake up his other companions. "Yes, damn it, I know you used to be a counselor in training! Look, I'm just saying we should call a truce and stop arguing for now."

Courtney glared at him for what felt like a minute before softening her look. "Okay. Fine. Truce. Whatever."

"Shake?"

Smirking a bit, she extended a hand. "Sure."

Their hands met and finalized the cease-fire for their insults. For several minutes, they sat in silence, tearing into their respective meals. After finishing her strip, Courtney announced, "I'm cold."

Tyler shrugged, laying on the forest floor. "So am I. I'm just too tired to really notice."

"Well, I'm not. Do you have anything that I could..."

She stopped, realizing what a stupid question that was. Of course, Tyler would have nothing for her. Except for the food sack, and she'd rather keep the food safe than use that as a blanket. She glanced over at Bridgette and Geoff, glowering at Bridgette's hoodie. _She_ didn't need that when she had Geoff's body heat to keep her warm, not when Courtney was freezing. She clearly needed the jacket more...

A sudden thought sliced through her tired mind. She pondered whether she should go through with such an embarrassing plan, but a sudden blast of wind, cold as the arctic, made the decision for her. Sidling up to Tyler, she whispered, "Tyler?"

"Hm?"

"Can I just..."

Tyler, it seemed, could tell what she was getting at, as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. Before he could go any further, she said, "Okay, listen. This means _nothing_. We are not together, we are not friends, we are just companions with a mutual goal to not freeze to death. You will not pursue this any further after this night."

"Why would I go after you when I have Lindsay?" Tyler responded, half-asleep. Courtney came up with a million different responses of varying anger, but settled on the one that would best preserve their new truce: silence. She drew as close as she dared and slowly fell asleep.

* * *

"It! Was! _Nothing_!"

Courtney screeched that phrase at Geoff for the tenth time that morning, only succeeding in amusing him further. Unfortunately for her and Tyler, Bridgette and Geoff had woken up before them, and to a source of a great amusement. From what she had gathered, she had been far too close to Tyler for her liking, calling him "Duncan". Tyler had apparently been reacting to her as well, and she had no idea how far they'd gone. Geoff found the entire thing hilarious, continually teasing her about it on their trek to the second terrace. Upon encountering the rock wall, he cracked one last joke about them while Bridgette inspected what looked like a makeshift elevator, built from some of the nearby wood. Thankfully, she had refrained from joking about her friend, as entertaining as it was. Courtney finally caught a break when Geoff went to look at the elevator. She glared at Tyler accusingly and growled, "I bet you find this funny, too."

Tyler waved his hands in defense. "Are you kidding me? I...never mind. Is the truce still on?"

Courtney considered the idea for a moment. "I guess so...but listen. The 'between first and second base' incident occurred while we were asleep, and thus we were not conscious when it happened. It's like it never happened, so don't go telling anyone."

Tyler decided not to remind her that was exactly her what she said after she got a bit too close to Duncan for the first time. "Yeah, I got it. I agreed to that last night, remember?"

"Good." She continued to glare at him, while he just stared at the ground. Just their different ways of exhibiting their embarrassment over the incident. From the wooden structure, Bridgette called, "Guys, we got it working! Let's go!"

They trudged over to the elevator, looking away from each other all the while. Once they were on the thick wooden platform, Geoff explained, "All right, Tyler dude. We need to crank this baby! Grab the crank and turn that thang!"

"Got it, man." They each grabbed the wooden bar and turned it. The pulleys went to work, lifting them up to the lighter forest above. They stepped off and Geoff grinned at his friends. "So, Courtney. Got any..._plans_ for tonight?"

A well-placed kick to the groin dropped the Chosen One, groaning in pain on the forest floor. With a huff, Courtney proceeded down the trail. Tyler ran after and shouted, "Wait, Courtney!"

She slowed down and shouted, "_What_?"

"Let me guess," Bridgette answered as she lifted Geoff back to his feet. The party boy leaned heavily against his girlfriend, who continued, "We're in snare country."

Tyler nodded grimly. "Now listen. We need someone to go ahead to lure out any snares. Give me Enceladus and I'll follow right behind the decoy and kill the snare. Just leave this to me."

"Snares?" Geoff asked, still clearly in agony. Bridgette gave him a comforting peck on the cheek and said, "A kind of man-eating plant."

"Oh," Geoff muttered, trying to make out how a plant could eat a person. Courtney cleared her throat and looked Tyler straight in the eye. "I'm sorry Tyler, but we can't leave you with Enceladus."

"What? Why?"

"We've been over this," she said, placing a hand on her hip. "You just aren't the most reliable with the more important parts of these plans."

"You haven't proven that."

She rolled her eyes, tempted to remind him about all of his failed athletic attempts on TDI. "You've proven it yourself many times, Tyler. I say you lead and Geoff follows behind with Enceladus."

Tyler held his glare for a bit before nodding. "I'll do it!"

She smiled at his enthusiasm. "Good. Let's go."

Tyler led the way through the forest, which was finally allowing some light through the needles and leaves. Geoff was right behind him, Bridgette at his side, with Courtney bringing up the rear. Grinning ear to ear, Geoff leaned in and whispered to Bridgette, "Well, you have to admit, they were cute back there."

Bridgette giggled, but not quietly enough. Courtney scowled and asked, "What did you say, Geoff?"

Despite his affirmation that he had not in any way insinuated that her and Tyler were in any way, shape or form 'together', his nervous, forced grin told a completely different story. She rolled her eyes but didn't pursue the subject any further. The three were so occupied that they failed to notice a vine wrap around Tyler and drag him into a large, bulbous _thing_ that promptly swallowed him. It wasn't until he started screaming bloody murder that they realized what had happened. Bridgette shouted, "Geoff! Right there!"

Geoff drew Enceladus back and stabbed the plant, resulting in a geyser of acid erupting from its side. It began flailing its tendrils, knocking over Bridgette, but Geoff stabbed it again. This time, Tyler crawled out along with the melting fluids. The tendrils failed to strike anything else before a third stab ended its life. Panting, Geoff pulled Bridgette back up, noting her difficulty in breathing. Courtney, who had wisely stood away from the quick skirmish, knelt next to the fallen athlete. Once she caught a good glimpse of him, she screamed, "Oh God, Tyler!"

The few seconds in the snare had really taken it toll on him. His clothes had somehow made it out of the plant's stomach somewhat intact, but his skin looked like it was literally melting away. Bridgette, ignoring what felt like a shattered rib, dashed over to him and held her staff against his forehead. Rather quickly, the skin repaired itself, leaving no traces of the acid bath. Geoff leaned in and whispered, "You okay, man?"

"I'll be..." Tyler trailed off with a groan and a lurch. He heaved twice before vomiting all over Courtney's feet. The CIT backed away, cursing everything around her as Tyler collapsed again...right into the remaining acid. Bridgette, fear still dominating her eyes, cried, "Geoff, get him out of the acid! Hurry!"

"Gotcha, Bridge!"

Setting aside any concern for his own safety, Geoff scooped up Tyler and carried him several yards away, wincing as the acid on Tyler burned his hands. Just as he was set down on the forest floor, Tyler puked again, his breath starting to come in heavy wheezes. Geoff froze up. Courtney watched from where she was certain his puke wouldn't reach her. Bridgette, however, took action. She bent down and felt first his neck and then his forehead. "Courtney! Give me one of those antidotes!"

"He's...poisoned?" Courtney asked, looking ill herself. She drew the small, nearly black leaf out of her item pouch and handed it to Bridgette before collapsing to her knees. Bridgette forced Tyler's mouth and dropped the herb inside. She and Geoff watched in surprise as the leaf disintegrated into nothing. Bridgette ground her teeth, panic starting to set in. Whatever poison the snare used worked faster than anything she had ever seen. If Tyler wasn't cured in the next two minutes or so..."Courtney, the other antidote!"

"No." Tyler's single, rasped word struck through his companions' panic, driving it away. He coughed one...two...three times (and to Bridgette's horror, blood came with the first two) and wheezed, "I'll be fine. Trust me."

"You sure, man?" Geoff, Bridgette saw, was actually trembling. Sweat poured down his face, a constant stream not much lighter than what was coming from Tyler. The jock nodded, a strong enough motion to reassure the others that he was, in fact, going to make it through. "Yeah. Just need Bridgette to heal me."

Bridgette nodded and prodded him with the stick again. Once the magic was finished, Tyler rose back to his feet, wobbling like a drunkard. Courtney stabilized him by grabbing either shoulder. She asked, "Are you sure your okay?"

"Don't worry. I'll be fine."

Courtney nodded, although she found it quite hard to believe that he would when it felt like he would fall at any moment. She said, "Okay, I don't think we should do the decoy idea anymore. Geoff, you lead and just try to keep an eye out for anymore snares. Since we know what we're looking for now, you should be able to find them rather easily."

Geoff gave her a mock salute, if only to try to lighten the mood slightly. "Gotcha, girl!"

* * *

Indeed, once they knew what they were looking for, the snares became much easier to deal with. The eight others they encountered were easily dispatched, and none of them were hurt. Tyler gradually recovered from his poisoning and by the time they reached the third terrace, he was fully recovered. Looking up at the terrace above them, they could tell what came next. Many trees had been cut down by the nearby beavers, leaving a large patch of light shining down on them. Four dead beavers also lay at the top, slain the last time the miners had dared to venture this far into Wanak. Like with the previous cliff, an elevator waited for them. Geoff clambered on and called, "Ya up for this, dude?"

Tyler, his fervor returned to him, jumped on and cried, "Let's do this, buddy!"

The girls were barely able to hop onto the primitive lift before the eager guys were turning the crank. The scene at the top was even more grisly than they had initially perceived. In addition to the half-decayed rodents, the scattered remains of at least ten miners lay about the trail, nearly lost in the thick carpet of grass. Many of them bore what looked like gnaw marks. Geoff froze at this sight. "Um...guys? Maybe we should reconsider this?"

"Hey, look," Tyler said, jabbing a finger against Geoff's chest. "I didn't nearly die just for us to give up now! Let's go down there and show those beavers they've been messing with the wrong people! Who's with me?"

"Um...Tyler? This is suicide," Bridgette deadpanned. Courtney nodded. "Look what happened here! How do we stand a chance against these things?"

"Guys, we promised Ezekiel that we'd return his books. And Geoff, you personally promised the smith that you'd clear out the mine! You can't just go back on that!" Judging by their expressions, Tyler's comrade's still weren't convinced. "Dudes, look at us! Geoff, you're the Chosen One! You have Enceladus! Bridgette, you can heal almost any wound! I pack a wallop when I hit!"

He stopped to think. "And we have Courtney doing whatever it is she does! We can do this!"

Courtney walked further up the trail before turning to her comrades. "Okay, this is totally suicide..."

Geoff nodded. "All right, dudes. The Zeke-man's counting on us!"

Bridgette rolled her eyes. So they were choosing certain death. "Whatever."

Tyler let out a 'woo-hoo' loud enough to scare away everything on the third terrace and ran down the path. "All right, let's do this!"

At the far end of the path, the forest came to an abrupt halt and the ground curved sharply downward. A single wooden ramp wound its way down a circular crater, nearly two hundred feet to the bottom of the pit mine. The bottom was flooded by shallow lake. Dead center lay a mass of wood, metal, bone and other assorted materials. Poking up from the wholly beaver dam was what appeared to be mining equipment. And crawling around the mining site were the bear-sized, tusked beavers that had harried the campers on Boney Island.

* * *

**A/N: Yeah, I know. It took me two weeks to write this drivel. Gah. The next chapter should be up fairly quickly...I hope. And it will be actiony.**

**And no, TylerxCourtney is NOT going to be a pairing in this story. That was just a moment of randomness. Although if enough people want it to happen, I think I could make it happen. I think people like DuncanxCourtney more, though.**

* * *


	6. Act 3: Wanak's Big Brown Beaver Problem

**A/N: Okay, first off, my apologies for taking so long to write this. **

**Second, since I forgot to this earlier: I do not own Total Drama Island or any of its characters and am making no profit from this story.**

**Lastly, this chapter contains scenes of mass beaver slaughter. Do not try any of what you see here at home. Seriously, you could get really messed _up_.**

* * *

Wanak's Big Brown Beaver Problem

Geoff frowned down at the beaver pack ambling around, counting their numbers. He had two at the very bottom of the ramp, three between the path and the dam, five loafing around on the dam itself, and one on either side of the nest. None of them had noticed the teens yet, and Geoff was grateful for that. Fighting an entire group of beavers on the catwalk couldn't possibly end well.

Beside him, Courtney straightened up with a smug smirk. "There are thirteen. If we plan this well, this should be a piece of cake."

Confused, Geoff scanned the pit again. Another beaver hadn't magically appeared, so he said, "I only see twelve."

"There's at least one behind the dam," Bridgette informed him. "So...any ideas?"

"Obviously, we take the first two," Courtney said, adopting a tone that clearly said 'I'm leader, no arguments'. "After that, we will need to keep them in manageable groups of one or two. We'll need to stay together, obviously. Now, I'm no expert, but I believe they're pack hunters-"

"They have to be," Bridgette cut in. "Besides their tusks, I'm pretty sure they have no natural weapons. They either have to use their weight to knock down or surround their prey."

"...I won't even ask how you come to that conclusion," Courtney replied with an odd look at her friend. "But I'll take your word for it. Now, listen. Geoff, you lead."

"Cool," he chirped, casually snaking his arm around Bridgette's shoulders. Courtney allowed herself the smallest smirk possible before continuing. "Bridgette, stay near him. Tyler will follow behind as backup, and I'll take up the rear. Tyler, give me the food. It'll just weigh you down."

Tyler nodded and slipped the sack off his shoulder. After strapping it on, Courtney said, "Well then. I say we strike before they realize we're here."

Tyler jerked his thumb down at the ramp. "Too late, brah."

The two closest beavers were charging up the walkway, sending tremors up the deteriorating construct. The other prehistoric rodents stood around their dam, waiting hungrily for breakfast. Courtney snapped her head around to face Geoff and commanded, "Charge! _Now_!"

"Yes, ma'am," Geoff replied with a bow. He turned and place his hat on Bridgette's head. "Guard this for me, babe."

"All right, Geoff," Bridgette giggled, looking straight into his eyes. They quickly shared a kiss, and when the pulled apart, Geoff solemnly began, "Look, babe. If something-"

"_We don't have time for this_," Courtney hissed, emphatically pointing down at the beavers, who were now about halfway up the ramp. "You guys can talk _after_ this. And what are you doing, Tyler?"

The blue-clad was racing down the wooden walkway. Without turning back, he replied, "I'm not staying behind as backup! I'm gonna take these guys down right now!"

"Idiot," Courtney grumbled before glaring at Geoff. "Well? Move!"

Geoff nodded and complied, tearing after Tyler. Bridgette and Courtney followed. A fair bit ahead of the trio, Tyler was staring down the first of the beavers. His fierce glare didn't deter the rodent from its charge, nor did the twin abysses on its face intimidate the athlete. Tyler's determined scowl deepened as the beaver slowed and lunged, an attempt to either gore him with a tusk or simply bowl him over with its girth. He sidestepped the thrust and responded by lashing out with a foot. To the surprise of four teenagers and thirteen beavers, the spinning kick actually connected with its target and sent it rolling off the edge. The monstrous creature roared as it fell before striking a rock jutting out of the pit's side with a loud crunch. It bounced off and fell to the bottom, not moving. Tyler laughed and threw a fist into the air. "Ha! Take that!"

"Look out!" Bridgette's pupils narrowed to the size of pin points as the second beaver crashed into Tyler, slicing his side with a tusk. Its weight threw Tyler onto his back and the beaver stood over him, staring ahead rather than trying to finish its target. Geoff was charging, wielding Enceladus as though he were jousting. The rodent opened its mouth to roar, and it was ran through by the sword. The long blade sliced through its head and extruded out its back, killing it instantly. However, in no way was Geoff able to move the beast and his wrist snapped upon impact while the beaver collapsed on top Tyler.

Bridgette and Courtney arrived as the two hollered their agony. With one touch of a pine branch, Geoff felt his wrist bones twist and repair themselves. He flashed her his shiny grin and said, "Thanks babe."

"Some...help...urk...here..." Tyler moaned, trying in vain to lift the bleeding corpse off his chest. Geoff shrugged and tried to roll the animal off his friend. Its fur shifted, but otherwise refused to move. Geoff turned to the girls and asked, "Uh, ladies?"

"This is totally gross," Courtney commented, Bridgette nodding in agreement. Despite their disgust, the girls joined Geoff in his endeavor to remove the giant rodent. As they slowly rolled it over and crushed Tyler's arm, Courtney growled and gave it a quick kick. She commented through Tyler's wail, "What is this stupid rat made of, lead?"

"I think so," Bridgette replied, forcing all the strength her lithe frame could muster against the carcass. Ever so slowly, they rolled it off of and away from Tyler, trying to ignore the copious amounts of blood staining their clothes. Once the beaver was removed, Courtney leapt as far away from it as she could, wringing her hands and whining about the blood. Bridgette remained where she was, transfixed by the dead animal. Geoff, after confirming that even though his arms and chest were jelly, Tyler was quite alright, looked over at her. Hugging her from behind, he whispered, "Sorry, but..."

"I know," she whispered back, voice heavy with sorrow, "I don't like fighting or death or...any of this, but..."

"Hey, guys?" Courtney asked, still twitching her hands. She made a vow right then to never allow blood to touch her again. So _gross_..."I think Tyler needs a _bit_ more help."

Bridgette blinked. "Oh, right."

Once again, the staff did not fail. Despite the severity of his injuries, Tyler was back on his feet in moments, bellowing, "All right, let's go destroy these guys!"

They looked down at the remaining beavers. Unfortunately, none of the others were stupid enough to charge up the ramp to their deaths. They stood motionless, staring up at the teens without even blinking. One or two of them could be heard snarling, but other than that, the only sound was that of a light gale passing through the pit. Courtney reached out and tapped Geoff on the shoulder, whispering, "Okay, Geoff. Lead the charge here. We're going to hit the two nearest quickly, and then retreat."

Geoff scratched the back of his head, looking nervous for a second when he didn't feel his hat."Retreat? Why?"

"Because," Courtney said with as much patience as she could, "Unless all of the beavers charge at once, we can pick them off one at a time from up here. We'll just be doing hit and run tactics until they're all gone."

"Let's do this!" Tyler shouted, enthusiastic at the chance to prove himself. Not that it ever worked out for him, but oh well. This time would be different, he always convinced himself. And heck, he had just single-handedly defeated one of the beavers. "Between me and Geoff, those rats don't stand a chance."

Courtney was just able to catch his shoulder before he took off. The enthused athlete simply pulled her along, her shoes creating dark skid marks on the wood. She screeched, "Stop, you idiot!"

He didn't. Thundering along down the ramp, Geoff and Bridgette in hot pursuit to bring him to a halt, Tyler loosed a war cry, striking minor amusement into whatever passed as hearts among the wholly beavers. The overdone, yet somewhat weak roar was silenced by Geoff tackling him, sending everyone that wasn't Bridgette into a wild tumble down the sloping wood into the shallow lake below. Groaning, Tyler sat up, accidentally shoving Courtney off his chest. The girl shook off her daze and leapt to her feet, preparing for the inevitable beaver rush. It never came. The beavers were still looking up Bridgette hungrily, seemingly unaware that prey had just fallen to their level. Courtney turned and glared at Tyler, hissing, "Good job, Tyler. Good damn job."

"Sorry," Tyler mumbled. Despite her irritation, Courtney helped him clamber to his feet and dragged him along back to the ramp. Bridgette met them about fifteen feet up, with Geoff following close behind. Once she was sure the beavers were not about to ambush them, Courtney turned back to the athlete and whispered, "Okay, now follow my commands and stop running around like a headless chicken."

A collective gasp went up around the rest of the group, and even a couple of the beavers looked shocked. Seeing the hurt and fury in Tyler's eyes, Courtney raised her hands in defense, mentally kicking herself for mentioning his deepest fear. "Sorry. Just an expression. I forgot about your fear."

"Whatever. Can we just do this already?"  
"Yes." Courtney pointed at Geoff, who smirked at her and said, "Let me guess. I go and take care of those beavers while you and Tyler have some alone time."

Courtney was not amused. "Will you stop insinuating that Tyler and I are 'together' in any fashion? Anyways. Geoff, you and Tyler charge. Bridgette and I will follow behind in case you're wounded. After we're done with the two closest, we'll return and pick our next target. Got it?"

"Sure," Geoff replied, casting a look at the deceased beaver far behind them. "Gotcha."

"Then go take out those stupid beavers!"

Geoff nodded silently, but didn't comply, eyes still on his first victim. Tapping her foot impatiently, Courtney rolled her eyes and commanded, "Do it _now_, and think about it later."

Finally tearing his eyes away from the bleeding animal, Geoff fixed the beavers on the muddy ground with a determined look. Enceladus in hand, he marched down the ramp. Tyler followed alongside in silence, a bit surprised at the intensity of the perpetually cheerful teen's expression. As soon as their feet touched the mud, the beavers acted. They sloshed through the foot-deep lake, not slowed by the mire in the slightest. Tyler charged though the muddying water, shouting, "Don't stand still! You'll sink."

"Gotcha, bro," Geoff called back, following as fast as he could. He flinched slightly as the first beaver lunged at Tyler, trying to impale him with a tusk while the second passed by. As soon as he saw that Tyler had managed to not end up a bloody decoration on the rodent's horn, Geoff turned to the other one loping towards him. Acting on the adrenaline pumping through him, he lunged at it with a shaky stab of Enceladus. The beaver stopped just short of the weapon's tip and waited patiently as Geoff brought the weapon back to defend himself before lunging. Its twin ivory spears struck his already battered armor, grinding loudly against the copper. Geoff dug Enceladus in the mud to stabilize himself while the beaver recoiled, shaking its aching head. Geoff hesitated, not particularly eager to bloody the weapon further. From the assumed safety of the ramp, Courtney ordered, "Finish it and help Tyler!"

He gave her nod, noticing Bridgette's expression. His girlfriend seemed petrified, watching on in horror at the inevitable death of either man or beast, and Geoff decided that there was no way someone like him could ever get used to performing this cold deed. He forced himself to look away from Bridgette and faced the dazed creature again. He stabbed at it again, piercing it just below the neck. It wasn't a very powerful strike, but whatever magic that was contained withing Enceladus allowed it to melt through flesh and bone as though the beast were made of Jello. The beaver cried out and collapsed, life fading from its eyes.

Geoff let out a sigh and dragged his feet out of the sludge. Several yards away from him, Tyler was stumbling through the thick mud in an effort to flee from three beavers. Readying Enceladus for a full round of death-dealing, Geoff charged. Two of the beavers retreated at the sight of the blood-encrusted purple weapon, but the most determined one continued to pursue its frantic prey. Tyler finally tripped and fell flat on the face, submerged underneath the murky liquid. The rodent roared in triumph and reared back to chomp down on the fallen athlete. It never got the chance before Enceladus skewered its head. Geoff quickly yanked the weapon free and knelt down to pull Tyler out of the mud. The athlete arose shaking off his muddy coat, spewing the sludge from his mouth. Once he was capable of doing so, he muttered, "Thanks, man."

"No prob, man."

"Hurry up and get back here!" Courtney shouted from the ramp, pointing vigorously at the other beavers. Geoff would have jumped her shrill call had his feet not been sink inches into the mire. The two fought their way through the mud and water back to the ramp, the brown monsters watching patiently. Geoff leaned up against the rock wall, panting and looking down at the weapon in his hands. The blood from the beavers had slipped clean of the round edge, leaving Enceladus looking exactly as it did when he'd first obtained it. Her well-honed girlfriend senses kicking in, Bridgette walked up next to him placed a hand on his shoulder, seeing the troubled look in his eyes. His resignations concerning mass animal slaughter was not lost on Courtney, either, and she began lecturing him on it. "Okay, Geoff. I know that you and Bridgette don't like killing, no matter what the circumstances are. But you cannot hesitate like that again, especially if there's more than one near you. Understand?"

Geoff shrugged, still glumly gazing at his weapon. "I guess so...I dunno, this just doesn't feel right, ya know?"

Courtney rolled her eyes and leaned in, hoping to divert his gaze from Enceladus. "And why not? These things are _monsters_, Geoff!"

"Well, I don't see why I need to...", Geoff began with a shrug. "I mean, what have the furry guys done?"

"Oh, I don't know," Courtney snapped, bitingly sarcastic. "Maybe it's because they're preventing anyone from mining here, and they'll probably chase us down as soon as our backs are turned? They don't belong here, and we are going to take care of it."  
"They're just defending their dam," Bridgette protested. Courtney scoffed at that. "They tried to kill us as soon as they could, Bridgette! Just like they did on Boney Island! And besides, we promised Ezekiel that we'd recover his books. And..."

"All right, I'll do it," Geoff conceded, anything but thrilled. "Sorry 'bout this, Bridge."

"Okay then," Courtney said, not flustered in the slightest about the coming slaughter. Bridgette scowled at her friend's lack of empathy, but had no further objections. The CIT briefly scanned her comrades and foes before continuing. "Geoff, you and Tyler will go down there again. This time, Bridgette and I will stay with you guys in case the beavers hurt you."

"And do _not_ stand still for a moment, guys," Tyler added. "That mud is almost like quicksand."

"Right," Courtney agreed with a brief nod. "Bridgette, stay near Geoff. I'll cover Tyler. If we get split up, come back here as soon as possible. Got it?"

Tyler whooped, Geoff nodded and Bridgette just sadly gazed at the beavers. This battle went squarely against everything she believed in, and if they didn't do this with soon... "Guys, can we please get this over with?"

Courtney nodded with a smirk. "Right. Charge, Geoff!"

As distraught as he was over his kills, it was all Geoff could do to force himself to lumber down the woodwork towards the nine remaining beavers, dragging Enceladus behind. The purple blade carved a small trench into the wood. As her annoyance Geoff's slowness heightened, Courtney's footfalls became louder. Next to her, Tyler was grinning, manic eyes on the remaining rodents, not even realizing why they were moving so slowly. Once Geoff stepped into the water, he sighed and charged as fast as he could through the mire, equally dismayed girlfriend a step behind. Two of the beavers sloshed towards them in return, both drifting towards Tyler and Courtney. As Tyler roared a battle cry, Courtney grabbed his wrist from behind and hissed, "Stop and let Geoff handle this."

Tyler gave her a feeble glare, but obeyed for once. He slowed down, careful not to allow himself to sink, and Geoff was left with a clear shot at the monster beavers. He instead opted to come to a dead halt and block their lunges, Bridgette huddling behind him. Courtney rolled her eyes and screeched, "Come on, Geoff! Stop hesitating!"

"Um, Courtney?" Tyler warned, jerking his head around. Before she could respond, he had grabbed her and jumped as well as he could away from Geoff. A third beaver landed right where they had just been, growling at its missed opportunity. The creature swatted Tyler underwater with its tail before latching onto Geoff's arm with its razor teeth. Howling, Geoff pulled his arm out of the maw, a large chunk of flesh missing. Upper muscles torn, his left arm fell limp and useless at his side. And the other beavers acted immediately, simultaneously bouncing at him, ready to finish off the Chosen One. Screaming, he flailed Enceladus, accidentally elbowing Bridgette into the water. By a complete miracle, the sword caught both creatures and sent them to the ground, stunned.

Tyler groaned as Courtney pulled him back to his feet. He had no feeling in his right arm, and didn't even need to look at it to confirm that was broken. The offending beaver received whiplash from Geoff's magical glowing sword, and the dazed creature turned to the athlete once more. The three beavers lunged at their respective targets again. Tyler bent back, knocking Courtney down, while Geoff sidestepped one and speared the other, killing it instantly. Tyler spat into one of the pitch black orbs in front of him and kneed the beast in the chin, loses a shoe to the mud in the process. Courtney emerged from the water, sputtering. "Tyler, you idiot..."

"No time!" Tyler reminded her as he kicked at the startled beaver. And somehow, despite the creature being less than two feet straight ahead, he missed and fell face-first, easy prey for the prehistoric monster. And it would have had finished Tyler if not for a fistful of mud blinding it. Courtney pulled Tyler out of the mud and trudged through the mire, biting back commentary on Tyler and his general lack of usefulness.

A fair bit away, Geoff felled the second beast with a sloppy thrust and pulled his girlfriend back out of the water. Bridgette sprayed him with water before embracing him, shivering from both the chill of the water and fear. She whimpered, "S-s-so c-c-cold...thanks..."

"Uh, Bridge? Your hugging the hole in my arm."

She froze, wide-eyed. Slowly, she pulled arm away from the wound, muttering, "Oh c-crap, sorry."

"Nah, it's cool, babe."

Her trembling lips meeting his, she lowered both of them a bit to grab her staff. Once they had parted, she held the branch against the gap in his arm. He winced at the touch, but was relieved to see the muscle completely rebuild itself from nothing. Once a new layer of skin had covered it, Bridgette removed the pine and collapsed to her knees, panting. To say that Geoff was alarmed would be a major understatement. "Bridge! What's wrong?"

"I think I used too much magic," she wheezed, her entire body quaking from such loss of energy. "It feels like I just ran 20 kilometers...uh, Geoff?"

"Yeah?"

"We're surrounded."

* * *

Courtney stuck an herb into Tyler's mouth, and the jock nearly spat the bitter leaf right back out. He managed to force it down, fighting against his gag reflex, and reflected upon what Chris had said about it. "Chris was right. That was a lot worse than Wood Plank Stew."

"I still can't believe Chef served us a dismantled hot tub. Especially one that Owen had swam in," Courtney agreed, warily watching the beaver approach. Behind it, five more surrounded their companions. "Oh, I hope they're gonna be okay."

"They'll be fine," Tyler assured her, smirking at his newly healed arm. The herb tasted like crap, but worked just as fast as Bridgette's magic. "Geoff's got Enceladus and Bridgette can heal him."

"I hope you're right," Courtney said, glancing worriedly between the beaver and Geoff. "I also hope you're up for this."

Tyler gave her a confident smirk. "When am I not?"

She smiled back, silently commending his bravery. "Can you handle this yourself?"

"Of course! The furry bastard is going down!"

* * *

Geoff looked away from Bridgette. Just as his girlfriend had said, five beavers stood around the pair, watching the adorable couple's conversation. One by one they realized that the adorable part was over with and went into kill mode, growling at Geoff. The party animal leaned in and whispered, "Okay, Bridge. I'm gonna stab the one in front of me, and you run through out of here after I do? 'Kay, babe."

She nodded back sadly. "All right, Geoff. Be careful."

He nodded, gripping Enceladus awkwardly as the beavers inched towards him. Beside him, Bridgette's feet danced in place, keeping her from sinking into the sludge. After several tense moments, the beavers lunged as one. Geoff cried out as he stabbed out in front of him early and Bridgette dove forward, hoping that Enceladus would find its mark. It didn't, as the beaver stopped once it saw what the beaver slayer was doing. The others were caught by surprise as Geoff spun around, twisting his feet around and bringing Enceladus around in a full circle. It sliced across the soulless faces of two beavers, completely eradicating their eyes and leaving them blinded. The other two were given a quick, merciful death. Once the whirling slash was complete, Geoff turned to the final beaver and...

Fell face down into the water, his feet so twisted up in the mud that he tripped over three inches of the sludge. Bridgette cried in horror as the beaver tromped over to her foot-tied boyfriend. Forcing herself to stand up in the murky, bloody water, she splashed over to the beast and, to its mild surprise, jammed her staff into its eye. The roar of agony that followed nearly deafened the exhausted girl, but she kept the staff embedded in the creature's face. It shook its powerful head back and forth rapidly, tossing her and the staff several meters away. Bridgette's lingering magic healing the eye fully, the beaver resumed its hounding of Geoff.

Unfortunately for it, Geoff had managed to untangle his feet and the beast received a heavy blow to the side. It flew through the air and crashed down on its broken ribs, gasping for air. Geoff refrained from a shout of "home run" or something similar, worried as he was about Bridgette. The surfer moaned and shook her head, dizzy from both her flight and the strain of healing her friends. Geoff knelt down and hugged her, asking, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she whispered and kissed him on the cheek. "Tyler, though..."

* * *

Tyler jumped over the beaver's lunge, landing roughly the beast. Hollering franticly, he dug his fingers into its blubber as it roared and began bucking. Courtney stifled a laugh at the ridiculous situation—just like a bull rider trying to stay on a particularly violent bull. Except with Tyler as the rider and an oversized beaver as the bull. With a high-pitched wail, Tyler was launched off of its back into the lake. The two adversaries glared at each other again and charged. Their eyes were aglow with the passion to compete and best the other, no matter what may befall them. Time slowed down. Tyler's fist came around as he fought to maintain balance in the mire. The beaver paused briefly before leaping, a tusk aimed at the man's chest. The epic sounds of Chris Maclean warbling "Eye Of The Tiger" horribly off key could be heard in the last moments of the slow-down. Tyler's fist connected first, crushing one of the beaver's eyes and sending a painful surge up his arm. He felt the bones splinter along the line of pain and his right arm once again became useless to him.

And despite the suicidal nature of it, he didn't back down. Gritting his teeth, his eyes tearing from the agony, he kicked the other eye. The beaver growled, temporarily blind, and teetered, threatening to fall sideways and drown. Courtney watched the entire sequence, still as a statue until the final blow was landed. When the beaver finally fell and began thrashing, she cheered, "Yeah! Good job, Tyler!"

She raced towards him...only to be upended by the beaver. As she tumbled to the muddy lake bed, her pouch containing the ten herbs and antidote flew through the air and landed next to the dam. The beaver flipped back onto its feet and lunged at her throat. A kick to the face from Courtney ended its attempt at scoring an easy meal. And then Tyler was there to further its pain with another kick to the chin. The beaver growled and backed away...and was surprised by a long, purple stick stabbing it through the back. It whimpered once before Enceladus took its ninth life of the morning. Geoff sighed and pulled the blade away from the corpse, the red fluids again sliding away. Tyler glared at him. "Dude! I had this!"

"Your arm is shattered," Courtney reminded him as she walked towards them, chilled by her plunge beneath the water. "You're lucky Geoff showed up."

"Nuh uh!" Tyler countered with all the grace and eloquence of a third grader. After a moment to consider how stupid he sounded..."Sorry about that man. And thanks."

"No prob, man," Geoff replied. He looked over at the dam, where the last beaver was rummaging through the debris that made up its nest. The critter was a fair bit smaller than its brethren and had red fur as opposed to the others. Geoff frowned and shared a sorrowful look with Bridgette. "Well, guys...I guess we should finish this."

Bridgette nodded and turned to Courtney, still clearly fatigued. "Is there any bread left?"

Courtney shook her head. "Sorry, Bridge. Tyler only brought the two loaves."

"Urg..." Bridgette groaned. She _needed_ energy for magic, and Ezekiel had said that food would help. And if that last beaver proved difficult...groaning again, she resigned herself to what was necessary. "Courtney...give me a strip of meat."

Even the three living beavers were startled by her demand. Tyler quirked an eyebrow at her. "Wow. You're really pissing on your beliefs today, aren't you?"

She silenced with a glare. "Look, I can't do anything like this. If there's even a chance that one of you could die because I couldn't heal you...I couldn't live with that! Just give me a strip."

Courtney snapped out of her stunned confusion and reached into the food bag. "Okay, Bridge..."

She handed the deer meat to Bridgette, who was trembling from a great number of factors at this point. As the last beaver began to recite something in Beaverese, she tore into the strip of meat...and immediately spat it out, gagging. Courtney facepalmed at this while Bridgette cried, "How can you guys _stand_ this stuff? It's horrible!"

"I told you it was bland," Courtney reminded her with a shrug. "Now, if you can't keep it down, just give it back. We can't waste food here."

"No, I can manage," Bridgette assured her, although her face was green. She took another bite and forced herself to swallow it this time, although she collapsed to her knees and gagged. It didn't come back up, and Geoff pulled her up, exclaiming, "You're awesome, Bridge! Willing to stop being a vegetarian to help your friends..."

"Thanks, Geoff," Bridgette replied, although she was not particularly thankful for this comment at all. Shuddering, she bit into it again, but whatever her reaction was got drowned out by Tyler's high-pitched whimpering. "Um...guys? Do you believe in...zombies?"

"What are you..." Courtney began, cutting off as they looked around the open pit. The ten deceased beavers all rose and began lumbering towards the small group, wounds still bleeding. Their approach was much slower this time, but the mere sight of dead things hunting their killers was more than a bit...stressful. Courtney screamed and ran towards the ramp, followed closely by Geoff and Tyler. Remembering something from the forest, Bridgette called out, "Wait, guys! Don't go up the ramp!"

Courtney didn't respond until she was on the ramp. Huffing, she turned and yelled, "What are you doing, Bridgette? RUN!"

"Don't you remember the dead beavers at the end of the forest?" Bridgette responded, approaching the ramp rather slowly. She was still moving faster than the undead beavers, though. "They're probably zombies, too!"

Silence. Followed by one-man panic. Running back and forth along the catwalk, arms flailing in the air, Tyler screamed, "We're gonna die! We're gonna be eaten zombies! We're-"

As Bridgette arrived on the woodwork, Courtney kicked out one of the athlete's leg, tripping him. Geoff, winded from his hasty flight from the lake, wondered, "How did they..."

"The book that beaver was reading," Courtney answered. Even as she said it, she knew that was one of the most ridiculous things to ever come out of her mouth. A beaver reading a book defied all forms of logic, but yet she had watched it happen. "It probably cast a spell to bring back the others."

"So we're back to eleven," Bridgette said, before realizing her mistake. "No, fifteen. At least these ones are already dead..."

"Dudes! We're gonna die! This is the-ow!"

"Stop being a pessimist, Tyler," Courtney scolded. Once he whimpered a quiet, frightened 'sorry', Courtney said, "Okay, then. We need a plan..."

"Oh crap," Bridgette exclaimed, pointing at the bottom of the ramp. Two of the zombie rodents were clambering up the ramp, moving just a bit faster than the average snail. Tyler took one look at them and passed out. Courtney wrinkled her nose and grumbled, "Useless. Geoff, it's up to you! Bridgette, finish that meat already."

Bridgette stuffed the rest of the deer strip into her mouth while Geoff, displaying a mask of calmness, approached the zombies and smashed its head with Enceladus. The skull caved in and neck broke, but the beaver continued its deadly march. Geoff dropped the facade. As he turned tail screaming, Courtney grabbed Tyler and slung him over her shoulder. "Bridgette! Do you have any ideas?"

Through dry heaves brought about by the meat, Bridgette glanced up at the top of the ramp, hoping that maybe the four up there hadn't zombified after all. The sight of four half-decayed beasts making there way down to the party killed that thought. Nowhere to go, except... "Slide down the side of the pit!"

"Are you insane?" Geoff politely asked his girlfriend. "That's, like...fifteen feet, babe!"

"That's not bad," Bridgette told him, trying to hold in the newly-swallowed deer. "We're sliding into water. That's better than being eaten by zombie beavers."

"Can't we, like, cut off their heads?" Geoff asked, scratching his still hatless head. "That always works in video games."

"With what?" Courtney asked sharply, sitting down at the edge of the ramp. "Enceladus is useless when it comes to cutting."

And with that she slid the steep slope, Tyler getting a faceful of dirt in the process. He awoke just as they hit water. Courtney dropped him and shouted, "It's okay, Geoff!"

Geoff still looked unsure until Bridgette took his hand and cried, "Let's go, Geoff!"

"Right!" Geoff screamed as the two rolled down the hill, spraying Courtney and Tyler with water. Once they had stood up, Courtney asked, "Okay, what now?"

"I say we take down the small one," Tyler opined, pointing at the beaver in question. It looked up from its book and whimpered a bit before returning to its recitations. Courtney nodded. "I agree. Even if we find a way to stop these zombies, nothing's stopping it from casting another spell..."

"That's not why," Tyler cut in with a smug smirk. He pointed at the book-reading creature. "It's still casting the spell."

Courtney brightened up a bit and said, "So, wait. Are you suggesting that..."

Bridgette was a step ahead of her. "These aren't zombies! That one is just controlling their corpses..."

"Brilliant, Tyler!" Courtney exclaimed, hugging the athlete. Then she realized what she was doing and pulled away, shooting a glare to silence Geoff. Except he was largely uninterested in her hug. "Um...guys? I think we should get going..."

Two beavers crashed down next to them, and the party boy screamed and tripped in his attempt to flee. Tyler picked him back up as he passed by, following Courtney and Bridgette in their charge towards the dam. Before them, seven dead beavers waited, encircling the dam to protect their controller. Once Geoff managed to regain his footing, a difficult task when one was being carried by an athlete threatening to trip over water and mud, he froze up at the sight of the unholy beasts. Courtney slowed down long enough to snap, "Let's go, Geoff!"

"Get your head in the game, man!" Tyler added. "They're too slow to be any real threat."

Geoff blinked at that. "So, we've been running for nothing?"

"Pretty much."

Geoff contemplated this revelation briefly before resuming his charge. Despite the close-knit beaver circle, none of the four had any trouble slipping between or around the last beaver's defenses. Even as Geoff prepared Enceladus for the final blow, the world's first and last spell-spinning beaver continued reading from the book. And with one thrust, Geoff eliminated the creature. After several seconds, the dead beavers all collapsed. Geoff sighed and dug his sword into the garbage heap to lean against. He scanned the muddy battlefield, visibly unhappy about what he'd done. Bridgette silently sidled up to him, putting an arm around his shoulders. They observed the pit mine with sad eyes while Courtney picked up the beaver's book. "Hey, guys? I think this is Ezekiel's magic book."

"Let me see," Tyler said, snatching it out of her hands. She hissed in annoyance, but let it go. Tyler looked through the soggy book and declared, "Yep, this is it. It has Ezekiel's name in it. Now we just need the translator..."

"You're standing on it," Courtney huffed, catching herself before she spewed an insult. Holding to her part of their truce was proving difficult. Tyler looked down and stepped off the even wetter book, which was already open to the page Ezekiel had scrawled his name on. "Excellent! Let's get out of here!"

"Yeah," Bridgette agreed, stepping down from the dam. Geoff followed, nodding. "Dudes, I never want to come back here..."

"I here ya, man," Tyler said. "I mean, seriously, we were just attacked by dead beavers here. Man, am I gonna be having nightmares..."

"Guys, wait a minute," Courtney cried, searching through the slop around the dam. "I need...here it is!"

She waved back at them, holding the bag that contained their herbs. "Okay, let's get out of here."

* * *

The trip back through the Wanak Woods was completely uneventful, and they arrived back at the hut in the evening. Courtney rapped on the recently repaired maple door, and a heavily accented voice called back, "Hermit Permit, please."

Courtney growled in annoyance. "We already gave you one, you redneck! Now open up!"

Ezekiel consider her demand briefly. Chris had told him not to let anyone who didn't have a permit in, but if they had his books... "Were you successful, eh?"

"Yeah. That's why we're here, idiot." Ezekiel sighed and went over the door. "No need for insults, eh. Please slide the books under the door."

Courtney snarled but complied. The still wet books barely fit under the narrow gap, but once they were through, the door flew open. And struck Courtney in the face, knocking her down onto the grassy hill. Tyler and Geoff doubled over laughing, and even Bridgette giggled at her friend. Ezekiel stood in the doorway, terrified at what may befall him. "Sorry, eh!"

"Whatever," Courtney yelled, holding her broken nose. Throwing a nasty look at her laughing comrades, she simply stated, "Bridgette."

The surfer knew what she meant. Still chuckling at her plight, Bridgette tapped her nose with the staff before turning to Ezekiel. "Hey, now that you have your books back, you can teach me some magic!"

"Yup," Ezekiel chirped, looking excited. "Come on in, eh."

They followed him and sat down on the floor. Ezekiel briefly looked through his books, satisfied. He pocketed them and said, "Well, one of the sages is in the Tofino province, eh."

"Really?" Courtney said. The home-schooled teen nodded. "Yup. One of the sages is supposed to live in the coastal mountains of Tofino, eh. I don't know where the others are, though."

"It's fine," Bridgette replied, smirking even though she was a _bit_ uncomfortable with the way Ezekiel never looked away from her. "The sage might now where the others are."

Ezekiel looked as though he hadn't even considered that. "Ya, okay. That makes sense, eh!"

"Well," Courtney said, standing up. "I say we stay here for the night. It's along way to the Tofino coast, and we need rest after that ordeal in the forest."

"I dunno," Geoff said, with a sly smirk. "You and Tyler rested pretty well to-OOF!"

Courtney had silenced with a kick to the stomach. Ezekiel looked between them, confused. "Um...am I missing something, eh?"

"It's _nothing_," Courtney stated, glaring at the others to make sure they said nothing. "Now, then. I need a shower. Do yo have..."

"There's an outhouse with a bath at the bottom of the hill, eh," Ezekiel said. "Just a bit to the east."

Courtney looked ready to kill the poor teen. "At the _bottom of the hill_?"

Ezekiel jumped back a bit out her furious screech. "Sorry, eh."

Although she clearly had more on her mind, Courtney's fatigue from the trip won over her anger. With one last glare, she turned to leave, saying, "Whatever. I guess I shouldn't be surprised."

With the CIT gone, the room became noticeably more relaxed. Curling up next to Geoff, Bridgette asked, "So, Zeke. Got any spells to teach me?"

"Only one right now, eh," he replied, looking through one of his books again. "Tomorrow, I'll teach you a bit more about spellcasting. But the spell to heal basic wounds is..._blessure_."

"Blessure?" Once he had confirmed that she'd pronounced it right, she said, "Got it."

* * *

The next morning, the five left, carrying all of Ezekiel's supplies in several packs. Behind the hut, another figure peered out, watching them descend the hill. She cackled to herself. "Okay, so one of the sages is in Tofino! I knew it all along! Well, better go report to queenie!"

* * *

**END OF ACT III**

**Alright, just a couple quick things. First, updates may slow down further because of college. Sorry, but I need to concentrate on passing my classes. **

**Second, directly related to the story itself and perhaps most important, I will be cycling through characters. A lot. And yes, some may leave through not-so-happy means**

**This doesn't mean I'm killing anyone, though. Yes, I'm making this rather vague, I know.**


	7. Act 4: Thieving Cretin

**A/N: Yeah, sorry about the long wait. Research papers suck. Hopefully the next couple of chapters will go faster**

**The T rating is maintained mostly by some language in this chapter**

* * *

**(Chris narrating): Last time, on Total Drama Quest...Geoff, Bridgette, Tyler and Courtney bade farewell to the town of Fort Wawanakwa and journeyed south. They met Ezekiel, the sexist farmboy turned magic-using hermit, who tasked them with recovering his books from a bunch of beavers. How the beavers got to his hut and back is one of the great mysteries of this tale...**

**(Chef): You brought them there and back!**

**(Chris): ...that will probably never be answered! In a forest blacker than night, they traveled forth, displaying the courage expected of the Chosen One and his party. Oh, and Tyler nearly got snacked on by a plant.**

**In an epic duel in a water-filled mine pit, they mercilessly slew the beavers, showing absolutely no restraint in the slaughter. Because the Chosen One shouldn't be adverse to killing. I mean, seriously. What kind of hero has moral stress over the death of monsters? Not one I would pick, no siree!**

**Once the horrifying slaughter was finished, they bathed in the blood-**

**(Chef): No, they did not! Get your facts straight!**

**(Chris): *sigh* Okay, fine. They killed the beavers, panicked like little mice when the dead beavers chased them again, and then Geoff and Bridgette cried after they killed the last one. Happy?**

**(Chef): No.**

**(Chris): ...Anyways. The party, now featuring the Zeke-man, is heading off to the water-logged province of Tofino. What dangers wait for them there? What does Heather plan to do about them? And how will Geoff react when he realizes he may have to kill her? Find out right now in...**

**ACT IV: RAGING WATERS**

**...on Total...Drama...Quest! Now, which one of you geniuses let Chef in?**

* * *

Thieving Cretin!

_Gravel plummeted into the gray abyss as a young man leapt from a stony ridge onto the galleon. The perpetrator tiptoed over to the entrance of the ship's cabin. Grinning with malevolent delight, he kicked the door in, brandishing his knife for all to see. No one greeted him, and he entered the small room. A brilliant azure orb on a table caught his eye. The thief snickered as he took the ball and tore off to the deck of the ship. He raced to the edge of the ship. _Something _knocked him flat on his back, sending the orb rolling away. He rose and snarled at his assailant, who let go of her rope and approached him. Their eyes met in the darkness, and they drew their respective weapons._

* * *

Someone, somewhere, snapped awake, the lest vestiges of his dream following him into reality. Growling at the memory, he dug his metal claw into the nearby rock face and grabbed the nearby eye patch. As he pulled himself up with the hook, his good fist clenched at the thought of the girl who had disfigured him so. But, first, he had other duties elsewhere.

Slapping the eye patch over the left side of his face, Duncan waded through the swamps of Tofino, heading towards the bitter north.

* * *

If one were to compare the provinces of Wawanakwa and Tofino based entirely on color, one would conclude the two were nearly identical. From the air, they were both verdant expanses, the green occasionally broken up by a gray river or dark forest. One could possibly conclude the two were twins, cut from the same cloth.

One who concluded that would be wrong. Just as Venus and Earth shone blue from a great distance, yet were radically different on the actual surface, Tofino and Wawanakwa were two completely different beasts. While Wawanakwa was constructed of gently rolling grassy hills, small snakes of water and nothing that could be considered a mountain, Tofino was a swampy, rugged mishmash of cliffs, rivers and mountains. Whatever tectonic forces were at play had created a series of sheer earthen walls and deep trenches, often cutting across one of the province's many rivers. The constant change of water level in the central regions tended to leave the vegetation either flooded or in drought. By all accounts, Tofino was an absolute nightmare to travel through. And traversing their way through the madness is exactly what we find our heroes doing.

"So that's why your outhouse was at the bottom of the hill," Geoff exclaimed, helping Bridgette down one of the few steep slopes that cut between two of the cliffs. Ezekiel nodded, sliding down in front of them. "Ayup. Geyser sprouted up beneath it and launched it into the air. I still don't know what I said, eh."

"And it landed right side up in one piece, right?" Courtney sneered, trying not to slip on the loose gravel. Ezekiel said, "Nah. I had to fix it back up, eh. The geyser blasted a hole through it."

"And you couldn't have been bothered to add clean water to your pathetic excuse for a bath."

"Sorry, eh."

"You're so gross," Courtney finished, scowling at her blood-encrusted, muddy clothes. She was just as filthy as she'd been the previous night, perhaps even more so. First thing she was doing in whatever town came next was properly cleaning up. And then insisting the others did so as well, as she was sure that their combined stench was warding off whatever monsters roamed the wilds. Which of course was good, but still. She stepped into the damp grass and turned to look at the top of the cliff. Tyler stood there, manic grin plastered his face. He shouted, "Hey, guys! Check this out!"

Ezekiel, still in mid-descent, glanced at the athlete. He had one foot resting on a flat slab of rock, holding his arms up dramatically. The prairie boy began, "Uh, what are you..."

"Wa-hoo!" The athlete whooped as he jumped atop the rock. It displayed no motion from the added weight, and thus he kicked at the ground, as though he were on a skateboard. The stone moved the entirety of an inch. He growled and kicked off harder, and gravity finally took over. He found himself bouncing down the slope alongside his former perch. After three agonizing skips, he splatted onto the marshy ground, spraying mud onto Courtney upon impact. The CIT's instinctive shriek completely drowned out Ezekiel's whimper. "Um...are you okay...?"

"...pain..."

Geoff and Bridgette ran to their friend's side while Courtney tried to wipe away the mud, a pointless exercise in light of the copious filth clinging to her clothes. Geoff cast a look at Bridgette, who nodded and drew out the pine branch and prepared to whack Tyler with it. A hand intercepted it, and she half-glared at her boyfriend in confusion. From the slope of pain, Ezekiel called, "Forget the staff, eh."

"Forget the..." Bridgette began before figuring out what he meant. "Oh yeah. _Blessure!_"

She jabbed a finger at her comrade, twitching on the ground, and shuddered as an energy-sapping wave surged through her body to her fingertip. The energy flowed down to Tyler and enveloped him. It entered his wounds, rebuilt the broken skin and bones and destroyed his agony. In an instant, he was back on his feet, smirking as he high-fived Geoff. The Chosen One cried, "That was totally rad, dude! Right, Zeke man?"

Ezekiel blinked as he slid down the slope. "Uh...what? How was Tyler falling..."

"Never mind them, Ezekiel," Courtney snapped. "They're just being stupid."

"Hey! That wasn't stupid!" Tyler snapped back. A moment of dead silence followed this proclamation, giving him time to reflect upon his words. "Okay, maybe it was. But still, it was cool! Right, Zeke?"

The prairie boy looked slightly uncomfortable as Tyler slung an arm over his shoulders. "I...don't get it, eh."

"Dude!" Geoff exclaimed, ignoring the impatient tapping of Courtney's foot. "How was that _not_ cool?"

"Um, well," Ezekiel mumbled, scratching behind his toque. "I just don't...I mean, Tyler got hurt..."

Geoff stared at the stammering boy, mind working overtime to figure out what possible reason Ezekiel had for not enjoying the stunt. And then he remembered Chris's words six months ago: _"Okay, look, dude. I know you don't get out much. Been home schooled your whole life, raised by freaky prairie people..."_

"Oh, dude! Forgot that you didn't get out much before TDI. Don't worry, man, I'll teach you everything you need to know!"

"Uh...okay," Ezekiel agreed, although his concerns went unanswered. He flinched at Courtney's screech of, "Let's _go_ already!"

They trudged along behind her, and Tyler whispered, "Why is she even with us? She blows up at _everything_, she bosses us around like she's the leader, and she can't even fight."

"Well, she wants to come, and she's Bridge's friend, so why not?" Geoff replied with a shrug, hardly noticing that the water was now at his ankles. Raising his voice so Courtney could hear, he added, "And does anyone know what that noise is?"

The noise in question was a dull roar that had first become perceptible some time ago. Tyler and Courtney answered at the same time: "The Black River."

The two exchanged a strange look—for once, they displayed no hint of anger—while Bridgette bit down on her lower lip. "That's way to loud to be a river."

"And that's why it's nicknamed 'Neptune's Road'," Tyler replied as they entered a long pathway through a mesa. "The thing's s'posed to be over three miles wide."

"That's impossible," Bridgette snapped. "The amount of water a river that size would need to flow is..."

"It's actually the three largest rivers int this world flowing into each other, eh," Ezekiel cut in, pulling out a dead pine branch from the sack slung over his back. "Once we're through the tunnel, we should see it. _Uitbarsting_."

He gave the tip of the stick a swift tap, igniting it. The firelight reflected off of the limestone walls of the ever-darkening tunnel. Sloshing through the flood, Courtney snarled, "This is almost as bad as the mine pit..."

"Really?" Ezekiel asked, his torch and Enceladus the only sources of light. "Was it flooded?"

"Yes, it was flooded, you idiot", Courtney snapped. "Why do you think that we came back soaking and covered in mud?"

"Courtney," Bridgette warned, joining Tyler in glaring at her. Next to her, Ezekiel whimpered out an apology. Courtney returned the glare for a second before trudging over to Geoff. She whispered, "Why is _he_ with us?"

Geoff gave her a smile and a shrug. "Well, the guy was the first join us, and the dude's got a pretty wicked punch..."

"Not Tyler! Ezekiel!" Everyone that wasn't Courtney covered their ears as her ear-splitting screech reverberated in the narrow tunnel. Tyler and Ezekiel dared to look at her before exchanging confused looks. Geoff's grin was now apologetic and sheepish. "Um...well...he's a cool guy, and he has magic..."

Courtney rolled her eyes. "This "_cool guy_" is brushing up against your girlfriend."  
Geoff looked at the other two. "So? They're friends, they can-"

The tan-skinned girl fixed with a glare. "Geoff, I know how these people are. Don't you remember how that little prairie rat was acting back at the resort? The little sexist sees in Bridgette is a sexual object. He wants her, and he doesn't care who he hurts pursuing her, either."

Geoff scratched behind his hat. "I think you're way off, dudette. I mean, have you even talked to the guy since the first day? Dude's cool now."

Courtney sighed. "Whatever you want to believe. Just remember this conversation when he makes his move."

On the other edge of the tunnel, Ezekiel whispered to his fellow travelers, "What do you think they're talking about, eh?"

Bridgette shrugged and Tyler said, "Beats me, dude."

_Everything beats you_, Courtney wanted to say, but stayed silent, not particularly eager to start another fight with the jock. Geoff drifted away from her to join the other group, and his sudden absence reminded her of the schism between them. Geoff and Tyler had similar mindsets, Ezekiel was doing everything he could to be "in" with them, and while Bridgette was sensible, she wouldn't go against Geoff in decisions. Meanwhile she, the most intelligent and logical individual of the group, would always be overrode by their captain's strange sense of fun and adventure, firmly in line with his wild party-going demeanor. She sighed, trying to plot out how to overcome this barrier. She had nothing.

* * *

A red-haired girl ran through the wilds of Tofino, leaping over ditches and the lowest ridges with ease, cackling the entire way. Eying a nearby river, she calculated the distance. If she was right, then her ride should be very close by. Holding a blue sphere under her arm, she made a majestic leap down in to the river canyon and onto a small boat. Its two occupants screamed as she landed and rocked the wooden raft. She grinned and waved at the more sizable passenger. "Hi, Owen!"

Owen ceased his hyperventilation and smiled back, speaking between pants. "Izzy! Owen..._huff_...missed you!"

"Izzy missed Owen," Izzy responded, not noticing the panicked look the other person was giving her. Not that he minded; this was the same girl who made it known on national television that she had no qualms about harming him. The less the two paid him mind (which was next to never), the better. Still not over the shock of having an orange and green slamming into his masterpiece of a boat, he said with a glower, "How'd it go?"

"Oh, it was easy, Mr. Blond," Izzy said. "I found the group that Chris sent after Heather and recovered my orb. I don't think anyone noticed me, either. Well, except that one guy..."

"And an entire town?" 'Mr. Blond' questioned. Izzy blinked, fighting her twisted tangle of memories and delusions to recall what he may be talking about. Owen saved her the effort. "Yeah, um...Izzy? Next time you're sent on a stealth mission, don't run through Bamfield and scream, "I have ze crystal ball'."

"Oh yeah, that!" Izzy guffawed. "Yeah, these guys were trying to jive me with this cosmic debris, and so I stole it! And then-"

"It was a stealth mission. You weren't supposed to be noticed...", Mr. Blond tried to say, but gave up as Izzy maintained her somewhat psychotic grin. "Never mind."

"Okay then!" Izzy exclaimed, curling an arm around Owen's very wide shoulders. "So, anything new here?"

"Well, yeah," Owen answered. "Chris kinda found out we were here, and he has ships looking for us. Battleships."

"Does this river connect to the Black?"

"Um...no. Sorry."

"Well then!" Izzy shouted, pointing dramatically at the four-foot ridge near the river. "We are making our own path to the Black River! Chris will never get me alive!"

She kicked Mr. Blond, prompting him to steer the raft towards the river edge. Shaking as they neared, he said, "I think it would be much better if we portaged across Tofino..."

"No!" Izzy screeched. "Owen! Blow up the cliff!"

Owen slouched behind the raft's tiny cannon and loaded up a shot. "By Henry Hudson, we're gonna die!"

* * *

"How is this possible..."

Bridgette gaped at the black expanse of water before her, the sound of rushing water nearly completely drowning out her musings. The Black River appeared exactly as advertised. It stretched so far that she could hardly see the other shore and appeared darker than night. An uncountable number of boats littered the river. All around her, her comrades joined her in open-mouthed amazement. Except for Ezekiel. "Oh wow, eh. It's even bigger than I imagined."

"That's...that's..._how the hell do we cross that thing_?" Courtney roared, turning to Ezekiel. "You had better know..."

"I...um...erp," Ezekiel stuttered as the CIT grabbed his collar. Geoff placed a hand on their shoulders. "Come on, Courtney. The dude knows where we're going. And besides, he gave us this awesome spring water!"

On cue, he pulled a canteen out of a pouch on his hip and started taking a long swig. Courtney snarled and snatched the bottle away from him. "Goddamn it, Geoff! You were given two canteens to last three days, and you've already drunk both! Learn conservation!"

She pocketed the canteen and returned to glaring at Ezekiel, leaving Geoff stunned. Bridgette embraced him from behind and said, "Ignore her, Geoff."

"She's a bitch," Tyler stated bluntly, making sure said female dog couldn't hear him. When Bridgette shot him a dark look, he justified himself with a shrug. "It's true."

Shivering under Courtney's scrutiny, Ezekiel said, "Well...there are ferries across the river, eh. We could take one."

Courtney held the glare for another moment before turning back to her glorious leader. "Well, Geoff? Should we?"

"If it's the only way, then sure" Bridgette answered for her boyfriend, who nodded in agreement. Courtney turned to the river said, "All right then. But Ezekiel, you're paying."

"Um...I don't have any...nevermind, eh...huh?" Courtney was staring very intently at the top of the tunnel they had just passed through. She raised her hands to her mouth and hollered, "I know you're there, Duncan! Come out!"

The others glanced up at where she was glaring. After a few moments, an familiar teenager with a green mohawk emerged from behind a rocky outcrop overlooking the group. Holding his left hand behind his back, he smirked and asked, "How'd you know I was here, darling?"

"Your clumsy foot knocked some gravel into the swamp," Courtney shouted back, looking at the black thing covering his eye. "And why are you wearing an eye patch? Are trying to be some kind of tough guy pirate with a mohawk?"

"Hey, princess, I'll have you know that this is from a real injury," Duncan retorted, pulling on the patch, but not enough to actually show anything. He leapt down into the mire and found his ankles submerged in mud. "Man, I hate this stupid province...and no, I'm not just a pirate with a mohawk. I'm a pirate with a mohawk and a HOOK!"

He unveiled his other hand, revealing a sharp steel hook affixed to his wrist. Courtney, Geoff and Bridgette were entirely unimpressed by the weapon, but Ezekiel yelped and hid behind the surfer. Duncan's mocking laughter followed. "Oh man, I can't believe that still works. I mean, did you see his face? And seriously dude. Hiding behind a peaceful surfer isn't gonna help you."

Courtney groaned while a shaky Ezekiel emerged from behind Bridgette. "Urgh, that is so old, you ogre! Why don't you come up with other ways to scare people."

"Didn't know you wanted me to."

"Urg!" Courtney marched up to Duncan, hissing like an angry viper. "How can anyone stand you?"

"Aren't they going out?" Ezekiel whispered in Bridgette's ear. She whispered back, "Don't ask. I don't get it either."

"I don't know, princess," Duncan said, killing the brief conversation. He wiggled his unibrow and leaned in, smug smirk on his lips. "But you somehow manage it."

"Whatever, troll," Courtney snapped. "But seriously. You've been scaring people with that fake hook for how long now?"

"It isn't fake," Duncan growled, dropping his teasing tone. Courtney rolled her eyes and reached up to the eye patch. "Sure, Duncan. Whatever you EUAGH!"

Courtney fell back after pulling up the patch, landing in the inches-deep murk, panting. "Duncan! What happened to you?"

The delinquent sighed and looked away. "I lost a fight, okay? It's not a big deal."

"Not a big deal?" Tyler asked. "Dude, let us see."

"Whatever." Duncan faced the group and slowly pulled up the eye patch, revealing a blinding gash cutting straight across his eye. Various shrieks of surprise and sympathy followed, although nothing topped Bridgette's reaction of collapsing onto her knees and vomiting. Right into the muddy soup they were standing in. Tyler cried, "Oh, that's just great! We're already standing in crap, you don't have to make it worse."

"S-sorry," Bridgette whimpered, shaking from revulsion. Geoff gently lifted her out of the mire and kissed her on the cheek. Duncan said, "Ugh. Well, there's some dry ground not to far from here. Follow me."

He led them to a small hill several meters away that wasn't entirely submerged, Geoff carrying Bridgette the entire way. Once they were on relatively dry ground, Ezekiel asked, "So...how is having an eye missing not a big deal, eh?"

Duncan grinned. "Because it makes you cool. If you want to have friends, you should totally carve your eye out."

"Don't listen to him, Zeke," Bridgette instructed, glaring at the punk. Said punk gave her a mocking imitation of her own face before Courtney asked, "So, why were you hiding from us? And don't say it's because of your new fashion; we already knew how ugly you are, and that hook is almost an improvement."

"Hey, I don't about you, but I think you could use one of these, sweetheart," Duncan quipped, indicating his eye patch. Courtney's following expressions of anger greatly amused him, but he remembered he had a purpose here. Time was short. "Honestly, I need to get going. I was hiding so you wouldn't see me. But before I go, can I see that sword?"

Geoff shrugged. "Sure, dude."

"I don't know about this, Geoff..." Bridgette whimpered, distrust in her eyes as she watched him pass the Enceladus to Duncan. As he observed the sword, he asked, "Why are you being so paranoid? And the heck is this, a giant glow stick? Ah well, it'll have to do. So princess. A kiss for your handsome prince before he departs?"

"'Handsome' and 'prince' should never be used to describe _you_," Courtney retorted, although she found herself leaning forward. Before their lips met, Duncan glared at the onlookers. "Hey, do you mind? We're having a moment here."

"Oh come on! Zeke needs to learn about this stuff," Tyler cried. Ezekiel was suddenly quite red. "I...do, eh?"

"Yeah, you do. _Later_. Now turn around." Duncan commanded. Everyone did so. Everyone except Bridgette, that is. "No. I don't trust you with that weapon, Duncan."

Courtney rolled her eyes and said, "Just do it, Bridgette. I'm here, he won't do anything."

Sighing, Bridgette finally complied, clutching her fist so tightly her nails drew blood. The pair leaned and very briefly touched lips. And then Duncan pulled back and whispered, "Sorry, Courtney. But I gotta do this..."

"Wha..." Courtney gasped as Duncan kicked her legs out from under her and took off, laughing like a madman. The other four turned around to see him make off with Enceladus as Courtney rose to her knees and shouted, "Duncan! You thieving _cretin_! Get back here!"

"Fat chance, princess! That was for ditching me during the hunt for the case! Later, losers!"

"After him!" Tyler shouted, charging after him. He tripped and fell as soon as he hit the water. Geoff and Ezekiel helped Courtney back to her feet while Bridgette asked, "Ezekiel, can you hit him with a spell?"

"Yeah, I can zap him as soon as Tyler's out of the water, eh."

"No!" Courtney screamed. "Don't you _dare _fry him, Ezekiel."

"Uh, he just knocked you to the ground and ran off with Enceladus," Geoff reminded her. "I think we need to do something."

"He's our enemy, eh," Ezekiel agreed, taking hold of one of his books. Courtney snarled. "I don't care! Duncan wouldn't do this without a reason!"

"You're deluding yourself," Tyler informed her. "He just said that was revenge for ditching him."

"Whatever," she huffed. "Just...pursue him for now. We need to follow him, and we need to get Enceladus back"

"And you need to make out with him some more," Tyler added with a trace of sarcasm. Courtney started running after her boyfriend, planting a sharp kick in the jock's side as she passed. "Shut _up_, Tyler!"

The other four followed them, stumbling through the thick swamp of Tofino.

* * *

"We made it! We have braved the wilds and the elements! We have endured the worst hardships and made the most noble sacrifices. But, at long last, we have reached...the Black River!"

"Izzy, we just walked through one of the least rugged parts of Tofino for an hour," Mr. Blond snapped, glaring at the insane girl. "All of our injuries came from you trying to go through the earth and crashing our raft!"

"We are mighty!" Owen joined Izzy in hyperbolic exultation. "We have conquered the harshness of Tofino! But the dangerous part has just begun! Izzy will protect Owen, right?"

"Izzy will protect Owen," Izzy confirmed. The former intern sighed and muttered, "Why do I even bother..."

"Hey, guys, let's go! The journey's not over with yet!" Izzy raced down to the shore of the Black River, Owen thundering along behind. Mr. Blond trudged along, cursing Heather for putting him with two psychos. Down at the river's edge, several ferries waited for passengers. Izzy jumped onto one, startling the pilot, and began yammering. "Hey, how much will it cost to take us all the way to Tuktoyuktuk? Can we get a discount because we're a cackling hen's henchmen? Will there be a movie? Or snacks? Because Owen's gonna need food, we haven't eaten in over three hours. Poor guy must be starving. And-"

"Ma'am?" Once the short man was sure that the psychopath was done, he tilted his cap and said, "This ferry only goes as far north as Faro, it costs 100 gold per hour for each passenger, you cannot get a discount, I don't know what you mean by a movie, and we don't have snacks. It will take about six hours to get there, so if the three of you are going to Faro, it'll be about 1800 gold. You will have to pay every hour to continue, by the way."

"Oh, you don't know what movies are? They're so awesome! Well, some of them are, chick flicks suck. But horror movies are-"

"Izzy? Shut up," Mr. Blond commanded. The redhead silenced herself, and the intern jumped onto the ship and glared at the pilot. "Alright, we are the servants of the great queen Heather. Either you take us to Tuktowhatever or I give Izzy some time alone with you. Trust me, it's not pleasant. Deal?"

The riverboat pilot's face was very pale at the thought of being alone with the psycho, currently babbling about being put to sleep by horror movie soundtracks. He had no idea what any of that meant, though. "Um...okay. Tuktoyuktuk it is."

The boat started with a sudden lurch, and Owen farted. The pilot vowed to call the Wustan police as soon as they docked and moaned about this being a miserable trip. Then the fumes reached him, and he passed out, leaving the ferry in the hands of a madwoman.

* * *

Courtney growled as she watched Duncan make a spectacular leap to a ferry. Wielding the legendary blade somewhat clumsily, the thief made short work of the pilot and successfully commandeered the vessel. Courtney shouted, "Damn it, he's getting away! If you weren't so damn slow, Tyler-"

"Stop taking everything out on him and Zeke," Bridgette chastised. "Listen, we need to get on a ferry and follow him. Zeke, how much does it cost to ride a ferry?"

"Um..." Ezekiel scratched his head. "A lot, eh. I don't think we can afford anything more than a trip to the other side of the river."

"Great," Courtney moaned. "How the heck are we supposed to catch him? Can we follow along the river?"

"Nah, too rough, eh," Ezekiel replied, pointing at the northern shoreline. The earth was just as disfigured at the river as it was in the open land. Geoff asked, "Hey, didn't you say you have a lightning spell?"

"Yeah, but if I miss, I'll fry everything in the river, eh."

"Well, we're screwed," Tyler decided, starting to sit down before remembering that the ground was covered in three inches of excess river water. "Unless we can hijack a ferry, there's no way we can catch him."

"Hijack...good idea, Tyler! Let's go!" Courtney crowed, fighting her way through the water again. The others followed at a slightly slower clip, looking at each other. Geoff exclaimed, "Oh man, Courtney...you can't be serious..."

"Damn right I'm serious!" Bridgette scowled at her proclamation. "But Geoff's the Chosen One! He's supposed to be a hero, not a criminal!"

"He's not much of a 'chosen one' without Enceladus! Hey you, stop!" Courtney yelled at one of the pilots. The bear of a man shook from the his hairy chin to his mammoth feet at the demonic command. He slowly turned to face a girl barely standing half his height but wearing a glare that would terrify Satan. "Y-yes, ma'am?"

"Follow that guy with the glowing sword or my mage will fry your brains!"

"I will?" Ezekiel asked, stopping next to the boat. Tyler clambered on while Courtney replied, "Yes, you will. Now get on!"

Once they had begrudgingly boarded, all holding reservations about this course of action, the pilot asked, "I get paid, _da_?"

"No," Courtney snapped. "Now get moving."

The small boat began fighting its way up the river, following the dim light of Enceladus.

* * *

**Don't worry, next chapter should be up quite soon. I have it all mapped out, and I don't have any stupid papers in my way right now.**


	8. Act 4: Rime Of The One Eyed Thief

**A/N: Okay, apparently "shortly" translates into "two months". There are several very good excuses, but I'll just blame a screwy laptop, college, and video games.**

**This is rated T. Keep that in mind.**

**I do not, nor will I ever, own Total Drama anything. **

* * *

Rime Of The One-Eyed Thief

Lightning flashed, thunder roared, rain pounded and a tiny boat smashed against the rocky river edge. Normally, this would be a fairly concerning event; after all, having stone daggers carve deep gashes in your ship's hull never leads to anytfhing remotely positive. However, one would not be able to tell that from the laughter flowing from the captain's mouth. The red-haired psychopath jerked the wheel to the left, shearing the side of the boat away from the rocks at the cost of the entire side. Water crept onto the boat, silent and erratic as a sidewinder. Two of the three unfortunate victims clambered atop the ship's railing, watching the dark liquid rise. Owen chuckled loudly and said, "What's the matter, guys? It's just water."

"No, it's not just water, you twit!" Mr. Blond barked. The former captain nodded. "One of the rivers that flows into the Black passes through the rain forest in Wüste and picks up diseases and parasites there. Don't even touch it."

Owen swallowed and tried to climb up, only for the rail to snap, dumping him and the other two men mere inches from the pestilent water. Their screams as they attempted mount themselves atop the ship's edge were music to Izzy's ears. Her laughter clashed with their cacophony, even as the weight of the water began to pull the ferry beneath the Black. Shuddering at the rising water, Mr. Blond said, "Never mind, drink all you want. We're gonna die anyways."

Within a minute, only flotsam remained.

* * *

"What do you mean, you lost him?"

Geoff shot up, his blissful sleep destroyed by Courtney's yelling. The poor man tasked with following Duncan was pressed up against a wall, as far away from the raging girl as he could get. "I-I'm sorry. He just disappeared. He may have jumped into the river."

"Well, that's just _great_. Now what do we do?"

"I hate her sometimes," Tyler groaned. Ezekiel yawned and nodded, although Bridgette scowled at them. Geoff wrapped an arm around her shoulders and braced himself for the inevitable Courtney eruption. The captain kept his voice as steady as he could as he said, "We are approaching the final stop, the town of Faro. You ask around, _da_?"

"I guess," she sighed. Once the captain had gone back to piloting the riverboat, she turned to the others and sneered, "Good to see you people are awake."

"We've been traveling since eight," Bridgette justified, drawing as close to Geoff as physically possible. "And you took a nap earlier, too."

"Hmph."

With nothing left for the snarling CIT to gripe about, the voyage was completed in silence, save for the rain splashing down upon the wooden deck. Several lights blazed in the town of Faro, accompanied people Courtney assumed were the villagers. As the small crew disembarked, the pilot called, "I don't get paid, _da_?"

"Nah, we'll pay you later, dude. Thanks for everything," Geoff called back with a wave of his hat. Courtney glared at him, an act rendered virtually meaningless by its frequency, and whispered, "The hell we are."

Her glared intensified as Tyler whispered something to Ezekiel. She stormed ahead to reach them, but came to a halt at the sight of four men at the village entrance, each as tall as DJ. In the firelight, she caught sight of the oversized muscles stretching their shirts. One of them, a bit taller than the rest, stepped forward and boomed, "You have disturbed the village. Please leave."

"Um, what?" Tyler asked. "This is our first time here, man!"

The man pointed at Bridgette. "Her screaming woke us up."

"Um, actually...it was her, eh," Ezekiel corrected, indicating the girl in front of him. Courtney turned and kicked him in the shin, growling, "Shut _up_, you prairie rat."

"Um...can't you just go back to sleep? It's only, like, ten." Geoff asked, daring to look into the mammoth's eyes. The giant shook his head. "Faro is a fishing town. It is has been our way of life for generations. However, since the Black River is a major trade route, we can only fish in the early morning. Once the boats start coming, the fish are scared away. We must sleep early to fish early. By waking us up now, you may have cost us food tomorrow. Be gone."

"So...where are supposed to go?"

The men turned back towards the village. On of the other men said, "We don't know. Just leave."

"Oh, come on!" Geoff cried, racing up to the men. He grabbed the leader's shoulder and shouted into his ear, "Just let us pass through, dudes! I promise we'll-"

A backhanded slap from the leader silenced him, throwing him several feet behind his comrades. Bridgette started running to her boyfriend's side, preparing to cast a spell should he be injured. The crunch of a massive foot stepping on gravel froze her, and she turned back to the fishermen. The four were approaching, anger showing in their eyes, their breathing, even their very muscles. She cried, "Can't we just talk this..."

"Ha!" Tyler interrupted, striking a fighting stance. "We could _so_ take you guys! I mean, seriously. You guys catch fish, we fight killer zombie beavers! You're nothing...before...us...mommy..."

The leader towered over him for a second before dispatching him with as much ease as stomping an ant. The jock crashed down next to Geoff, moaning about cracked ribs. Courtney rolled her eyes. "Good job, Tyler. Thanks for pissing them off further."

"Um...you're the reason we're in this situation," Ezekiel reminded her, pulling out one of his books. Courtney shrieked and ducked down as the man drew back a paw to swat her away. Quickly deciding that it would be in his best interest to save her, Ezekiel pointed at the space between the hand and the girl and murmured, "_Stoppenfenster_."

A light flashed in the area he had pointed at and a clear wall of magic appeared, reflecting the fisherman's attack. The force launched the man backwards, right into one of his fellow villagers. The other two fishermen began to advance as Ezekiel chuckled to himself. "Oh wow. That guy must have put a lot into that attack, eh."

He held up his book, matching the fishermen's cold glares, and the two men slowed down. Behind him, Bridgette healed the fractured bones of Geoff and Tyler. The two rose and stood beside the prairie boy while the fishermen regrouped and marched as one, staring the motley crew down. People from the torch-lit village were starting to gather, sensing the coming brawl. Men, not quite the size of the first four but still of considerable mass, lined up, ready to try their hand at defeating the mage. The lead fisherman took a step. Ezekiel rose a finger and whispered, "_Moddergat_..."

The spell never came, nor did any sort of bull-rush from the giant. The sound of jangling metal pierced the night, waking any villagers that had remained asleep. A tall man, dressed in steel armor and a knight's helm, clanked onto the scene and grabbed the lead fisher's shoulder. He whispered something, and the fisherman nodded. He boomed, "The palace of Yellowknife has decreed that you may pass. However, please pass through as fast as you can."

Without another word, the villagers turned and headed back to their homes. The knight waited until they were out of earshot before exclaiming, "Hey, 'sup y'all!"

Geoff was the first to break out of his shock. "...DJ?"

The knight chuckled and raised his visor, and DJ's face beamed down at the party.

* * *

A mohawk rose from the dark depths of the Black and a spluttering, pierced head followed. Duncan treaded water and watched his pursuers follow a Wustan knight through the shanty village. He cackled and continued his swim against the river current. He inhaled sharply as something pierced his leg. Snarling, he stopped, allowing the current to erase his progress, and pulled out the offending point. He glared at Enceladus and growled, "Geez, what is with this thing? Every time I do anything, it stabs me or gets stuck in something...are you out to get me or something? ...Why am I talking to a sword? And why the..."

From the shore, an extraordinarily familiar voice screeched, "There he is! _Get him_!"

"...Fucking _hell _do I have this oversized glow stick out?" Duncan yelped before diving back under the water, hiding the shine of the legendary beneath the black veil. He swam for an untold, uncounted length of time, only daring to pop his head above the water to take a breath. By the time his sword finally brought a halt to his mad escape, Faro was miles away. He untangled the seaweed enveloping Enceladus and rested, watching the stars flow overhead.

* * *

Tyler barely caught a glimpse of Enceladus before the purple thing was submerged once again, but it was more than enough for him. He raced towards through the dark unknown, no consideration for what may lay between him and the criminal in his mind, and shouted, "I got him!"

A strong hand gripped the back of his shirt and actually managed to halt the sprinting athlete. DJ, not even panting despite having ran down someone whilst wearing heavy armor, said, "Don't even think about it, man. That river's deadly! And why are you chasing down Duncan anyways?"

"Because," Bridgette answered, striding up next to him, "he stole Geoff's sword, and since Geoff's the Chosen One..."

"Man, for real?" DJ shook his head. "Brother's crazy, but Duncan wouldn't do that for nothing."

"That's exactly what I said," Courtney proclaimed, wearing a smug smirk. Ezekiel blinked and asked, "You did? Was that after you said that Duncan is a..."

**Whatever Courtney said about Duncan was so angry, violent and profane that Chris, expressing regret that the lost description would be awesome for ratings, has ordered it be censored. Just know that it was hardly the nicest thing one could say about another. **

**And if Ezekiel knew what some of the stuff meant, he would be scarred for life.**

By the time Ezekiel had finished his recitation, even passing squirrels had their jaws resting on the ground. Bridgette was the first to respond. "Oh...wow..."

"That's just cold, sister."

"Just her way of saying she likes him, dudes."

"_Squeak_!"

"I did NOT need to know that about Duncan..."

"_You were asleep_!" Courtney stormed, fingers twitching as though she wanted to strangle the boy. "You shouldn't...how did...what the-"

"I'm sorry, eh!" Ezekiel cried backing away from the spazzing CIT. "I was trying to fall asleep, and you just wouldn't be quiet..."

"Just shut up!" She spat, restraining herself from decking him. "You did _not_ need to tell everyone!"

"...sorry..." He whimpered before feeling a hand on his shoulder. Geoff grinned at both him and the seething girl and said, "Chill, guys. If we fight now, we'll just be letting Duncan get away. And she said it before we got on "

The two nodded and Geoff, satisfied, walked up to the edge of the river. As he studied it, Ezekiel chuckled to himself. "He sure knows the right thing to say, eh."

Courtney returned the smile. "Yeah...except when talking to girls."

"Hey, Bridge?" Geoff called out. "Do you think you could swim after him? Can't be that bad. I mean, it's not even that fast here..."

"No," Bridgette shot. "DJ, Zeke...doesn't part of the Black go through a jungle?"

"Yeah," DJ answered, visor clanking from his nodding. Ezekiel, remembering his brief studies of the Black River, explained, "One of the rivers that flows into it does, but all kinds of bad stuff makes it all the way to the headwaters, eh. Parasites, sicknesses..."

"And...Duncan...swam in it...", Courtney realized, growing paler as DJ's words sunk in. She turned and snatched Geoff's shoulders. "We have to do something! Is there any way to follow him upstream?"  
"Only by land," DJ replied, indicating the rest of Faro and the hills that lay beyond it. "You'd be _nuts_ to try to travel the rest of the river by boat. I could try to tell the Wustan knights at the palace about Duncan-"

"Wait, wait, wait," Bridgette cut in. "We're in _Wüste_?"

"Why else would I be here?" DJ inquired, beaming. "I'm the head of the Wustan sixteenth division! We're only about a half hour away from Yellowknife!"

"Yellow...knife? Sounds cool," Geoff asserted. Courtney snorted and growled, "That's not a very creative name for a weapon..."

"It ain't a weapon, it's a place," DJ exclaimed, pointing into the night. "If it were day, you'd be able to see the palace right now."  
"Not important right now," Tyler yawned. "Where does the river end?"

"Near Tukto...Toytuk...Tiktok..." DJ sighed and tried to untangle his tongue. "Tukto-something. Some port town. I'd take you there myself, but I need to report back to Yellowknife. Bunny will _BUNNY_!"

The knight's sudden yelp elicited a jump from the five travelers. Panting and sweating, DJ pulled a plate away from his thigh armor, revealing a metallic pocket. He scooped up a small, gray thing hacking up a windstorm. He cuddled the oxygen-deprived critter up to his iron-plated chest and whimpered, "Oh, Bunny! I'm sorry, I'll never do that again! I'll never even put you in my pocket again, I swear! What can I-"

"Why's Bunny with you?" Geoff interrupted, giving the furry creature a jovial wave. DJ produced a smaller suit of armor from the makeshift pocket and said, "The sixteenth division is made of animal knights! Bunny and I work together! Isn't that right, Bunny?"

"Stop talking to your pet rabbit," Courtney growled, tapping her foot, "and tell us what its going to do for us!"

"Show some sensitivity, eh," Ezekiel murmured, just loud enough for the tan-skinned girl to hear. The waterfall from DJ's eyes stopped flowing and he perked up almost instantly. "Oh yeah, Bunny will lead you Tuk...that place. It's quicker than swimming, so you should get there before Duncan."

"And we're sure Duncan isn't going to drown, right?" Bridgette asked. She wasn't exactly comforted when DJ shrugged. "Beats me, Bridge. The only reason ferries can't get through is because it gets real narrow just a few miles upstream. But we don't know what Duncan may have caught, swimming in that river..."

"Okay, okay, _enough_!" Courtney shrieked, shaking. Tired and angry as she was, the last thing she needed was people talking about her boyfriend's death prospects. "Just tell the hare where to go, and tell it to hurry. We need to cut off Duncan!"

"Right," DJ agreed with a noisy nod. He brought Bunny up to eye level and cooed, "Hey, Bunny, could you pwease show these guys the shortcut to the port? Good bunny!"

"Just get Bunny going," Courtney moaned, cringing. _And _never_ talk like that again_, she added mentally. DJ shrugged and placed Bunny on the ground. The small, lovable furry thing immediately darted off at top speed, leaving the travelers behind in the dark. As Courtney shrieked at DJ and DJ called after Bunny, Ezekiel calmly pulled a dry stick from his pack and muttered something underneath his breath. The wood ignited, illuminating everything in a fairly large radius, including the rabbit. Ezekiel took off after it, calling back, "Let's go, eh!"

* * *

"Ugh…finally."

Duncan ran a hand through his ruined mohawk as he looked down upon the lightly glowing port town. Tuktoyuktuk was pretty much as he had expected: small and shoddy, with more boats than houses. Hell, by the mass of ships, it would seem that many citizens actually lived on the sea rather than on solid ground. His stomach churned just from the thought…well, maybe swimming against the current for hours on end had something to do with the ache, as well. He _had _been feeling sick for over an hour now. Time to fix that.

He clambered down the hillside and snuck up to the nearest house, a two-story wooden building. _Piece of crap_. Moving as fast as he dared, which was about the same rate as the flow of molasses in January, he dug his hook underneath a window and tried to pull it up. Nothing. _Damn unmovable windows. Oh well, next plan. _Removing the curved point from the wood, he kicked the window in, showering the room with glass. Instantly, a light shined down from the second floor. Duncan smirked and whispered, "Perfect."

He slunk back around the corner, listening to the panicked thumps echoing from his target home. He held his breath once the footsteps stopped, knowing that the inhabitant had reached the window. Now he just had to wait for the villager to leave for whatever passed as a police force and he could quickly enter and take what he needed. By the looks of the house, he could be in and out in thirty seconds… "Hey! I see you there!"

Duncan's pierced unibrow nearly merged with his hair. _What the hell gave me…away…_ He snarled at Enceladus. _Why the hell do you keep screwing me up? Well, no sense keeping you if you don't do anything._ "Yeah, well, I see you too!"

He jumped out from behind the corner and gave a war cry, waving Enceladus around menacingly. He barely took in a few features of his target—male, middle-aged, black hair, wielding a sword—before bringing Enceladus around for a blow to the man's chin. He was sent sprawling backwards and landed awkwardly on his kitchen table. Panting, Duncan glared once more at the legendary blade. "_Why_ do you always…forget that, you do _I _keep talking to you?"

Putting his misfortunes with the sword aside, he hurdled the windowsill and examined his victim. After confirming that he was still alive, Duncan began poking around the cabinets. Bread, plenty of canteens filled with water, meat…and some weird red liquid. Duncan shrugged and took it. Maybe he would meet someone who knew what the hell that crap is. After putting the goods into a bag, conveniently found next to on of the cabinets, he stooped down to inspect his victim's sword.

"Piece of junk," he decided. "Well, guess I'd bet-"

The door flew open and a soldier stood in its place. Pointing his spear at Duncan, the man boomed, "You are under arrest, thief."

Duncan stared back and gripped Enceladus tighter. "Like hell I am!"

* * *

Next time she had to get somewhere in a hurry, she wasn't going to risk a shortcut, Courtney decided. The "quick" path to Tuktoyuktuk was a crack bored through a mountain that, at times, was so narrow even she had trouble slipping through. The daggers of stone and spiny plants that inhabited the crevice slashed at her and her allies, ripping apart their clothes and slowing them down further. Only Geoff's breastplate was left unharmed by the treacherous path, sans a few minor scratches. His hat was safely stored behind the armor, and he was personally trying to ensure his girlfriend's safety by keeping his arms wrapped around her. Not that it did much good; her sky blue hoodie was just torn as Ezekiel's jacket, Tyler's shirt and her own blouse.

To make matters worse, Ezekiel had to keep his torch lit to follow Bunny, who had a tendency to get far ahead of the others. The last thing they wanted to do was go down the wrong split in the rock, which was more than possible, but the torch had a bad tendency to burn the dry plants. And thus start fires and generally cause a major, painful annoyance. Courtney sighed as she nearly tripped over a particularly spiky plant. "If we live through this, I'm so gonna kill DJ."

"You know," Tyler huffed as he slid between the narrow walls, "That really doesn't sound like too bad of an idea right now."

"Relax, eh," Ezekiel called back. "We're almost out. I can see the port."

He kicked his foot out of a particularly nasty plant, shredding his skin, and pointed forward. Courtney squinted, trying to see what the home-schooled boy was referring to. In the distance, against the pitch black backdrop of night, a dull orange glow rose from beyond a hill. The scent of sea water confirmed that they were nearly through. Nearly bursting with joy for the first time since she'd joined, she punched the air and shouted, "Woo! Let's get outta here and find that criminal!"

Her shout startled Ezekiel and he instinctively turned to her. As the torchlight fell on her he noticed something about her blouse. "Er...um…y-your…shirt…"

"What about my…" Courtney trailed off as she looked down. The tunnel had taken it's toll on her; enough of her clothing had been slashed away by the numerous sharp objects that a fair bit of her chest was revealed. Ezekiel's eyes widened as her face morphed into something entirely demonic. He shook as she hissed incoherently under her breath. He turned and ran as she opened her mouth to screech, "_YOU GODDAMN PERVERT_!"

"Sorry, eh!" Ezekiel managed to shout as he fled from her oncoming wrath and debated the merits of dropping his torch to block her pursuit. Luckily for Courtney, he did not, and she was able to race after him without fiery barriers blocking her way. Tyler snarled and looked back at Geoff. "_Why _is she with us again?"

"She's my friend and she can help keep _some _people," Bridgette answered, pausing to giving Geoff a light nudge, "in check."

"Oh come on," the party boy protested. "I wasn't being serious 'bout buying a new sword."

Bridgette smirked and caressed his cheek. "Even if it was really shiny? And named after me?"

Geoff appeared to consider that prospect, and Tyler decided he didn't want to know what had led to that idea. The way the two were going, he wouldn't be surprised if they started one of their near-famous make-out sessions. "Um, guys? Courtney and Zeke are getting way ahead! We need to catch up and then kick Duncan's thieving ass! Though I wonder what set Courtney off…"

* * *

Some five minutes later, he knew. Only about a minute away from Tuktoyuktuk, Geoff was on the ground, laughing harder than he ever had before. Next to him, Bridgette was struggling not to do the same, despite her boyfriend unceremoniously dropping her there. Tyler, chuckling, had an arm around the country boy's shoulders. Ezekiel was confused and terrified, as expected, and Courtney was absolutely seething with one arm covering her chest. Luckily for them, Tuktoyuktuk, and pretty much everything else in the general vicinity, her anger was so great that she couldn't even begin to form words. Finally, Tyler stopped giggling long enough to say, "So…how'd you like second base?"

"Second base?" Ezekiel asked, his mouth the only part of him not petrified by the CIT's deadly glare. "What does baseball have to do with anything, eh?"

Geoff and Bridgette laughed harder (a miraculous feat on Geoff's part), Tyler joined them again and Courtney's glare melted away. In its place was a look that asked if Ezekiel could possibly be that ignorant. The poor boy nervously pulled at his collar and asked, "What?"

Tyler leaned over and whispered something to him in between laughs. Ezekiel's eyes widened further and he muttered, "Okay…I don't think I want to answer your question."

"Alright, guys," Bridgette said, fighting down her laughter, "We need to get going. Duncan might already be gone."

That silenced both Geoff and Tyler and finally made Courtney look away from Ezekiel. The CIT, still careful not to let anyone see her chest, nodded and commanded, "Right. The port town is right up ahead. Watch for any sign of Duncan."

"I think I see one," Geoff chirped, pointing at the town. A bright purple light emerged from one of the houses and began heading their direction. As two silhouettes cut him off, Courtney wordlessly bolted towards the town. The others followed suit. As they neared the outermost shacks, Duncan battled the two men blocking his path. One of the soldiers fell to the ground and Duncan tried to finish him off. Unfortunately, Enceladus seemed to get caught one something—perhaps a tree branch—and the criminal was forced into retreat. Tyler smirked and said, "Hey, this kinda reminds me of Star Wars."

"…_How _do you get Star Wars from this?" Courtney questioned with a disapproving sniff. Although her tone made it clear she didn't want an answer, Geoff was happy to give her one anyway. "Well, Enceladus kinda looks like a lightsaber at night."

"Yeah, it does," Ezekiel agreed. "It's like a Jedi fighting some storm troopers, eh. With…swords. That aren't lightsabers."

Courtney had come to a halt to throw disbelieving glares at her comrades. "Okay, seriously guys. I don't care what this looks like. We need to help Duncan!"

"Why?" Tyler asked with a shrug. "The guy took Enceladus. I don't see any reason to help him."

"Yeah, I know," Geoff agreed. He winced as Duncan took a kick straight to the chin. "Ooh, but that one _had _to hurt! Maybe he does need help."

"Eh, maybe. I…holy crap, did you _see_ that counterattack?" Tyler boomed, grinning from ear to ear. Duncan had used his weapon as a pole vault and ripped into one of his assailants with his hook. The man collapsed to the ground, but another soldier was right there to take his place. "Oh, but he's surrounded on four sides! Can our champion fight his way out of this?"

"_Champion_?!" Courtney shrieked, throwing her arms up. "This isn't some stupid wrestling crap, Tyler! This is Duncan's _life _we're talking about!"

"Oh wow, what a move by Duncan! No wonder he's been the champion for three straight years!" Geoff boomed, grinning at Tyler. Courtney looked back at her boyfriend's brawl and asked, "What? What did he do?"

"Spun around and knocked them all away," Ezekiel answered. "Don't know what Geoff and Tyler mean by 'champion', though."

"They're just…I don't know, having fun?" Bridgette answered. "Calm down, Courtney. Duncan has Enceladus. He can do this."

"I suppose you're right," Courtney said with a sigh. She sat down in between the surfer and Ezekiel and continued, "I mean, this _is_…WOO! Go Duncan!"

"And Duncan defeats another one by pounding him into the ground with Enceladus, like Chef did to Tyler," Geoff announced. Tyler threw him a quick glare and boomed, "ooh, but it looks like Enceladus got caught on something while he tried to roll away! _This could be the end_!"

One of the soldiers tried to bring a club down on the delinquent's head, but was blocked by his hand. Duncan took the opportunity to do some clubbing of his own. Once the soldier was downed, Duncan turned his attention to the three rushing him from behind. Tyler crowed, "And what a block with his hook! That's at least seven that he's downed already. At this rate, he may just set the record!"

"Go Duncan, go!" Courtney cried, punching at the air. She quickly remembered why her arm was where it had been and covered her chest once more with another glare at Ezekiel. Not that is was necessary; the boy was transfixed by the brouhaha raging before his eyes.

* * *

Duncan glared back at the town, annoyed. The idiots had followed him all the way to Tuktoyuktuk, and now they seemed hell bent on distracting him. Not to mention it was insanely hard to fight with one working eye. Oh, and Enceladus kept screwing him up by catching on to stuff. Had he not had bad experiences with the sword prior to the battle, he would have simply chalked up his misfortunes as simple bad luck. And the fact he currently had no depth perception. But considering the crap that seemed to happen every time he used Enceladus, he could think of no other possibility other then the sword had a life of its own and wanted him dead.

All mental gripes aside, he mowed down the next three soldiers with two slashes and latched on to another with his hook. He spun around and used his momentum to hurl the man into two other foes, removing them from the fray. And then he lost balance thanks to the overly weighted sword and fell onto his back. Cursing Enceladus to every hell he could think of—most notably Camp Wawanakwa—he managed to parry another soldier's strike. _Damn it, how many are there?_

Duncan kicked out the soldier's foot and stood back up. He heard a branch snap behind and he whirled around, blocking a club poised to shatter his skull. The man wielding the brutish weapon was far stronger, though, and Enceladus was pushed back into his own face. Snarling as the weapon smacked his nose, he ran his hook through the brute's arm, slicing through whatever tendons controlled his hand. The club fell to the ground, and Duncan finished the job with a quick kick to the groin. He turned around and saw five more men, ready to try their hands at defeating him. He snickered and said, "Let's go, bast-_urk_!"

Pain beyond pain streamed up his spine, filled his extremities, his muscles, his head. He lurched, dropped his weapon and collapsed onto all fours, shuddering and heaving. A second agonizing wave spread through his body, this one twisting his stomach. He heard faint voices around him, asking if he'd been in some river as he threw up violently. He felt pain spread once more and didn't feel anything after that.

* * *

"What the hell just happened?" Tyler shouted, joining the others as they stood up. Courtney began racing towards her fallen boyfriend, ignoring Geoff's last bit of commentary, some rather inappropriate comment about the fall of the champ. She didn't care about her comrades' thoughts on his sudden collapse, all she cared about his saving him from the bloodthirsty jackals preparing to carve him up. Except, she realized as she got closer, the villagers seemed to be helping him. Two of the still-standing soldiers began carrying him away. She tried to run after him, but a third soldier stepped in her way. "What do you want with the prisoner?"

_Prisoner? Dammit!_ "I'm his girlfriend, you idiot! I need to see him!"

"Sorry. He's caught a deadly parasite from the Black River and needs to be treated. He is then to spend his life in the dungeon for the deaths of our soldiers. You may visit him tomorrow, though." He looked down at her exposed chest and snarled, "And cover yourself better, harlot."

"_What the hell did you just call me_?" Courtney covered herself up with one hand and lunged with the other. Geoff, panting and complaining about headstrong people, grabbed her wrist before she could do anything stupid and chastised, "Wow, bad idea, Court! Don't wanna tick off the authorities."

Courtney growled at him but pulled her hand back. The soldier continued to glare her, hand resting on his sword. The others caught up and Bridgette said, "Sorry about my friend. She's a little short-tempered."

"A little?" Tyler asked incredulously. Geoff silenced him with a look and continued, "Yeah. And could you tell us where we could buy new clothes? Ours totally got shredded in that pass."

The soldier looked at each of the five in turn, deciding if he should arrest them or help them. Fatigue and earlier fear won out and he said, "There's a clothing store on the western side of town, but it doesn't open until morning. Our inns are completely filled up. If you're gonna sleep here, you're going to have to sleep outside."

"Cool," Geoff chirped with a shrug, earning him some not-too-happy looks from his comrades. "Just one more thing. Where's the prison?"

"The dungeon is in the center of town."

"Alright, thanks dude!" Wearing his usual grin, he picked up a giggling Bridgette and carried her behind a building, the others following. Ezekiel asked, "So, um…any have any blankets?"

"Naw, but I've got Bridge," Geoff replied as he set the surfer down. As they cuddled up to each other, Geoff said, "Zeke, you've got your jacket and your funny hat thing. Courtney and Tyler…"

"Don't. Even. Say it," Courtney spat as she headed for the other side of the house. Ezekiel smirked a little and called, "You sure you don't want to cuddle with Tyler, eh?"

"_I don't like him_!"

* * *

"You make a great boat, Owen!"

Several miles from Tuktoyuktuk, a certain overweight ball of joy and gas swam up the Black River despite carrying two passengers on his back. Mr. Blond rolled his eyes and scooted further away from his psychopathic commander. "I still don't see how he can carry us up the river. And I'm glad you covered his mouth with that frying pan, since he'd probably answer otherwise and it would probably be disgusting."

A pause. "_Why_ did you bring along a frying pan, anyways?"

"I dunno, just thought it'd be a good idea," Izzy replied with a shrug. After a few seconds of near silence, she said, "Hey, let's play a game! I spy something…stupid!"

"Owen. Your reflection. That lovable snake over there. Heather. Me."

"Yep!" She chirped, grinning like…herself. "Your turn!"

_I spy something I'm going to have executed in the near future_. "I'm not playing. I like my sanity."

"But sanity's so overrated!" Izzy admonished. She dipped her feet into the river and began splashing the nearby shore. "I mean, it's just not being able to think outside the box. Open the box, Mr. Blonde! You'll be able to see things the way I do!"

"No freaking thank you," the former intern growled. Daring to stand up on his rocking ride, he kicked Owen lightly and commanded, "Head for shore. We're walking the rest of the way."

"Aww," Izzy groaned, but made no attempt to override him. Once they had disembarked from Owen's back, they helped the big lug onto dry land. As soon as Izzy untied the rope holding the pan over his mouth, words began flowing. "Great Gordon Ramsay, I need FOOD! And water, even though I was just swimming in a river."

"A river with water that would kill you if you drank it," Mr. Blond reminded him. "Hence the frying pan over your mouth."

Izzy picked up the pan in question and defied physics to put it into a far-too-small bag while Owen continued. "Oh yeah, I forgot. And I'm tired. I think I'm just gonna lay down here and…"

He didn't even get to the laying down part before a razor-thin sword with putrid green edges appeared an inch away from his nose. Mr. Blond snarled and said, "No, you're gonna walk with us back to the ship and sleep there. Now _move_."

Owen nodded feebly and began walking after him. Izzy, meanwhile, was already far ahead of them, threatening to fade into the dark of night. Mr. Blond rolled his eyes and muttered, "And then we're making a leash for that ball of unending energy."

* * *

"Hey guys, wake up!"

Geoff moaned and forced his eyes open. He smiled at his awakener and said, "Mornin'. Courtney!"

He then kissed his girlfriend on the forehead and whispered, "Morning, Bridge."

After returning the kiss, Bridgette looked over at Courtney and said, "Hey, Courtney. Your new shirt looks good!"

"Thanks," Courtney replied. Her new shirt was a simple green tank top that matched her ragged pants. "I figured dressing a bit more casual for the journey couldn't hurt. And I recommend all of you buy new clothes before we leave; your clothes are all torn and filthy."

"Who cares, eh?" Ezekiel asked, stretching. "As long as they cover you, they work."

"You're never going to get a girlfriend with that outlook, Ezekiel," Courtney said bluntly, earning a light giggle from Bridgette. Tyler nodded and said, "Yeah, dude. If Lindsay's any indication, you definitely want to look into that stuff. I've learned way more than I ever imagined from her…"

"That's great, Tyler," Courtney snapped. "But we need to go visit D- I mean, the prison and get Enceladus back."

The two-minute journey to the prison was remarkably uneventful; Tyler didn't find a way to hit the ground, Courtney didn't erupt, even the warden allowed them to pass straight to Duncan's cell without much conversation. The directions to the cell were clear enough and they found it without getting lost in the labyrinthine dungeon. As if the journey to find the sword wasn't easy enough, Enceladus was hanging right outside Duncan's cell, along with the other stuff he had stolen. As soon as the blinding pink of Geoff's shirt came into view, though, Duncan thrust himself against the bars of his cell and growled, "What the _hell_ is with that damned sword? It kept trying to kill me!"

Geoff yelped and leapt back at the prisoner's words. Whimpering under Duncan's angry scrutiny, he muttered, "I don't know, dude."

"Geoff has no problems using it," Courtney remarked, casting a dubious eyebrow at him. Duncan rolled his eyes and sat down on the cold stone floor. "Yeah, whatever. Like it's possible to be good with something so heavy…"

He trailed off as he realized who was standing before him. His snarl quickly became a wide grin and he said, "So, princess. Come to make out in a medieval dungeon?"

"Ew," Courtney retorted, "Is that all you think about, you ape?"

"Yeah."

"Urg!" Courtney glared down Duncan, stewing over proper responses to his attitude. The prisoner's smirk widened and he said, "So? Did you?"

"I do not believe I should respond," Courtney said with haughty tone, one that annoyed everyone but Duncan. Ezekiel rolled his eyes and muttered, "Yeah, because all know the answer, eh."

"Shut up, Ezekiel," she snapped, although she didn't look away from Duncan's eyes. "This conversation doesn't involve you. In fact, Geoff, just take Enceladus and leave. I'll catch up later."

"Whoa, wait now," Duncan said as he lost his smirk. "What's with that? It's not like we're gonna talk dirty here and besides-"

"They are _not_ listening-"

"BESIDES," Duncan harrumphed, looking a bit hurt for overriding her so angrily, "I have a deal for you, Geoff. And I may just be able to help you get into Heather's castle."

"How are you going to help from prison?" Tyler asked dubiously, crossing his arms. Courtney silenced him with a glare before asking, "And how did you know that Heather's our enemy?"

"All in good time," Duncan responded with a shrug. He pointed at the CIT and asked, "But first, darling, a question for you. Why are you back to being snappish and uptight again? I thought I changed that."

"I'm not uptight! Or snappish!"

"Yeah, sure, whatever," Duncan scoffed as he fought back a smirk. It never ceased to amaze him how much in denial Courtney was. "Anyone in the peanut gallery got an answer?"  
"She said she'd tell us if we reached the moon," Geoff answered, a bit distracted as he groped for something inside his back armor. As he pulled out his torn, scrunched up hat and began to weep silently over its state, Courtney snarled, "I thought I said this was _my_ conversation. And it's nothing, _darling_."

Duncan chuckled to himself. She was _so _in denial. "Okay, fine, princess. You wanna know how I know about that bitch? I'll go further and tell you everything I've done and learned in this stupid world. It'll just cost you one kiss and one of my canteens."

"You're such an ogre," Courtney commented, although she certainly didn't look dismayed by his price. "Just get on with it."

Duncan shrugged and began to speak.

* * *

_The grass was wet. That was the first thought that crossed Duncan's mind as he came to. Groaning, he forced himself up and took in his surroundings. Wet grass stretched for miles around. Not too far from there, he could see a beach and what he guessed was an ocean. An island protruded from the water, a terrifying phantasm in the far-off white mist. If he looked closely, he could make out a skull shape on the island's lone mountain. His first thought was that he had somehow found himself back at Camp Wawanakwa and that he was currently viewing Boney Island, but no. This was somewhere entirely foreign to him. And luckily he wasn't alone. He had no idea why Chris was dressed as though he were a king, but it didn't surprise him in the slightest. Duncan stood up and jabbed the overly vain man in the chest. "Okay, man. Straight up. Where the hell am I?"_

_"Near the Uturn Gulf in the great province of Uturneos," Chris answered. "In the distance, you can see Boney Island, home to the endangered, prehistoric Pearl Goose!"_

_"Uh…wha…" Duncan blinked, trying to work out if he was dreaming. The grass felt real enough, but the nonsense spewing from Chris's mouth made him think otherwise. "So, either I'm dreaming, hallucinating or not Canada anymore…great. It's the last one, isn't it?"_

_"Correctamundo!" Chris chirped. "Sorry, but I can't tell ya much more than that. Don't want to take the fun out of this."_

_"Yeah, _this _looks to be mountains of fun," Duncan muttered sarcastically. "So, if you can't tell me anymore, who can?"_

_"Eh, if you go north about a day, you'll run into the capital, Saint Felicien. But I'm sure you're wondering why I brought you here."_

_Chris stayed silent for several seconds, as if he was daring Duncan to rush him. Finally, he said, "In the far west, in the province of Tofino, there is a blue orb. You must secure it…and then you decide what to do with it. You can either give it to the Chosen One, who'll be entering this world in about…oh, a month or so, or you can give it to the evil queen. But remember—your decision will help decide the fate of this world. The choice is yours, young thief."_

_"So…" Duncan began, an evil grin cracking across his face, "I can either help save the world, or doom it? Hmm…"_

_"Oh, and the queen is Heather! You know, the kind, lovable teddy bear of a girl you came to love on Total Drama?"_

_"Tch. That settles it. No way am I helping her."_

_"Suit yourself," Chris said with a shrug. "I have three out-of-place hairs and need to get back to my totally awesome castle ASAP. See ya!"_

_He hopped onto an ATV (which Duncan swore wasn't there a minute before) and zoomed across the plains, spraying the thief with mud. Snarling, Duncan wiped himself off a bit and headed in the direction Chris had pointed. He growled, "I hate that man…but that was a pretty sweet ride. Time to get myself some wheels!"_

* * *

"And how long did it take you to realize you weren't getting your 'wheels'?" Bridgette asked, exchanging smirks with Geoff. Behind them, Tyler whispered something to Ezekiel, beginning a very quiet conversation. Duncan glanced at the two, thought better of acknowledging them, and answered, "Oh, about the time I ran into a village made entirely of log cabins. This place has less technology than home-school's farmhouse."

"Hey, my dad-" Ezekiel started, but Duncan silenced him with a brief glare. "Don't care, dude. Anyways, moving on. After getting directions in Saint Felicien, I decided to get into Heather's castle and get her to trust me..."

* * *

_"So that's the castle, huh?" Duncan asked the yellow-haired soldier. The former intern nodded. "Yes. You're lucky Her Majesty's recruiting right now—she needs people to scout the other provinces. Otherwise, I'd have to kill you for getting this far."_

_"Friendly," Duncan muttered, looking up at the castle. The black fortress rose like a spear point into the sky. The circular base of the castle hovered several hundred feet above the ocean. From where he was, on the northernmost beach of Discordia, he saw an immediate problem."So, how do we get up there?"_

_"Easily," the guard replied. He dug his foot into a crack in the grassy ground and kicked. The ground lifted up and fell back on itself, revealing a metal panel. As the guard placed his palm flat on it, he said, "Just a bit of technology brought over from the real world."_

_The panel glowed green around his hand, and something began protruding from the castle's bottom. Something that took a long time to fully extend. As it moved towards them, Duncan noticed something jutting partially out of the water not far from the cliff he stood on. He elbowed his escort and asked, "What's that?"_

_"Nothing. Just a totem pole. A quarter of this island sank during an earthquake centuries ago. And it went with it."_

_"Ah," Duncan noted, looking at the ancient construct. It looked somewhat familiar to him, but he couldn't quite place it. He eyed whatever was sticking out of the castle and frowned. The thing was only halfway across. Sitting down, he asked, "So, do you minions have names or something? Or should I just call you 'you'?"_

_"My name is meaningless," the soldier responded curtly. "Her Majesty has designated me Agent 12. Her psycho hosebeast of a commander kills me 'Mr. Blond'. I hate that girl, but thankfully I don't have to deal with her too much. The third-in-command just calls me 'man' or 'dude' or something just as informal. The other soldiers call me 'sir', and so will you, rookie."_

_"You're a lot of fun," Duncan muttered under his breath. With full sincerity, of course. Deciding he did not like his escort one bit, he resigned himself to a silent journey. The castle's bridge finished its five-minute sojourn shortly after Agent 12's 'introduction'. They quietly made their way up the bridge, which made up for its lack of railing by being several meters wide. Duncan let himself trail a bit behind the soldier to protect his own hide. He did not trust his new companion one bit and did _not_ need to be thrown into the ocean. Agent 12 looked back and warned, "Just so you know, the bridge is retracting even as we walk. You're about two meters from finding yourself in the water."_

_After confirming that the bridge was indeed racing him back to the castle, he reluctantly drew astride Agent 12, matching his pace. Once they arrived at the castle's doors, Agent 12 again pressed his hand against a panel, and the doors flew open. As soon as Duncan set foot in the lavishly decorated entry room, the lights went out and the doors slammed shut, the room instantly becoming black as black can be. He felt two hands grip his shoulders, and Agent 12 whispered, "Her Majesty doesn't want to risk you knowing the layout of Castle Discordia if she rejects you and you escape."_

Reject? Escape? _He didn't have time to think it over as his escort continued, "I'll guide you to the throne room. Once there, you'll-"_

_"Ooh, Mr. Blond! You brought Doug!"_

_He knew that voice. That high, sugary, stupid voice. He called out, "What the...Lindsay?"_

_"Hi, Devon! It's-"_

* * *

"_What?!" _Duncan was thrown back from the force of Tyler slamming himself into the bars. The athlete was huffing angrily, clenching the iron bars as tightly as he could. He cried, "You're _joking_! Lindsay would _never_ work for Heather after what that bitch did!"

"I heard her then and then saw her in the throne room, " Duncan said, angry at Tyler's outburst. "She went off to get Heather something to drink."

"Bullshit!" Tyler howled, trying to pull apart the iron bars apart to get at the thief and do unspeakable things to him. No, not those kinds of unspeakable things. The ones that inflict pain and damage. Seething, he kicked the bar, stubbing his toe on the metal, and shouted, "She learned from the first season! Hell, she led her team in the second! She wouldn't follow..."

He whipped around as someone placed a hand on his shoulder. As he did, he caught a glimpse of looks of terror on his friends' faces. Ezekiel was even hiding behind Bridgette. Courtney, shaking slightly from his outburst, said, "Look, Tyler. I know you're concerned about Lindsay, but you can't blame Duncan. For all we know, Chris forced her to work for Heather."

Tyler nodded, although the angry flame continued to burn inside him. "Sorry, man. It's just...I..."

"It's cool, dude," Duncan said, although he hardly sounded like he meant it. "I'd probably react the same way if Courtney was working for someone I hated."

"Besides," Ezekiel added, daring to peep put from behind Bridgette, "I think it's a good sign that you're that passionate about her."

He exchanged looks with Geoff, and the party boy nodded. Tyler looked around at his comrades and, despite still breathing a bit heavily, said evenly, "Geoff. Whenever it's time to go after Heather, I will be there. Even if I've left the party, come and find me. _Nothing_ will stop me from beating the hell out of her."

"Not even if you're paralyzed? Or dead?" Duncan inquired, although he was surprised by the eternal screw-up's conviction. Tyler considered that. "Maybe that would. But nothing short of paralysis. Even if it's on one leg, I'll fight her and free Lindsay."

"Wow," Bridgette said after a moment. "You really do care for her."

Tyler nodded and turned back to Duncan. "Sorry 'bout that, dude. Won't happen again."

"Hurry up and finish your story," Courtney commanded, pointing back in the general direction of the lobby. "We're nearly out of time here!"

"Alright, geez," Duncan cried. "Well, after I met Heather and assured her that I would defeat the Chosen One and these dudes called the sages, I headed over to Tofino to look for the orb. I couldn't find it anywhere and decided I hated that place too much to keep searching, so I went to Wawanakwa to try and talk to Chris again. Didn't work, so I hung around until Geoff and Bridgette showed up. Oh, by the way, one of those bags is the money I stole from you. I then got a tip that one of Heather's minions had the orb, and so I tried to steal from the queen of insanity herself. Izzy kicked my ass and made off with the orb."

"Wait, _Izzy_ is the reason you're fashion sense is worse than ever?" Courtney asked, glaring at his eyepatch and hook. Duncan smirked and coyly said, "Maybe. Maybe not. Trust me, I'm dealing with the person that did this as soon as I break out of here."

"You're breaking out?" Bridgette asked, a mixture of displeasure and awe in her voice. The thief nodded and said, "Yep. First meal break, I'm gone. But anyways, I know that Izzy's heading up here—this is the only port in Wüste that currently allows anything other than trade vessels. If you guys can take the orb from her, I'll help you out. _Capische_?"

"Time's up," a deep voice boomed. The warden from the lobby stood behind them, pointing to a clock. Before anyone else could respond, Duncan said, "Hey, dude. A lot of my stuff is actually theirs. They can take it, right?"

"Sure," the gaoler replied with a shrug. "As long as they have your permission, I don't care. Oh, and sometime soon, we're gonna need to do something about that hook."

"Gotcha," Duncan said dismissively, although he was fairly concerned about losing his lone weapon. "You guys can take everything but the red crap."

As Geoff grabbed Enceladus, silently commenting on how much he'd missed the pointed pole, and Courtney grabbed the sack of money, Bridgette looked through the canteens for the aforementioned "red crap". She found it, took a whiff, and nearly gagged. "Gah! What is this stuff?"

"Got me," Duncan admitted. "Just thought it might be important."

"It's probably a medicine of some kind, eh," Ezekiel agreed, still looking at Tyler with fear. The jock hadn't moved since Duncan had resumed his story. Ezekiel approached him and asked, "Um, are you okay?"

"I'll be fine," Tyler said, finally looking away from the ground. "It's just...I never expected Lindsay to be on the enemy's side."

"Hey, it'll all work out, man," Duncan called, uneasy at the sight of Tyler acting depressed. "You kick Heather's ass, you get Lindsay on your side again. Now, princess...I believe you owe me something?"

Courtney froze. Slowly, she turned to look at him "Oh, um...I dunno, the warden is here, and..."

"And the entirety of Canada saw when we first did it," Duncan reminded her with a leer. "So what's the problem if someone you'll never see again watches?"

"Well...um..." Courtney muttered, thinking of rational explanations to refuse. Without warning, she raced over to the cell, grabbed his shirt with both hands, pulled him into the bars and kissed him deeply between the iron. He was stunned by the suddenness of her actions, but quickly returned it. As they continued, Geoff noted, "And _that_ is why they're together. Though they fight way too much..."

Finally, Courtney pulled away, breathless and flushed. She glanced between Duncan and the exit several times before heading over to the warden without a word. He said, "Ready to leave?"

The party nodded and followed him out, leaving Duncan by himself again. He called out, "See ya, princess! Well, better rest up..."

* * *

Outside the prison, the group was oddly silent. Courtney appeared to want to say something, but she just kept glancing at Geoff. Once her actions become unnerving enough, Geoff asked, "Um...what?"

"Nothing," Courtney responded somewhat impatiently. "Just waiting for you to gush about getting Enceladus back."

"Honestly, I'm not that excited about it," he said with a shrug. "I mean, yeah, I need it and all, but it's just a weapon."

"Besides," he added, looking into Bridgette's eyes, "I really don't like fighting too much."

"I know that, but...never mind," Courtney said, watching the two kiss. "Well, anyways. We need to find Izzy before she leaves. I say we split up and try to-"

"Um, she's the crazy girl with red hair, right?" Ezekiel asked. Courtney inhaled sharply and snapped, "Yes, Ezekiel, she's the nutcase. Why couldn't you have waited to ask?"

"Because I think I see her, eh."

"What?" Courtney began scanning the main plaza, head jerking back and forth. "I don't see..."

"By the docks!" Bridgette shouted, pointing at a large gathering in front of what looked like a tavern. The red-haired psycho stood there, alongside Owen and someone Bridgette was sure had been an intern for Total Drama Action. Izzy held the orb, apparently trying to spark the interest of a local man with the blue ball. Courtney charged and commanded, "Let's get her!"  
"Or just talk to her," Bridgette suggested, bolting after the CIT. The others swiftly followed, Tyler dragging behind the rest. Izzy moved the ball right into the man's face, slowly moving it from side to side. "When I say my name, you will...act like a monkey! One...two...hey guys!"

She dropped the ball onto the cobblestone, cracking the road, to wave at them. "Whatcha doin' here?"

"Dudes!" Owen interrupted whatever Courtney was about to say with a shout. He ran over and drew three of them into a big, painful hug. "Geoff! Bridgette! Tyler! How're you guys?"

"Just...fine...Owen..." Bridgette squeaked. The large teen put way too much force into the hug and cut off most of his friends' air. Tyler managed to give the big guy a grin and asked, "How 'bout you, Owen? Izzy?"

"I'm doing awesome!" Owen gushed, squeezing harder. His stomach rumbled and he asked, "Um...you guys got any food?"

"I'll give you deer meat if you let my friends breathe," Ezekiel offered. Owen complied, and stared hungrily as a strip of meat flew towards him. He caught it in his mouth and snarfed it down. And then he farted, prompting everyone to leave the vicinity. Following the reminder that she didn't particularly like Owen, Courtney decided to get to business. "I'm sorry, Izzy, but we're gonna need that orb. And we will fight you for it."

"Okay!" Izzy chirped, holding out the sphere even as the other members of Geoff's group prepared for battle. Geoff looked at the ball, at Bridgette, and back to the ball. "Uh...really?"

"Yep! You're my friends, I can let you guard it." Courtney stepped forward to receive. Without warning, steel flashed before her eyes. Mr. Blond's slash came within inch of cutting across her face, and he didn't relent from there. He took a stab at her throat, forcing her to fall back to avoid impalement. She landed on her backside, and the minion stood over her for a second, ready to bring his sword down. Owen gasped as the the man prepared for the finishing blow and began to suck in air. A _lot_ of air. Mr. Blond snarled and glared back as if to ask what Owen was doing even as the fat boy's vacuum of a mouth pulled him away from Courtney. He stabbed in vain at the CIT (although it was close enough for her to shriek), and turned to face Owen. "Owen, you fool! These people are your enemies!"

"What?" Izzy cried. "These are Izzy's friends!"

"_He_," Mr. Blond roared, pointing at Geoff, "is the Chosen One!"

"And?"

"And he's fighting against Her Majesty!"

"And?"

"And you are supposed to help protect Her Majesty!"

"And?"

"And...um...just let me finish them! Owen, you can stop now."

"And?"

"Izzy?"

"And?"

"Why do I even bother with you?" Mr. Blond cried as Owen ceased his inhalation. "Her Majesty sent me with you for my swordsmanship, let me do my job."

"Um..." Owen began, but Courtney cut him off. "Fine! Geoff. Ezekiel. Take care of this guy."

"Ooh, cool!" Izzy cheered, chewing on a piece of jerky. We get to see the Chosen One in action! Isn't this great, Owen?"

"Woo-hoo! Go Geoff!" Everyone except Izzy gave Owen a strange look. The large boy, upon realizing his mistake, chuckled nervously and said, "Uhh...I mean, go Mr. Blond."

"So, Chosen One," Mr. Blond sneered, drawing his lime-edged sword again, "Have you ever fought another person before?"

"Uh, well, I've had a few fights at some parties. Really kills the mood," Geoff replied, annoying the already irritated swordsman further. "Sword fights, you twit. Not fistfights. Good god, this is gonna be pathetically easy. Especially since Enceladus can't cut. Too bad for-"

"Oh, just shut up already! I'll take care of you," Tyler roared, charging at Mr. Blond. He hesitated for a moment from shock, and that was all Tyler needed. His initial punch missed the completely unmoving target, but Mr. Blond's retaliatory lunge was equally accurate. Tyler sidestepped another stab and kicked, landing a blow to the chin. The swordsman staggered back and wiped off his mouth. "Not bad. But I know who you are, worthless athlete. I'll strike you down right now and then I'll def-"

"Not now, Mr. Blond!" Izzy shrieked. She grabbed him and pulled him away, glowering at Geoff. "Hah! You thought you could trick me, tricker? You cannot fool E-Scope! Besides, if you can't catch me, you can't get this awesome little ball! So E-Scope wins if she runs! See ya!"

The basket case slammed a smoke pellet on the ground and took off running and cackling. The smokescreen quickly enveloped the entire party, throwing them into choking fits. By the time the gray clouds cleared, Izzy and her two companions were gone. Courtney stomped the remains of the bomb and shouted, "Dammit! The crazy girl's gone! Ezekiel, why didn't-"

"Will you stop blaming him for everything?" Tyler responded, balling his fists. "He's a hell of a lot more useful than you are! Heck, he's doing more by simply _not throwing a damned fit every time something goes wrong_!"

Courtney was speechless in anger, her hot, angry breaths rebounding off of Tyler's face. Bridgette and Geoff exchanged worried glances. Ezekiel, deciding he wanted no part of the argument, made sure Geoff noticed him as he darted off into an alley. Or at least he _hoped_ Geoff saw. Bridgette whimpered as the two constant bickerers drew within an inch of the other's face, daring the other to say something. Gingerly, she took a step forward, and Geoff patted her on the back for encouragement. Taking a deep breath, she marched up to Courtney and Tyler and said, "Okay. Look, guys."

Two angry faces turned to meet hers, and she flinched. Taking another deep breath, she continued. "Fighting is not gonna get us anywhere. Tyler, I know you're mad that Heather's using Lindsay again. But erupting like that is not like you at all. You cannot do that just because Courtney does."

Courtney smirked a Tyler, a victorious, evil mockery of a smile. Bridgette instantly turned to her and said, "And _you _need to stop erupting period. You don't do us any good when you're yelling at everyone. I don't expect you two to make up right now. But when we get the chance..."

She let her words hang, although both were giving her very angry looks. Behind her, Geoff called, "Um, dudes? Zeke-man's already ran off. I think we should follow him."

The three looked each other and came to a silent agreement. They followed Geoff down Ezekiel's alley of choice. Once she was close enough, Geoff said, "Great speech back there, babe."

She giggled despite the situation. "Thanks. I think it comes from hanging out with you."

"Aw, but you're so pretty, you don't need any of my help...uh, where'd Zeke go?"

"If you two weren't too busy flirting," Courtney snapped, "you'd know he turned after all of the houses."

"Gotcha." They continued their mad chase after the mage, and Courtney's words quickly proved correct. Ezekiel's toque bobbed in the distance as he ran up the beach. As they drew closer to the somewhat slower teen, they saw were he was headed. The town docks. Izzy, Owen and Mr. Blond were already departing in a galleon that looked far too large for three people. Courtney cried, "Dammit, we're too late! It's all...no, never mind. It's not your fault, Ezekiel. Nor yours, Tyler."

"Thank you," Tyler cried with false exasperation. Courtney smirked a little at his response. By the time they arrived at the dock, though, the smile had disappeared completely. Izzy leaned over the edge of her ship and hollered, "Ha! You can't get me! The win is Izzy's!"

She cackled as the ship steadily departed, leaving the party on dry ground with no means of reaching her. The party just stared at the galleon that had apparently put an end of their quest. Tyler was the first to speak. "Well. Game over."

"What are you talking about?" Courtney hissed, fighting an urge to kick him for his pessimism. "We can still catch her."

"Yeah, sure. How?" Tyler shot back. He pointed down at the ground. "We are stuck on land. With no boat. She's on a boat, and I doubt even Bridgette could swim fast enough to catch her."

"Tyler. Think about where we are." Courtney tapped her foot, waiting for the athlete to figure it out. Bridgette decided there wasn't time for him to do so, and said, "A shipyard. There has to be a boat we can-"

"Steal!" Courtney finished. She pointed at the one closest to Izzy's ship, although that was so far off it didn't really matter anymore. "I think that one over there looks good."

"Courtney. We are not stealing a boat," Bridgette deadpanned. Ezekiel and Geoff both nodded. "I was thinking of buying one. We just got our gold back from Duncan. Hopefully it's enough. Let's go find one."

* * *

Ten minutes later, Bridgette stood at the helm of a medium-sized steamboat. As she directed the boat towards Izzy's distant galleon, she said, "Wow, we sure lucked out with this. Just 750 gold and the chance to hold Enceladus for such a fast ship? Great deal. Good job, Tyler."

"This isn't fast," Tyler griped. "But yeah, that was a lot better than our other options. A boat even smaller than this, without steam power, for 2500? Yeah right. Heck, this thing even has cannons!"

"And sleeping quarters," Ezekiel added, looking a bit green. "And I'm sure this fast for these people, eh. He said it was experimental."

"Nah, it's slow," Geoff commented. "I'm gonna catch a few z's. Call me when we catch up."

He pulled open a hatch near the rear of the boat and disappeared below deck. Ezekiel shrugged and followed him into one of the two rooms. On deck, Courtney nudged Tyler and whispered, "We need to talk. Now."

"Yeah, I need to ask you why Izzy keeps changing her name."

She gave him a deadly cold glare and growled, "Just come with me."

Bridgette, growled a bit as she fought the wheel to keep the ship on track. "Grr...does anyone know anything about this?"

Silence. "Hello? Guys?"

She turned and saw the deck was empty, sans herself.

* * *

"Do I at least get to know why stealing's become one of your primary instincts?"

Courtney rolled her eyes and plopped down on a cot. "It's not. Don't confuse me with Duncan."

_You've sucked face enough for that to be hard_, Tyler thought. He sat down on a bed opposite the CIT. "So...what?"

"Okay, as we've discussed, we're not together in any way, shape or form. And you're _dead_ if you imply it," Courtney reminded him with a glare. "But it seems our truce has fallen apart. Bridgette's right; we can't fight so much. I know I've been unfair to you. And...I'm sorry."

Tyler blinked. Those were the last words he expected to come from her mouth when speaking to him. "Um, accepted. But what about Zeke?"

Sighing, she said, "I don't know. I just can't bring myself to tolerate him after his comments."  
"You mean on the first day of Total Drama Island," Tyler stated. He shook his head and looked away from her. "Ya know, you can't judge him on that. At least not fairly. Dude didn't know any better."

"I know, I know," she snapped, although she mentally kicked herself for the brief outburst. "I'll try, but I can't guarantee anything. But we have more important things to discuss."

"Like?" Courtney rolled her eyes. "Like you. I just need to know right now: are you gonna be okay? I don't us to have walk a razor's edge around you because of Heather."

Tyler closed his eyes and didn't speak for several moments. When he finally did, he was as quiet as a mouse. The waves outside nearly drowned him out. "I'll be fine. Just give me a couple hours."

Courtney nodded, not daring to challenge that. "I know it's hard, but we can't have you acting like this. I hate to say it, but it's...depressing."

Tyler nodded and muttered, "Sorry. Anything else?"

"Yes," Courtney said after a moment to gather up her courage. _Oh man, Tyler, I hope you don't blow up at this_. "I've been thinking. What if...what if Heather's not the evil queen she's made out to be."

That thought broke straight through Tyler's despair-coated mind. "_What_? How could she _not _be? Chris said that-"

"Exactly," Courtney cut in, holding up a finger. "_Chris_ said. He also fed you total crap about 'saving' and whatnot. Who's to say that he's telling the truth about Heather?"

"Well, why wouldn't he? Yeah, he's a bit of a bastard, but...what would he gain from this?"

"I don't know," she admitted. "But honestly, I've always considered Chris to be the true 'villain', so to speak, of both Total Drama seasons. I mean, he's the one making us do all of that embarrassing, dangerous crap, even if Heather was meaner and Harold...well, you know. I just can't trust Chris. Not one bit."

"Like I said, I don't think there's anything for Chris to gain from this," Tyler repeated. "I hate him, too, but there's really not much we can do. Since he left Wawanakwa, we have no clue where he is. I know he's a liar, but...I'm gonna trust his word on this. I mean, seriously. That bitch is cruel and manipulative enough to be an evil queen."

"Fine," Courtney sighed, rising from her cot. She extended her hand and said, "I know Geoff believes Chris, too. I'm not going to fight over this. Well, thanks for the talk, Tyler."

"No problem," Tyler responded, although he was really thinking_ thank you for being civil for once_. "I'm gonna go see if Bridgette needs any help."

They waved goodbye to each other, and Tyler left for the upper deck. Courtney stayed on her cot, thinking. She didn't move until Ezekiel knocked on her door several hours later. "Um...Courtney? We've caught up to Izzy. And she's playing some music she calls 'battle music' and rambling on about this being a 'boss battle'. I mean, I know what that is, eh, but I don't see why-"

Courtney rolled her eyes and stood up. "Thanks, Ezekiel. I'll be up there in a moment."

* * *

The first thing she noticed when she reached the deck was the loud music coming from the other ship. She wasn't too experienced with video games, but it did sound ominous enough to be played for a difficult enemy. Second thing she noticed was how expertly Bridgette and Tyler had managed to position the ship. They were to the right of the galleon, with both cannons aimed at it. Izzy had no way of moving in that direction without going through them first. It seemed that their ship was fast enough to maintain its position should Izzy change course.

Courtney's third observation was that Izzy and Owen were dancing to the music. Mr. Blond stared down the larger crew, occasional shifting his glare to his mirthful companions. Izzy finally stopped her "dance of the rattlesnake" when she saw Courtney on deck. "Oh goodie, they're all here. Let's rock!"

Giggling, she leapt up and began climbing the rigging. She looked down at her own crew and practically screamed, "Are _you READY_?"

"We are _ready_," Owen shouted back, mile-wide grin on his face. Izzy didn't wait for Mr. Blond to respond. "Okay! Music's going, battle gimmick's in place, crew's at the ready...prepare for the third boss battle!"

Mr. Blond slapped his forehead. "I don't know you."

* * *

**A/N: This by far the longest chapter I've ever written. Hell, it's almost as long as my first _story_. And the next chapter looks to be just as long.**

**In case you're wondering, no, I do not hate Courtney, although I fear it may come off as that. **

**And I'm not gonna promise anything, but I have too much time on my hands at the moments. This, along with how long I've been planning this next chapter, should make for a moderately short wait for it. MAYBE.**


	9. Act 4: In The Flash Of The Blade

**A/N: See, I can get a chapter done in less than two months...**

**Okay, serious warning. This chapter very much pushes what could be acceptable for a "T" writing. It gets bloody and violent, there are a few major swears near the end, and there's implied death. Of a human. It also has some entirely humorless segments. Just giving you a fair warning.**

**I still don't own Total Drama; if I did, TDA would be going much differently.**

* * *

In The Flash Of The Blade

Courtney stood on the deck of her ship, arms crossed, haughty smile on her face. Her crew was capable, they were well-armed and had a mage if the cannons failed, and her two of her foes seemed like they mentally couldn't take this battle seriously. Not a shot had been fired, and they had as good as won in her books. Turning her smug expression to the enemy captain, she crowed, "Alright, Izzy. Hand over the orb, and we won't have to blow you to smithereens!"

The crazy captain grinned back and yowled, "Nevar!"

Courtney shrugged. "Fine. Any last words?"

"You'll never get me alive!"

Her smirk widened further and she looked back at her crew. "Then I won't attempt to."

The two locked eyes again and both breathed in. "Load the cannons!"

The two female voices gave the same command at nearly the same time. Immediately, four men set to work preparing their armaments. As Geoff threw in a cannonball, he asked, "So, all you all right, dude?"

"I'm fine," Tyler responded, loading some gunpowder and throwing aside a book titled _Cannons For Dummies_. "Don't worry about me."

"Um, Courtney?" Ezekiel asked, watching as Mr. Blond and Owen imitated their actions. "There's no way we can win with just this boat, eh. We need some form of defense."

"And I hope you have an answer, because no one else here would," Courtney said, keeping her glare fixed on the other ship's insane captain. Ezekiel grinned and nodded. "Yes I do, eh. I can repel their shots with that spell I used in Faro."

Courtney considered it. "Wait, you have a lightning spell, right? Why not just fry everyone on the ship?"  
Three simultaneous shouts of dissent killed that idea. Courtney rolled her eyes and snapped, "These guys are our _enemies_! They are doing everything in their power to kill us!"

"Actually," Tyler noted with a chuckle, "Izzy's pretending to be a monkey on the mast right now."

Courtney wore a scowl as she watched the redhead climb around the mainbrace and shout something about "crocodile bastards". She fought off a facepalming urge and said, "Forget about that ridiculous girl. That 'Mr. Blond' is already about to fire! Ezekiel, get ready!"

"I'm on it, eh," Ezekiel announced, drawing as close to the edge of the ship as he dared while Mr. Blond lit his fuse. Owen was just staring at a cannonball in his hands. The fuse burned down in a couple of seconds, and a heavy iron ball flew out of it with a massive _boom_. Ezekiel pointed his finger at the ball and muttered, "_Stoppenfenster_...ooh, I think I'm gonna be sick, eh..."

A transparent wall of magic formed a couple meters away from the steamboat, right in front of the whizzing cannonball. The ball struck it and bounced into the sea at an incredible velocity. After He managed to pick his up off the deck, Mr. Blond whimpered," What...what was that...Izzy, if one of those bounces back and hits the ship..."

"Wow, that was cool!" Izzy shouted, grinning at Ezekiel. "I mean, seriously, that's the most awesome thing I've seen here! Well, except for that living pile of coconuts. But still! Wanna join my crew?"

"Uh...", Ezekiel replied, trying to work out her fast-paced words. "No, I'll pass. Thanks, eh."

"Aww..." Izzy moaned. "But we'd have so much fun together! You could show me how to use spells, I could teach you how to talk to bears and other lovable animals, and at night we can-"

Mr. Blond, grumbling about his captain, fired another shot, interrupting Izzy's recruitment campaign. As with the first shot, a force field sprung up and rebounded it, this time nearly taking Izzy's head off. She blinked and glared down at him. He took a step back, whimpering, "Sorry, eh..."

"Don't apologize to her!" Courtney yelled, storming over to him. "How many times do I need to remind you, she and Owen are our enemies! You two are supposed to be destroying their ship, not watching Ezekiel cast spells!"

Tyler and Geoff briefly locked eyes, and the athlete shrugged. He grabbed a nearby lighter, paying no mind to how out-of-place it was, and lit the cannon's fuse. The cannonball was launched into the ocean right nest to their ship, spraying him and Geoff. Courtney's eye began to twitch, but no words came due to another cannon shot. Mr. Blond growled as his third cannonball was reflected, this one going straight up. He gave Owen a sidelong glance and asked, "How come I've been able to fire three shots before you've even...scratch that, _why _did you remove your cannonball?"

"Have you ever wondered what a cannonball tastes like?"

"No. I have not contemplated the taste of a hunk of iron."

Owen shrugged and brought a brief armistice to the battle by shoving the entire cannonball into his mouth, which seemed to stretch as he did so. Everyone besides Izzy stared slack-jawed at the eating machine. Giggling, the redhead dropped down onto his shoulders and asked, "Ooh, Owen's gonna use his powers, right? Oh, this is gonna be cool!"

"Uh-huh," Owen affirmed, voiced muffled by the large weight in his maw. With great effort, he swallowed the iron ball...and then farted. A putrid yellow vapor emitted from his backside and coalesced into...a cannonball entirely identical to the one he had just swallowed. Grinning, he hacked a couple of times and, to the surprise of everyone else, spewed the first cannonball back out. A mere few seconds before the revolting missile impacted against the steamboat, Ezekiel broke out of his shock and reflected the cannonball back. This one fell into the ocean about a meter from the galleon. But no one seemed to notice, not even Mr. Blond. All eyes fixated on Owen, his grin not far removed from one of Izzy's. The former intern summed up everyone's sentiments on the large teen's power. "Owen. You. Are. _Disgusting_."

"Awesome!" Izzy shouted at the same time, eliciting a chuckle. No banter between her crew would occur, though, as Geoff decided to get his mind off of Owen's ability by finally firing his cannon. The cannonball hit home, piercing the galleon about midway up and driving clear through to the other side. Courtney took one look at the hole in Izzy's boat and cheered. "Good job, Geoff! Now just aim a little lower..."

"I've got this," Tyler announced, angling his cannon up a bit. The thunder of two guns sounded, and Tyler's second shot ran into Mr. Blond's fourth. The two exploded into shrapnel, and Ezekiel's spell shimmered into existence a moment too late. The prairie boy scratched his head and muttered, "Well, glad I was late, eh..._stoppenfenster_!"

Another spit-coated ball whizzed out of Owen's mouth, only to bound several hundred feet into the air. It would be nearly twenty seconds before it found the ocean. Geoff's cannon sounded at the same time as Mr. Blond's, but these two didn't meet. The party boy's blast sailed straight into the water, prompting Courtney to tell him the obvious fact that he was aiming too low, and the intern's crashed into another magic wall. Mr. Blond kicked his cannon and roared, "Damn it all! That stupid mage won't let anything by!"

"Yeah! Isn't he awesome?"

"...Shut up, Izzy." Mr. Blond watched Owen produce a third cannonball via gaseous emission and spew the original out of his mouth. Once more, a transparent blue wall ended any chance of a hit. Mr. Blond's scowled deepened. _This isn't getting us anywhere. We can't even touch their ship. We're lucky that their gunners either can't hit an ox-_

Tyler's cannon roared and clipped the front of the galleon. _Or doesn't seem to care much_.

Artillery from Geoff struck the ship, about a meter above and to the left of his first hit. _I should probably stop thinking_. "Owen. I have an idea."

"Ooh, a secret plan? I love secret plans!" Izzy yelled, leaning in. Mr. Blond whispered something to Owen and Courtney, watching with narrowing eyes eyes, muttered, "A plan? If this was Owen planning, I wouldn't worry, but...Ezekiel, get ready! They're planning something!"

"I heard, eh," Ezekiel noted, earning him an ugly look from his acting captain. Courtney continued, "Bridgette, if they try to get closer, pull away. And you two-"

Neither Tyler nor Geoff had interest in her commands and both set off their cannons again. Geoff's shot crashed into the hull once more while Tyler's arced over the galleon. Courtney rolled her eyes and grumbled, "Yes, just keep shooting. Tyler, let me aim that for you."

Tyler protested, but the CIT ignored him and lowered the cannon. Ezekiel pulled out one of canteens and drank deeply. It did him little good—the cost of constantly creating his barriers and his own seasickness left him feeling rather drained—but even that little bit was necessary. After the long swig, he reached to put the canteen back and froze. Mr. Blond had lit his cannon again and Owen had a shot prepared in his mouth. In an instant, the country boy knew what the plan was. Simply dropping the container onto the deck, he held a hand up, calculating the trajectory of the former intern's next shot. If he was off, then..."Now, Owen!"

The cannon roared again, spewing forth its black bolt at the same time as Owen spat his out. Courtney and Tyler both stopped fiddling with the cannon as Owen's disgusting ball rushed at them. From her position at the helm, Bridgette cried out, and Geoff looked up at her shout. He joined the other three in terrified petrification, waiting for the shots to slice through the ship and send them beneath the waves.

The blows never came. Two shields, each only visible from the sunlight refracting around them, popped into existence and absorbed much of the cannonballs' fury. The windows shattered completely, breaking into pieces before vanishing like specters, but they succeeded in killing the momentum of the iron balls. They dropped into the ocean, and the steamboat was temporarily saved from finding itself deep beneath the waves. Ezekiel sighed as the danger seemed to pass...and then found himself assaulted verbally by a very loud CIT. Sounding a bit like Izzy, although with a bit less madness, Courtney shrieked, "Woo-hoo! You're great, Zeke!"

Across the water, Mr. Blond swore at everything around him, particularly Izzy when she cheered, "Wow, that guy's awesome! We need to recruit him! I'm going over there!"

She moved so fast from Owen's shoulders that she seemed to teleport up to the mainbrace. Mr. Blond sighed, glaring as Ezekiel received high-fives and fist-bumps from his two gunners. His captain's utter insanity didn't help matters, either. He nudged Owen and asked, "Can you fire two shots at a time?"

"Well, I can," Owen replied with a bit of hesitation, "but I can't swallow both, and I won't be able to create clones of them..."

"I don't care about your revolting abilities," Mr. Blond snapped, kicking one of the Owen-produced balls. Wincing, he added, "I just want to know if you can do it."

"Yeah, I can do it."

"Good, now DUCK!"

Geoff had fired again. And this bullet would have taken the heads of the Izzy's crew if they hadn't ducked. Tyler cried, "Good one, Geoff! My turn!"

He stumbled over the base of his cannon and fell on top of it, ruining the time he and Courtney put into setting it up. Silently wishing he was still mopey, Courtney snarled, "Great, Tyler. Just _great_. We can't waste time like this, or they'll find a way to get a hit in!"

"And then we'll all die and stuff, I know," Tyler finished sarcastically, trying to pull the cannon back up. Bending down to help aim, Courtney said, "And you could really take a chill pill before fights. I like enthusiasm, but not when it's a hindrance. You really shouldn't put so much into the small things."

"Sorry, but my only speeds are 'off' and 'max'," Tyler quipped, turning the barrel further right. _Best to aim a little ahead of a moving target_. "And hey, they can't even hit us. It's not like knocking the cannon out of position for a second's gonna matter. We've got this."

"Look out, eh!" Ezekiel's yelp killed the brief conversation, and they turned to see _three _cannonballs whizzing toward them. Two were picked up by Ezekiel's weaker barriers and fell harmlessly into the sea. The third encountered no obstructions and flew straight at Bridgette's head. The surfer screamed and threw herself to the ground, allowing the bullet to miss everything entirely and sink to the bottom of the ocean. On the other ship, Mr. Blond glared at a very nervous Owen. "You idiot! If this is going to work, you need to actually _hit_ the damned boat!"

"Sorry."

He shook his head, cursing the tub of lard for his inaccuracy. If he hadn't been looking at the ground when doing so, he might have actually seen the green and orange thing flying towards him on a rope. He may not have been bowled over, and if he managed to avoid it, he certainly wouldn't have found himself gripping the railing for dear life. But he didn't see Izzy coming, and he did find himself in that exact position. Making a valiant attempt to climb over the rail, he shouted in no direction in particular, "Damn you to hell, Izzy! What are you trying to accomplish _now_?"

"Izzy's gonna recruit Ezekiel! Think I can make it if I jump?" Finally pulling himself back onto the deck, Mr. Blond turned, wheezing, to watch Izzy's pendulous swing. Once the rope had taken her as far as it would take her, he called out, "You'll fall about two dozen meters short. You won't try it if you value your life."

"Aww," Izzy whined, although she was smirking. Going to full-blown cackling, she glanced at the steamboat, saw Tyler loading up another shot, and instantly broke into a babble of nonsense. "Ooh, this reminds of this time that I was captured by pirates! Yeah, they brought aboard their ship and the captain, who looked like Duncan with long black hair and a full beard, was all like, '_Yar, shiver me timbers, ye be walkin' the plank_!"

As annoyed be her jabbering as he was, Mr. Blond couldn't help but be slightly impressed by her pirate impersonation. Slightly. Dropping the buccaneer voice, Izzy rambled on, "But I totally broke the plank off and used it as a sword, but they captured me and fired me out of a cannon! It was _so_ cool!"

Her epic was ended by Tyler's cannon going off, and her momentum propelled her straight towards the shot. With a overly loud grunt, she kicked the ball, launching it back where it came from. Tyler raised an eyebrow as it landed right next to his feet, doing no real damage. "Uh...thanks?"

"No prob!" Izzy yelled back, dropping back on her ship. Mr. Blond face-palmed. "Can't you take this seriously for a while?"

"Izzy am!"

"I doubt that, and using something that hardly resembles decent English doesn't help! And don't justify it, either!"

Izzy's mouth shut and she pouted, confirming that she had planned on doing so. Owen placed a very large arm over her comparatively tiny shoulders and said, "Aww, it's okay, Iz. Owen thought it was cute."

He farted, and Mr. Blond got as far away from the couple as he could. Upon seeing how close the two were together, he commanded, "You two! Don't act like Geoff and the blond girl! They're probably gonna be firing a shot any-"

A cannonball shook the galleon, and Geoff cheered for his own accuracy. He sighed. "Look, you two can make out _after_ we blow these twits out of the water. Until then, _concentrate_, damn it!"

Izzy pulled away from Owen and resumed her incessant grinning. Rolling his eyes, Mr. Blond threw an intimidating glare down at his enemies. In the distance, he noticed a small boat heading out their way. _Probably has nothing to do with us. _He frowned when he saw that neither Geoff nor Tyler had so much as loaded their cannons during his crew's pointless, ridiculous yammering. He snarled and boomed, "You had the chance to take off one of our heads there, yet you didn't even fire. You fools missed your best chance to end this!"

"Well, we didn't want to kill any of you," Geoff replied, looking down at his feet. "I mean, Izzy and Owen are our friends, but you..."

"I am Her Majesty's most loyal soldier," Mr. Blond finished condescendingly. Izzy's head appeared over his shoulder, shouting, "Because he gets paid!"

"Shut up, Izzy," he growled before addressing Geoff once more. "Tell me, Chosen One. How do you intend to kill Her Majesty if you can't even deal with her henchmen?"

"Uh...I wasn't planning on killing her..." Geoff stammered, earning looks from Courtney and Ezekiel that were normally reserved for Lindsay. He scratched his head, nervous from the glares, and asked, "What? I'm supposed to _kill_ Heather?"

"_Duh_," Courtney snapped with a roll of her eyes. "What part of Chris's speech didn't you understand?"

"He said I had to_ defeat_ her, not kill her," Geoff reasoned, although he started to scratch a little harder. "Right, Zeke-man? I don't have to actually..."

"I'll have to check," Ezekiel said as the party boy trailed off, "but I'm pretty sure it said the Chosen One will slay the queen, eh."

"But I can't kill her," Geoff howled, pulling down his hat as his panic burst through. "I mean, yeah, she's mean...and manipulative...and she was horrible to Gwen...but I can't kill her!"

As he continued yowling and his comrades tried to calm him down, Mr. Blond snickered and turned to Izzy. "Well, this is fortunate. Turns out the Chosen One's too chicken to actually kill. Why even bother fighting him when he's no more a threat than that ugly farm girl? Ah well, I'm gonna kill him anyways."

"Ooh, can I become the Chosen One if I get that cool stick?" Izzy asked, forcing the henchman to cover his ears. Huffing in annoyance, he said in deadpan, "Izzy. Your queen is the Chosen One's enemy. You can not become the Chosen One."

"But I want that stick!"

"I figured that's what it was. Look," Mr. Blond chastised, bending to load his cannon once more, "You can go make out with lardo if you want. I'm going to finish this."

"Kay!"

Izzy jumped against Owen's chest and knocked him to the deck with her sitting atop his rotund belly. On the steamboat, Geoff was still in freak-out mode and Bridgette had left the helm to calm him down. "Look, Geoff. There has to be another solution. If we stop her somehow, it...Zeke, incoming!"

Ezekiel whipped around as Mr. Blond's cannon went off. He spotted the cannonball, pointed at it, and muttered the incantation. A barrier sprouted in midair...about two meters behind the missile. His mouth dropped as he watched it fly, unobstructed, and smash into the lower region of the ship. The force rocked the entire boat, nearly throwing him overboard. That did it for him. Pressing himself up against the railing, he bent over and vomited into the ocean. He moaned weakly about never going on a boat again while Courtney hurdled over to his side, concerned. "Ezekiel! Where did that hit?"

"The...bottom...ugh," he groaned. The CIT's eyes widened as the waves revealed the slowly-filling gap in the steamboat's hull. "Crap! We're filling with water!"

"We need to return to port, then," Bridgette informed her, casting a look at the galleon. Before anyone could protest, she said, "Sorry, but I'm not risking our lives for an orb. I know Duncan needs it, but..."

Courtney nodded, although she didn't look particularly happy. "I understand. We'll have to find another way into the castle, but..."

Tyler cackled and rested a foot on the railing. He yelled, "You win this round, crazy girl, but we're gonna be back! And then we'll mess you up and take that orb! And then we'll take down Heather! You haven't seen the last of us!"

"I think I have," Mr. Blond responded, lighting his cannon for what he hoped was the last time. "If you can't reach port, you can't 'mess us up'! See you in hell!"

Ezekiel, still in agony, didn't even hear Mr. Blond's threat, nor did he notice Tyler's sudden lack of bravado. He only heard the roar of the cannon, and even that took a split-second to register in his mind. Reacting as quickly as his fatigued body would allow, he pointed at the shot and practically whispered, "_Stoppenfenster_."

The shield formed several inches too low, but the tired boy didn't notice. Until the cannonball hit the top and ricocheted off, continuing its forward progress at much greater speed. Ezekiel barely had time to look at Tyler's shocked expression before impact. The ball struck the athlete in the stomach and lifted him up. Undeterred by the extra weight, it continued racing over the ocean until it—and Tyler—disappeared with a star burst.

No one on the steamboat moved. Even though Ezekiel was the only one looking at Tyler at the time, everyone felt _something _happen. Slowly, Courtney, afraid to break the silence, forced herself to look over at where the athlete had just been standing. Geoff and Bridgette did the same. All they saw was Ezekiel with his jaw hanging slack. Bridgette dropped to her knees, Geoff placed a hand on her shoulder, and Courtney turned a deadly glare on the enemy crew. Izzy and Owen were just as shocked as Ezekiel, staring at Mr. Blond in disbelief. Mr. Blond rolled his eyes and glared at everyone who dared look at him. "What? He's an enemy! I'm following orders, and I suggest you two stop screwing around."

Courtney's mind was swimming, trying to work out how things could have gone so wrong so quickly and done so in a way that left them too shocked for emotion. She was quite certain that Bridgette was on the verge of weeping, though, given that her eyes were fixed on the horizon. Courtney bared her teeth a bit as she gathered her wits and came to a conclusion. "Ezekiel. Fry that bastard."

Ezekiel nodded dully, gripping his book without a word. As he prepared to cast a spell, Geoff left his girlfriend's side and strode to the ship's edge, Enceladus at the ready. He glared at the smug swordsman, his face contorting into a number of different ugly looks Courtney didn't know he was capable of. Mr. Blond just smirked and began mocking him. "So, the Chosen One has a backbone after all. Too bad your little sword—if it can even be called that—is useless at that range. Oh, and in case you guys forgot, your ship is filling up with water. I doubt you could even return to Tuktoytuk at this rate."

"Tuktoyuktuk," Ezekiel numbly corrected, but no one heard him. Geoff finally worked out the snarl to wear and, in a voice no one had ever heard from him, growled, "You. Are. _Dead_, dude."

"No, I'm quite alive. And that won't change anytime soon. You, on the other hand..."

Geoff stepped back, keeping his furious eyes fixed on the bastard as long as he could, and said, "Dudes, we need to go search for Tyler."

"What?" Courtney asked, breaking out of her numbish state. She jerked her thumb at the hole and barked, "We are _sinking_, Geoff! We can't afford to go on a wild goose hunt for Tyler! We won't make it!"

"So we're just gonna leave him behind?" Geoff snapped back, throwing his hands in the air. "Dude's been with us from the beginning! Heck, he has the best reason to be fighting Heather! We can't just let him drown."

"You're not thinking clearly, Geoff," Courtney admonished, placing her hands on her hips. Bridgette looked up from the ground and weakly said, "She's right, Geoff. We need to get to a port as soon as we can. It would be nearly impossible to find Tyler, even if we knew how far he went. And even then, there's a chance that he's..."

She choked up, unable to finish, but Geoff got the message. Slumping a bit, he muttered, "I guess you're right. I don't like it one bit, but..."

"_Donderhund hamer_," Ezekiel howled, pointing up at the. Lightning arced up his arm from his book and coalesced at his fingertip. As it finished charging, he threw his hand forward, pointing. The ball splintered into several dozen thunderbolts...that arced north over the ship. Ezekiel blinked and muttered, "Oops."

* * *

Somewhere up in Leukonesia, two teens glanced up at a building no more than twenty feet from them. One of them tossed her teal bangs out of her face and asked, "Uh, Trent? Am I hallucinating, or did lightning just set that house on fire?"

* * *

"Eh, it should be fine. _Donderhund hamer_!" He pointed at Mr. Blond and conjured forth lightning again, wreaking havoc on the galleon. Lightning tore apart the hull, blasting chunks of wood into the sea. One bolt pierced one of the masts at its base and casted it into the ocean, one found Izzy's music box, ending the redundant "boss music". Another found its way into Mr. Blond's cannon. A fiery explosion erupted from the gunpowder, spraying Izzy and crew with shrapnel as the last bolts struck. Silence and the smell of smoke followed. Izzy gaped at the damage, stared at the trembling farm boy...and cackled, adding the surreality of the scene. Even as fire began consuming the deck, she cried, "Oh, you're too awesome! I'm so gonna make you part of my crew one of these days! You'll never escape me! _Never_!"

Ezekiel, feeling the draining effects of the his spell, stumbled back and sighed. "Does _anything_ faze her, eh?"

"No," Courtney sighed back. She turned to Bridgette, still kneeling, and commanded, "Bridgette. Bring us closer to their ship. We can still get the orb. E...Zeke, can you do anything about the hole?"

"Ya," he said, tottering as he walked to the ship's edge. He nearly puked again as the ship lurched towards the flaming galleon. He took one look at the ship's side and said, "I can't see the hole anymore, eh. I'm going below deck."

He stumbled over to the hatch and went under. As the ship neared the wrecked galleon, Geoff cried, "All right, Izzy. We'll let you and Owen board if you bring us the orb. Not that other dude, though!"

"Oh, don't worry about us!" Izzy shouted from somewhere on the other side of the ship. "We've got life boats. And even if we didn't, Owen works."

"And you can forget about the orb," Mr. Blond added, appearing from out of the inferno. The orange glow gave his malevolent grin a demonic hint. "It'll just sink with the ship, and without it, your quest will fail. But I think I'll make sure, just to be on the safe side."

He revealed a rope, smirking as though he had already won, and disappeared back into the flames and smoke. Courtney gasped, realizing how close they were to the ruined ship. "Bridgette, turn back. He's gonna jump on board!"

"I know," Bridgette snapped, pressing all the strength she had against the wheel. "We're too close; I can't pull back far enough in time! And where's-"

The ship jumped up a foot in the water, throwing its occupants to the wooden floor. Ezekiel popped his head out of the hatch and said, "Sorry 'bout that, eh. I froze the water so more won't come in, but it's gonna melt pretty soon. Better get back to port soon."

"Good job," Courtney groaned, silently wondering if it had really been such a good idea. She rose to her feet as gracefully as she could, glaring at where Mr. Blond had disappeared. The galleon close enough to kiss her with its heat, she stated matter-of-factly, "Ezekiel. The orb is on that ship. We need you to cast a spell to put out the fire. Can you..."

She trailed off as two things happened at the same time. Ezekiel fell to his knees and puked, panting like a dog, and Mr. Blond emerged from the flames swinging from a rope. The swordsman chuckled at her panicked expression before letting go, allowing his momentum to carry him towards the steamboat. There was no way he would miss his mark. He started to draw his sword.

Something hooked his collar from below. He squawked as he found himself plummeting, just in front of the boat. He hit wood hard, hard enough to fracture a shoulder. Snarling he looked up into his assailant's face. He was on a minuscule boat, too small to be a steamboat yet clearly running on its own power. And Duncan had his hook piercing his collar and digging a bit into his shoulder. _Damn it! That boat I saw earlier..._Duncan gave him a mocking smirk and said, "So, you thought you'd kill my friends, did you? I'll bet your wondering how I managed to grab from down here. Let me give you a demonstration!"

He extend his hooked wrist as far as he could and pressed a small button on the hook's base. The curved weapon shot out on a narrow chain, taking Mr. Blond with it. He collided with the ship's edge, nearly fracturing his skull, and before he had time to so much as open his eyes, the return trip began. The claw retracted, and something hard as a rock greeted his nose, sending him flying back to the edge of the ship. Snarling, he wiped away the blood streaming from his nostrils as the wake from the steamboat rocked the tiny ship. Picking up his dropped green-edged sword, he rose shakily and sneered. "You don't learn, do you? I take your eye and hand, yet you still come after me. Either you're an idiot, or you want to die. I'll be happy to oblige if it's the latter."

"Still spewing bravado, eh?" Duncan asked, smirking. The boat came into view of Courtney's confused crew, and the CIT cried, "What the..._Duncan_?"

"Hey, princess," Duncan answered with a casual wave of his deadlier hand. "I owe this punk something; just worry about that orb, and I'll meet up with you later."

"Touching," Mr. Blond remarked in a remarkably untouched tone. "Honestly, I'm surprised you weren't with them."

"Being in prison kinda prevented that," Duncan responded, with a shrug. "Getting the chance to steal this awesome hook almost makes up for it, though."

"Klepto," the intern accused, pointing the sword at his foe. The criminal held up his hook and returned the favor. "Bastard."

* * *

"I can't believe Duncan actually..." Courtney whispered. Ezekiel snapped her out of it with a tap on the shoulder and said, "Okay, listen. I've got a plan, eh. I don't have a spell that can actually put out the fire-"

"So what are you going to do?" Courtney shrieked, only to have one of his fingers against her lips. Without waiting for further protest, he continued. "Not now. I think I remember my geyser spell. That would put out the fire, but it would also blow the ship into pieces."

He paused and sighed, not liking what the next part of his plan was. But what else could he do? "Bridgette, I hate to do this, but after I cast my spell, I need you to swim there and find recover the orb before it sinks."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Geoff cried, looking frantically between the nervous mage and his even more nervous girlfriend. "You can't make Bridge do that! I mean, she might-"

"I'm too tired, Courtney will be in a second, and we can't afford to lose you. I hate to do it, eh, but you're the only one who can do it."

"Why don't we just forget about the orb?" Geoff asked, clearly afraid of losing someone else on the voyage. Someone much dearer to him, at that. Courtney also seemed afraid. "And what do you mean I'll be tired soon?"

"The dickweed that...hit Tyler implied that we needed the orb for the journey, eh. And Courtney? _Pareling bloedzuignap_."

"Wha..." Courtney muttered as Ezekiel grabbed her shoulder. In an instant, she felt as though she had ran the entire distance between Faro and Tuktoyuktuk and collapsed to the ground, fighting her very muscles to move. Knowing that his actions may have come off as traitorous, he explained, "Sorry, eh. I needed a bit more magic for the spell. Bridgette, can you do this?"

Bridgette looked once at a distraught Geoff before bringing the ship to a halt. She nodded and, with a slight tremor in her voice, said, "Yes."

"Okay. Go ahead and get into the water. I'll cast the spell when you're as close as you can safely get. Hopefully, the orb will land on wreckage, eh."

She nodded once more and looked at her boyfriend for support. He looked like he was the one that needed support, so she gave him as much of a smile as she could. After taking a few deep breaths to calm herself, she took off across the deck and dove into the water. It was colder than the waters off of Vancouver Island, colder than any water she had ever felt. The chill cut through her down to her bones and made her feel like she was being frozen alive. Shivering violently, she set her mind to wading towards the burning carcass of a ship. Slowly, she made her way across the sea, occasionally glancing at Duncan's boat. The two seemed to be bantering, if the lack of fighting was anything to go by. A wave passed over her head, and she nearly froze up from the cold. She was reminded of a freak of a classmate she had back home. Before class, he would ramble on about hell according to Dante, particularly what he called the ninth level, a frozen lake called Cocytus. She decided that she was as good as swimming in that lake. Without any warning, everything turned into the icy hell of lore.

* * *

Duncan chuckled. "Look, man. I know you're a bit of a windbag, but that doesn't mean I can let you waste my time. You're going _down_."

"No, I'm not," Mr. Blond retorted, matching Duncan's arrogant smirk with his own. "But you're right. Enough chatter."

He took two steps and lunged, sword tip. Duncan took a step back and launched his hook again, slicing open the intern's forehead. As he yowled, Duncan withdrew his weapon and waited for the swordsman to stop wailing. When he hadn't after about five seconds, Duncan gave him an unimpressed glare. "Stop faking, dude. I'm not gonna let my guard down that easy."

Mr. Blond's wounded howl became peals of laughter. "No, of course not. Should have known you wouldn't fall for that."

He rose, wiping away the blood. While he appeared cocky to the younger man, he was seething on the inside, having taken two strong blows before even landing one. He readied his sword again, silently waiting for Duncan's next move. Again the hook came out, grabbing onto his shoulder. _Just as I planned_. He didn't fight as he rode the hook towards the delinquent, sword extended to impale him. Duncan was one sidestep ahead, though. As Mr. Blond passed next to him, he launched his hook at the nearby edge of the ship, and the swordsman went overboard. He gripped the edge, holding on as though his life depended on it (and, quite frankly, it did) as the ocean's pull tried to rip him away from the ship. Snarling, he grabbed the hook and yanked it out of his flesh, tearing up from the accompanying surge of pain. The hook returned to its owner, and Duncan bolted over to the wheel. He turned it sharply to the left while Mr. Blond pulled himself back up. Duncan chuckled and said, "There. No matter what, I'll end up in Leukonesia. Nice try, by the way."

He wheeled around, and iron met iron. Mr. Blond followed his jab with quick slash aimed at his foe's shoulder, which was caught on the hook, foiling his planned stab at the neck. He tried to pull his sword away from Duncan's hook, but Duncan moved with it. And then kicked him between the legs. The swordsman winced and nearly collapsed to his knees. The hook flashed, and his sword stopped it inches from his chest. Duncan drew back and shot out his hook once more. On its return, it caught Mr. Blond's neck and dragged him into a knee to the stomach. Duncan threw the man against the deck, knocking the green blade from his hands. As Mr. Blond writhed on the ground, Duncan noticed that one of the intern's legs stayed rigidly straight, as though there were an iron bar in his pants. Mr. Blond snarled and rose with an awkward uppercut. Duncan stepped back, but received a kick to the shin. As reached for the sword, Duncan swore at him. "Damn cheap-ass! Take this!"

The claw ripped into his back, gouging down to the spine, but he ground his teeth and fought through the agony to reclaim his sword. He whipped around and blocked Duncan's stab, the point inches from his eye. They pulled away at the same time, panting and staring the other down. Mr. Blond chastised himself for his wounds, knowing they would remain as remainders for his entire stay in this world. Words formed in his head, but none flowed from his mouth. No point left in bravado when he was the only one with wounds. He took a step, Duncan matched him. He slashed, Duncan parried. He kicked, Duncan dodged. The hook came out, he took the blow and retaliated, Duncan crouched and delivered a kick. They carried on like that for a while, matching the other's moves in dead silence save for the clash of steel. Mr. Blond landed a few slashes, but nothing like he received. By the time the salvos ended and the two stood still on opposite ends of the boat, he nearly resembled roadkill. Duncan's most prominent injury was a scratch across his cheek that looked like it had come from a cat.

Duncan chuckled at the sight of his bloodied opponent. "Dude, you look like shit. I've seen zombies that don't look as bad as you."

"Shut _up_," Mr. Blond hissed, anger boiling to a fever pitch. Abandoning all semblance of strategy and technique, he bull-rushed Duncan, flailing his sword wildly. Duncan just rolled his eyes and launched his hook, grabbing Mr. Blond around the shoulder and pulling him in. Duncan planted a knee in Mr. Blond's face, feeling his nose crumple underneath the blow, and grabbed his sword wrist. He cackled and declared, "It's over, dude. I'll just take that sword."

He twisted the wrist, causing Mr. Blond to yelp in pain and drop his weapon. Duncan tossed the beaten man to the other end of the ship, where he lay still, bloody and broken. Duncan grabbed the sword and sneered at Mr. Blond. "I saw what happened to Tyler, by the way. I would have Lindsay do the honor, but since she's not here...and she probably couldn't kill a fly..."

As Duncan made his intent clear, Mr. Blond reached into his pocket and pulled out a drying, filthy leaf. Shuddering involuntarily, he swallowed the herb as quickly as he could, not letting the foul taste linger for too long. Broken bones began to mend, gashes began to close, bruises vanished, but with Duncan approaching quickly, there was no time to wait for the leaf to take full effect. He reached into one of his pants legs, the one that had appeared stiff, and grabbed something from inside. Duncan's slash came around...and a blood-red blade met it. Snickering, Mr. Blond rose up again, his new blade pressed against his old. Once back on his feet, he said, "No, this is hardly over."

O

O

The icy water before Bridgette erupted like a volcano, blasting the galleon into a million pieces and shrouding them in steam. She shrieked, but didn't look away. After several moments of scanning—_wow, he really blasted the ship—_she caught a glimpse of blue. And then the galleon began raining down all around her. She watched the deadly wooden hail descend for a second before diving underneath the cold waves. If it had been chilly above water, it was downright frigid below. She shivered and winced, squinting through her temperature-induced migraine at the falling debris as the ocean's salt buffeted her eyes. The falling chunks of ship occasionally hit her, but the water slowed them down to the point that they didn't hurt in the least. Finally she saw it again, the bright blue gleam that the entire voyage was centered on.

She surfaced, glad to have her head out of the icy depths, and watched as the orb plunked onto a floating plank. Smirking in spite of the freezing conditions, she waded over to the plank. As she came closer, a few last bits of debris crashed like meteors into the sea, missing her and forming rippling waves. Her jaw dropped in terror as one caught the plank and tilted it. The orb acted just like every other ball does when placed on an angled surface: it rolled. Into the ocean. Her eyes widened as it splashed and, without really even thinking, she dove after it. Back underneath the ocean, falling debris littered her path. The ocean's salts again assaulted her eyes, but she kept them on the descending blue ball. It dropped considerably faster than the water-logged wood, faster than she could swim, and would have been lost had it not come to rest on another plank. Bridgette swam into the galaxy of flotsam, most of which had begun rising to the surface, the best she could, although not even she had great mobility in water. She dove below what had once been part of the mast, losing track of the orb as she did. Once she cleared the log and a few other hunks of wood, its blue aura came back into sight. Her lungs were on fire for air and, keeping an eye trained on her target, she began to surface for the last time.

The plank tilted. Not much, luckily, but enough for Bridgette to notice. She stopped her ascension briefly. _Crap! I don't have time to surface..._The ball tipped its perch further, the plank sank deeper, and the surfer sprang into action. Well, it was more of stroke, but whatever. She dove down, it tilted further. Her legs pumped, her arms slashed the hellishly cold water, the orb began a slow roll down the wood. She swam over one of the last chunks of wreckage still beneath the ocean's surface, the orb rolled faster. She pushed another piece of the galleon out of the way, noting with alarm that her extremities were nearly numb, and reached for the orb as it fell over the edge. The freed plank rose up and struck her in the chin, but she continued diving after the orb. Her deadened fingertips brushed it, held it long enough to bring it up, and one gave out. The orb, resting on the very edge of her fingers, wavered and slipped back down, threatening to disappear into an abyss as cold as death.

An onset of panic flooded her increasingly sluggish mind, and she lunged again—grabbed it, numb fingers gave way, it fell again—_Can't control my fingers—_got a hand under it, arm locked up, froze up, the ball slid to the side—lungs screamed for air, burning her chest, a flame in a glacier—her left hand caught it, right hand came around, it began to squirt back out—_Oh crap, I'm not gonna make it—_secured it between her arm and chest, made for a dim light shining between debris—_Okay Bridge, you can do this—_the light was brighter, her eyes burned with fire she'd never known possible, threatening to blind her, how it hurt—her finger breached the surface, darkness breached her mind, threatening to drag her into Cocytus, leave her there for eternity—_Can't black out now, can't die here, don't black out, where are you Geoff_...

Her head pierced the waves, allowing sweet air into her system. After the agony in her chest had subsided, removing herself from the water took priority again, and she began swimming as fast as she could back to the steamboat. On top, looking over the railing with a terrified expression, stood Geoff, hands over his mouth. Despite the numbness in both body and mind, Bridgette gave him a reassuring wave and as much of a smirk as she dared. His worry disappeared and he grinned at her, waving back. The sight of him sent a shot of warmth into her system, and the task instantly seemed less arduous. As she came up to the edge, she saw a block of ice jutting out of the steamboat's side. _Wha...ice? Why is there...oh yeah, Zeke_. She looked up at her boyfriend, teeth chattering and all-together too cold to smile at him, and called, "C-c-catch!"

She heaved the orb up towards the rim, putting as much force as she could into the toss. Which, in her state, wasn't enough to get it atop. Luckily for her, Geoff reached down and plucked out of the air before it could clang off of the ship's side. He threw a fist into the air and cheered, "Woo-hoo, that's my girl! Just a sec, I'll get you out of there..."

Bridgette heard a dull _thunk_ from the deck that had to be the orb falling to the ground, and Geoff vanished behind the railing as he bent down. He reappeared with Enceladus and lowered the blunt end with a grin. "All right babe, just grab on and I'll pull you up."

She thanked him with a smile, shaking too hard for intelligible words, and gripped the glowing pole as tight as her frostbitten fingers would allow. Slowly, Geoff lifted the strange weapon back over the railing. As soon as she was over dryish ground, Bridgette released her grip and glomped Geoff, throwing both to the wooden floor. "Oh G-Geoff, I was s-s-so s-scared down th-there. I thought I..."

She trailed off as she found her head resting on the last thing it should at the time: Geoff's nearly-freezing copper breastplate. She quickly pulled away, confusing the party boy. "Uh, Bridge? You all right?"

"I'll b-be fine," she assured him, curling up into a ball. "J-just cold. You're armor d-didn't help."

"Oh. Sorry," he muttered, glaring at the offending piece of life-preserving metal. "I'll take you down stairs, then. One of the bedrooms is flooded, but I got Zeke and Courtney in the other one."

As he scooped her up, she asked, "Why's Zeke down there? Sea sick?"

"Nah, dude totally passed out after that spell. Completely drained."

Bridgette sighed and nodded. She had considered giving Ezekiel a not-so-nice piece of her mind for sending her into such deadly conditions, but with him asleep and her to soon follow...no chance. She couldn't hold a grudge that long no matter what the conditions. Geoff opened the door to the cabin softly, revealing two snoring teens, and gently laid Bridgette down on the free bunk. As he pulled the thin blanket over her, he said, "Good thing the room with three beds wasn't flooded, huh?"

"Yeah," Bridgette giggled, pulling the cover as tightly as she could. _Wow, I never thought I could get this cold_. "D-don't know what we'd do if it had."

"Eh, Courtney could stay up top," Geoff suggested, smirking. "Well, I'd better get the boat back to Tuktuk. Sleep tight, Bridge."

"Tell me if you need help," Bridgette told him as he retreated. Once he was gone, she looked at the sleeping prairie boy. _Ezekiel, Duncan, that orb had better be worth it_.

O

O

"Ooh, another sword. From...your pants. I'm not even gonna ask why, man," Duncan mocked, eying the crimson sword with a disgusted look. "If you couldn't beat me when all I had was a hook, what makes you can now?"

"This isn't any ordinary sword," Mr. Blond hissed, pressing said not ordinary sword against Duncan's newly-acquired weapon. His voice as low and intimidating as could be, evil enough to scare off most people. Not Duncan, though. "This sword has seen centuries and joined untold scores of battles. The poison on its edge can take a life in minutes with even the smallest scratch, and it takes one every time it's unsheathed. This sword is Tyrfing, a sword of legend. It is my last weapon, and it will be the last thing you see."

"Oh, fun," Duncan remarked, not thrilled by his foe's blade. "So if I mess up once, I'm dead, right?"

"Yes."

"Then I just won't let you scratch me," Duncan declared with a cocky smirk. "And by the way, you talk more than a Bond villain."

""Don't know what you mean by that," Mr. Blond said, confused. He pressed Tyrfing harder against his old weapon and returned the evil smile. "But like I said, Tyrfing kills every time it's used. I hope you're prepared, cretin."

"One step ahead of ya!" Duncan launched his hook again, digging deep into Mr. Blond's cheek. It scratched bone and carved a deep red canyon into his face as it zoomed back to its original place. A kick blued the cheek, and a slash from Duncan's sword would have taken his head right off if he hadn't blocked it. The recoil from impact nearly bounced the blade right out of Duncan's hands, and he growled. "Damn. You just _had_ to take my right hand, didn't you?"

"I'd apologize," Mr. Blond snarled, slashing at Duncan's waist, "but I ain't sorry."

Duncan parried the strike and lashed out with his hook. "Dude, you are really lame."

He ducked a cut and blocked an overhead slash from the intern, slicing both of his legs with the hook. Mr. Blond tried to knee him, but found a green blade embedded in his kneecap. He winced and tried to cut into Duncan—anywhere would do—but the criminal was too fast. He blocked the attack with his hook and stabbed up at Mr. Blond's chest. The sword struck the sternum, but didn't have the power to pierce it. Mr. Blond yowled just the same and backed away from the crouching thief. Duncan gave him a smile that didn't reveal any of what he felt inside. _Damn it, I could have killed right there if I had my right arm! I can cut him all I want, but killing him's gonna be tough_.

The two moved in a repeating circle, staring down the other, daring their enemy to make a move. Only the waves splashing against the tiny boat, the cold, howling wind and their own footsteps could be heard for nearly a minute. Duncan beckoned for him to make the first move, Mr. Blond silently declined. Finally, Duncan broke the ice. "Okay, dude. Any time now. I'm not gonna make the next move."

"Fine then." Mr. Blond bolted at the teen and raised a hand, anticipating Duncan's hook shot. It came, hooking his fingers like an oversized fishhook, and he chortled in triumph as he brought Tyrfing around for a slice at the knees. His former sword blocked it and the three following swipes, and Duncan launched the hook again. Once more, Mr. Blond found himself flying back against the railing, but he was ready for Duncan's next move. He kept his sword at the ready as the chain tugged him in towards its master, knowing that one small slash would end the fight. Unfortunately for him, Duncan hadn't forgotten that either. As soon as the hook began to come back, he dropped the sword to grab the hook with his good hand. He heaved spun around, extending the chain to its fullest in the some motion, and Mr. Blond found himself fifteen feet above the deck. And then barely hovering over the rough ocean. He snarled and reached out for the railing...and froze at Duncan's wicked grin. The delinquent pressed a button on his metal limb, and the hook returned sans swordsman.

Cackling over his victory, Duncan sat back and scanned the ocean. Far in the distance, almost invisible in the light mist, a Wustan warship floated across the gray expanse. Duncan cocked his brow at it before laughing harder. "Oh man, if they think they're gonna get me, they got another thing coming..."

He looked behind him. He saw several small icebergs dotting the ocean, marking his proximity to Leukonesia. "Yep, no way they catch me now. Hell, even if they can see me, by the time they reach that ice hole, I'll be long gone."

Something slammed against the side of the boat, startling Duncan. A hand had gripped the rail. Tyrfing and Mr. Blond's head followed. As the sneering swordsman clambered back onto the ship, Duncan just cocked an unimpressed unibrow. "Huh. Thought I was done with you. Well, time to fix that."

He stretched slowly, deliberately, waiting for his opponent to rise up while wearing a mocking smile. Mr. Blond glared back, hissing. _Punk. Okay, calm down. Ignore the hook, set up, strike. One cut ends this_. He growled, "Mocking me when I'm not even down? Not too smart. If I were you, I would've-"

Duncan stomped a loose plank, and the other end bopped Mr. Blond on the nose, creating a red river in his nostrils. Duncan cackled while his foe roared, "Damn bastard!"

He clomped down the deck and led with a punch at the chin. Duncan sidestepped, blocked the follow-up slash, and took a kick to the shin. As he dodged a stab at the chest, he laughed. "Ha! You're not gonna beat me with distractions!"

"We'll see," Mr. Blond mused, whipping Tyrfing around to strike his shoulder. Duncan dodged and his blade flashed in the sunlight, burying itself in Mr. Blond's neck. He frowned. _Damn. Not enough. _He released his sword, leaving it embedded in the man's neck, and danced over to his side, avoiding another cut. He dug his hook into Mr. Blond's unprotected armpit, reclaimed his sword, and whispered, "Later, loser."

He launched the hook, slamming Mr. Blond back into the railing. Snarling, the former intern jabbed Tyrfing into the wooden blockade, penetrating deep into the wood. Duncan attempted to retract the claw, but the sword worked as an anchor briefly, and Mr. Blond immediately regretted his tactic as the metal point threat to destroy his upper arm. Finally, the claw won out with a small puff of smoke, and Mr. Blond, Tyrfing and a large part of the rail flew at the criminal. As he stumbled along, trying to work out how he wound up on the losing end of this battle, an idea struck him. He raised Tyrfing high over his head and brought it down like a hammer on top of Duncan. The boat shook, waves formed and nothing even noticed.

Duncan snarled, his sword just as deep in the wood as Tyrfing, his back strained from the force of the blow. His hook remained lodged in the howling swordsman's arm. Taking a few steps back so that the weight of the rail wasn't directly over him, he barked, "Good move, dumbass. Wanna tell me how _this _is gonna work? Don't bother."

Duncan planted one foot against the wooden bar and pushed, trying to yank his sword out, wincing in pain. _Oh man, I am _not_ cut out to do splits._ Opposite him, Mr. Blond did the same, chastising himself for his "brilliant" idea. Duncan's came out first, and he was launched to the deck like a bullet. He pulled on his hook, finally ripping it out in a bloody mess, and declared, "Okay, enough of this crap. I'm taking you down right now!"

He leapt to his feet and charged as Mr. Blond managed to free Tyrfing from its wooden prison. Swords met again, sparked off the other, clashed. The fighters danced around the ship, jumping the broken rail when needed, exchanging blows. Finally, Duncan, his hand weakening from the constant strain, kicked Mr. Blond in the mouth and backed up. "You know, I've had enough of you."

"Same here," Mr. Blond retorted, gratefully accepting the rest. He dared to look behind him for a second. The ivory plains of Leukonesia loomed ahead. He silently vowed to kill Duncan before they reached the icy archipelago, before the crafty crook could find someplace to run off to again. He would...

Apparently, he would cry out in shock and agony as the hook ripped into him again. He turned as Duncan beckoned with a finger, wearing a malicious grin. And with that small motion, he was flying back at the criminal. He didn't make it halfway. Duncan pressed the button on the hook again, and it extended back into the railing. He waved sheepishly. "Sorry. I'm aiming for the gap in the railing. Gonna drop you overboard and run you over!"

_Oh. Shit. _Mr. Blond's eyes widened, he whimpered, and he flew at Duncan's behest once more. The criminal cackled and pressed the button again. Smoke billowed out of the mechanized weapon, and the hook continued on its path. Duncan felt a dull pain and looked up into a pair of triumphant eyes.

Tyrfing was lodged in his shoulder.

O

O

Far, far away from the scene of the battle, a tiny canoe paddled its way across the great ocean. Izzy cackled and whooped as a three-foot wave struck them, threatening to dump them into said great ocean. Owen was a little more apprehensive, though. "Um...Izzy? Aren't these waves bad for us?"

"Oh, totally," she giggled. "But I could use you as a boat again! You're great for that!"

"But...but...", he spluttered, looking quickly at each side. "But it's so _cold_! And huge! And I'm hungry. Do you have any food from the ship?"

"Nope. Sorry. Guess we'll have to eat each other if we end up on a deserted-"

"NOOOOO!"

Owen's howl could be heard for miles. Which didn't matter in the slightest, as their no one was close enough to hear him. Izzy glanced a bit awkwardly at him and asked, "So...no eating each other?"

"Not that, no _food_!" Owen leered at his paddle, imagining it being a giant turkey leg. Or whatever a leg from whatever bird grew that large. Izzy, still smiling, spared the poor piece of wood with a quick slap to his wrists. Owen sighed and returned to rowing in silence. After a few minutes, the orange ball of concentrated energy began yammering again. "So, what'd ya think of Geoffy's crew?"

"I like them," Owen declared with a fart of approval. Izzy nodded. "Yeah, I never got to know Ezekiel at Playa Des Losers, but he's so totally awesome! I mean, he casts the awesomest spells! And he's kinda cute too. Nothing on you Owen."

She said every word in a single breath, leaving Owen to catch up with her thoughts. "Yeah, um...not to sound insecure or anything, but we stop talking about him?"

"Okay!" She chirped, unfazed by his anxiety. "So, how do you think Heather's gonna react. I bet she's gonna be all like, 'omigod, you like didn't get the blue thing', and I'd be like, 'no, but I met the awesomest people', and she'd be all, 'omigod, that's so cool but I'm gonna...kill...you...'oh crap!"

Izzy looked panicked. She began searching around with desperation, although for what, Owen had no idea. "Uh...Izzy? We're the only ones here."

"Yeah, but we need to get away! Heather's gonna throw us in the dungeon when we get back, leech out information from our brains and then feed us to...oh wait, you're right here."

"Uh..." was the most sensible reply Owen could come up with. "Actually, Iz...she said we're kinda valuable to her. I don't think she's gonna do that."

He wiped sweat from his brow and let his oars rest. "I'm beat. Wanna make out?"

A second later, Izzy was on top of him.

O

O

Duncan shuddered, feeling the venom race into his bloodstream. He had to act, had to kill this man, had to do _something_, anything, before the poison took its toll, but he couldn't move. He just stood there, gaping like a fool at Mr. Blond's triumphant face, stiff as a statue. The bastard leaned closer and hissed, "I win, fool. You'll be dead in five minutes. I'll tell those Wustans that you tried to kill me and I was just protecting myself—which is technically true—and then, after I personally execute Izzy, I'm gonna hunt down your friends. I will kill all of them with Tyrfing, and I have special plans for your girl. I'll tell her how you died, squirming at my feet, and then I'll-"

Duncan silenced him with a kick to a very sensitive spot between the legs. Slashing across Mr. Blond's eyes with his hook, he screamed, "You are not gonna fucking _touch _Courtney!"

Growling loudly, he began assaulting the former intern, letting his rage guide him. He lashed out with both hook and sword, tearing away at whatever he could reach, ignoring the jabs of the crimson blade. Mr. Blond cowered away from the manic assault, trying to find a reprieve. It didn't come. Strengthened and guided by his emotions, Duncan raged on, mercilessly slashing, stabbing, clawing, kicking, overwhelming the offender. Mr. Blond found himself coated in wounds—none fatal by themselves, but aggregated, nearly so—and his vision hampered by free-flowing blood. He stood his ground and tried to block both of Duncan's weapons. The hook got through—_pain_. Duncan took a stab to the shoulder, whipped his weapons—_pain_. Duncan launched a knee at his chin—_pain_. Mr. Blond blocked the hook, but Duncan stabbed his stomach—_PAIN_.

Mr. Blond collapsed, Tyrfing dropping by his feet. Down on his hands and knees, he panted, heaved, waited for the final blow. Duncan stood over him, his sight blurring, his face hateful, his voice cracking with emotion. "_You_. You take my hand and eye. You threaten my friends. You threaten my goddamn girlfriend. And you do it all with a damn _smile_. You are not walking away, bastard."

At 'bastard', he kicked Mr. Blond square in the jaw, sending the broken man onto his back on the reddening deck. Huffing, Duncan walked over to Tyrfing and picked it up. "Damn...how the hell did I ever lose to you without this piece of shit? Oh yeah, I remember."

* * *

_"Damn, how the heck did I lose to a girl with a butter knife?" Duncan grumbled as he stumbled along the ruggedness of Tofino, rubbing his cut shoulder. "Seriously. Izzy's freaking nuts."_

_Something landed behind him, ending his annoyed monologue. He turned and blinked when he saw who stood before him. "You? Agent 12 or whatever? Look, I'm really in a hurry, and I can' waste my-"_

_Something flickered in the night. Duncan felt a flash of pain in an eye, and then there was blood and darkness. Howling, he backed away, reaching for his dagger. It was too late; Mr. Blond just continued to attack. Duncan raised his free hand to stop the blade. The sword passed right through and Duncan found himself looking down at his own hand laying in the moist grass. He fell back, sick and terrified, and looked up at his attacker. Mr. Blond stood over him and pronounced, "The punishment for treason, as mandated by Her Majesty, is death."_

_Duncan gaped at the agent and did the first thing that came to his mind. He chucked his dagger, and by a stroke of luck, the short weapon buried itself in Mr. Blond's stomach. As he howled and backed away, Duncan turned and ran for the hills, nursing his bleeding stump. He found a small cave in on of the myriad mesas dotting the Tofino landscape and hid. He ate an herb, healing most of his wounds but not giving him a new hand or eye. He thought back to the battle, to his severed limb, and—_

* * *

He threw up. Right onto Mr. Blond's chest. Still tasting bile, he rose back up and stood over the barely-breathing man. His own vision had gone from bad to worse, to the point that Mr. Blond hardly looked human to him, and his muscles were twitching and locking up. Grimacing, he forced himself to lift Tyrfing over Mr. Blond's neck and said, "Rot in hell, bastard. And you deserved that puke, by the way."

Just before he collapsed entirely, Duncan brought the sword down, and Mr. Blond never saw anything in that world again.

* * *

On an icy coast, two familiar figures made their way through a snowstorm towards a blue object floating in the water. One of them leaned down next to it and gasped. "Uh, Gwen? I think...I think we know this guy..."

The goth girl looked just as shocked as her companion. "Oh God, is he alive, Trent?"

"I think so," Trent said, poking at the unconscious body. "But I think he has hypothermia."

"Then grab him! We need to get him back to Gjoa Haven. He needs to get to Her Majesty right now!"

* * *

At approximately 6:30 in the morning, the port town of Tuktoyuktuk was awakened by a loud noide. Some said it was a banshee; others claimed it was a bomb; most believed a cannon had gone off.

The truth was, a certain counselor in training had not taken well to the fact that her comrade had sucked all of her physical energy away so he could create a geyser.

Ezekiel peeked his head from under his hotel bed as Courtney wrapped up her rant. "Er...sorry for not asking first, eh."

"Whatever," Courtney snorted, still seething. She whipped around to glare at Geoff, causing him to yelp and jump back. "So. Did we get the orb?"

Bridgette smiled and reached for the object in question. As she brought it out from under her bed, she clanged it against the metal frame and dropped it. It rolled and came to a halt by Courtney's feet. The CIT simply said, "Good."

Bridgette rolled her eyes at the curt reply before fixing Ezekiel with a false glare. "And Zeke? Never send me into freezing water again."

"Ya, okay," Ezekiel agreed, smiling back. All three turned to look at their still-slumbering leader. Courtney rolled her eyes and said, "So, Bridgette. Care to wake the Chosen One?"

She smiled and kissed Geoff on the cheek. His snores stopped instantly and he blinked up the surfer. "Mornin', babe."

"Morning, Geoff." Geoff yawned and beamed at everyone...and then froze, a distraught expression taking over his morning bliss. Bridgette asked, "What's the matter?"

Geoff sighed, as though it were hard to speak. Looking at the floor, he muttered, "It's...Tyler, Bridge. It just won't be as good a party without him."

Courtney's first instinct was to remind him that the quest wasn't supposed to be a party, that he should be looking mostly for useful party members, blah, blah, blah. Instead, she joined the others in an unstated moment of silence for their fallen comrade. Once she'd felt like it had been long enough, she spoke. "I'll admit, I'm gonna miss him. Yes, he screwed up a lot, and he might of ran his mouth a little too often...but I liked him. He was a good guy."

"Ya, but why talk about him like he's dead?" Ezekiel asked, earning four stares that asked if he was insane. "I think he survived, eh. I mean, crazier things have happened here, right?"

"Like?" Bridgette asked. Ezekiel pointed in the general direction of the Wanak Forest. "Uh, killer zombie beavers, eh?"

"Ezekiel. I mean, Zeke," Courtney said, as professionally as she could, "You are naïve and are generally ignorant about how the real world works. But you do have a point there."

"Dude just took a cannonball to the chest. That ain't gonna take him out," Geoff declared, grinning at the prairie boy. "Besides, dude can't die yet. He has to help us kick Heather's butt."

"True," Bridgette agreed. Courtney finally allowed herself to smile. "Well, I guess we're all gonna believe in Ezekiel. Totally _insane_, but then...this whole quest is completely insane."

"Yep. Now, I'm starving. I'm gonna go see if the have any grub downstairs," Geoff announced, strapping on his breastplate. Bridgette leapt to his side, and as they exited, sang, "Doubtful."

Courtney kept up her smirk as they left before turning to Ezekiel. "Okay, Zeke. Before the battle, Tyler and I had a little discussion. And, well...I basically told him I'd try to get along with you better."

Ezekiel shrugged. "Okay, that's cool, eh."

"And while you _seem_ like you've changed since the first day," Courtney continued, a bit more uneasy, "I'm...I'm still nervous about how you think of Bridgette."

"What?" he asked, genuinely confused. "I like her as a friend, eh. Don't know why-"

"I saw how you were at the Playa Des Losers with her, Zeke," Courtney interjected, nervousness on full display. "And I didn't like how you acted around her. I know you really haven't done anything with her yet, but..."

"She's Geoff's girl," he said with another shrug. "During TDA, I kinda talked to Cody a lot, and he told me not to go after her because of that."

Courtney blinked before smiling again. "Okay then. Really, just as long as you show some respect for Bridgette and I, I think we'll be fine."

"As long as you stop blaming me for everything, eh," Ezekiel said, earning a light chuckle from her. "Yeah, sorry about that. I'll try to stop."

"Hey, Court!" Geoff roared as he exploded back into the room with Bridgette, ridiculously wide grin on his face. "You know that little speech you gave about Tyler? You admitted you liked him!"

"Not like _that_, you idiot!"

* * *

He was nowhere he had seen before. The walls, the door, the ceiling, the floor...all a dead gray stone construct. Cracks crept at the corners, man-made scratches on the smooth walls, three bars on the door, the only glimpse outside of the room. Not that they mattered; all he could see was a dark, endless corridor. The cold hit him like a wave, freezing him to his cot, which may as well have been made of stone. He had no clue where any light came from—perhaps its source was just out of sight. Or perhaps it came from the two men strutting towards him, carrying torches.

His mind still hazy, body aching, Duncan observed them. Iron plate armor, steel helms with a war crest, swords at their sides...yep, Wustan Prison Guards. They opened the door, and Duncan's mouth erupted. "Where the hell am I?"

"The deepest cell of Tuktoyuktuk's dungeon," one of the faceless men replied without emotion. He dropped a sack next to the cot. "You're lucky we chased you down, and even luckier you had that elixir on you. You'd be dead otherwise."

"Elixir? And...oh. Right. That warship," Duncan mumbled, trying to catch up with his own memories. He remembered throwing Mr. Blond overboard, seeing the coming ship, receiving a blow to the shoulder (which, he noted, was completely healed), Mr. Blond taunting him...and then nothing. One of the guards briefly exited the cell and came back with a canteen and...Tyrfing. He explained, "The elixir is a cure-all, healing both physical wounds and sensory damage and purging poisons."

"Oh, the red crap," Duncan grumbled, annoyed by their presence. He couldn't remember what had happened. Had he actually finished his opponent, or..."Is this sword yours?"

"Huh?" Duncan blinked at the weapon in question, memories finally breaking through. He knew he had fought on despite Tyrfing's venom, and somehow acquired the blade, but..."Yes. It's mine."

"Very well. Your initial crime was major, but escaping in such a violent way and the murder of that man on your boat are unforgivable. Our medics well tend to your health, which will take weeks, and then...well, you could say this is your new home." The other guard kicked at the sack on the grinned, chuckling behind his face guard. "Enjoy your meal."

"W-wait!" Duncan cried, jumping out of his bed as the two slammed the door shut and left. He threw himself against the stone portal, grasping a bar with his one good hand and trying to curl his hook around another. Except there was no hook, just a mutilated stub. His body rebelled against his sudden movements, pain threatening to drop him to the floor. He grimaced and forced himself to remain standing, snarling at the retreating men and their gift of light. "I am _not _spending my life here, damn you..."

Next to his cell, Tyrfing's crimson blade gleamed.

* * *

**A/N: Well, hope that wasn't too rough. Next chapter might take a bit; I have to take a bit of time to really consider how I'm gonna handle the next arc, and my sole summer class is currently demanding my attention.**

**Next time: Back to Tofino, since, you know, there's still a sage to find.**


	10. Act 5: Into The Blue Again

**A/N: Sorry about the wait. Blame college.**

**Total Drama Island/Action still don't belong to me. Nor do the characters. **

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* * *

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**(Chris narrating): Last time on Total Drama Quest...Our heroes journeyed through the rugged swamp of Tofino, a fun little watery province. Unfortunately, they didn't get to stay long, as Duncan tricked them and stole Enceladus. They chased him up the Black River, lost him when he jumped into the river and managed to piss off some fisherman. Good job, Courtney.**

**Luckily (for them), DJ showed up and they were able to pass through the fishing town. DJ's furry friend, the creatively named Bunny, led them through a rocky pass to another tiny town. Along the way, Courtney's shirt was torn and Ezekiel caught his first glimpse of second base. Duncan's not gonna be too happy 'bout that, man.**

**Speaking of our favorite criminal, he got owned by something he picked up in the river and thrown into his favorite kind of dwelling—a prison. The party met with him and were sent to snatch a blue orb from none other than Izzy and her comrades, Owen and...some guy. I think he might have been an intern on TDA. Who cares, he's dead now.**

**Out on the ocean between Wüste and Leukonesia, Geoff waged a naval battle against Izzy. And then things got nuts. That intern guy launched Tyler off into the sunset, Ezekiel destroyed Izzy's ship, Duncan appeared out of nowhere to kill that intern dude, Bridgette swam in ice-cold water for the orb and got hypothermia...fun times. But in the end, Geoff was the last man standing, the orb secured. Oh, and it looks like Duncan's gonna rot away in prison.**

**What ever became of Tyler? Who will take his place? Will Duncan ever get out of Tukto...Tiktako...sigh, that one place? Do you like mystery? Technology? Crazy killer dudes? Then you'll love...**

**ACT V: OCEAN SIZED DRAMA**

**...On Total...Drama...Quest!**

**(Please note that the above is not a guarantee of your enjoyment and I, Chris Maclean, am not liable for any dislike you may have for this act. You can blame a certain law-suit happy CIT for having to read this.)

* * *

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Into The Blue Again

The man in black ran across the beach, and the soldier followed. Metal armor clanked as he tracked the city's assailant onto the first of many patios suspended upon the ocean's waves. The perpetrator, swift as the wind, leapt a small ribbon of water and crossed into a dark alley between two floating houses. The soldier managed the jump, but would have lost the mysterious man if he had not tripped rounding a corner. Captain Herbert snarled after following the dark stranger out of the alley and nearly straight into a warehouse, its doors wide open. His prey disappeared into the waiting abyss. Herbert watched for several moments, considering the possibility of calling in a squad to deal with the man. But why should he, one of the ten captains of Tofino's military forces, rely on an entire squad to bring down one man, no matter how much damage he had done? The darkness beckoned, and Herbert answered its call.

His metal boots clanked on the stone floor as he dared to tread through the pitch black storage room. His eyes darted around, hoping to find even the slightest trace of a man. He sniffed the air. Corn, fish and gunpowder. Nothing out of the ordinary for this particular warehouse...wait, _gunpowder_?

In an instant, he realized what was going on. He bolted towards the exit, his chain mail nearly pulling him down as he wheeled about, but whoever he was chasing was a second ahead. The doors slammed shut, leaving Herbert in pitch black. For several seconds, he only heard his own frantic breaths. Then, from outside, a voice said, "Nice try...but all the denizens of hell couldn't stop me now. Lights out..."

Several flames flickered to life, finally casting light on the warehouse's contents. Littered among the sacks of corn, barrels of trout and bales of cotton...small, circular bombs. Each one with a lit fuse. Herbert swallowed, and flung himself at the door, spear first. The lance pierced into the wooden door, but it held. The flames burned away while he stabbed and pounded the doors. The man, from seemingly much further away, called out, "...guerrilla radio. Later."

Herbert took one last glance at the bombs before they went off. No scream came from him—there wasn't any time. There was only fire.

And then nothing.

* * *

As it turned out, there was food available at the inn. The party sat around a small table. They ate without speaking, although Geoff's wolfishness made the meal anything but quiet. Once the allure of actual food that wasn't jerky or bread wore off, Courtney asked, "So...what now?"

"Huh?" Geoff grunted, spraying Courtney. Making a mental note not to talk to Geoff when he ate, she scowled and wiped her face. "We got the orb. Should we wait for Duncan, or just go ahead to Tofino?"

"Why go back to that other place?" Geoff asked around a mouthful of food. "I mean...that...oh, _man_, this is good...wha?"

If not for the platter before her, Courtney would have slammed her forehead against the table in exasperation. Instead, she calmly turned to Bridgette and asked, "What do you think?"

"We're gonna need Duncan," Bridgette replied, poking at her fruit salad. _I wish this stuff wasn't so foreign_. "He's our only way into Heather's castle, and we're down a man right now. Plus, our boat's toast."

"And how do you figure that?" Courtney snapped, raising an eyebrow. "I'm not exactly an expert, but I'm sure that hole can be fixed."

"We're broke, eh," Ezekiel cut in, not looking away from his books. Both lay open on other side of his untouched plate, and he had been studying them during the entire meal. He continued, "or we will be in a bit. You're gonna force us to buy new clothes, right, Courtney?"

Courtney's mouth snapped shut as she contemplated the benefits of fixing the boat as opposed to ending the eternal stench of blood and swamp. Bridgette sidled closer to him and peered at one of the books and said, "You know, Zeke, you still haven't told me how to use those."

"Oh...well," Ezekiel stammered, blushing slightly. As he broke into a long-winded and dull explanation of how one went about discovering new spells, Courtney sighed and looked down at her plate. And shrieked as Geoff shamelessly stole a sausage from it. "Geoff!"

"What?" Geoff questioned with complete innocence, attempting to hide the chunk of meat in his already overstuffed mouth. Courtney's eye twitched, but she decided to let the theft go. For now. "Nothing. Never mind...but seriously, Geoff. You're supposed to be the leader here. What do we do next?"

"I dunno," Geoff replied with a shrug. "Get someone to join us, I guess. It's gonna be a much less lively party without Tyler..."

"This. _Is not_. A freaking party," she hissed, pounding the table with each word. The tremors briefly distracted Bridgette and Ezekiel, but they kept right chatting once they figured Courtney's annoyance had nothing to do with them. "This is a _quest_. This world's future is at stake, Geoff! Like Tyler would say, you have to get your head in—_stop that_!"

Quick as a snakebite, Geoff's hand launched out to snag a slice of bacon. After deterring him with a slap to the wrist, Courtney scowled and leaned forward, hellfire raging in her eyes. "God damn it, _why _won't you take anything seriously?!"

"Um...sorry?" Geoff whimpered, cowering away from her glare. The two magic users again paused their conversation to determine that there was no threat to them. Noting with some unease that Ezekiel's voice was becoming livelier, she said, "Now _listen_. You are the Chosen One, as I'm sure you're well aware of by now. You need to stop goofing off so much. This includes all the time you spend making out with Bridgette. You're supposed to be a hero; start acting like-"

"_Spiraalvormige_!" Ezekiel crowed, pointing at the wall. A blast of spiraling wind erupted from his fingertip and plowed straight through the wooden barrier. The whirlwind continued on its path, sucking up everything that got in its way: wood, food, plates, a few people trying to eat in peace. It died down by the time it reached the door, depositing everything in a chaotic, painful heap. All of the patrons turned their glares to the rapidly paling prairie boy. Courtney, dumbstruck for a moment, asked, "...Zeke?"

"I thought it would just create a small whirlwind right in front of me, eh!"

Bridgette glanced nervously at the advancing crowd. "Guys? Run."

* * *

"Well, that went pretty well, eh," Ezekiel muttered to himself as he approached a small shop, idly fingering his pocket of gold coins. "Except for the spell. But hey, it seems like a good one. I should probably be finding spells for Bridge, though..."

He entered the small building, checking his other pocket for the fourth time. Yep, his toque was still there. He had pocketed at Courtney's behest, since the people from the hotel were no doubt looking for them and the hat was easily distinguishable. Courtney demanded the group go out and buy new clothing, a move that not only would help conceal them for any pursuers (she insisted that no one had gotten a good look at their faces) but would also end their lingering smell. With his clothes being relatively fresh compared to the others, Ezekiel had other ideas for his allotment of money. Brushing his rather untamed brown hair of his face, he eyed the contents of the store. Aside from the usual herbs and antidotes and such, there wasn't much the party needed. After spending most of his gold on a bunch of the foul leaves, he plodded towards the exit. He heard a scream from outside, something that normally would have put him on alert. However, this shout was very recognizable. _And someone manages to piss off Courtney. Sheesh, she's like a bomb, eh_.

Once outside, he spied their ship and the enraged CIT beside it. He had no idea what she was saying, and frankly, he didn't _want_ to know. As he made his way back to her, his mind wandered a bit. _I really hope she can come to trust me, eh. I know it probably looks like I'm trying to take Geoff's girl, but...she's just my friend, eh. Courtney's probably not gonna accept that any time soon, though_.

His stomach rumbled, reminding him of the one thing thing he missed that morning. "Oh man, why'd I study, eh?"

* * *

Bridgette smiled at the deep blue jacket. Perfect. It saddened her to replace the familiar turquoise hoodie, as one would expect; the coat had seen her through two seasons of that maddening show, as well as the equally maddening journey to that point. But it had reached its end; coated in mud, lined with blood, ripped to shreds. She sighed and fiddled with the gold coins in her pocket as she made her way over to the clerk. As she dropped 32 of the metallic chunks onto the counter, a scream from outside blasted her ears. The clerk jumped so fast that her seat toppled over, spilling her onto the wooden floor, but Bridgette just rolled her eyes. _Ugh. Why can't Courtney go ten minutes any more without erupting?I swear if she really intends to run for office some day, she needs to get a hold on her temper. I want to know why she's like this, but since she won't tell us..._

_...She's really unfair to Zeke, too. He's a nice guy, but Courtney doesn't seem to see it. I'll have to convince her he's just a friend_. Sighing again, Bridgette took her new clothes over to what she

assumed was a changing room, leaving the old lady to fend for herself. _I hope Geoff's doing okay. I _

_wonder if he's found a new vest yet...

* * *

_

Geoff's mind wasn't on vests. Or any other kind of clothing. He perused the various foods in another shop, drool seeping out the side of his mouth. The delicious scents of various pastries, meats and other foreign delicacies called to him, enticed him, demanded his allotment of the party's coinage...something on the far end caught his eye. Something totally awesome, reddish-pink, cylindrical, in between two buns...Geoff's jaw hit just about hit the floor. "Dude! You have _hot dogs_?"

The clerk nodded slowly, highly disturbed by the party boy, if not downright offended by his existence. The smelly teen began grabbing everything he could reach, with special emphasis on the hot dogs, and began stuffing them haphazardly into a bag. Where he got the bag from, the clerk had no idea. He threw his head down against the counter and mumbled about overzealous customers while Geoff continued his rampage. "Ooh, need some of this for Bridge, and this looks good, and _oh wow_, that smells great..."

* * *

Courtney seethed at the entirely random soldier she had stopped. And then proceeded to scream at. "What do you mean, _I can't see Duncan_?! I _need _ to see him, don't you understand?"

"I'm sorry, ma'am," the guard responded, trembling a bit. He wished he could be anywhere but with that particular loon. "I'm not allowed to-"

"Get out of my way," Courtney snarled, pushing him out her way as she headed towards the dungeon. As she stormed across the dusty road, Ezekiel emerged from one of the near-identical buildings spread around. As he jogged towards her with a friendly wave, she set her anger on him. "I told you to get new clothes! What were you thinking?"

"That my clothes are fine, eh," Ezekiel replied with a shrug, unaffected by her harsh greeting. "Only got a couple holes from the pass."

"_That's _not why-" the CIT began, but Bridgette suddenly emerged from between two huts. "Hey, Courtney, Zeke. What set her off this time?"

"Never mind, I'll tell you when Geoff shows up," Courtney snapped, marching onward. "And thanks for actually following my advice, Bridgette."

The surfer shrugged, struggling to keep with her friend's pace. "I needed new clothes. And can you please slow down? Zeke and I can hardly keep up. Where are you going anyway?"

"The dungeon. We're getting Duncan...out...quick, hide!"

Courtney grabbed both of her companions and flung them to the side of a building, out of view from the street they had just been on. Ezekiel tried to grumble a protest, but Courtney silenced him with a finger. She peered around the edge of the shop. A small gaggle of patrons from the inn, accompanied by soldiers, made their way up the street. One of the civilians—who Courtney now recognized as the innkeeper—looked their way, and Courtney wasn't able to pull her head back fast enough. She held her breath, not even daring to look back at them. She heard their faint, indistinguishable murmuring and hoped they hadn't recognized her. Unlikely, she knew—like Ezekiel, she still wore the same clothes she had at the inn. And then, to her surprise, the group came into view, walking steadily away from them. Somehow, she hadn't been recognized. She exhaled and slowly turned to face her companions...

Bridgette screamed as someone cupped her eyes from behind and shouted in jovial voice, "Guess who, Bridge!"

Geoff's grin faded as Courtney and Ezekiel whipped fully around, the prairie boy producing one of his books from...somewhere. He couldn't tell where, though. Courtney opened her mouth to speak, to tell him to shut up, to probably hurl an insult, but the retreating innkeeper beat her to the punch. "There! That's them!"

Geoff blinked as his friends rushed past him into the alley. It took a second to recognize the group chasing them. Once he caught sight of the innkeeper's face, he too bolted with a shout. Courtney winced and growled, "_Why_ are you still wearing that stupid pink vest? Are you trying to get caught? I _told _you you needed-"

"Sorry, geez," Geoff gasped, rounding a building and heading out into the open streets, pursuers still close behind. "I just thought we needed food, and-"

"Food? _Food_? You...wasted our money on...food?" Courtney spat, starting to heave from the sprint. "We...could have just...stolen food..."

"No," Bridgette replied, firm as iron. "We are _done_ stealing and hijacking and...and...and whatever else you plan on doing."

"Oh really? I managed to con a boat repair guy into fixing our ship!"

Her remark earned her three facepalms and further incised those chasing them. Ezekiel pointed at the boat and asked, "So, you're planning gonna escape on the ship?"

"Yep. Told the guy I'd pay after he'd fixed it." Ezekiel's finger shifted slightly to aim at three other men standing before the ship, glaring at them. "I think they heard you, eh."

"_What_?" Courtney skidded to halt, allowing Geoff to plow right over her, blasting her to the ground while he rolled in front of the shipwrights guarding their boat. He scrambled to sit up, raising Enceladus in front of himself. At the sight of the incandescent weapon, Courtney's eye twitched. It didn't matter that he still wore that stupid pink vest and battered plate; Enceladus was far too recognizable a weapon for any kind of disguise to work. Her eyes darted between the two groups as Bridgette noted the obvious: "Um...we're surrounded."

Geoff rose to his feet, brandishing the cylindrical weapon while silently hoping not to use it. Courtney and Bridgette edged back, drawing closer to the mage. They knew it would only be a moment before Ezekiel acted, blowing away the legions swarming them with a single mutter and a wave of the hand. Wind, water, fire, lightning...all were at his disposable, and it didn't matter which he used as long as the spell worked. The soldiers and citizens would have no idea what hit them, and by the time they had recovered, the party would be long gone, whether on foot or boat...

Ezekiel, books still poking out his back pockets, eyed the two expectant girls. "What? My book's out of energy. Can't cast a spell, eh."

"Urgh!" Courtney squealed, whipping around to snarl at Geoff. The party boy quivered as the wind blew through the town, trembling hands somehow maintaining a grip on the thick weapon. Outside of the angry ring, curious citizens were lining up to see the commotion. _This is looking impossible. If we don't do something right now_... "Geoff! Deal with these guys already!"

"Um...kay..." Geoff mumbled. Wanting nothing more than to avoid violence, he cleared his throat and said, "Okay, look dudes. I'm sorry about the hotel wall, but we're flat broke right now. And ship dudes, don't worry about fixing the boat. So yeah...just chill, okay guys? It's not that big a deal."

Following her boyfriend's complete failure at diplomacy, Bridgette made a mental note to only allow herself and Courtney to talk the group's way out of problems while the mob's clamor split her ears and gave her a headache. She didn't actually hear any words in the cacophony, but judging by Ezekiel's increasingly white face, nothing good was coming from them. She looked around to find the group's last hope, the only one of them that could possibly fight his way out of this mess (although Courtney looked more than ready to try). Geoff, the Chosen One and wielder of Enceladus, stood frozen next to Bridgette and Ezekiel, looking very much like a trapped rat. As the soldiers began their approach, swords and spears drawn to keep their targets at bay, As Ezekiel's hands shot up, Geoff looked up at Bridgette and whined, "This might be it, babe. I just want..."

He trailed off as she raised an eyebrow, a bit slack jawed. Jabbing a finger at the surrounding soldiers, she barked, "This isn't 'it', Geoff! We need you to take these guys!"

Geoff opened his mouth to protest, combing every corner of his mind for an excuse. Nothing viable came. He had Enceladus, and his friends were in danger; nothing he could come up with could possibly override either of those facts. Sighing as he dragged the weapon up before him, he turned his forlorn gaze towards the advancing soldiers...

"You! Down with the weapon!" Geoff quickly found two spear points poking at him. Hardly daring to breathe his eyes flicked around as he allowed Enceladus to drop from his hands. He took in Bridgette's facade of calmness and Ezekiel's shriveling terror before catching Courtney's face. Her lips were bared back in a snarl, her eyes glinting in the sunlight, her petite fists curled up, but the very edges of her mouth rapidly twitched up and down, trying to smile despite the situation. _She's gotta be __thinking about seeing Duncan..._

And then the purple weapon clanked as it struck the ground, chipping at the stone street, bouncing back to bruise Bridgette's leg. Courtney fixed her glare on him, eyes wider than they had been, silently asking him why he gave up the fight. As if it wasn't obvious enough. Behind the platoon of armed men, the innkeeper lurched forward, greedily eying the fallen weapon. However, one of the soldiers barred his path with an arm and barked, "No! That weapon is now the property of the palace at Yellowknife. You may not touch it."

The wrinkled man nodded and stepped back, quaking. Before the captain could address Geoff, the sound of steel striking stone rang through the street, echoed twice by the jangle of metal on metal. As a second footfall came, all at the scene turned towards the main road to view another soldier, dressed from head to toe in steel armor, making his way towards the group with an inexorable air. The figure's march would have been downright ominous if not for the similarly-dressed creature hopping alongside him. The crowd parted to make way for the large—larger than any of the other men—and shiny warrior and his pet. As a breeze blew dust down the thoroughfare, man and rabbit finally came to halt before the soldiers and the giant peered down at the captain, the abyssal darkness sending tremors down his spine. The giant spoke, a friendly tenor voice that did not suit him. "Hey, man. What've these guys done?"

The innkeeper and shipwright burst at the same time, both eruptions complete with elaborate, overzealous finger-jabbing. "These guys destroyed my inn!"

"That witch tried to swindle me outta money!"

"Hundreds of years of history! I demand _punishment_!"

"I demand a public hanging!"

"Really? I mean, I know it costs a lot to repair ships, but..."

"Okay, maybe a little too far."

Both silenced themselves nearly as quickly as they started, noting the various odd looks they received. The large soldier paused a moment, presumably to roll his eyes, before asking, "Hey, Geoff, man? What happened?"

"Uh, well," Geoff began, readjusting his hat, "Ezekiel accidentally destroyed a wall of the inn with a totally awesome new spell, and Courtney tried to get our boat fixed without paying."

A metallic crash rang out, jolting people in nearby buildings as the soldier's massive paw smashed against his helm in exasperation. "All right, the palace at Yellowknife will cover the costs for both. I need to talk to these guys."

A dull babble broke out from the crowd as they departed, leaving the large knight, the captain and Geoff's party behind. Behind them, the shipwright began working on the boat once again, throwing spiteful glances at Courtney. The captain looked up into his superior's blank visor and asked, "Sir Devon? What are you doing?"

"Dude's the Chosen One," he said with a loud shrug. "Gotta help him out."

"I...see," the soldier replied, glancing back at Geoff with new-found awe. "Well, then. I trust you'll take care of this then."

After exchanging curt nods, the captain left as the larger knight stepped forward and chirped, "Hey, y'all!"

"DJ, dude!" Geoff cried out as he knelt to pick up Enceladus. As he gripped the weapon, Bunny hopped up and sniffed at him. "And Bunny, too! How are ya, furry dude?"

Courtney couldn't help but smirk as Geoff reached out and stroked the rabbit's helmet. "So, DJ...that's twice you've saved us now. Thanks."

"Naw, don't mention it," DJ said, flipping up his visor and returning her smile. He looked around and asked, "Hey, where's Tyler? Thought he was with you..."

As a melancholy air swept down upon the party, DJ's warm smile quickly faded. Geoff looked up from his attempts to pet Bunny and said, "Uh...well...he's no longer...with us, man. Look, why don't we find a place to talk...hot dogs, anyone?"

* * *

"Oh man, for real?" DJ replied as Bridgette finished, shaking his head. "Brother was cool. Sounded like he had a lot of heart." He sighed. "Any idea what happened to the guy who did it?"

"Not really, eh," Ezekiel answered, reaching for his fifth hot dog. "I mean, Duncan went after him, but we don't know how it ended."

"You know, come to think of it," Courtney muttered, looking down at the half-eaten hot dog in her hand, forehead wrinkling in thought, "we don't know why Duncan's not allowed to see anybody...think they might be charging him with...you know...murder?"

"Could be," DJ said with a shrug. He suddenly brightened up, looked over at his furry companion and cooed, "Hey there, Bunny. Could you pwease go to the dungeon and find out why Duncan's there?"

The rabbit spewed out its first taste of mustard (courtesy of Geoff, who was completely bewildered that anything could hate the tangy yellow condiment) and sped off out from underneath the tree towards the prison. Courtney snapped off another bite of her dog and commanded, "Please stop talking like a two-year-old to that rabbit, DJ."

"Ignore her," Bridgette suggested between chomps of her loaf of bread. "Do you think you could get Duncan out of there? We really need him..."

DJ shook his head, resting one hand on the helmet lying in the grass. "Sorry, Bridge. I don't have that kinda power. You'll have to wait for him to get out on his own."

Courtney slumped back against the tree, severe expression fading into a deep frown. Ever the nice guy, Geoff reached over and patted her shoulder, "Aw, don't worry, Court. I'm sure he'll be out soon."

"I hope you're right, Geoff," she replied, her posture only showing further misery. Ezekiel, contemplating taking another hot dog, asked, "So...since Duncan isn't here...what next, eh?"

"We wait for him," Courtney decided, with all the firmness the CIT could muster. "If he's just in for jailbreak, then it shouldn't take long..."

"Hey, have you seen the way Wustan courts operate?" DJ interjected with even more force than Courtney. "They'll take two weeks just to hold trial. Nuh-uh, can't wait for him."

The CIT collapsed forward, all personal hopes for reunion dashed. _Damn it, if he hadn't gone after Mr. Blond..._Geoff belched loudly right into her face and asked, "Well, that's outta the question. What else can we do?"

"Well, what were you doing before you met Duncan?" DJ asked. Bridgette looked up from her bread and said, "Trying to get through Tofino to find the sage."

"Well then, why not go back to Tofino?"

"Because that place sucks in every way possible," Courtney groaned, shuddering from the memories. "It stinks, its hard to get anywhere, there's water everywhere-"

"There's a channel that leads into the Black River just a bit east of here," DJ said, grinning. "And there's another channel that leads straight to Clearwater from there. Once we reach the coast line, it won't be hard to get around."

Bridgette stroked her chin. "Hmm...yeah, that sounds perfect. We can ask...wait, _we_?"

DJ blinked as four pairs of confused eyes turned to him. Then he sighed and looked down. "Yeah, we. Last night, the king received a report from Clearwater, the Tofinan capital. Apparently, someone's been bombing the coastal cities of Tofino for a couple of weeks now. I was supposed to lead the sixteenth division to help, but, well..."

"You decided we'd be a better choice," Courtney finished. When the gentle giant nodded, she asked, "But what about your squad?"

"They know. I told them that I'd be going with you guys. They've already gone on ahead." Courtney smirked at him. "Excellent. After losing Tyler, we need a bit more muscle in the group."

As she said that, she threw a rather reproachful look at Geoff, who couldn't even begin to think of what he'd done to earn her ire. No one else seemed to notice, however. Ezekiel said, "Well. Should we head to Tofino?"

"Just a minute...there's Bunny," DJ said, kneeling down to greet his friend. Courtney's command still burned brightly in his mind and was enough to keep him from calling the rabbit "Bunny-Wunny" or something equally cutesy. The rabbit hopped up onto his shoulder and, to the shock of all others present, appeared to whisper into DJ's ear. His ever-widening mouth slowly quashed any remaining hope that somehow Duncan would be able to join them. "Oh, wow. Murder, jailbreak, hijacking, resisting arrest, burglary...brother ain't never gettin' outta that."

* * *

"Think you can do this, Bridge?" Ezekiel called out, hunched over the ship's railing, face a bit green. They had just entered the Black River and its asteroid belt of ships. The river pushed them downstream at nearly double the boat's usual speed. In the distance, a plume of smoke rose from behind a hill. The surfer clung tightly to the wheel as she called back, "I think so. DJ'll have to tell me where the channel is, though."

"Don't worry, I gotcha," DJ assured her with a thumbs up. Next to him and directly opposite of Ezekiel, Courtney stretched and looked over at Bridgette. "Well, you seem to have this under control. I think I'm gonna go have a little _chat_ with Geoff."

She scampered down below deck, leaving her three crew mates stunned at what seemed like entirely random harshness. Of course, in the mind of Courtney, Geoff had long since earned it. She stormed down into one of the sleeping quarters and boomed, "Alright, Geoff. Tell..."

She scanned the room, not seeing a single sign of the party boy on any of the three bunks. _Damn it, this is supposed to be the guys' room_...

"'Sup, Courtney?" Geoff asked from behind her. She jumped and nearly screamed. After calming down a bit, she went on the offensive, getting right into his face and snapping, "Tell me, Geoff. Will you actually be able to finish off Heather when we fight her?"

"Uh...I think so, yeah," Geoff mumbled, scratching behind his hat. "Why do you-"

"I ask because you clearly don't want to fight!" Courtney raged, spraying him. "DJ had to save us for the second time because _you_ couldn't bear to hurt those soldiers. Never mind the fact that they were trying to _arrest_ us—or worse. If DJ hadn't shown up, we would all be rotting in jail cells with Duncan!"

"I—well—there were a lot of them and—I kinda..." Geoff stammered, cowering away from the livid girl. She snarled and finished, "What you're trying to say is you're sorry and that you will actually _use _Enceladus when you need to. If not, than this little quest is doomed."

Still seething on the outside, although quite glad she had (hopefully) gotten the message across, Courtney whirled around to storm back outside and nearly trampled over Ezekiel. She rolled her eyes and asked as politely as she could, "What is it, Zeke?"

"Uh, well," the prairie boy stammered, nervously fiddling with one of his books. "My book's completely out of energy, eh. I just need to take a little from you guys and-"

"Run, Geoff!" Courtney screeched, turning back around and tripping over the sullen party boy. Scrambling for the door, she cried, "He's gonna drain you dry!"

"No! I just need a little, eh!"

* * *

"So. Where's the orb?"

At the snap of Heather's fingers, Izzy bounced on her heels and chirped, "Don't have it."

Scowling, Heather leaned forward and hissed, "What do you mean, you don't have it? I sent _you_ to obtain it, little miss crazy. _Why _don't you have it? Unless...Owen?"

"Eh...uh...well," Owen stammered, scratching the back of his head. "I...I don't have it either, and I haven't eaten in days, so...have fun, Iz!"

"Bye, Owen," Izzy called, still grinning at the evil queen. As the elephantine teen rumbled down the stairs to the kitchen, Heather returned her glare to the other girl. "So we have no clue where the orb is-"

"Actually, I kinda do," Izzy interjected. As the queen's eyes softened a bit, words flew from the loon's mouth like machine-gunfire. "Yeah, our ship got set on fire and Mr. Blond was all like 'Imma kill you now' and he left the ship to fight Geoff while me and Owen escaped! Ooh, I forgot to tell you about this awesome dude we met-"

"Izzy," Heather snapped, ending her subordinate's babble. "The orb. What happened to the orb?"

"Oh, that thing. Either Geoff has it now or it's at the bottom of the ocean. But anyways-"

"_What_?" Heather yelled, startling the motormouth into silence. "You idiot! I don't just need Geoff not to get it, _I _need it!"

"Oh. Whoops."

"Argh!" Heather whirled away, pacing around in an angry march, clutching her forehead. "I'm surrounded by _morons_! I swear, the only guy here with _any _degree of competency is being useless right now, wasting his time in Tofino. You and Owen can't do the simplest of missions, Agent 12 won't respond..."

She paused, heaving and clenching her fist so tightly her fingers cut her palm. She seized a mug resting on the purple armrest of her throne and took a sip, splashing brown liquid onto her face. She immediately sprayed the drink onto the gray stone floor and roared, "And Lindsay screwed up my coffee! _Again_! Ooh, I'm so _sick _of you idiots..."

She fell silent after slamming the mug down on her throne's arm. She huffed for several long seconds, snarling at the offending ceramic cup. Izzy's grin had faded, but her eternal enthusiasm didn't seem dulled by the outburst. "So...what's so important about that orb?"

"I can't tell you y-"

"Ooh, I know! It's a crystal ball that will let you see anything anytime! You can watch Geoff and like make plans to stop him and stuff!"

"_Izzy_..."

"Or better yet! It's a powerful magic weapon thingy that will let you conquer the world!"

"Izzy!"

"Best yet, it could be used as a bowling ball!" Izzy cackled at the thought, but ceased as the rock around her bare feet turned to mush. Heather, pointing at the floor around where Izzy stood, growled. "Shut. Up."

"Kay." The ground became firm again and Izzy, slightly unnerved by Heather's spell, asked, "So...full mission report?"

Heather rolled her eyes and shrugged. "I guess. Might as well get something useful out of you. Just keep it short."

"Okay!" Her grin fully restored, Izzy bobbed on her heels again as she yammered away. "Okay, well, Geoff doesn't to like to fight, and Bridgette and that annoying CIT girl—I forget her name—can't fight. Seriously. Zeke, however, is so totally awesome! He can like shoot lightning out of his hands and make the ocean explode and other awesome stuff!"

"So they have a mage. Big freaking deal. Now tell me-"

"Ooh, ooh, I almost forgot! He can create like these cool magic wall things! Anything that hits them bounces off! You know what would be awesome? If he could set up a bunch of those and play pinball or something! Or better yet-"

"Better yet, _zip it_," Heather snapped, tracing a finger over Izzy's lips. A large metal zipper appeared out of thin air and followed her finger, zipping up Izzy's mouth and effectively silencing her. Izzy's muffled babbling continued as she tried to pry her mouth back open, but the zipper remained stuck in place. Finally she gave up and pouted, shooting Heather a sullen glare. The queen bee looked like she couldn't be more pleased with herself. "Well, there you go. Come back when you feel like being useful. I'll take the zipper off then."

Sulking, the crazy girl made her out of the throne room, mumbling muffled curses. Heather maintained her grin until the door shut. As soon as the heavy oak doors crashed together, she yowled and grabbed the coffee mug again. With all her strength, she flung the cup against the ground, shattering it and dousing her throne room in coffee. She hissed in her breaths, growling to herself. "_Damn_ that stupid, frustrating, useless basket case! I swear, the way she babbles on and on....Lindsay! Beth! Get in here!"

She tapped her foot impatiently until the two servants arrived, one of them clearly annoyed. Beth grumbled, "What is it now, Your Majesty? I was just telling Lindsay about how Brady..."

"Shut up about your imaginary friend and sit on the throne! I need to talk to someone and I want my throne to be warm when I get back. And you!" She pointed at the blond, who cowered at the sudden attention. "Sweep up this mess and make me another cup of coffee."

Lindsay swallowed and choked out, "O-okay."

"Good. Now listen. If you screw up the coffee again or the throne isn't warm enough, _both_ of you will spend the rest of the day in the dungeons. _Capische_?"

The two girls exchanged brief terrified glances before nodding in silence. Heather gave a dull murmur of approval as she headed out of the throne room. She stormed down the hall way to her full suite of a bedroom and plomped down on her bed. She reached over and took what seemed like an ordinary hand mirror from atop an ornate table. She glared down at her own reflection and growled, "Hey, you. Answer."

Several seconds of silence followed—longer than usual—and her brow furrowed. If _he _didn't respond...A voice came from the mirror, so sudden it made the queen of all that is evil jump. "You called, Your Majesty?"

"Yes, I did," she replied. She couldn't see who she was conversing with, or _vice versa_, but to her, that was only a plus. She found it much more relaxing to look at her own face than that of any of her minions—they did have a bad tendency to make her want to erase them from the world, and having to look at them while they made fools of themselves only magnified her anger. "Izzy and Owen screwed up, so I don't have the blue orb. If at all possible, track down Geoff and take it from him."

"Ah...just one little problem with that? Clearwater has been pretty much under attack for the last few weeks. Way too many explosions for me to stick around and risk injury."

"Explosions? Any idea who?" The man on the other end chuckled and said, "If I knew who was doing it, I would have dealt with them. As it stands..."

_Damn it. Whoever is doing this is going to pay_. "Fine. Leave. If you see Geoff, though..."

"I got it. Kill the Chosen One and take the orb if he has it. Anything else?"

"That's all. _Over_." The mirror fell silent, and Heather placed the mirror back on the table before laying back in her bed. A few minutes of rest, then off to deal with the two idiots...the twin doors burs open and Izzy appeared, holding a blank whiteboard and still wearing an oversized gold zipper on her lips. Heather sat up and shouted, "What do you want now?"

Izzy produced a marker and wrote something on the board. Heather leaned forward and read aloud, "'Bored'. You're here because you're _bored_? Get out!"

Izzy shook her head, smiling in spite of the heavy metal silencer, and scrawled something else. Heather rolled her eyes. "No, I'm not gonna go out and force home-school to join us."

The crazy girl slumped and resumed her scribbling. As words appeared on the board, Heather tried to keep up. "I don't care how awesome he is, he is _not_ joining us! Why not? Maybe because I can do anything he can and do it...What do you mean, _I'm not as cool as him_? Argh, you're giving me a headache...WHAT? Why the hell are you asking me if my other minions seen...you know what? Figure out a point to get to, actually _get _there, and then _leave_. Or, preferably, just do the last step."

Unfortunately for Heather, the psycho apparently _did_ have a point. She scrawled out another question, one that momentarily stunned Heather when she read it. "The...moon? You wanna go to the moon? For what?"

Izzy didn't even finish writing before the queen guessed it. "No. You are _not_ using my minions to send you to the moon for a wild goose chase for...whatever the hell _that_ is. If you can find a way up there yourself, fine, go. And I guess lardo can help. Now, _get_. _Out_. _Of_. _Here_."

Izzy smiled the best she could, dropped the board to the floor and clapped before racing out the door. Heather sighed and got up to follow her. Thanks to the insane one, she hadn't gotten any of the rest she'd wanted, but she decided she should still go back and check on Lindsay and Beth. She strode out of the room and through the halls. She threw open the doors with enough force to shake the very walls of Castle Discordia with their sound and glared at her two servants. In an instant, she knew that neither of them had done what was instructed of them. Coffee still covered the room, the plush cushion of the throne lay on the floor before the gilded chair, and the two girls sat on top of it in mid-gossip. They stared back at the queen without so much as breathing, sensing the ensuing burst of rage. Heather strode up to them and growled, "So, tell me. What was so important that neither of you did what I commanded, and how long should I make you waste away in the dungeon?"

* * *

"How is this possible..."

As a steamboat moved silently down a narrow channel, its occupants stared in amazement at the metropolis known as Clearwater spreading all around them. The outer rim of the city consisted of hundreds of huts floating on the ocean itself, kept in place by anchors and seemingly unaffected by the waves. All around their ship, one to two-man jet boats skirted around the channel. The only other ships of the steamboat's size were its escorts, two fully armed security vessels. The real marvel, however, lay ahead of them. A massive azure bulb, a water drop made of sapphire, rose out of the ocean, a short ways away from what looked like a port. Even at that distance, everyone could see the labyrinth of roads, stairs and entrances glimmering in the sunlight. At the top grew what appeared to be a forest of palm trees. From the steamboat's helm, Bridgette continued muttering. "Where'd...the technology..."

"Attention, visitors," the pilot of one of the escort ship boomed. Like the massive structure before them and the smaller ships all around, his turquoise ship glittered. While it in no way rivaled the majesty of the other..._thing_, it still had an impressive appearance. "We will be docking shortly. Considering the importance of the Chosen One's entourage, we will dock as close to the Clearwater metropolitan area as possible. Thank you for your cooperation."

"People _live_ there?" DJ wondered aloud, just as taken aback by its size and beauty as his comrades."Man, I was thinking it was a palace or something..."

"Probably is," Geoff commented, not even looking at the monolith—he was focused on Bridgette's eyes, sparkling just like the palace. _Looks like she's in heaven_. "Place looks amazing."

Courtney and Ezekiel could only silently nod their agreement as they entered the Clearwater port, an expanse of crystal clear water nearly that dwarfed the entire city of Tuktoyuktuk. The security boats turned towards a far corner of the ocean, and Bridgette followed, murmuring, "I think I'm at home..."

* * *

The inside of Clearwater Cathedral, as it was known, was no less impressive than the outside. The deep blue halls wound their way through the construct, a curved maze that rocked on the waves just enough to remind its inhabitants that the palace sat upon the ocean but not so much that anyone felt even the slightest bit queasy. Light—not from torches, but from electric lamps—shimmered up and down as it rocked, reflecting off the curved walls and creating beautiful, wave-like patterns. As she moved towards the throne room, led by the same men who had directed their ship, Bridgette decided that the place was absolutely perfect for her. And yet, the people who lived there were dead silent, all wearing expressions of worry and suspicion as they watched Geoff's group. DJ's troop, having joined up with their commander after they'd docked, received slightly less unfriendly glances. Even their escorts were as tight-lipped as they could be, refusing to answer any of Geoff's excited inquiries. Bridgette sighed as they started up a massive flight of stairs, noting that even the stairs were rounded off at the edges. She was in the most beautiful place she'd ever seen, and she was being treated as an outcast, almost certainly because of the attacks DJ had mentioned. _Why'd I have to come here during such a sober time?_

"Ah, I'll assume you're the Chosen One?"

She jumped and nearly slipped on one of the rounded stairs as a jovial voice boomed from the top of the staircase. She looked up and saw a man clothed in deep blue robes, matching the rest of the palace. Thick brown hair covered much if his face and his robes partially concealed an overlarge gut. His green eyes sparkled down at Geoff, but the rest of face showed worry and melancholy. Still, he strode down the stairs and grasped Geoff's hand with both of his own for a firm shake. "How do you do, my friend?"  
"Um...just fine, dude..." Geoff muttered, stunned by the sudden attention, as well as being called a friend by a total stranger. The man, several inches shorter than the party boy, gave a rich chuckle. "Oh, where are my manners? I am King Enke. Shall we move up to the throne room?"

"Uh...sure...du-I mean, Your Majesty," Geoff sputtered, even further shocked by Enke's royal status. Behind him, Courtney shook her head, mentally berating him for not being able to guess the short man was a king. Chris looked the part better, but he would never be able to match his Tofinan counterpart's rich voice and mannerisms. As they reached the top of the stairs, a tall teenager with tan skin and long brown hair pulled the door open. As they passed by in silence, Bridgette could have sworn the boy sneered at the group, but when she glanced back, a polite smile greeted her. The king, moving faster than anyone would have thought possible, strode into the next room and went straight to his bright blue throne. As he seated himself, he chuckled briefly and said, "Ah, it's been too long since I've had foreign guests...Alejandro! Go get them some chairs!"

The dark-skinned teen nodded and disappeared from the room without a word. Before anyone else could say anything, Enke asked, "So...what brings you here to my beautiful kingdom?"

_Well_, _ this part is okay_, Courtney thought, _but the rest of Tofino redefines horrible_. Instead of voicing her opinion on the province, she decided to cut straight to the point. "Well, Your Majesty, we're looking for a sage and we heard that one lived in Tofino..."

The king smiled wider than ever, yet his mask of joy became even more obvious. "Ah, the sage! Such a brilliant boy. You know, he's almost entirely responsible for this part of Clearwater. Yes, we owe him so much. I swear, it's like he's from another world, the way his mind works."

"So, do you know where he is?" DJ asked, eyes bright and hopeful. As he asked that question, the facade of happiness Enke had wore all throughout the meeting vanished. He slumped back and said, "I'm sorry. As of two days ago, the sage has officially gone missing."

* * *

**A/N: Okay, hopefully I'll be able to produce the next chapter a bit quicker. Oh, and don't expect a ton of action this arc.**


	11. Act 5: Wild Wild Strife

**A/N: Wow, I actually got this one up pretty quickly (especially by my standards).**

**Just a warning: there is some swearing in here. As if you're not used to it yet...**

**Finally, I don't own Total Drama.**

* * *

Wild Wild Strife

"What?" Courtney asked, narrowly containing her anger. "You mean he's been kidnapped or something?"

"I wish I knew," King Enke said, lowering his head further. As he did so, Bridgette couldn't help but notice that one of the prongs of his crown had no jewel; all the others were adorned with cut sapphires. "The sage came by every few days until about last week. We sent a cadre of soldiers to his home, but...nothing." He sighed before continuing. "It's been absolute bedlam for three weeks now, what with the constant explosions and now the sage going missing."

"I'm...sorry to hear it," Courtney said as sympathetically as she could, although ire was burning inside her. _Damn it, we came all the way out here for nothing?!_ "If there's anything we could do to help ..."

The king gave a dark chuckle. "Well, if you could find the sage and our assailant, that would be helpful. That's mainly why I brought Alejandro in, but unfortunately he came back wounded a couple days ago."

"And now I have to waste my time doing this kind of drivel," the tan-skinned teen snapped as he marched back into the room, dragging two chairs behind him. As he placed them behind Bridgette and Geoff, he turned back to the doorway and commanded, "Hurry up! We shouldn't keep our guests waiting."

As she sat down, Bridgette cocked an eyebrow at the young man. "Wow. I don't think Chris would take very well to that kind of disrespect."

"Well," Ezekiel mused as he waited for one of the other guards to bring him a seat, "Chris is the kind of person who'd execute someone for breathing if he found it humorous, eh."

"You speak of King Chris Maclean I, correct?" Enke asked, sounding even miserable than before. Courtney rolled her eyes and said, "Yes, and there couldn't possibly be a worse person for the job than Chris."

"So I've heard," he assented. He motioned to one of the guards as he asked, "Am I correct to assume you four are from Wawanakwa, then?"

"Yup," Ezekiel responded, happily slumping in his newly-received chair. The king looked rather annoyed as he said, "Well then, I think you'd be interested to know that Chris seems to have completely disappeared. No one's heard anything from him in a bit."

"Ooh, that stupid, irresponsible, narcissistic..." Courtney growled under her breath, clenching her fists. DJ cleared his throat and said, "Uh, guys? I think we're getting a little sidetracked here."

"Right," Enke agreed. "The attacks and the sage. If you think you guys can help..."

"Oh, we can," Courtney assured him. "Help find the sage that is. If we find out who's attacking, then that will just be a bonus for you."

Bridgette slapped her forehead. "What Courtney means is we'll help you out with both the attacks and the sage, Your Highness."

"I thank you," Enke replied with a courteous nod of his head. "I will tell you all we know."

"I'd certainly _hope_ so..." Courtney grumbled. After silencing her with a finger, Geoff grinned at the king and said, "That'd be awesome, dude."

A quick glance from his girlfriend..."Er, um, Your Majesty."

"The attacks have been centered not just on Clearwater, but the next largest Tofinan cities as well; Ucluelet and Bamfield. Strangely enough, however, there have been no casualties up until a few days ago."

"No casualties?" Courtney asked, incredulous. The king nodded. "Yes...until a few days ago. A military captain was killed when a warehouse he was in was destroyed by the attacker. Still, the attacks have always been where no one was, and the same town was never attacked twice in a row. Before he disappeared, the sage reasoned that the attacks may have been a diversion to allow the assailant time to complete some other goal besides rampant destruction. We didn't believe him until..."

"Until he went missing," Alejandro finished, having finally brought in enough chairs to seat DJ's troops. Ezekiel blinked. "So, wait. You're saying the sage was _kidnapped_, eh?"

"Exactly," Alejandro replied, a grim frown etching across his face. "Unfortunately, we only have suspicions at the moment. We were hoping that Wüste would be able to aid us, but now something better has shown up."

"The Chosen One," Ezekiel murmured. Geoff shifted uncomfortably in his seat as all eyes turned to him. "Uh...hi, dudes?"

"Yes, the Chosen One," Enke said, ignoring Geoff. "The attack that took Captain Herbert's life was the last one reported, so following the pattern, either Ucluelet or Bamfield is next."

"Wait a sec," DJ piped up as he stroked Bunny's head. "What about the sage's home? Have you guys searched that?"

The king and Alejandro looked at each other. The underling said, "Uh....actually, no. Not yet. Been kinda busy here, ya know?"

"I vote we go there first," Courtney declared, jumping to her feet. "If the sage was taken from his home, then there might be a clue!"

"Indeed," Enke said with a nod. "His hut is a few kilometers north of here, just outside of Ucluelet."

"Wait a minute," Bridgette said sharply, "If I'm right, the last attack happened around the same time the sage went missing, right?"

"Yeah..." Alejandro said slowly, suddenly looking a bit nervous. Bridgette continued, "So if there haven't been any more attacks since he went missing, why hasn't _anyone_ searched his house yet?"

"Like I said, we've been busy lately," Alejandro snapped, cold as the winter wind. "We haven't had time to search for clues."

"And you seriously couldn't spare anyone to look?"

"Enough of this," he growled, glaring back at the surfer and ceasing her attack. "If we could have, we would have."

Bridgette sighed. "...sorry."

"It's fine," Enke said, shooting a glance of warning at Alejandro. "You can walk to the hut if you so wish, but since it would take a while to get there...I believe I'll grant you free access to the Tofino Coast Ferry Service."

"Awesome!" Geoff crowed, grinning widely. The king chuckled. "You're quite the enthusiastic one, eh? The ferry can take you to any coastal city in Tofino. It would be the quickest way to search for the bomber. Normally, it is only used by the military and myself, but I believe I can make an exception for the Chosen One."

"That'd be great," Courtney said. "Anything else you can do for us?"

"At the moment, no," Alejandro said, casting an angry look at her. _A foreigner should never ask a king for something_. "Hopefully, you will be able to find something at the sage's hut. In fact, I think I will accompany you. Once we're finished searching the hut, I can quickly come back to report to His Highness while you continue searching."

"The more, the merrier," Geoff cheered, although none of his comrades found anything about Alejandro remotely merry. King Enke nodded and rose. "Very well then. Unless you have any other business here, I believe it would be prudent for you to go ahead to Ucluelet. Return to the docks, and Alejandro will show you to the ferry."

* * *

Ezekiel leaned back against the ferry's edge and stretched, enjoying the spray of the ocean for once. "Wow, eh. This boat's great!"

"You can thank the sage when you meet him," Alejandro said, not looking away from the ground. His fist clenched as he continued as evenly as he could. "Before he came, these ferries rocked just as bad as Wawanakwa's pathetic ships. Unless you're talking about the boat's speed?"

"Nah, I just get seasick easily, eh," Ezekiel replied, closing his eyes and slouching further down. Nothing wrong with a nap here...

"So, what's the sage like?" DJ asked, watching Bunny snooze near the back of the schooner. Alejandro's eye twitched—_damn it, I'm trying to think, shut up already—_before he answered. "Well...he's awkward. He thinks too much of himself, too...at least socially."

"Huh. Doesn't sound much like sage material," Courtney whispered, looking her newest companion. If not for that horrid burn mark on his left cheek, his face would rival Justin's, she decided. "How'd you get hurt, Alejandro?"

Alejandro finally looked up, glowering. "I wasn't far from the attack that took Captain Herbert's life. The entire left side of my body got caught in the blast."

"I see," Courtney said, narrowing her eyes. "Strange coincidence, you being so close to an attack, but not having any information to show for it."

"If you're trying to imply that I'm the attacker," Alejandro snapped, eyes glinting in the sun, much like the palace, "you can drop that line of thought right now. Herbert chased him into my patrol area. I didn't see a damn thing. Just bad luck on my part."

Courtney held her glare against his for several seconds. Then she looked down and mumbled, "Sorry. I was out of line."

"Don't worry about it," Alejandro replied, his tone as comforting as a sea urchin in one's throat. He leaned back, grunting in pain as he did so. Bridgette pulled her head off of Geoff's shoulder and gave him a look of pity. "It still hurts? Has no one healed it yet?"

Alejandro gave his first smile of the voyage, a grim, mocking smirk. "You're a cleric, right? In Tofino, we don't use magic; we believe we can only progress through technology."

"Really?" Ezekiel asked, snapping awake. "You guys don't use magic for anything?"

"There are some mages spread throughout Tofino...but none in any major cities. My wounds have been treated, if that's what you mean, but no one at the Cathedral can instantly heal burns."

"Wow, and I thought everyone in this world used magic instead of technology," Geoff commented as he squeezed Bridgette's shoulder. "But why not use magic? I mean, all technology has ever brought me is confusion. And, sometimes, pain."

"Oh, that is _so_ not true," Bridgette scoffed, giving him a weird look. "When you're not partying, you're playing video games! In fact, the last time I was over, all we did was play Rock Band for twelve hours! Straight!"

"...okay, so maybe electronics aren't that bad," Geoff admitted. His eyes started misting over as he said, "But you have to admit that marathon was totally awesome."

"We'd finished every song in _eight_!"

"Yeah, but we had that endless thing...which _you_ quit out of halfway through."

"Shut up, both of you!" Courtney yelled, clutching her head. "Seriously, we have enough crap to annoy us without you two bickering over a stupid video game." Bridgette swallowed her retort and muttered an apology. Satisfied, Courtney turned back to Alejandro and said, "Sorry about my friends. But why do you guys reject magic?"

"Because no spell can keep Clearwater afloat," he reasoned, looking into her eyes for the first time. She felt her face flush as he spoke. "Because of how rugged most of Tofino is, nearly the entire population lives on or near the coast, with the exception of a few villages near the Black River. However, even on the coast, there isn't enough even land to build cities. As the populations boomed, we had to look to our technology to help us spread out to the ocean. Clearwater Cathedral is the end result of decades of research, and even it will surely be outclassed soon. Especially if we can find the sage."

"Never thought of that, eh," Ezekiel murmured. Alejandro looked back down at the ground and reached out for his knapsack. "Well, if you look to the east, you'll see we're nearly at Ucluelet. Get ready for...huh?"

He looked up to see Bridgette standing over him, inspecting his burnt cheek. She leaned down and poked his cheek. "Want me to heal that?"

"Wuh? Yeah, sure." Muttering something nearly silent, she traced a finger down his cheek, his neck, his shoulder, his side...all the way down to his knee. A white aura followed her fingertip, spreading and enveloping the entire visible burn and glowing from beneath his clothing. Once she had finished, she pulled her finger back and cried, "_B__rûlure_!"

The white light flashed red for an infinitesimal sliver of time and disappeared, leaving Alejandro's skin completely healed. He rubbed his cheek before giving his first sincere smile since they'd reached Clearwater. "Well, magic does have its uses...thanks, Bridgette."

* * *

"Holy crap, eh."

Ezekiel stared up at the cylindrical metal tower resting atop a hill overlooking Ucluelet (aka "the most boring oceanic city ever" according to Courtney). Constructed of several wide metal squares, it looked as well-designed as the beaver dam back in the Wanak forest, soot framed the windows that revealed a clutter of gadgets and tables, and dust covered its roof so completely, no sunlight seemed to reflect off it. A pile of rusty metal lay beside it, and the upper half of the frame bent sharply to the east. Yet, its mechanical wizardry still showed through, from the numerous antennae jutting out of the tilted top to the security camera mounted above the front entrance to the entrance itself, a segmented door with no apparent doorknob. Courtney scoffed at the construct, a hand on her hip. "Seriously, Zeke? That's just a junk heap; the sage should have spent more time on making his house _not_ look like a good punch could make it collapse."

"I dunno, it looks pretty advanced," DJ said, fighting to keep his visor from falling over his eyes as Bunny sat on his helmet. Behind him, nine other soldiers stood in various states of awe as their animal companions meandered around the meadow at the hill's base. Courtney rolled her eyes. "Of course it's advanced, Deej. I'm just saying at looks like shit."

Much to her annoyance, her choice of language earned her several less-than-happy looks. "What? Just calling it as I see it."

"Whatever," Bridgette huffed, tearing her glare away from the CIT to scan the futuristic hut. "Anyways, we need to find a way in there."

"Uh...the _front door_, maybe?" Courtney snapped as she strode up the hill. Bridgette followed and said, "That camera above the door isn't there to look pretty, Courtney."

"Which is good for it, because it would be failing miserably."

Bridgette slapped her forehead. _Why do you have to be so impossible?_ Behind her, Geoff called out, "Hey, Court? If that camera was there to keep strangers from entering, then wouldn't it be able to, like...defend the place or something?"

"Ha!" Courtney's short, sharp laugh echoed through the trees surrounding the hill and reached down into the town below. "Defenses? Between you and Zeke, we have enough firepower to take out on an entire town. Or, we would if _you_ would actually fight..."

"Aww, not this again," Geoff groaned. "Look, there were so many of them in Tukyotuktuk that I just kinda...DJ? What's wrong, man?"

The giant teddy bear of a soldier stood at the bottom of the hill, flanked by his forces. He looked up and said, "Uh...I don't think all of will be able to fit in there, so I was thinking I should send my men to look around Ucluelet..."

"Which doesn't require _you_ to stand at the bottom of the hill," Courtney snapped as she nearly tripped over a rock. "Send your men back to the town and get in gear."

"Right. Gotcha," DJ said, slumping a bit. He did not want to admit it, but the hut gave him the willies. "Officer Kiefer. Return to Ucluelet and search for any sign of the attacker. If you see any signs of trouble in the hut, come help us. You are in charge of the Sixteenth until I'm finished at the hut."

"Yes, Sir Devon," a short knight standing next to a fully armored Great Dane said, attempting in vain to corral his hip-length brown hair into his helmet. He clambered on to the massive canine (who stood taller than the soldier) and commanded, "Move out!"

DJ watched as the man rode off on his dog, followed by a legion of men and animals. At the top of the hill, Courtney stomped up to the mechanical door and pounded on it. "Open, you stupid thing!"

The camera swiveled its lens down to scan her. A speaker box jutting out of the steel wall jumped to life, spitting out an electronic, emotionless voice. "Please recite password."

"Password?" As Courtney scratched her head, trying to think of anything that a mechanically inclined sage would use as a password and drawing a complete blank, the camera cast a red light down on her. "Incorrect. Termination protocol initiated."

"Termination protocol?" Courtney screeched as the box went silent. Ezekiel saw several lights on the rim of the metal plate before the door ignite and barked, "_Spiraalvormige_!"

A whirlwind shot from his fingertips and enveloped Courtney, carrying her into the metal door. Hard. The gale reversed direction upon slamming into the unmovable blockade, taking Courtney with it. As she cleared the metal porch again, the metal plate opened and a bright red jet of light fired from a hole, burning air for several miles above the earth. Ezekiel smiled as Courtney flew away from the laser beam safely. And then his eyes widened as he realized he stood in the vortex's path. She slammed into him and the became tangled in the whipping winds. Several seconds later, the spell ended, depositing the entwined teens thirty feet down to the hill. They bounced the rest of the way to the hill's base.

Geoff roared with laughter as he watched the two attempt to separate, although Courtney's language was hardly appropriate for someone who had just saved her life. Bridgette elbowed him and said, "Come on, Geoff. Let's try to find a way in."

"Oh, don't worry, Bridge. I already see one," Geoff crowed, striding up to the side of the hut. Bridgette brightened up. "Oh, really? That's good because..._NO_."

Geoff stood grinning next to one of the windows. "What? Shouldn't much different than breaking a pinata. And if the dude's half the genius the king says he is, he'll be able to fix a broken window."

"That's not the issue!" Bridgette cried. "This isn't how a hero should handle these situations! And besides, the window frame will be full of jagged glass! Not to mention the floor after you break the glass..."

"Eh. We'll burn that bridge while we cross it."

Before Bridgette could point out the flaw in his statement, he swung Enceladus like a bat, slamming its wider end into the glass. The force of the strike reverberated up his arm and its recoil launched him into the dirt. As if the failure to shatter the glass wasn't painful enough, several laser cannons revealed themselves, jutting out from the spaces between metal plates. Geoff yelped and jumped back to his feet, leaving Enceladus behind to reflect the light bursts like a prism. As Geoff ran, one of the laser bolts was refracted in his direction. The shot burned into his foot and sent him sprawling right into his girlfriend. The two crashed to the ground and rolled down the hill, becoming just as entangled as Ezekiel and Courtney...who, coincidentally, found themselves in the path of the rolling duo. A mass of human bodies tumbled to the grassy flatland, leaving them to figure out how to separate. Again. Sighing, Bridgette pointed straight up and groaned out "_Blessure_..."

DJ, shivering and whimpering, and Bunny, calm as ever, both peeked their heads out from behind a tree. The lasers, jutting from every side of the hut, continued swiveling for several seconds, firing their deadly bolts at random, before retracting, the only monument to their assault the burned grass where the lasers had hit. Taking a deep breath, DJ tiptoed the rest of the way up the hill as Bunny bounded ahead of him. "Okay...okay...there's nothing to be afraid of as long as I don't touch anything...I just need to find a way inside without setting off the lasers...oh _man_, why'd I have to do this?"

DJ slowed, heart beating faster and faster as he approached. "You know, maybe if I was nice to it...I mean, the others did attack it..."

He stopped dead a few feet from the entrance, outside of the camera's range. His hands had made their way up to his trembling mouth. He moved as quickly dared, moving at approximately the same rate as a slug swimming a river of molasses upstream in January. He yelped and jumped as an angry voice yelled, "What are you doing, you coward? Find a way in!"

DJ looked down at Courtney. His companions had started up the hill once more. He gave her an innocent wave before turning back to the house of doom. He tiptoed around to the back, although his efforts were entirely useless—Bunny's jangly hops made more noise than DJ ever could hope to by simply walking. As he rounded the hut to the back, a small hole in the metal of the hut's base caught his eye. He kneeled down as close as he dared (a full meter away) and looked in. Bunny joined him in peering into the vent. After a moment, DJ sighed. "Well, it leads straight into the hut, but it's too...BUNNY! NO!"

The rabbit had hopped right into it. DJ threw himself at the hole and reached inside, but the hare was too quick. DJ cried its name again as Bunny entered the hut's lone room and disappeared behind what looked like an engine of some sort. From the other side of the house, Courtney asked, "What? What did that rabbit do?"

Completely disregarding the threat of lasers, DJ raced around to the where his friends stood and cried, "Bunny just entered the thing! Oh, what if the lasers get him? I can't watch..."

"Woo!" Courtney cheered, punching the air. "Way to go, DJ! Now, if Bunny can somehow open the door..."

"How could it do that, eh?" Ezekiel asked, trying to brush as much dirt off his coat as he could. "I mean, it's just a rabbit. It doesn't have hands, it couldn't possibly...work...the...never mind, eh."

With a sound akin to rusted nails scratching a metal chalkboard, the segmented door rose, revealing the interior of the hut. DJ looked up from his nearly tearful state and saw Bunny standing in the doorway. His misery departed and he ran to his furry friend. "Bunny! I was so..."

He crossed through the camera's vision and the red light instantly came up. Screaming like a girl, he dove through the door and grabbed Bunny in a tight hug as the giant laser tried to crack the sky again. As DJ snuggled his precious companion, Courtney turned to a nearby tree and smacked her head against it. "What a cowardly, soft idiot..."

She joined Geoff, Bridgette and Ezekiel as they entered the hut. As she looked around at the myriad chunks of metal and tried to work what was supposed to be actually creations and what was junk, she noticed something. "Hey, guys. Look at this."

"What?" Three voices answered her, since DJ was still too busy holding Bunny to notice her. She bent down and stroked a chunk of metal. An unobscured streak appeared on the metal, surrounded by a fair but of dust. Geoff didn't look impressed. "So? It's just dust. Happens to everything."

"Actually," Ezekiel mused, inspecting another chunk of welded metal, "for there to be this much dust..."

"Oh, man, the sage must have been taken last week," Bridgette said. As if to prove that entirely too much dust filled the hut, DJ sat up, his chest plate looking significantly less shiny than it had before he'd hit the floor. Shivering, he whispered, "Uh, guys? Can we...go somewhere else? This place is really scaring me now...it's like a ghost's house."

"It's only been abandoned for about a week, Deej," Courtney chastised. "Stop acting like the Cowardly Lion already!"

"I kinda agree with him, eh," Ezekiel noted, although an annoyed glance from the CIT silenced him. Bridgette sighed and said, "Okay, look guys. We're here to find what we can. As creepy as this place is, this is our best lead."

"Yeah," Geoff agreed, carelessly shoving some metal contraptions to the side to 'observe the floor'. As he lounged back in the space he'd created, Courtney kicked his shin. "Stop lazing about, Geoff!"

"No need to kick me," Geoff whined as he stood back up. Bridgette looked about the room, wearing a contemplative frown. With the exception of one corner, the entire hut wore the appearance of a mechanical workshop. The last corner contained a bed, a dresser and a door; Bridgette didn't have to think hard to figure where the door lead to. She said, "Well, I doubt we'd find anything in this rubble, but there might be something over by the bed or in the bathroom. Just in case, DJ and Bunny should keep looking through the metal. Geoff and I will examine the bed area; Zeke and Courtney, take the bathroom."

"While I certainly _love_ how you're attempting to force me into a bathroom with Zeke," Courtney snarled, glaring between Bridgette and a rather embarrassed Ezekiel, "Geoff's the leader."

"And I agree with Bridgette," Geoff said, hugging Bridgette from behind. Courtney gave a muffled shriek, but stormed into the bathroom anyways; Ezekiel glanced nervously at Bridgette and Geoff before trudging over to the room, fearing for his life. As the door closed, Geoff released the surfer and headed straight for the dresser, leaving Bridgette to dissect the bed and the mess of junk underneath it. DJ and Bunny shoved bits of metallic trash around, discovering nothing. And though they had no way of knowing how Courtney and Ezekiel were doing, they took the lack of angry shouts from the bathroom to be a good sign. It only took Geoff a few minutes to find something unusual; a black undergarment for the entirely wrong sex. "Hey, look at this! The sage keeps a bra in his dresser!"

"So he's a pervert," Courtney snapped from the other room. "Shut up about it unless it's somehow useful."

"Well, actually," DJ said, looking at it, "that could be Gwen's..."

"WHY would you know what Gwen's underwear looks like?" A bang sounded from the bathroom, and Courtney continued ranting. "And why do we need _two_ people to search the goddamn bathroom? Zeke just knocked my head against the wall!"

"Sorry, eh!"

"Well, if it's Gwen's," Bridgette reasoned, shaking her head at Courtney's short fuse, "that could really narrow down the sage's identity."

Courtney growled something at Ezekiel before snapping, "Yeah. To Trent. Who can't possibly be smart enough to build _laser cannons_."

"It could also be Cody," Geoff reminded her, throwing the bra back in the dresser. "Remember, he got one from her after our first trip to Boney Island?"

"Yeah. And why are assuming that it's Gwen's?"

"Because...I dunno, it's black?"

"Right. Which isn't—goddamn it, Zeke, _move_ it!" A loud crash came from the bathroom, shaking the entire hut. As Ezekiel squealed in pain, Courtney tried to continue speaking. "Which...isn't...ev...idence..._grr_...that...it's..._get off me, Zeke_....Gwen's...OFF!"

"I'm trying, eh!"

"Not...hard...enough!"

Bridgette sighed. _Maybe, it was a bad idea sending both of them in there_. She dropped to the floor and began searching underneath the bed while Geoff continued his raid of the dresser. Unfortunately, Courtney and Ezekiel made it incredibly hard to concentrate. Bridgette winced as Courtney screamed, "Eww! If you touch me there again, that spell book is going up..."

"Sorry, eh! I didn't mean to!"

"Really? 'Cause you just did it _again_!"

"No, really! If you hadn't turned off the light, then maybe..."

"_I _didn't off the light, _you _did!"

"Uh...no, I'm pretty sure..."

"_You just touched me there again, you sicko_!"

Bridgette snapped. She stood up, distracting both Geoff and DJ from their searched, turned around and threw the door open. She felt along the wall until her finger brushed the light switch. It went up...and she saw Ezekiel and Courtney tangled up in a bathtub. Her anger disappeared quicker than it came and she burst into a fit of giggles. Behind her, Geoff winked at Ezekiel and gave him a thumbs up. "Way to go, Zeke-dude!"

Courtney eyed Ezekiel for a second..."_EURGH!_"

She drew all of her strength and launched up and out of the bath tub. His head struck the ceiling first and then the hard metal floor. As she lay panting, Ezekiel lay bleeding. "Ugh...does a concussion make you feel like your brain is made of syrup, eh..."

Bridgette quickly healed his cut head before kneeling down and asking, "Wanna search with me and Geoff?"

"Ya, sure," the prairie boy mumbled, holding his head as he stood up. Meanwhile, Courtney got of the tub, seething and spitting curses under her breath. From the other room, DJ cried, "Hey, guys! Bunny's found something!"

Geoff and Bridgette raced over to DJ's pet, hunched next to the dresser. Excited, Geoff asked, "Where? Where is it, man?"

DJ pointed at the gap between the dresser and bed. "In there! It's some kinda blue rock. It's pretty far in there, but..."

Bridgette belly-flopped on top of the bed and reached down. She gripped something angular and hard, about an inch around. As she pulled it up, she felt her air get sucked from her as though someone had just punched her in the gut. "No..."

"What? It's a clue, right?" Geoff asked, grinning at the large, diamond-cut sapphire. Feeling numb, Bridgette nodded. "Yes...I can't believe it..."

"What's wrong, eh?" Ezekiel asked, drawing closer to her. He heard her shaky breath and saw her trembling hands. She said, "It's...it's the missing jewel from King Enke's crown!

"No way!" Courtney cried, racing out of the bathroom, holding some sort of bottle. "Are you sure, Bridgette? I mean, I didn't see any jewels missing..."

"I had a look at the side of his crown," Bridgette said, shaking harder. "There was one missing...this has to to be it!"

"So wait...you're saying..." Geoff muttered, his eyes widening as he slumped against the barren wall. "You're saying the _king_ has been..."

"_There's someone outside_!" Courtney yelled, racing to the window. The other four followed her and gazed out the window. Just as they got there, they saw the silhouette of someone disappear from view down the hill. Shaking, Courtney asked, "Do you think they could have heard us..."

From above, a speaker crackled to life. "Game over."

The door slammed shut, and the walls slid up to reveal dozens of small, black orbs. DJ, to the surprise of everyone, caught his wits first. And then promptly lost them. "_BOMBS_!"

"Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, _oh crap_," Bridgette muttered as she joined the others in scrambling to find an exit. Nothing. The windows refused to crack, the door couldn't be budged, even the tunnel that Bunny had gone through had collapsed. As the bombs showed a brilliant number 5, the group huddled together, Ezekiel mumbling frantically to himself. No one else spoke; all they could do was watch the timers count down.

3...

2...

1...

Just as the countdowns reached 0, Bridgette thought she heard someone...but then the blast came, clouding the hut in smoke.

* * *

"Argh...he set off the trap I laid! That is so totally unfair!"

The sage watch in fear as his captor raged. Not that he feared the ranting—if anything, the way his captor spoke made it hilarious. Rather, he feared what a maniac like him would do if he got too mad. _Probably kill me_. He squirmed for the nth time that night, but the ropes held firm. Just like every other time. The bandage silencing him remained as tight as ever, and he was feeling hungry...

Across the room, the kidnapper kicked a wall. Time seemed to stop as the man stood completely still for five seconds. And then started crying over his stubbed toe.

The sage sighed. _No dinner tonight_...

* * *

"Wha...where...am I..."

Bridgette's eyes fluttered open, and she fought to stay conscious in spite of her splitting headache. Falling silent, she tried to remember what had just happened. She remembered Courtney and Ezekiel in a metal tub, a bed and a dresser, lots of loose metal around...something about a sapphire...and the king...and then...

She gasped and sat up, completely ignoring her headache now. She cried, "Geoff! Courtney! Zeke!"

"Yo, Bridge," DJ said, sitting on a bed next to her. "They ain't up yet."

"What...where are we?"

"Ucluelet. Us two and Bunny are the only ones awake right now."

"But how..." Bridgette tried to remember every detail about the explosion. The only thing she could recall was the explosion itself...and...a flash of light? "How did we survive?"

"Zeke. He was mumblin' to himself, remember? He put up some kinda invisible barrier around us. It saved us from most of the explosion, but it still knocked us out."

She looked over at where the prairie boy laid. His face was ashen, but other than that, he looked okay. Quick glances at Geoff and Courtney confirmed that they were alright as well. Significantly calmer now, she looked back at DJ and asked, "How did we get back here, though?"

"You can think Sir Devon for telling us to come if we saw trouble," a new voice exclaimed. The short knight DJ had given orders to earlier entered the room, his long brown hair hanging freely. A cut on his cheek oozed blood, but he grinned at her anyways. "Vice-Captain Kiefer of the Wüste's Sixteenth. We saw the lasers and came after you. Unfortunately, it took us a little longer than usual to regroup...but, then again, if he hadn't taken so long, we might all be dead from that smoke."

Another voice, this one female, chimed in, "The explosion blew out the windows, allowing us to get to you. Although it did slice Kiefer's cheek pretty good."

The owner of the voice, a teenaged girl with wearing a long, red ponytail, came in and stood by Kiefer's side. "Oh, sorry. I'm Lieutenant Paige of the Sixteenth."

"I see..." Bridgette murmured before nodding and smiling the best she could at them. "Well, thanks, you guys."

"Don't mention it," Kiefer said. His expression darkened as he changed the subject. "So...DJ says you found evidence that...well..."

"Oh yeah, the sapphire!" Bridgette dug into her pocket, feeling around for the stone...Paige held up something shiny and blue. "Looking for this? Yeah, I've confirmed that it's from Enke's crown."

A heavy weight settled on Bridgette's stomach. "Then...he really is..."

"Ya know, as likely as it sounds right now, we don't think so," DJ said. "Enke hasn't left Clearwater in years. We figure that someone is trying to SNAKE!"

His last yell echoed through the building as he jumped away from the black, yellow and red snake currently occupying his hospital bed. He didn't happen to look where he jumped, however. From underneath him, a pained voice demanded, "Get...off...me..."

"Oops, sorry, Courtney," DJ whimpered, anxious to get away from both her and the coral snake. He sidled over to the exit, apparently attempting to hide behind Kiefer, despite standing nearly a full two feet taller than his subordinate. Paige giggled at him. "Oh, come on, Captain. It's just Scaly!."

Courtney's first view since the explosion was rather surreal; a girl no older than her having one of the deadliest snakes in the world slither up her shoulder. "What are you...oh yeah, animal knights. Wait, where the hell are we?"

An hour and three full explanations later, all of Geoff's party was awake and completely aware of the circumstances leading to their survival. Courtney held the sapphire, examining it closely. "So, this is from the king's crown...looks real enough to me."

"Well, despite what the Wustan's think," Ezekiel said, still on his back and pale-faced, "This is the only clue we found."

"No, actually, it's not," Courtney announced proudly, smirking at everyone who looked at her. Bridgette rolled her eyes. "Oh yeah, and a bra."

"Not that," Courtney snapped, pulling out a bottle from one of her pockets. Plain white, the tiny container wore no markings of any kind. "Right before Bridgette pulled out that sapphire, I found this. It kinda stuck out—I mean, it has no markings whatsoever—but when I looked it, I saw some kinda powder in there and accidentally inhaled a tiny bit of it. Right away, I started feeling sleepy. It only lasted for a bit, but..."

"Sleeping powder," Kiefer snarled. "That's gotta be how the sage got kidnapped. Can I see the bottle?"

"Sure," Courtney replied, handing the bottle to the animal knight. He looked it over for a few moments before commanding, "Paige. Alejandro is in the waiting room. Go get him, please."

"Yes, sir," the snake user said before speeding out of the room. Geoff looked at the bottle and asked, "What do you need Alejandro for?"

"He might be able to figure out where this bottle came from," Kiefer replied, continuing to eye the bottle. "That might be an important clue; if we can trace where it came from, we can track the attacker. Oh, and don't tell Alejandro you suspect Enke."

"Why not?" Ezekiel asked. "Seems to me that he should know his king might be behind the attacks, eh."

"Just trust me," Kiefer replied, handing the bottle back to Courtney. DJ smiled and chirped, "See why this guy's my second in command?"

_I'm surprised he's only second_, Courtney thought as Alejandro, looking unnaturally troubled, and Paige entered the room. The tan-skinned teen said, "Let me see the bottle."

Courtney handed it to him without a word and he went straight to examining every inch of white plastic. Finally, he said, "It came from Bamfield. Try to find out who purchased it—remember, you can use the ferry—and then come back to Clearwater as soon as you find out anything. I'm going back now."

"Sounds good," DJ said, standing up. He turned to Kiefer. "Alright, tell the rest of our troops to return to Clearwater, in case something happens."

"Paige too?"

"Yeah, bro," DJ confirmed, giving Paige an apologetic smile. "Sister, you're in charge of the Sixteenth while me and Kiefer are in Bamfield."

"Yes, Sir Devon," Paige nodded before turning to leave, Scaly curling around her neck. Alejandro nodded to Geoff and said, "Well, then. Until we meet again, Chosen One."

Once he had left, Courtney turned to Geoff and said, "So, leader. When should we leave."

"I say...ten minutes," Geoff announced, leaning back in bed. "I think we'll all be rested enough by then."

"I don't know," Ezekiel moaned, not having sat up once since arriving in Ucluelet. "I'm totally...er, shrubbed, eh."

"Bushed," Geoff corrected. "And you can't rest on the ferry?"

"...eh, I guess I could. But just so you know, I'm gonna need some more energy, eh."

* * *

Bamfield looked exactly like Ucluelet and the outer edges of Clearwater, Courtney decided. A mishmash of wooden houses suspended above the waves and kept down by anchors. _Who cares what it looks like; it's not like we're gonna be here long_. She departed from the ferry behind DJ and Geoff, glaring at anyone who dared look at her. She sighed, lamenting all the progress she'd made with Ezekiel that had been erased in five minutes. She overreacted; she could definitely determine that. However, that didn't curb the resentment burning deep in her; part of her couldn't accept the very _idea _the prairie boy may have actually changed for the better. And she couldn't place why that part of her lingered; she rarely felt anything like that. Bet yet, as long as that part remained...

"What's the holdup, eh?" Courtney jumped at Ezekiel's heavy accent, chastising herself for allowing her thoughts to stop her cold on the plank. She muttered, "Oh, sorry. Just...thinking."

Silently, she followed Geoff to the center of town. Once there, Geoff stepped onto a table in the middle of the plaza, turned to his party and said, "All right, dudes. We need to find out where this bottle came from, and we need to do it quickly. So...good luck."

Kiefer sighed and stepped up to Geoff, his Great Dane following behind. And then shoved the party boy off of his perch before clambering up himself. He eyed all members of the team and said, "Okay, listen. We need to split up, but we need to be in groups so it won't take too long to everyone once we've found out who bought that bottle. I 'll go with DJ. Geoff and Bridgette? You're not going together."

"Aww," Geoff whined from the wood. "Why not?"

"Because we'd probably just start making out again," Bridgette admitted, although she wasn't exactly happy about it, either. Kiefer chuckled. "Good guess, but no, not quite. DJ told me what happened between Ezekiel and Courtney, and I've decided we can't pair them together again. So Bridgette, you're with Courtney."

Courtney looked more than happy with the arrangement. "That's fine. Me and Bridgette should get along fine."

"Woo!" Geoff cheered, leaping straight from his back to his feet. He slung an arm over Ezekiel's shoulders and boomed, "Oh, this is gonna be great! I can finally teach Zeke more about-"

"Geoff? Shut up," Courtney requested. The party boy did so, but continued to wear his manic grin, which made Ezekiel more than a bit nervous. _Oh man, this guy's crazy enough to get me killed, eh_. As Geoff turned to leave with another whoop, Kiefer said, "Oh, one more thing. We don't know what the stuff in the bottle is, meaning it could very well be illegal. In fact, given how powerful Courtney said it was, I would be shocked if it wasn't. So be careful who try to get information from."

"Yeah, yeah, got it, man. Let's go, Zeke!"

* * *

"Way to go, eh."

It had taken Geoff the whole of ten minutes to find the absolute wrong person to ask about the bottle and ask him about it anyways. It only took another five minutes for the officer to take him and Ezekiel down to the dungeon for interrogation regarding a class something-or-other illegal substance. Geoff asked, "Dude, seriously? How was I supposed the guy was a cop?"

"The fact that his uniform said 'Police' right across the front?"

Geoff huffed, but had no retort; he couldn't deny that particular lapse of logic. They sat in silence looking around the incredibly dull room; when a plain brown door is a room's most interesting feature, it's a pretty boring room. Ezekiel's irritation with Geoff's blunder kept him from speaking to the party boy, while Geoff's annoyance with himself kept him from thinking about the situation that much. It didn't take long for the officer to return, carrying Enceladus behind. He seated himself and said, "Okay, look. We realize that you're the Chosen One and thus it would be highly...counterproductive to lock you up. But tell me: where did you find that bottle?"

"Well," Geoff began, "Our friend Courtney found it while we're searching the sage's place for clues to who may have kidnapped him."

The guard blinked, trying to work out the overload of information Geoff had just given him. "O...okay. I hadn't realized that the sage is currently being considered 'kidnapped', but...why were you asking about where this came from?"

"Trying to see if we can figure anything out by learning where it came from, eh," Ezekiel replied, lacing his fingers behind his head and leaning back. "It's the best chance we've got."

Geoff looked at the Ezekiel and for the briefest moment, the prairie boy thought that he was about accidentally reveal their suspicions of Enke, almost certainly getting them in deeper trouble for treason or something, ruining any chance of getting any information from Bamfield...but then the party boy closed his mouth and looked back at the officer. The interrogator nodded. "Well, then. Let me make this easier. I looked at this closely a few minutes ago and matched a tip I received two weeks ago about an illegal substance being sold in a bottle commonly used for stomach medicine. The sleep powder in this container is exactly as described, as well. Furthermore, the customer who purchased it was allegedly an official from the Cathedral. Well then, if that's all, then you two are free to go."

* * *

"That settles it, then," Courtney decided. "King Enke is responsible for the attacks on the province of Tofino."

"Yep," DJ agreed. He slumped against the side of the ferry, as unhappy about the latest turn of events as his companions. "Brother seemed cool, too."

"Guess he wasn't, eh," Ezekiel commented, laying flat on his belly and studying both his books. Bridgette crouched next to him, hoping to glean a new spell from the tomes. "So, how do handle this?"

"As foreigners, we can't confront him directly," Kiefer noted, petting his dog. "If we could, Justin and I would tear him limb from limb for this."

"Justin?" Bridgette looked up, confused for a moment. "Oh, your dog."

Kiefer nodded, but didn't say anything. Geoff, not looking away from the sun setting over the ocean, suggested, "I guess we could show Alejandro what we've found out, but..."

"We don't know how he'd react," Courtney finished. "I'd rather _not_ be executed today, thanks. But anyways, here's what we do. We tell them that we've learned nothing, and then search the Cathedral for the sage. Given how much the people of Tofino revere him, I'm sure he could convince them of Enke's treachery—especially if he has first-hand accounts of it."

"And if that starts a civil war?" Kiefer asked. Courtney shrugged. "I'm sure Wüste wouldn't mind aiding the sage."

Kiefer snarled a bit, but didn't object. They rode the rest of the trip in silence. Upon returning to Clearwater, Courtney immediately noticed that something was wrong. Too many people crowded the streets for that time of the day. And not just walking around, either. The townspeople seemed to be in near hysteria. And waiting for them at the dock were Paige and the rest of Wüste's Sixteenth. As soon as the ferry had docked, Paige ran up the plank and completely destroyed their theory with one sentence. "King Enke has been assassinated."

* * *

**A/N: In case anyone is wondering if any OC's are going to become major characters, the answer is no. Most won't even be around for more than one or two chapters.**

**And hey, I just put out a new chapter in less than a month. Let's see if I can do it in less than a week now.  
**


	12. Act 5: Burning Down The House

**A/N: Wow, this update took a while. Sorry about that.**

**I don't own Total Drama or its characters.  
**

* * *

Burning Down The House

Paige's announcement sent shocked Geoff's party to the core, a four-word lightning bolt that froze their very senses and left them gaping.

"No way..." The color drained from Courtney's face. "But then...."

"No time," Kiefer said, striding the rest of the way down the ramp. "When did this happen?"  
"Very recently," Paige answered, extending her hand to let her snake coil around it. "I think in the last hour."

"Sir Devon. I request permission to find the assassin." The short knight hopped atop his dog. DJ shook his head, breaking himself out of shock. "Y-yeah, sure...go for it man...you too, Paige...all of you."

The Sixteenth division all gave him signs of assent, and Kiefer's dog bounded up the stairs, followed closely by the rest of the unit. DJ sighed and asked no one in particular, "So...what now?"

"I...I don't know," Courtney admitted, squatting down and hugging her legs. "We did everything we could to figure out who attacked Tofino, and then our only suspect...what did we miss?"

"I don't know either, eh." Ezekiel climbed down to the dock and sat next to the bay, looking into its pristine waters. Bridgette and Geoff both stood on the plank, looking at each other in shock. Courtney sighed, "I was so sure we had our man...guess not..."

"Hold on," Bridgette said, looking up. "Didn't Alejandro say that Captain Herbert was chasing the attacker when he got killed?"

Courtney shrugged, brushing off what she felt was an unimportant question. Bridgette smirked at her, although she felt no joy at all. "How did Alejandro know that Herbert was chasing after the attacker...when he claims he didn't see the attacker?"

"Because he's...he's..." Courtney jumped up. "Because that bastard is the attacker! He framed Enke, and while we were out of the way..."

"Killed him," Ezekiel finished, also rising. "Man, if only we'd realized that earlier, eh."

DJ asked, slouched back against the ferry, stroking Bunny's helm. "But...he was helping find the attacker! He couldn't have been..."

"Wake up, DJ. It isn't that hard to work both sides like Alejandro did," Courtney snapped. . "Well, I guess we have no choice but to confront him..."

"Confront who now, _chica_?" Alejandro glared down at them as he stomped down the steps, the energy of each step seeming to shake the entire structure. "You're accusing me of attacking the cities because I worded something wrong?"

"You said, in your own words, you 'didn't see a damn thing'" Courtney marched to towards the stairs. "That's pretty damn clear to me."

Alejandro rolled his eyes . "All I saw that night was two silhouettes enter the warehouse and one exit. After the attacker left, I went over to the warehouse to check what had happened. Not a smart move on my part.

Her breaths still hissed. The CIT stopped, her glare softening just a bit. "But...if not you...who else? I mean, whoever did it had not only had to be a palace official, he or she had to be very close to King Enke—unless..."

"How could I have attacked Ucluelet and Bamfield when I was always either guarding the king or searching for the attacker with royal guards?" Alejandro scowled down at her. "Stop wasting my time and try to find the real attacker—it's been too soon since the assassination for him to have gone far."

As he headed back into the citadel, Courtney's fists relaxed . DJ walked over to her and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Forget about him. Come on, we got a psycho to find."

"Fine. Whatever." Courtney stormed back to Geoff and said, "I still don't trust him. I'm going ask the first guard I find where that warehouse is, and then I'm gonna take a look at it. You guys can go look in the palace for anyone suspicious, but I doubt you'll find one more questionable than Alejandro. Later."

"Wait a minute!" Geoff barred her way as she tried to march away from the Cathedral. "You sure you don't want anyone to come with you?"

"If someone wants to come with me, fine," she said. Ezekiel and DJ looked at each other. The prairie boy said, "I...don't get along with her too well, eh."

DJ shrugged. "Well, I;m terrified of her." Ezekiel grinned. "Okay, then."

"I'll go with her," Bridgette announced with a roll of her eyes. Courtney did the same. "Well, I was _kinda_ hoping for someone who could actually fight, but..."

"Stop complaining," Bridgette chastised. As the two girls hurried off, Geoff turned to his DJ. "So...should we try to find your division?"

* * *

Courtney growled at the warehouse. "Damn it...his story checks out."

The remains of the building, blackened and crumbling, taunted her just by existing and having open space on each side of it. She sighed and looked down at the ground. Next to her, Bridgette gave her a sidelong look. "You still think Alejandro's guilty, don't you?"

Courtney nodded slowly. "Yeah..sorry, I'm not willing just yet to accept what he said was just 'bad wording'. Let me guess—you think I'm obsessing too much on this."

"Well, you do have trouble admitting you're wrong," Bridgette joked, trying to elicit emotion. "But seriously, Alejandro is definitely...what on _earth_?"

Courtney looked up to see what Bridgette had; flames erupting on the northern outskirts. As Bridgette gaped in silence, Courtney yelped, "The hell...there's no way Alejandro could have gotten there that fast, with the ferries shut down..."

"Let's go, Courtney!" The surfer grabbed her wrist and took off, dragging the CIT behind her. Courtney squawked, "What-"

Bridgette didn't listen to her friend's complaints as she raced towards the inferno.

* * *

Geoff charged toward the blaze, hellbent on putting an end to its destruction. Ezekiel matched him step for step. The two mightiest of Geoff's group, undeterred by the rush of fleeing townsfolk and the threat of fiery death, did not falter when they felt the fire's heat. No thoughts of retreat crossed their minds when fireballs were spewed into the air, the bonfire spreading across the northern end of Clearwater.

However, none of that applied to DJ. He crept behind his comrades, head down and trembling. As they drew near enough for the heat of the pyre to strike them, Geoff looked over at Ezekiel and asked, "So...gonna use that water spell to put out the fire, man?"

"Huh?" Ezekiel blinked, matching the party boy's look. "Nah, too many people in the area, eh. I thought we were trying to find whoever did this..."

"Wait...then who's gonna put out the fire? And seriously, if there are people in there..."

"Tofino's soldiers should be taking care of it," DJ squeaked, less terrified by the prospect of chasing the arsonist than of charging headlong into fire. "Although, I suppose a water spell couldn't hurt."

"Mine could, eh," Ezekiel chuckled despite the situation. Geoff remembered a blast of water erupting from underneath a galleon and shuddered at the though of Clearwater meeting the same fate. As the scalding licks of fire lashed at him, he ground to a halt, "Yeah...I think we should go another way. "

"But how would we find him?" Ezekiel asked as Geoff planted Enceladus in the wood to lean against. "I think it would be a much better idea to help people out here; chances are-"

"Chances are you two are gonna be swallowed by the flames if you don't move," Kiefer snapped, glaring down at them from atop his Great Dane. As Ezekiel and Geoff bolted away from the inferno, Paige leaned against the dog and stretched. "As Sir Devon said, the Tofinan military can take care of the flames. We should be pursuing the attacker. And since Kyle here has an owl..."

A blue-eyed knight with wild blond hair, sans an animal, waved at them. "Already got Stolas scanning the city."

"Awesome!" Geoff extended a hand for a high-five from Kyle. Kiefer barked, "Concentrate, Chosen One! You should be keeping an eye out for anyone suspicious."

"But it's just..." Geoff caught Ezekiel's look, telling him not to fight over it. Kiefer ignored the Chosen One's complaint and, arms crossed, said, "Okay, since we don't have all night to wait for that owl, I say we head north until it comes back."

"And if he didn't go north?" Paige asked, looking doubtful. "We probably wouldn't be able to catch up with him if we went the wrong way. Assuming he's even fleeing."

"No one with any sense would stick around after killing a king, eh," Ezekiel reasoned, already heading north. "After the assassination, he headed north and started this fire, probably to distract the military."

"Fine. But I think we should head a bit east as well, in case he just made a beeline for the coast."

"Agreed. Let's move." Kiefer's dog bounded forward, threatening to leave everyone else behind. An owl hooted as it came to rest on its master's shoulder and leaned in. After three more hoots, Kyle said, "Okay, Stolas found someone heading towards the coast by himself. Tall, huge..._wait, what_? Oh, sorry, missing a hand, not..."

He shuddered at whatever thought he'd heard. Before he could continue, a shrill voice shattered the silence. "So if your bird found someone, _why _are you just standing around?"

Ezekiel shook off his shock and gave Courtney a brief wave as she strode up to them, Bridgette pacing along beside her. "Hey, Cour-"

"Not now." She turned to glare at Geoff. "Let's get moving. _Now."_

Kiefer nodded and said, "If Kyle can send Stolas after the guy, I'll follow and engage. Hopefully, I'll be able to take him down myself."

"How would we follow you?" Bridgette asked, trying to catch her breath—Courtney could move fast when she wanted to. "It's not like we have anything to guide us..."

"_Uitbarsting._" Ezekiel pulled up a loose plank. The end caught fire. He explained, "The owl can carry this, eh. We'll be able to follow like that."

"Or," Courtney said, glaring at the country boy, "We can give Sir Kiefer Enceladus and not endanger the bird."

Kiefer took the burning stick. "Absolutely not. The sacred sword is not to be used in combat by anyone but the Chosen One; accidents are said to befall anyone else. Besides, I am already well-armed. Kyle?"

He handed the beacon to the blond animal knight, the flame glinting in his eyes. Courtney noted with some appreciation and awe that the flame hadn't burned any more of the plank since Ezekiel had cast the spell. Hooting, Stolas extended a talon and grabbed hold of the burning wood. It took off, clutching its cargo with its other claw and weaving an erratic pattern as it flew towards the coast. Courtney blinked, trying to figure out how a barn owl could lift a piece of wood—on fire, no less—and still be able to fly. Without a word, Kiefer planted a foot against his dog's side, shocking Bridgette even more. The dog yipped in pain but wheeled around to follow Stolas. Paige sighed and said, "I wish he'd stop doing that. I mean, he even trained Justin to listen to verbal commands!"

"I don't get how someone who relies so much on an animal can treat his partner like that," Bridgette groaned, the faintest trace of a snarl forming on her face. Beside her, Geoff shook his head, as though snapping himself out of a trance. "Wait...Justin...what?"

"The dog, not the scumbag," Courtney informed him as she started to stride towards the orange glow hovering over Clearwater. As the others started to shuffle after her, DJ turned to two of the animal knights. "JC. Larson. You guys go tell the Tofinan military that we may have found the attacker. Meet with us near-"

The grating sound of metal on metal interrupted the captain. The top of the Cathedral split and opened as a metal cylinder rose from the hole. It towered over the entirety of Clearwater for several silent seconds before the top of it swiveled on a hinge, revealing what looked like a cannon. As the metal behemoth's gears jumped to life, spinning the gun in a circle, Kyle noted, "Defenses. Damn good ones, too."

Courtney snapped out of her surprise and elbowed Geoff's ribs. Hard. "Stop wasting time looking at that thing and _move_! We need to catch up with Kiefer!"

* * *

The massive canine skittered to a halt on the Tofinan shoreline, spraying the massive beast of a man with sand. Its rider growled. "Alright, ugly. Time's up."

Said ugly returned Kiefer's glare as an owl came to rest beside the dog. Without a word, he flashed his left hand, revealing a wicked iron hook. The animal knight sniggered at the stunted weapon. "_That's_ what you're gonna fight me with?"

He reached behind himself and pulled out a sword. Five wide feet of steel gleamed in the moonlight as Kiefer pointed the claymore at his foe. The giant responded in the most villainous way possible. He gave the least manly scream possible and took off the other way, entering a futile footrace with the Great Dane.

* * *

"Wow...where did that sword come from?"

Bridgette summarized her friends' thoughts as they approached the scene of the battle. Kiefer and his opponent, silhouettes dancing in the little light that shone on the beach, spewed up the sands as a dark mist, clouding the battle. The claymore hammered down on the unknown man, his own unseen weapon incapable of blocking several dozen pounds of iron. With speed unexpected for a man his size, the assailant ducked and sidestepped the wide-arcing strikes, attempting to strike back with whatever weapon he wielded without success. Kiefer drove him further back with each swing of the mighty blade.

From behind Bridgette, Ezekiel replied, "No idea, eh. Did anyone see it on him?"

"He's just good at keeping it hidden," DJ noted as though concealing a blade the size of its owner was nothing out of the ordinary. If not for her hurry to catch up with the dog-riding knight, Courtney would have stopped to stare at the captain. "DJ. Kiefer's sword is as big as he is! _How_ the hell do you conceal that?"

"As you would say, not important now," Geoff called from up front, his details illuminated by Enceladus. Courtney chose to bite her tongue, the taste of blood in her mouth a small price to pay for her dignity.

A wounded howl pierced the night like an explosion as the blade came inches from removing the man's arm. Still whimpering, he received a blow from the flat side of the sword, sending him sprawling to the cold sand. As the dog stepped over to the fallen attacker, Geoff whooped and slowed his advance, now less than fifteen meters from the battle. "Yeah! Way to go, dude!"

"Don't count him out yet." Paige's dash was as brisk as ever.. "He's desperate now..."

"Yeah, sure." Geoff watched as Kiefer and the assailant appeared to exchange a few words. Courtney passed him, eager to discover the assailant's identity. Without warning, Justin boomed out a gruff bark and reared back, throwing Kiefer to the ground. Paige's eyes widened as the downed criminal drew something from his pocket and smashed it against the ground. Everything went a blinding white as the ball's explosion scalded their eyes. During their moments of blindness, Justin's raucous bark sounded, followed by Kiefer's cries for help and orders for Justin to stop.

Once his eyesight returned, Geoff blinked and scanned the beach. The assailant had left during that time, disappearing into the night without a sound. Of greater importance to everyone not named Courtney, the shadow of Justin stumbled into an alleyway, gripping a writhing, yelping figure's wrist in his mouth. Kiefer. Paige gave a shout and started after him, but the blond knight—Kyle, if Geoff remembered right—beat her to it. "I got him! Go after that guy!"

Paige stalled and turned to DJ. "Your orders, Sir Devon?"

"Kyle can deal with Justin. We gotta go after whoever that was. Let's go."

"Huh," Courtney murmured. Bridgette glanced at her. "What?"

"Just surprised that DJ of all people is so calm."

"DJ may be a scaredy-cat." Paige crouched down where she had last seen the attacker, "But he's actualy not too bad a leader...as long as nothing's happening around him, of course."

"Yeah...no offense, DJ." Ignoring the warning glare she received from Bridgette, she continued. "But how did you even become the captain? I mean, you're a nice guy and all, but Kiefer doesn't seem like the type to frighten easily. He's almost scary in battle..."

"Yeah, Kiefer's great. He actually used to be captain." DJ knelt by Paige and beckoned Geoff over. "If Justin wasn't confused so easily, he'd be the one ordering me around."

"What?" Then it clicked in Courtney's mind what he had said. She screeched, "_You mean you're the captain of your division entirely because you have the most competent ANIMAL, never mind the fact it's a god damn RABBIT?_"

"Well, kinda," DJ muttered. Everything now sounded like he was underwater. He wondered if the effects of Courtney's outburst were permanent. "When I came here, I had to fight Kiefer for the top spot. And I won!"

"May I ask what the dog did in the fight?"

"Justin? He chased after Stolas for the entire battle. Kinda lucky; if he didn't do that, Bunny probably wouldn't have been able to trip Kiefer."

"You won because Kiefer _tripped_?"

"Yeah. I was...oh, I hate to admit it, but I spent most of the fight running away—I mean, that sword is really scary—and...um..."

"...Why the _hell_ does your division even _exist_?"

"Honestly? We're experimental."

Courtney slammed a palm to her forehead and dug her nails into her scalp. "Stop. Talking. Already."

"Uh, guys?" Geoff and Paige said at the same time. After exchanging an amused smirk with her, Geoff continued, "So, what now? That dude's long gone..."

"And badly wounded," Paige reached out to lower Enceladus. The purple light shone down on the ground, revealing red splatters on the sand. Bridgette peered over her boyfriend's shoulder. "So, we're gonna follow the blood trail?"

Paige never got the oppurtunity to answer. A high-pitched metallic whine split the ears of everyone within miles of Clearwater. A red ball of light began to collect on the metallic construct protruding from the Cathedra. Its end pointed down at the party. Geoff and Bridgette gaped, Ezekiel rifled through his books, Courtney swore and DJ curled into a fetal position. Paige took a glance at each of them and screamed, "Move it! That's a damn _laser_!"

At once, Geoff's party and the entire Sixteenth division moved as a wave of humanity, sprinting as far from the battle site as possible. After a few seconds, the cannon unleashed its crimson fury. Less than a second later, the battlefield exploded, propelling sand and stone high into the air. The group flew through the air and landed in a heap on the first grasses of the great Tofinan marsh.

As humans and animals alike struggled to untangle themselves amid Courtney's complaints, a cadre of soldiers approached, cloaked by the darkness. One of the first to stand, Geoff noted that the fires in Clearwater had been extinguished. Suddenly, he found a gun pointblank before his nose. A harsh, familiar voice commanded, "Rise. Keep your hands up. And if you value your life, Enceladus will stay where you dropped it."

Taking a quick glance at where Enceladus lay at his feet, Geoff complied, stretching towards the heavens as he rose, trembling from the blast. He gasped when he saw who stood before him. "Alejandro?"

"Silence." Alejandro's gun moved with Geoff's face. "You, Bridgette, Courtney and Ezekiel are under arrest for acts of terrorism brought against the province of Tofino."

* * *

In the marshlands, a bulky man with a large gash running down his chest clambered into a small cave, moaning and on the verge of tears. Panting and staring down at his own blood, he growled in a rather non-threatening voice, "Ooh, if that knight shows up again...owww..."

His head snapped up to look at the other occupant of the cavern. The bound and gagged sage ceased his struggling and met his captor's insane gaze. The large man said, "We're leaving tomorrow..."

* * *

"Have you lost your _mind_, Alejandro?" Courtney shouted, glancing over the two dozen guns pointed at her and her companions. The Sixteenth had been allowed to go free, and they had disappeared without anyone noticing. This further incensing her. _Damn it DJ, I thought Geoff was your friend. _"We've only been in the province for two days! How could we be the ones responsible?"

"_Lo siento_," Alejandro replied, his expression closer to that of a hungry crocodile than someone truly sorry, "but we have our own evidence. You have already been judged to be guilty, and now you are required to return to the Cathedral for sentencing. Unless you want my men to pass judgment now, of course—all twenty-four would be willing to execute you on the spot."

"Excuse me?" Bridgette's eyes narrowed, raised fingers twitching. "May we see or hear your so-called 'evidence'?"

Alejandro chuckled and brushed a strand of hair out of his face. "I'm sorry, but I cannot show you. The sooner we carry out your sentences, the sooner Clearwater will be calm again. You understand."

"Oh, this is such bullshit!" Only the threat of machine gun fire kept Courtney from reaching out to strangle him. "I've read the laws of Tofino, and I know that judging defendants without them being present for testimony is entirely illegal, as is denying them their right to hear what evidence is being presented against them. And furthermore, it is entirely illegal to execute foreigners without trial in times of peace!"

"...For someone about to die, you sure are boring." Alejandro yawned and smirked at her furthered indignation."And I do know my rights of Captain of the Guard...but you forget one thing."

"And what's that?"

"There is no one to stop a ruler from doing as he wishes. Even an interim king such as myself has total control. And seeing how easy it is to create court documents following your executions..." He trailed off, chortling. "And besides, I have my own ambitions. Imagine how much support I would get in my bid for kingship as the hero who ended the months of bombings in Tofino? You outlanders—and yes, I do know of the 'real' world—are the perfect scapegoats. And should Wawanakwa object...well, Queen Heather will undoubtedly back me once she hears I've done away with the Chosen One. He'll never admit it, but Chris is downright terrified of Discordia."

"So...this is a political ploy, eh," Ezekiel noted, calmer than his comrades. "I guess you're behind the Sage's kidnapping, as well?"

Courtney threw him a sidelong glare. "Does he _look _like a steroid junkie to you?"

Alejandro stifled a grin. "No, I had nothing to do with the kidnapping. That was just a stroke of luck. But enough talk. _Vamos_."

As he turned to head back to the Cathedral, something glinted in Enceladus's light. Something long and slender, covered in metal...Alejandro cried as he felt something crawl—no, _slither_ up his leg and dig its teeth into him. Squirming and flailing his arms, he fell to the ground and the armor-coated coral snake, fast as lightning, slithered over to another soldier. Alejandro felt twenty-three guns turn towards the unlucky man..."No! Don't sh-"

The _rat-a-tat_ of rapid fire shots drowned out his command. Lights sparked as bullets flew, piercing the soldier's armor and turning him into Swiss cheese in a second. He collapsed and the guns fell silent...and brought forth their cacophony once more as the snake, unharmed, darted out of the ruined armor. The snake moved too fast for the soldiers to kill. Scaley found its way into another soldier's armor, and he met the same fate as the first. The disturbance became full-on bedlam. A massive dog with bloodied teeth leaped out and dragged a soldier down with its iron-clamp jaws. An owl flew down from the night sky and clawed inside the helmet of another soldier. Another snake followed the coral snake's lead in entering a soldier's armor. Unlike Scaly, it wrapped its thick body around the man's chest, constricting him. A rabbit, curled up in an armored, spike-laden ball, came flying from the darkness, knocking out one of Alejandro's men before hopping up to return to its thrower. A soldier, moving away from the fray, froze up and collapsed. Several seconds later, a jet black scorpion made its way out of his helmet and onto the sand.

Alejandro knew a losing situation when he saw one. Cursing under his breath, he crawled through the melee, hoping against hope that none of the vicious animals would target him. By some miracle, he made it through his doomed legion and took off towards the Cathedral, ignoring the pain of his snakebite. Watching from behind a rock, Paige frowned but resumed wrapping a bandage around Kiefer's wrist. The wounded knight looked up and asked, "What?"

"...Nothing. I think enough soldiers are gone to get the Chosen One out of here."

DJ appeared from the shadows, Bunny in tow. "Looks like it. I'll take care of it."

He snuck out from behind the stone and, whimpering, ran towards Geoff, watching the soldiers to make sure no scary guns were pointed his way. He gripped his friend's shoulders. "Geoff, man! We gotta get outta here now!"

"Gotcha, dude," Geoff responded. He signaled to his comrades before following the captain out into the swamp. Once they were a good distance away, DJ said, "Okay, look guys. Alejandro got away and will be back with more men any time. We gotta pick up the attacker's blood trail and follow it to the Sage..."

"Because the Sage is the only one who can clear our names, right?" Courtney asked. DJ nodded. Panting, Bridgette looked up and asked, "What about your division, DJ?"

"They can handle it." Courtney smirked at him. "Honestly, DJ. I didn't think you had the guts to try something like that. I'd say you're actually a better leader than Geoff."

"Just doing what I need to help my man," DJ shrugged. The CIT's good mood was short lived, however; before they had gone fifty meters, the ground collapsed beneath them, dropping them into an underground lake. Courtney's comrades braced themselves as she opened her mouth...

* * *

**A/N: Okay, yeah, that was shortish. However, the next chapter is just about finished and should be up tomorrow after revision. I'll explain why this chapter's so short and why it took so long with my next update.  
**


	13. Act 5: Psycho Killer, Qu'est Que C'est?

**Disclaimer: I don't any of these crazies. Or the Total Drama series.**

* * *

Psycho Killer...Qu'est-ce Que C'est?

"Okay, I know the others asked you already, but-"

"I got it the first god damn time, Zeke," Courtney snapped, grouchier than normal. Not that any of her companions blamed her; after all, they had just spent the night in a cave of mire. Even as they trudged out of the marshlands and into some foothills, led by the elephantine man's footprints, the goop kept them as wet and miserable as ever. "I don't need you to tell me again to keep my voice down."

Backing away from her, Ezekiel wandered over towards Geoff, but the proximity between between him and Bridgette discouraged any attempts at conversation. Courtney noticed them, too. "Watch where you're going, lovebirds."

As per usual for that morning, her anger kept anyone from responding. They stayed silent as they made their way up into the coastal mountains of Tofino, dusty hills devoid of both flora and fauna. Up in the taller peaks they could spot traces of vegetation, but the lower regions were more barren than most deserts, a stark contrast from the overly grassy marshes of the rest of the province. DJ broke the silence, voice wavering. "So...um...what do we do when we find...you know-"

"I'll tell you what will happen." Courtney's mood not been bettered by the past half hour of tranquility. "Geoff will spout some inane crap about not wanting to fight, you'll curl up and hide behind your rabbit, and Ezekiel will have to deal with the bastard himself. Like usual."

"I...really haven't defeated anyone, eh," Ezekiel corrected, but DJ overrode him, puffing out his chest. "Hey! You saw me and Bunny last night—we can take that guy."

"Oh sure." She gave him a mocking smirk. "Yeah, you won't be scared at all, right? I mean seriously, you panic the moment something _moves_. Do you really-"

"_Courtney_!" The CIT shut up and turned to receive Bridgette's piercing glare. The surfer shouted, "Could you _please_ stop yelling at everyone? For _once_? We're all miserable; your raging just makes it worse."

Instead of replying, Courtney just matched her glare, biting back a contemptuous sneer. She glanced over at Geoff. "Whatever. Could we move faster, though? I'm already annoyed enough that you insisted on stopping to rest under the guise of 'we can't search for him at night', and moving at such a casual speed _isn't helping_."

"Fine with me." Geoff shrugged before dispelling all tension with a grin. "Hey, Court, betcha can't beat me to the top of this hill!"

As he took off towards along the trail of foot-made craters, a fire lit in Courtney's eyes as she raced after him. "Oh, you're so on!"

DJ blinked, turned to Bridgette and demanded, "How did he...I mean, she's all mad and scary just a second ago..."

"He's just good at that." The surfer jogged after her boyfriend. "Come on, guys! Don't fall behind."

Ezekiel, DJ and Bunny exchanged looks. The prairie boy smirked and challenged, "See you at the top, eh!"

DJ watched him bolt past Bridgette before his mind caught up. "Hey!"

* * *

"No...more...races..." Courtney wheezed, dropping to her knees as she fought for air. In spite of herself, she giggled a bit as she tried to rise...and failed. Instead, she looked at Geoff's triumphant grin. He leaned back and taunted, "Ha, I knew you couldn't beat me!"

Another deep breath... "...Next time."

DJ and Ezekiel pulled up them, as exhausted as she was. As DJ muttered something about his armor slowing him down, Ezekiel's eyes darted around the shallow, sandy valley before them. "Hey, guys? There's something down there, eh."

The calm atmosphere evaporated as the other three looked down. A tunnel had been carved into the side of the next hill, a fire still smoldering inside. Geoff grimaced. "So...what do you think?"

"I think," Bridgette exclaimed from behind the group, startling DJ, "that we may have found the attacker."

"Okay, Geoff." Courtney's words seemed to bite at him. "I appreciate your efforts to speed this trip up a bit, but if we die because we're too tired to fight..."

"I'm not tired," Geoff boasted, holding Enceladus before him as he started to descend. Courtney rolled her eyes and said, "Yeah, sure. And do you really intend to just rush in there without any kind of plan?"

Another shrug from him. "Sure. It's worked so far."

"...I suppose that's true," Courtney sighed before giving Ezekiel an authoritative look. "Zeke, go back him up."

"'Kay." The prairie boy skidded down the hill after Geoff. Bridgette walked after him, motioning for Courtney and DJ to follow. All three stared in dumbfounded amazement as Geoff charged straight down the hill side, come to a stop next to the cave, and peered around the corner before leaping in front of the entrance with a loud, echoing battle cry, Enceladus held before him. If she weren't so occupied with _not _tumbling down the hill, Bridgette would have slapped her forehead. After several seconds of nothing happening, Ezekiel asked, "Well?"

"No one home. Nothing in it, either." Geoff relaxed his fighting pose. Courtney glanced about the area near the cavern and spotted something Geoff _should_ have noticed, but failed to do so in his excitement. "Geoff? There are fresh footprints _right next to where you're standing_. I suggest _looking around_ next time so you don't look like an idiot again."

Geoff's wild eyes traveled from his friends down to his feet. He realized he stood in a massive footprint, the exact same as the ones they had been following. That print was just the first of a chain that led even higher into the mountains. Reaching up to scratch his head, he muttered, "Oops."

* * *

If the group had forgotten they were in Tofino, the province that held the most annoying geography possible, the next section of the mountains made sure they remembered. It twisted, turned, rose and fell without any semblance of geologic sanity. One moment they were clambering up a nigh vertical cliff, the next they were tumbling into a basin. Several times, they came to a halt on one of the area's peaks to rest and allow Bridgette to heal the scrapes, bruises and occasional fractured bone. By some stroke of luck, even this sector consisted of more sand than stone, so the footprints still showed in the late afternoon sun.

Ezekiel, coughing as though stricken with bronchitis, pulled his way to the top of a cliff and collapsed to his stomach, enjoying the rest, as brief as he knew it would be. _Never coming here again, eh_. Forcing his eyes to open, he scanned the slope before him. While DJ (with Bunny safely back inside his armor) and Geoff clambered up next to him, he noted with increasing panic that no trace of the attacker lay on the hill—no footprints, no signs of him tumbling, nothing. As he started to push himself up to break the news, he saw the next hill. And its two inhabitants: an absolute mammoth of a man lounging back against a boulder and a much smaller male who looked as though he were tied up. From his distance, the prairie couldn't identify them, however. He pointed down at the two. "Hey! Look down there, eh!"

Courtney's head shot up and she grinned. "All right! No time to waste, let's go get him!"

A loose stone sent her on a tumble down to the bottom of the hill just as Bridgette, cranky and nervous as a cat, emerged at the top. Groaning, she stumbled after the other three and tripped, taking out Ezekiel before her wild roll ended as she crashed into Courtney at the bottom of the slope. Trying not to chuckle as he watched them try to untangle themselves, Geoff teased, "Careful now, Bridge."

"What? Who's there?" A whined voice pierced the air, keeping Bridgette from giving the party-goer a piece of her mind and a twisted, grimacing face appeared to gaze down upon them. The man's single eyebrow furrowed as he identified members of the group and rose when he saw Enceladus, metal hooked appendage gleaming in the afternoon sun. Pulling down the kind of mask a stereotypical killer would wear, he scurried away. DJ screamed at the sight and jumped into the arms of the nearest person, memories of this same man looming over a friend, chainsaw in hand flooding his mind.

Scowling, Courtney dropped him on the ground and stepped away. "Calm down, Deej; Gwen was able to fight him off with a couple of kicks."

Her words failed to comfort the eternal fraidy cat. "Calm down!? That dude has a _chainsaw_! That's...it's..."

"Nothing compared to Enceladus." Bridgette pulled on DJ's arm, trying to get him to his feet. "I don't get it, though—he really doesn't seem...well, _intelligent_ enough to pull those attacks off."

"Not only that, but he's a complete wuss. There's no way he masterminded the attacks," Courtney agreed, marching ahead of her. "But we can't worry about that now. We need to catch him!"

And before anyone could remind her she had no armaments, physical or magical, she raced up the hill, leaving her companions shrouded in a dust cloud. Geoff and Ezekiel shrugged at each other before heading after her at top speed, leaving DJ and Bridgette to trail along behind.

Despite Courtney's head start, Geoff caught up to her, Enceladus extended like a javelin as he charged. In almost no time at all, he got close enough to the lumbering monstrosity to see the killer's captive, bound by rope and held the killer's one good hand. The Chosen One recognized the Sage's tousled brown hair and thin frame at once. "_Cody_!"

The psycho skidded to a halt and whirled around, pressing his hook up against Cody's neck while fixing Geoff with a sneer. As Geoff came to a gravel-splattering halt, the psycho barked, "Leave me alone, or I'll kill him!"

"And then we'll do the same to you." Courtney appeared along with Bridgette and Ezekiel at Geoff's side. Stepping ahead of Geoff, she brushed her hair out of her face and adopted her most diplomatic tone. "Now listen. You don't stand a chance against Geoff and Zeke. Hand over Cody, and our mage won't fry your brains, okay?"

"Never!" The chainsaw maniac took a few more awkward steps back, keeping his hook at the Sage's neck. "I…I have a chainsaw! I'll cut you all down if you get any closer! I mean it!"

DJ popped his head from behind Bridgette. "H-how are you gonna do that if one hand's a hook and the other hand's holding Cody…_pleasedon'tkillme._"

As DJ disappeared behind a rather annoyed surfer, the killer contemplated the question. And with a triumphant, twisted grin he hooked Cody's ropes around his metallic weapon and whipped out his chainsaw. His smirk gave way to a confused frown as he stared at his weapon. He struggled to bring his hook up and turn the weapon on, but failed. Attempts to turn the saw on with his teeth were met with similar results. After several more tries with both methods, he set the chainsaw and transferred Cody, chuckling despite the bandage covering his mouth, back to his good hand. Then he tried to lift the weapon with his hook. After repeated failures, Courtney shook her head. "This is _so _pathetic…"

Geoff advanced on the killer. "Dude, just give up. I mean, you can't beat us."

The killer snarled he holstered his chainsaw, his eyes jerking to either side. "Oh, this is so unfair..."

And he took off up the hill once more, weighed down by the sage in his hand. Ezekiel rolled his eyes. "I think I can get him without hitting Cody, eh."

"Don't try, we've got it," Courtney said, hustling after the killer. "It looks like the hill ends in about twenty meters anyway, and the sides are sheer cliffs. He has no way to-"

"Catch!"

Planting his feet, the massive man turned and hurled Cody back the way he came. The geek's eyes widened as the cliff disappeared, a basin forty feet below taking its place. He looked back at Geoff's group just before the cliff side obscured his view...

Light reflected off an armored blur of motion as something large dove after him, scooping him up in its arms. A very unmanly scream and the sound of metal ricocheting off rocks followed. The scene didn't process in anyone's brain until DJ said, "I'm...we're..._alive_?"

"DJ!" Bridgette scurried over to the cliff's edge and looked down. The knight and the sage lay at the bottom of the cliff, battered but still awake. As DJ reached over and freed Cody's mouth, she called, "Are you two okay?"

"We're good." Cody fell back, casting a blank gaze at the sky. "We're good..."

"Not for long!" The whir of an engine sprang to life, and Geoff just had enough time to get Enceladus in front of the slashing chainsaw. The killer advanced with a nasty grin, finding great humor in the Chosen One's terror. Eyes wide with bloodlust, he raised the mechanical weapon high above his head and brought it down, straight at Geoff's forehead. A purple point pierced it on its descent, killing the motor. As the killer gaped at his ruined saw, Ezekiel whispered to Courtney, "Well, that was anticlimactic."

She pointed at the curved bit of metal that served as the killer's right hand. "He still has that hook, and he's probably pissed off about-"

"You...you meanie!" Lips trembling, the crazed man backed away from Geoff and the impaled chainsaw. "You'll never catch me!"

And once again, he turned tail while Geoff lowered his weapon and removed the chainsaw's remains. Bridgette and Geoff watched him retreat while Ezekiel muttered to himself, spinning a finger in tight circles. Courtney nudged Geoff. "So, are you gonna finish him, or does Zeke have to do it?"

"Eh, I'll do it." The Chosen stretched. "Just back me up and tell Deej to come around to the end of the hill."

"Whoa, wait!" Bridgette called, jogging after him as he trudged up after the killer, holding Enceladus behind him as though he were placing it in a back-bound scabbard. Geoff turned and gave her a reassuring wave.

Geoff walked in silence up the slope, the epitome of stoicism even following his target's hysterical scream upon realizing the hill ended with a fifteen-meter drop off. He continued his steady march until he stood less than four meters from the attacker, who regarded him with a dour frown. For a minute, the two stood in silence, staring the other down, one with unnatural calmness, the other unhindered insanity. Finally, Geoff spoke. "All right man. Just gonna ask you why-"

"Why?!" The killer's snarl transform into a warped imitation of a smirk as he brandished his hook. His eyes narrowed as he watched the Chosen One's friends come barreling up the hill. _Oh man, I really need to finish this guy quickly...so scary..._"Because your blood and terror are my joy! Why are you so intent on helping this stupid province?"

"Well..." Geoff dared a look back at his companions; Ezekiel had created a small whirlwind at his fingertip. "We kinda need to clear our names in Crystalwater...whoa!"

For such a large man, the killer moved with incredible speed, catching Geoff off guard enough to try to sink his hook in. Geoff sidestepped to his left and the point struck his armor's shoulder plate, gouging a white scar in the bronze. The killer's next strike came just as quick as the first, but Enceladus blocked its path. Geoff struggled to keep his sword hooked, thus keeping the killer from using weapon. "And it's not just about that city, dude. You also tried to cut down one of my friends over the summer."

The killer snarled and threw his massive fist into Geoff's gut. Geoff tumbled and flipped over once before finding his footing again, just in time have Enceladus hooked again. _Okay, no more talking. This guy needs to go down now_. With a grimace of his own, Geoff stepped back and yanked his sword towards him, ripping the hook off of the madman's stunted wrist and tossing it into the valley below. The killer gave a high-pitched yowl and backed away, covering his scabby stub of an arm. As his foot reached the very end of the cliff, the stone crumbled, threatening to drop him onto the hard rock below. Once he found himself firm footing once more, he glared back at his foe. "You...you can't...nononono_nonoNO_!"

As bravado spewed forth from twisted lips, Geoff charged, Enceladus pointed down at the ground. The killer froze up, with the exception of his terrified mantra, unable to do anything but watch, waiting for the sword to come up and bisect him from his waist to his crown, ending his brief reign of terror. Geoff's hand came up, and he prepared for the end...the Chosen One flipped his wrist back and slammed the sacred weapon's handle into the killer's forehead. He teetered on the edge, blood running past his vacant eyes. And then Geoff reached with a finger and tapped the man's chest. His balance went and he crashed to the ground below, indenting the sandstone below. Pain shooting through all parts of his body, he lifted his head. "So_...unfair_..."

Geoff stared down as the monstrosity collapsed. "Hey! DJ, man! Where are you?"

The animal knight, alongside Bunny and Cody, came around the cliff and looked down at the former assailant. "Right here, man. Dude's totally out."

"Geoff, you actually did something," Courtney squealed, delighted by Geoff's sudden change of heart. "I mean, I kinda wish you'd gone ahead and finished him, but at least Ezekiel didn't have to do everything again. And for the record, the town is called 'Clearwater'."

"Well, that was the exact opposite of what Courtney said would happen, eh," Ezekiel noted, stuffing a book into a pocket. "DJ jumped off a cliff, you willingly fought, and I didn't have to do anything."

"Yeah, well, don't get used to it," Geoff warned them. "That dude was a special case."

"I sincerely hope Heather will be another 'special case', then." Courtney snorted as a blur of turquoise rushed out from behind her and into Geoff's arms. "Oh, right, Bridgette, right when I'm trying to talk to him..."

"I'm just surprised DJ jumped off that cliff to save Cody, eh," Ezekiel said. From somewhere in the basin, a voice called, "Hey! I do what I need to, man."

"And you weren't scared at all, right?" Courtney rolled her eyes, anticipating bravado from the giant coward. "You kidding me? Course I was scared! I thought I was gonna die on the way down!"

"You're wearing _armor_, DJ!"

"And that's half the reason I jumped!"

"Guys, chill out." Cody rubbed his head. "And thanks for saving me, by the way."

"No prob, dude." Geoff waved his hat down at him before turning to Bridgette. "So, uh, how do we got back down?"

"I got it,eh." Ezekiel signaled for Geoff, Bridgette and Courtney to stand near while rotating a finger once more. The air writhed and spun like a serpent, forming a corkscrew of air at his fingertip. Shaking with the effort required to contain the yet-to-be-born maelstrom, Ezekiel commanded through gritted teeth, "Jump...when I cast...the spell, eh..._spiraalvormige_!"

Three teenagers jumped after the surge of wind and got caught up in it as it ricocheted off the ground. It held them aloft for a moment before depositing them, scraping them but causing no significant injury. Courtney glared down at them. "Hey, next time, _tell_ me what you're doing before telling me to jump off a cliff! Oh, now how am I supposed to get down?"

* * *

After working their way back through the maze, the sight that greeted Geoff's party didn't please them at all. Alejandro stood at the fore of a legion of soldiers, a look of disbelief on his face. "You...you found the sage. _Impresionante_. I suppose you're innocent after all."

"Damn right we're innocent," Courtney snapped, stomping up to him. "You, on the other hand..."

"This again?" Alejandro scoffed and looked at Cody. "Great Sage, was I the one who kidnapped you?"

"Nah, it was that crazy guy." Cody jabbed a finger behind him. The immobile madman lay in DJ's arms, drooling into the Tofinan marsh. "These guys saved me."

Alejandro stepped forward for a better look at the attacker. Bridgette caught a flash of panic in his eyes, but it disappeared so quickly, she may as well have been imagining it. "Very well then. Great Sage, if it was your wish, I will clear these people of charges."

"They didn't do anything," Cody assented. Alejandro opened his mouth to say something, but Courtney beat him to it. "Hold it! It's great that you're clearing us, but you still tried to execute us for political gain!"

"Like she wouldn't do the same, eh," Ezekiel muttered to Bridgette. Alejandro gave them a brief look before sighing. "I know how it may look, but you have to consider my side, _sí_? I sincerely did believe you to be the attackers, and even a brief period of peace would help morale. _Comprendes_? And besides, can you really fault me for thinking myself to be a good leader?"

He flashed a brilliant white grin. One of the soldiers behind him stepped forward. "Captain, if I may?"

After receiving a curt nod from his superior, the steel-coated warrior suggested, "I believe we should pay these people back somehow. Perhaps with better equipment?"

"I agree." Cody's head bobbled up and down. "What do you say, Alejandro?"

The captain rolled his eyes. "_Sea lo que sea_ . Outfit them. I'll go ahead and take the culprit down to the prisons."

As he stomped past Courtney, she mouthed, _I still don't trust you_. He glared back, but didn't respond. _Smart girl_.

* * *

"My...my house! What happened?"

Geoff and DJ exchanged looks as Cody wrung his hands at the sight of the blackened remains of the techno-hut. Courtney gave an impatient snort. "Right. What do you expect when you set _bombs_ as defenses? Sorry for not telling you, though."

"What? I didn't set any bombs." He scurried up to the sheet metal ruins. As he approached, the security camera popped up and its voice came to life, a static garble of nonsense. "Drowssap eticer esaelp."

"Gwen." Cody's password elicited a face-palm from Courtney. The electronic warble spoke again. "Tcerroc."

The door slide half-way up before the twists in the doorway became to much and halted it, but it still Cody enough room to squeeze under it. The hut echoed with his sorrowful, pained cry a moment afterward. Bridgette said, "Hey, guys? Shouldn't we stay with him?"

"Do we have to? I just got this new armor, and it looks really dirty in there." As Geoff admired the way sunlight played on his iron plate, Courtney rolled her eyes and pointed at the hut with a curved knife, her only acquisition from the Clearwater armory. "I agree with Bridgette. We really should go check on him."

Geoff sighed. _Guess I gotta got it dirty_. Behind him, DJ nodded. "Besides, we gotta talk to the guy anyways."

With a glum nod, Geoff crept along behind and followed Ezekiel through one of the blown-out windows, trying not to get any of the soot on him. Inside, Cody stood gaping at the ruins of his workshop, both eyes twitching. Ezekiel put a hand on his shoulder. "Sorry 'bout this, eh. We were trying to find clues here, and, well..."

"Boom." Cody nodded before snapping out of his stupor. "Well...guess I gotta rebuild...too bad I lost Gwen's-"

"Seriously?" Courtney shrieked as the door tried to open again, getting itself more twisted in the wreckage. "You just lost all of your belongings in this world, and the one you care most about is an undergarment for a girl who can barely tolerate you?"

"You're not very good with people, eh."

"And what would _you_ know about it, prairie rat?"

"Enough, you guys," Bridgette snapped. Ezekiel and Courtney fell silent as Cody choked out a weak chuckle. "I'll be alright, I think. Kinda needed a change of scenery, anyways. So, do you guys need any help or anything?"

"Yeah." Bridgette produced the blue orb. "Two things, actually. One; Chris said you might know how to reach the moon. Two; is this orb anything important?"

Cody took the glowing ball, examining it with shining eyes. He dusted off a space for him to sit while Geoff amused himself by tapping out a rhythm on his breastplate. Ezekiel and DJ made small talk while Courtney tapped her foot, glowering. After studying the orb, Cody rose back up. "This orb is one of the keys to reaching the moon. There are two other orbs; red and white ones. The Red Orb is in a volcano on Inciniera; the White is somewhere in Uturneos."

"Okay, so we need to collect the other two orbs," Geoff assessed. "Then what?"

"Then you need to gather the me and the other two sages on Full Moon Island off the coast of Wawanakwa. We'll send you to and from the moon."

"And that's it?" Cody nodded. "As far as I know, yes."

"Sweet, dude." Geoff turned to address the others. "All right, dudes. I say we head for Inciniera next! We're almost done!"

"We're _not_ 'almost done'!" Courtney snatched the orb away from Cody. "We're only a third of the way done! Urgh, I swear, if we don't get these orbs quickly, I'm gonna go insane from this stupid quest."

_...That you don't even have to be a part of_, Bridgette thought, hanging an arm around Geoff's shoulders. "Ranting isn't helping, Courtney. I say we just head to Inciniera and try to get this over with."

"Uh...minor problem with that?" Cody said. "The waters around the island are really...scary. If your boat isn't well-protected, you're not even gonna make it."

"Eh, we'll deal with that when we need to." Having waved off the warning, Geoff yawned and stretched. "Man, I'm tired. Is there an inn in Ucluelet?"

"Uh...yeah," Cody stammered, appalled by Geoff's lack of concern. "Just...remember to prepare before you go to Inciniera."

"Oh, we will." Bridgette gave Geoff a stern glare. "_Won't we_?"

Geoff gave her an uneasy smile and backed away while DJ sighed, looking down. "Hey, guys? I'm sorry, but I gotta get back to my division. We were supposed to leave as soon as we found the Sage."

"You can't stay?" Ezekiel questioned. DJ shrugged. "I dunno. I'll talk to them about it, but probably not."

"Well, then...I guess we'll see you," Courtney said, the most sincere she'd been since she'd joined the party. Geoff nodded and waved. "Good luck, man."

"Yeah...later, y'all." As DJ sauntered back through the window, Courtney said, "So, what do you guys say we go find that inn?"

* * *

"Your Majesty? The attacker was that one guy that escaped from prison last summer. Do you want me to stay in Clearwater, or..."

"No." Heather glared at the shadowed man in her mirror. "Head to Uturneos and be on standby. Crazy girl's plan to reach the moon might actually work, so I need you close. Oh, and if you find any of the Sages..."

"Yes, Milady. I know."

* * *

" A fire. You set a fire. While _I _was still in the palace. _Bastardo_."

Alejandro's cold words struck the former killer like icy bullets. The madman whimpered and backed away. Alejandro snorted. "Why didn't you kill the damned Sage when you had him for nearly a _week_?"

"...I...I don't know..."

On the verge of tears, he recoiled as Alejandro whipped around to glare pointblank into his face. "You're lucky to be alive right now. I have half a mind to tear you in half right now."

"Don't..."

"Oh, shut up. Pleading isn't gonna help you now. You ruined my plans with your incompetence. I carried out attacks to put the province in disarray so that I could get close enough to kill Enke; your role was to continue the attacks until I could do so and to get information from the Sage and kill him. _How_ could you have failed such a task?"

"I tried..."

"Right. Regardless of the fact you also failed to deal with the Chosen One, I believe I have some use for you..."

"Yes! Thank you, thank so..."

The killer fell silent at the look of contempt on Alejandro's face. "Sniveling swine. I just happened to master one of the 'paths' recently, and I need to test it on someone. _Llanto_."

Cold air swirled around the teen before rushing the doomed man, ending him in a jet of Arctic wind.

* * *

**A/N: Okay, yeah, sorry for taking three months to update. To be honest, I had these last two chapters typed up over a week ago. However, as part of a writing class I'm taking, I submitted chapter 12 for critique, which managed to delay posting it for a bit. As a result of the feedback I received, chapters will be shorter from now on, but also more frequent and numerous. And hopefully you'll notice an improvement in my writing.**

**And no, I'm not having every single chapter be critiqued by the class before posting it. **

**Well, this ends the arc. We are now at about the halfway point of the first "book". Hopefully, I'm not too far off with Alejandro's personality and I hope I got Cody down well enough. Sorry about the lack of an epic battle, but it just didn't seem to fit with what I was doing with this arc.**

**Well, chapter 14's already underway. With any luck, I'll have it up fairly soon.  
**


	14. Act 6: A Caress Of Steel

**A/N: Okay, kinda shortish chapter here, but at least it came out quicker than normal, right?  


* * *

**(**Chris narrating): Last time, on Total Drama Quest…Geoff and Co. found themselves in trouble once more after Ezekiel cast a wind spell in the inn. Dude, what was up with that? Anyways, DJ bailed them out—**_**again**_**—and joined the party. They headed back to Tofino and met King Enke in the city of Clearwater.**

** There, they learned that the Sage had disappeared. And that Tofino was being bombed every other day. Convenient. They left to take a look at the Sage's hut with Enke's right-hand man, Alejandro. While inside the complete death trap, Ezekiel and Courtney managed to get tangled up in a tub, which would have been **_**awesome**_** for ratings if this was a TV show. Oh, and the hut exploded, and they only lived because Ezekiel's magic is broken. Sheesh, what **_**can't**_** that guy do? **

** They were luckily rescued by two of DJ's underlings, Kiefer and Paige, and after a brief search of a nearby town, in which Geoff and Zeke were briefly incarcerated, decided that King Enke was the attacker. Because, you know, it totally makes sense that a king would try to explode his country.**

** That theory was shot when they learned that Enke was dead. Kiefer managed to track down the real attacker, but the chase seemed to end when a laser cannon nearly took them out and Alejandro tried to have them executed. And DJ saved them for the **_**third**_** freaking time. They found the real killer with a chainsaw from TDI with Cody in the mountains and proceeded to own that guy. Man, what a **_**wuss**_**. He really needs a lesson in hygiene, too.**

** Back in the marshy party of Tofino, Cody cleared their names and told them how to reach the moon. Gee, that only took forever…**

** Will DJ stay with the party? Will Geoff actually remember to prepare for Inciniera? Will **_**I**_** be the next party member? Found out… right now! Maybe, maybe, and no. Now get ready for the most…**_**incendiary**_** act yet! It's…**

**ACT VI: Volcano!!!**

** …on Total…Drama…Quest!**

* * *

A Caress Of Steel

DJ, his entire division, Cody and a gaggle of giggling girls all awaited Geoff's party at the docks. Although unnerved by such a large crowd, Geoff broke into a smile as he waved. "'Sup, guys! Wicked party!"

"This hardly constitutes a party, and I don't think it could be called 'wicked' in any sense of the word." Courtney put on a facade of politeness as she approached the Sage. "So, I suppose you're all here to see us off?"

"Huh? Oh, kinda." Cody forced his eyes away from a purple-haired groupie next to him. "I have...sagacious matters to attend to, and so I'm afraid I can't go with you."

Courtney eyed the hysterical legion of fangirls. "Sagacious. Right."

Bridgette smirked a him. "So, Cody. Finally got someone interested in you, I see."

"Oh yeah, it was easy." He looked quite proud of himself. "I just had to turn on my manly charms and..."

"He means they like him because he's the Sage." Kiefer glared in disdain at the crowd, disgusted by the Sage's choice of company. "He says they won't interfere with getting you to the moon, though."

"Okay, enough about Cody's disturbing love life," Courtney snapped, watching Cody rub the back of his head, a bit red. "I appreciate you all coming out to see us, but we need to go. So if you guys have anything you need to say...and Zeke, don't even think about reminding me Geoff's leader."

"I wasn't going to, eh." Ignoring the two, Cody sauntered up to Geoff, hands in his pockets. "So, Geoff, my man. The Chosen One. I think I have something that you might be interested in."

Geoff looked as though he'd just won a million-dollar game show as Cody drew several small, black cylinders. "_Cool_. What are they?"

"Flashbangs," Cody announced, a glint of pride back in his voice. "Useful for blinding enemies with. Just don't look at them when they go off."

"Aww...come on, can't you give me, like, a laser gun or something?"

Cody shook his head. "Sorry, dude. But hand-held laser cannons are logistically impossible; the amount of energy required would cause the gun to explode in your hands. And even if it were possible, it would only have one shot before needing to be recharged."

"And besides." DJ stroked Bunny's unarmored head. "You've got Enceladus. You don't need no laser gun."

"I could sure use one, though." Courtney drew her hand-length blade to glare at it. "I mean seriously, how am I supposed to cut anything with this?"

"By stabbing it. You picked it out, eh."

"Guys, not now," Bridgette commanded. Home-school and CIT fell silent again. She gave Cody a sweet smile. "So, anything else?"

"Yes. I upgraded your boat's engine and weaponry. If you're going to Inciniera, you should probably try to find some sort of armor for it, though."

"And stocked up your food supply." While making a mental note not to bother an angry Kiefer, Geoff decided he appreciated the knight's contribution more. "Hey, awesome, dudes!"

Bridgette peered over at DJ, who had set Bunny down at last. "So, Deej. What are your plans?"

"Well, I've been talking it over with my division." DJ looked over at the nine soldiers standing at attention and received nods from Kiefer and Paige. "And I've decided to go with you guys."

"Awe-_some_!" Before Geoff could rush the giant, Courtney struck an arm out, barring his charge. She rolled her eyes, cursing his exuberance before turning her frozen glare upon DJ. "Okay, that's good and all but..."

Kiefer rose, and his dog sat up with him. "I'll be in charge of the Sixteenth until DJ returns."

"You sure? I mean, does the king know?"

"Nah." DJ shrugged. "But I think he'd agree that this is more important than whatever the Wustan military is doing right now. It'll be fine."

Courtney didn't look convinced in the slightest, but she returned. "Well, if you say so..."

"All right, then. This is gonna be sweet!" Geoff marched towards the ship, and his party, now including DJ, ambled after him. As he set foot on the boat, he marveled at the twin cannons mounted on the deck, each with barrels of ammunition nearby. A giggly voice behind him pierced his ears, words coming as fast as the beating of hummingbird wings. "Hey, it's, like, _so_ awesome to meet the Chosen One! Can I get an autograph? Oh, never mind. But anyways, only one of you will see this quest through to the end. Well, bye!"

Clutching her ears from the verbal onslaught and feeling a pit well up in her stomach at the pronouncement, Bridgette dared a glance back at the speaker, the same purple-haired groupie that Cody had been more than interested in. Courtney, on the other hand, just marched onto the ship. "What a weirdo...I say we get out of here before she comes back."

After he and DJ scurried aboard, Ezekiel slumped against the railing. "Well, does anyone know where we can get some armor for the boat, eh?"

* * *

"Oh, no. Geoff, we are _not_ asking this jerk for help."

"Come on, Court. It'll be fine. What do you think, Zeke?"

Ezekiel eyed the wooden emblem above the brick hut's door. "Uh...wasn't this the guy who sold Bridgette a stick?"

"Yeah." Geoff smirked at Bridgette, who continued walking as though she hadn't heard a thing. He shrugged. "But do you know anywhere else that might have a lot of metal?"

Eying each other, Courtney and Ezekiel reached a mutual agreement that this was hardly the best plan. Courtney sighed, giving in to Geoff's logic. "Fine. Whatever. Ignore the fact we haven't visited Leukonesia or Uturneos, nor did we actually ask around Clearwater. Go get ripped off again."

Geoff stopped to stare mid-rant, but had no reaction other than soldiering on towards the Wawanakwa blacksmith. He smiled at Bridgette again, but she still held no reaction. The grin faltered as he entered the door and he hoped that she was just distraught over visiting this particular place again. The smithy looked up as Geoff flung the door forward. Viscous metal splattered as a hammer fell. The blacksmith charged ahead, thrusting his blistered hand out like a lance to clutch Geoff's hand. "The Chosen One, my savior! Welcome!"

"Hey, dude!" Wincing at the man's iron grip, Geoff managed to jerk the interlocked hands up and down. "Take it your supplies are up again?"

Burn scars stretched and yellowing teeth showed as the blacksmith's grin grew to what should have been an impossible width. "All thanks to you."

"Yeah, whatever." Courtney stomped into the hut. "Okay, look. We need a ton or two of iron, and apparently you're the only person Geoff can think of. Now hand it over, or..."

DJ's courage spiked just long enough for him to kill Courtney's rant by placing a hand over her motoring mouth. Noting that the sharp kick he received for his bravery left a cut in his leg despite his chain mail, he pulled his hand away before she could chomp it. "What she means to say is we need to go to Inciniera, so could you iron-coat our boat? Pretty please?"

"And don't expect any gold from us, you con. The gratification of helping the Chosen One is all the payment you'll get."

"Okay..." The smithy stared back at the fuming girl, trying to figure out what he'd done to deserve the fire storming from her mouth. Figuring she was just another misguided soul who thought she'd been wronged by his prices and/or goods, he wandered back toward his table, not even wincing as the heat of his half-molten hammer ate away at his skin. "To Inciniera? Hoo, this is gonna take half a month's stock, but...I suppose it's important, right? Give me two or three days and it'll be ready."

* * *

The next six days passed about as well as possible. While the blacksmith, Melck, worked on coating their ship, often with help from Geoff and DJ, the party returned to the Castle Wawanakwa and, in the absence of a certain narcissistic monarch, conversed with Chef as much as they dared. While he still showed as much compassion as any number of desert foliage, he at least had enough humanity to be affected by the loss of Tyler. Minor armaments and supplies were obtained as well, the most notable acquisition being a bow and arrow for Ezekiel. When questioned, he said he was planning to experiment and assured them that he was a decent enough shot. Courtney also made a stop at the tavern to see if anyone worth recruiting frequented the dive, but left after a short time and refused to talk about it.

Finally, the boat was armored and "shiny", as Geoff put it. With a brief farewell to the smith, they headed west with a nervous DJ at the helm. His anxiety proved to be well-founded as they approached the volcanic island. The seas around Inciniera were nothing short of treacherous; a churning brine with a vicious torrent that tossed their ship against the many stone spires jutting out of the water. The boat fought its way through the gauntlet with many crashes against the stones, but the iron plating took the brunt of the thrashing, receiving dents and gashes but still holding. Far more alarming was the excessive rocking of the ship; Bridgette had stayed up top with DJ to help him navigate, but after the third time the boat nearly threw her out into the raging waters, she'd made her way back down to where Geoff and Courtney were waiting out the storm. Geoff brightened up when she entered. "Hey, Bridge! Is Deej alright by himself?"

She nodded and sat across from him, head down. She knew what came next, and Geoff held no surprises for her. "What's the matter, babe? You've been all down since we left Tofino."

"It's just..." She sighed, not particularly happy about Courtney overhearing her. "It's just what that girl at the dock said."

"Eh, I'm not too worried. She kinda said that we'd finish out quest, right?"

"That's not what she said!" For the first time in months, probably since Geoff's brief personality shift to 'Captain Hollywood', Bridgette found her self shouting at him. "She said that only one will see the quest through! And since you're the Chosen One...Geoff, she's saying _I_'_m_ not gonna make it through!"

Geoff, shocked by the sudden volume shift in her voice, sat still, taking in her words. It didn't Courtney as long to gather her wits. "And who's to say she's right? We don't anything about that girl. Personally, I think she's just an Izzy-level weirdo. Don't worry too much about predictions and prophecies and whatnot—it's all garbage"

"Yeah, babe." Geoff moved over to put an arm around Bridgette's shoulders. "And besides, I ain't gonna let anything happen to you. Promise."

Whatever romantic buds were blooming in that room were killed by the boat slamming against another of the rocky outcrops, sending it into a full flip. By some miracle, DJ managed to come down atop the deck and retreated from the helm upon landing, screaming himself hoarse. With a sigh, a very seasick Ezekiel trudged up to try to guide the ship to shore. Ten minutes filled with crashes and one more full flip later, the seas grew calm once more, the grayed sands and similarly uncolored stratovolcano of Inciniera waiting a few kilometers away.

* * *

Cody smiled at his work. Already, he had fixed the door, replaced the windows, set up the password system and had energy flowing into his rebuilt laser turrets. In maybe a couple more days, he would be finished. Of course, there was no replacing his lost projects or any of his possessions, and he doubted Gwen would give him another...gift. He sighed and leaned against an almost-clean wall, drawing out a canteen. In the middle of a long drink, he saw a tan-skinned man with disheveled brown hair marching up the hill. Curious, he walked forward to greet the former king's right-hand man. "Hey! Alejandro, right?"

Alejandro nodded. "Great Sage. I need you to build something for me."

* * *

Courtney grumbled, the heat of the volcanic island making her sweat far too much, the expanse of gray being far too long for her tastes. But none of those were the reasons for her ire. Kicking her way up a small dune, she turned her glare to Ezekiel. "Oh, and not only did you manage to completely throw us out into the water, but you _beached_ the damn boat as well!"

"Well, it's not like I've ever done that before, eh!"

"Which is why you should've just had DJ suck it up and pilot."

"Guys, chill." Geoff stepped in between them as Ezekiel rolled his eyes. Grin wavering, Geoff caught a look from the prairie boy. He sighed; from the looks of it, the two were at such odds that nothing would allow them to stay in such proximity for much longer. As much as he hated to do so, he knew one of them would have to leave soon.

Behind him, DJ came to a halt to wipe his brow and drink from his canteen. "Well, I don't know 'bout you guys, but I don't see how we're gonna chill here. I mean, it's like a desert on this island."

"Probably technically is." Bridgette followed suit in taking a drink, although she trudged along towards the towering cone. "I don't see this place getting too much rain."

"Yeah, you're right, blondie. Haven't seen rain here in three months. Can't say I like it, either." All five came to a dead halt at the familiar growl. A female figure appeared from behind the next dune. Although her traditional blue clothing had been replaced with simplistic animal skins that did just enough to cover her, the one-woman wrecking crew was still too recognizable. She wasn't exactly who any of Geoff's party wanted to meet, either. Cracking her knuckles, Eva stopped in front of them. "But I think one of you's gonna wish you'd never even seen this island. Or _me_."

* * *

"What _is_ this?"

Heather squinted at a jumble of pipes and metal plates held together by a minimal number of bolts. Beside her, Izzy bounced on her heels. "This is our ticket to the moon! I designed it, but it has a few issues."

Heather rolled her eyes. "Yeah. Such as being a total scrap heap."

"Not to mention being unfinished. Kinda hurts the 'getting Team E-Scope to the moon' bit. Oh, and one of your magic user people said that Owen alone couldn't give it enough oomph to get anything to the moon, so I've gotta research alternate fuel sources. I was thinking courage, but I'm still not sure."

Deciding against asking how Owen would power..._whatever_ that was supposed to be, Heather just whipped around to leave. "You're crazy. But if you need extra manpower...I suppose you can borrow Beth. She isn't being useful, anyways. Now, I'm leaving before I catch whatever killed your sanity."

"Kay, bye!"

As soon as the door to the castle's basement slammed, Heather swore. "_Why_ is that girl even _here_? All she does is drive my crazy with her...her...her _craziness_. Urg, I swear..."

"Your Majesty?" Heather squeaked and jumped. She turned to seethe at Beth. "_What_? This had better be important..."

"Well, it's just that I'm done cleaning the throne. Can I be done for the day, please?"

Heather grimaced, contemplating the possibility of having her go straight to work on Izzy's maniacal project. However, Beth _had_ been acting surlier since Heather had started giving her more to do on any given day. Nothing good could come of a potential firebrand stirring up other overworked soldiers. "...Two hour break. But after that, go help Izzy with whatever she's trying to do."

Beth nodded, turning to head to her quarters. As she left, she threw a brief glare at the irritated queen. Heather didn't notice the insolence as she headed up the spiraling staircase. Mumbling to herself, she turned a corner and collided with Lindsay. The blonde tumbled to the ground with a moan. "Owww...Heather?"

Rubbing her head, Heather sat up to sneer at her subordinate. "Watch where you're going, idiot. And that's 'Your Majesty'."

"What's your majesty?"

_Idiot_. "Never mind. _Why_ are you down here? I thought I told you to stay in the kitchen."

"Uh...well...I was just..."

Heather guessed it even before Lindsay's mouth opened. "Beth is currently on break. If you need her, Izzy will be driving her insane in a couple hours."

"Uh, that wasn't it." Lindsay looked down a bit. "Don't you think we're working too hard? I mean, we only get, like, six hours of sleep. If this keeps up, my skin-"

"No. If I could, I'd have you work all Chosen One is screwing _everything_ up. He's already probably obtained one of the orbs and I have source who says he's been in contact with one of the sages. If we don't stop him soon...well, you know what's at stake. I _hope_."


	15. Act 6: Crucible Of Flame

Crucible Of Flame

Eva waited with her arms crossed, her glower centering on the two most fear-stricken teens. "So. Home-school. Traitor. Tell me. Why are you here and how should I kick your butts?"

"You're seriously still not over it?" Eva's scowl broke for a fraction of a second—out of every one from the accursed island, the whiny CIT was the last one she expected to stand up to her. Courtney matched the fitness buff's sneer, fist resting against her hip. "That was half a year ago, Eva! And why do you target Bridgette so much, anyway?"

"Because...well..." Eva tried to stammer out a response, but couldn't find a decent one. She decided that ignoring the question was the best way of saving face and pointed and Ezekiel "That little twerp doesn't know jack shit about the real world!"

"I do now." Fighting down the terror that had paralyzed him, Ezekiel marched up next to Courtney. "You made sure of it, eh. And what did Bridge do to you?"

Eva was again tongue-tied, unable to create a good excuse. Courtney gave her a smirk. "Exactly. You have nothing, but you use her as a scapegoat anyways. And for the record, it was Heather that conspired to eliminate you."

"I know that!" The roar held enough force that Courtney and Ezekiel nearly lost their footing, but the CIT kept her composure. "So why do you continue?"

Geoff blinked at Courtney's sudden defending. "Whoa, brah. Didn't expect you to-"

"Do you have any damn idea how annoying it is to have her as a roommate? I heard her rants at least once a day, and I'm damn sick of them."

"And of course," Eva snapped, frown formed once more, "You never comment on it until you have backup. Coward."

"Okay, look, y'all." DJ stepped in between Eva and the party, Bunny clanking along beside him. "This ain't getting us nowhere."

"Because that annoying counselor sidetracked me." Eva's minute of awkwardness in the past, her rage had again consumed her. "You're not getting into Abyss without a fight!"

"Abyss?" Bridgette dared to speak for the time since Eva's appearance, although she stayed as far back as possible. "What's that?"

"Don't play dumb with me, Blondie. Why else would you be here? The weather?"

"Okay, seriously, Eva. We don't know what you're-"

"It's the only thing this crappy island has. How could you be here for anything else? Chris put me in charge of defending Abyss, and that's what I'm gonna do!"

Courtney threw her hands in the air in annoyance. "I don't know a damn thing about this 'Abyss', but yes there is something else on this island. It's a couple thousand meters high and erupts every so often!"

_Not unlike you_. Bridgette pointed at the cone rising from the earth. "Look, Eva. All we're trying to do is get to that volcano. We're not here to fight or anything."

Eva snorted. "No, you're wrong. You wanna get to the volcano, you need to go through Abyss. To go through Abyss...you need to go through me."

"Whoa, now." DJ backed away, looking to hide behind someone. Probably Ezekiel. "We don't seriously need to fight, do we? I mean, why're you following Chris's orders, anyways?"

"You don't know the power that Chris holds, do you?" Eva's rage remained, but it was just a shell, a mask covering...sorrow? Despair? Bridgette couldn't tell. "If I don't follow Chris's order...well, let's just say I won't be around much longer. But enough talk. Home-school's first. Get over here."

"Huh?" Ezekiel took a cautionary step back, startled by Eva's decision. He placed a tight grip on his book. "Sorry, but I'd rather stay back, eh."

Eva rolled her eyes. "If your gonna fight, you're gonna need to get closer. Fists only. And no one else gets involved...or else."

_Wait, rules_? Bridgette blinked. _She can't be just a guardian; there's gotta be a reason we can't just fight her as a group. _However, in his increasing anxiety, Ezekiel clearly hadn't worked that out. "But...I..."

"Okay, so you want a physical fight?" Courtney stepped between the prairie boy and Eva, fearing for her life as she did so. As Eva's eternal scowl deepened, Courtney met it. "Fine. Fight DJ. At least he might be able to put up a fight."

DJ's head snapped up. "Wait, what? No way, sis-"

"Whatever." Eva's footfalls shot sand up as she stormed towards the suddenly paralyzed knight. DJ's scanned his companions for a possible human blast shield, but they had all skittered away from him. The terror in his eyes met the hellfire burning in Eva's. "Remove your armor."

"But...but..."

"_Now_, chicken-wuss!"

* * *

DJ shivered as a breeze blew by him. He didn't even attempt to hide his terror as Eva sneered at him. He dared to look away from the human tank. Courtney and Bridgette crouched a ways away from him, apprehension darkening their features. Geoff was standing and hooting, hat whipping around in his hand. However, Ezekiel wasn't even focused on the coming battle. His eyes scanned the pages of his book as he whipped through the pages. He glanced up long enough to give DJ a thumbs up. As DJ returned the gesture, albeit with copious shaking, Eva spoke. "Heads up!"

He didn't get his head around before what felt like a meteor crashed into his cheek. The punch blasted him off his feet to the sands, where he hit with enough force to rebound. He bounced twice more and landed in a cloud of gray sand, prostrate and moaning. Eva chuckled, her mouth a wicked crescent. _Heh. No surprises there. One hit from my comet punch and..._

DJ spat as he rose, ready to turn tail. _Oh man, one more hit from that..._He felt something—a log or mace, perhaps—crush his gut and toss him out towards the sea. He blinked, recalling the image of Eva's foot coming at him. That settled it; he had no chance against her.

"Oh, this is _so_ not good." Courtney wrung her hands as she watched an airborne Eva drop down on their hapless warrior, planting an elbow in his gut. Geoff nodded, gripping Enceladus tighter as DJ received blow after vicious blow. "Cha. Glad I'm not out there. But, hey. We have Bridge. He'll be fine."

"Great attitude, Mr. Chosen One." Bridgette gave him a light elbow to the side. "What happens if she decides _I'm _next?"

"We make sure that doesn't happen, eh." Ezekiel looked away from his book and pointed at DJ. "_Bouwen_."

* * *

DJ jerked as he felt a surge of energy race through his nerves. Adrenaline shot through his system, revitalizing his numb mind, removing his pain and energizing his muscles. As though he were controlled by someone else, he bounced to his feet and reflected Eva's next blow with a simple palm. Eva's eyes widened as DJ's instinctive defense warded off her finishing strike, the attack as ineffective as an ant biting an elephant. She fell back, alarmed by the knight's visibly throbbing muscles. _Damn, what the hell? How is it..._

She let the question die in her mind, knowing the answer already. As she watched DJ gape at his palm as though he'd never seen it before, Eva realized the only thing between her and defeat was DJ's reluctance to strike back.

DJ's eyes tore themselves away from his appendage and back to Eva. He noted with awe that the fearsome beast of a woman was staring at him with his most common emotion: fear. And although he had no idea what was going on, nor did he care for attacking girls (no matter how scary)..._sorry, momma. But I gotta do what I gotta do_.

His strides came forth with the force of thunder and Eva had no time to dodge. She placed her hand before the oncoming straight punch; the blow crushed the feeble defense like a flaming sword bursting through paper, and Eva tumbled to the ground as the fierce blow struck her chest. A cloud of sand surrounded her as she lay on the ground. _This isn't good. What's gotten into him?_

She rolled her eyes, though, as DJ's hands, instead of moving down to finish her off, rose to his mouth, revealing his qualms concerning the fight. "Oh, I'm sorry...I didn't..."

Eva glared at him. "Shut up and fight."

She charged and unleashed an arsenal of violence, a vicious performance of brute force and...not much else. She found she didn't have a single attack that couldn't be defeated with a reactionary slap. It was only due to DJ's attacks coming few and far between that allowed her to even have a chance. And while she felt fatigue creep into her muscles, her opponent showed no signs of tiring. After nearly two minutes of close combat, she jumped back, sweating and gasping for air. "I'm finishing this right now. _Slayer!_"

Eva burst forth, faster than the eye could follow. Her fist, shining white with energy, pounded DJ's hand, the force and fury behind the strike enough to topple buildings and shatter stones. DJ's defense broke and he was launched like a missile across the ashy island. He hit ground after a twenty-meter flight and ricocheted right back into the air, screaming. His bouncy trek across the island almost took him out of Eva's sight. Clutching her punching arm, the body builder hid her arm's agony with a grin. "And that's that. Guess you guys aren't..._what!?"_

Her mouth fell as DJ's head rose, his body following after. He trudged back towards her, holding his bruised chest while she shook where she stood. Once she was within earshot, he gave her a smirk that showed none of his fear or pain. "That all ya got?"

Stepping away from the advancing knight, Eva glanced back at his party, her arm dangling as though broken. She acknowledged that a certain former CIT had vanished during the fight, but focused on the prairie boy. Ezekiel was crouching over a book, muttering to himself, eyes fixed on DJ. Eva snarled at the sight. _So that's it...well, whatever_. "Okay. You win."

DJ's smirk faded as he blinked. "I...I do?"

Eva nodded, but Bridgette beat her to an explanation. "That was a test, right?"

"Yeah. Chris decided that since no one could beat me in a fistfight, I had to guard Abyss. Lucky me."

"So...what is Abyss?" Geoff asked the question that had burned in his party's minds since she had mentioned it. Eva rolled her eyes. "I'll tell you as soon as miss prissy shows her face again."

"I'm not prissy!" Courtney stormed over from behind a rock. "And I don't what you're so pissed about; you obviously have an important-"

"Oh, sure." Movement had returned to Eva's arm, and it was now tensing up, ready to lash out at the CIT. "It's been so fun sitting here on this stupid fucking island alone with a hole in the ground and a volcano. Yeah, it's great being bored out of your goddamned _mind_ for three months. Being a slave to the most annoying idiot I've ever met _totally_ makes up for the fact this is the first time I've been able to do anything except-"

"Okay, sorry, geez." Courtney was clearly not sorry, but the fitness buff silenced herself anyways. Bridgette looked over Courtney, scowling. "Hey, where were you, anyway?"

She sighed. "If you must know, I was planning on getting away from that psycho while she was occupied with DJ. Thankfully, it wasn't necessary."

All she received were glares from everyone there. "What? At least I tried to get Geoff and Bridgette to follow me. They just happened be too fixed on the fight. If you can even call it that; I don't think DJ even threw five punches." She glanced over at Ezekiel. "By the way, you can release your spell now."

The home-schooled teen gave a brief nod and relaxed his concentration. As soon as his magic link with DJ was severed, the knight yowled and collapsed to his knees, feeling as though his body had just gone under bulldozer. Ezekiel winced at his writhing. "Sorry, eh. That spell kinda destroys muscles when it's done. Should have warned you."

"What the...never mind." Courtney returned her glare to Eva. "So, you've been on this island for three months. Without food or anything. We're supposed to believe that?"

"Believe whatever you want, but I haven't felt hungry or anything since I arrived here. I haven't died or anything, so I stopped caring a while back." Eva turned and gripped Courtney's wrist, leading her west in spite of her protests. "Shut up and move. We're going to Abyss now; it'd be easier to show it than describe it. Oh, and you're a real bitch, you know that?"

Geoff watched them, glanced down at DJ, writhing in agony, and turned to Bridgette. "Hey, babe, can you do something about him?"

"I tried while Eva was talking. It didn't work for some reason."

"Magic-inflicted injury." Ezekiel sidled up between them, looking rather regretful about putting DJ through that hell. "_Blessure_ won't heal it. We'll just have to wait for him to recover, eh. Sorry, DJ."

"Nah...it's...cool," DJ croaked out, trying to give him a confident grin but only mustering a pained grimace. Bunny hopped up and began nuzzling him as he flipped onto his back, closing his eyes. "I'll be fine. Don't worry about me."

The three onlookers exchanged glances and came to the mutual decision to follow Eva before Courtney began spouting commands.

* * *

Alejandro stretched, arching his back his he stared up at the clouds above Clearwater. Cody had told him where his prey would be heading; it would be wise to follow up on that. He clambered to his feet and approached the ocean. "_Llanto_."

An icy breeze blew out from him and he set foot on the water, heading southwest.

* * *

"This is it? Abyss is a rock?"

Geoff stared in confusion. Eva had come to a halt before a great gray stone and released Courtney, leaving her to cradle her sore wrist. The body builder turned to him. "No, Abyss is under the rock, genius. Give me a moment."

She closed her eyes, tensing up her muscles. After a moment, she opened them once more. "Oh, and sorry about attacking without asking why you were here. I was...well, I was just so _bored_ that I..."

"It really doesn't suit you to be apologizing like that." Bridgette smiled at her, but made sure to keep away from the violent woman. _She might still hold that grudge_. Courtney snorted, tapping her foot in typical impatience. "Just hurry up."

"Oh, sure, I try to do something nice and..." As she trailed off, Eva's eyes closed once more...until, three seconds later, she roared and planted a palm against the stone. Although Eva felt her biceps strain and snap, the very air seemed to shatter as the stone rose up an inch and launched forward, revealing a stone staircase spiraling down into a pitch black hole in the sands. Panting and clutching her arm once more, Eva stepped onto the first stone block. "This is Abyss. Be careful; it's a ways down-"

A high pitch like the ringing of a telephone drilled into their ears, startling Eva into nearly falling into the pit. It rang a few more times before an astral voice spoke, equally irritating in sound. "Telepathic message for Geoff the Chosen One. Do you accept?"

Ears still ringing, Geoff answered, "Eh, why not? Sure."

A blue beam of light cascaded from the sky and took shape, forming the transparent shape of a head. Details were nearly impossible to pick out from the blue mass, but it clearly had glasses. A familiar, yet muffled, voice came from the projection. "You will go to Leukonesia and meet with the queen and her two top men. You will seek me from there to uncover the White Orb...what? Gosh, can't that wait 'till later?"

"Was that..." Courtney's musings were snapped by Eva, who was eying Enceladus "Not now. Party boy goes first, since he has light."

Geoff took the lead, lighting the vortex-like staircase with his sword. Down into the earth they traveled, until no sunlight reached them twenty meters below ground. They entered a cavern illuminated by the red light of magma, stalactites jutting down from the top. The heat struck them in waves , breaking all into deeper sweat. As Geoff's foot made contact with the floor of Abyss, a roar sounded from the nearby magma lake. He jumped back onto the last step, knocking Eva off onto the floor. "Uh, Eva? There isn't anything...dangerous here?"

Eva groaned as she pulled herself off the ground. "Urgh...yeah, there's supposed to be something in the crater called the Dragodile. Me, you and home-school could probably take it, though."

Ezekiel gave her a frightened look. "Uh, my book's just about out of energy from the spell I used on DJ...don't hurt me, eh!"

The fitness buff just snorted. "Whatever. We can still take whatever's in here."

"So you're gonna help us then? Awesome!" Geoff strolled towards the source of light, leaving Courtney to facepalm. "Oh sure, Geoff, accept it just like that..."

"I'm helping you because I have nothing better to do and no reason to kill you." Bridgette barely heard her words; something in direction opposite of the lava lake had caught her eye. "Uh, Eva? What's that?"

Everyone turned to see a metal door, ten feet wide and circular. Above the door there was a bright red sign; "keep out". Courtney stared at the thick slab of metal for a second. "What the hell? You never said anything about _blast doors_. What's behind that?"

"No idea."

"But...you're the guardian! If anyone should know..."

"I don't. Chris said it's top secret and that no one should be let through. The volcano's the other way. Now _move_."

Courtney didn't. Her eyes remained on the door. "I _know_ there's something important behind that blasted door! I just know it! I'm going to check it..._waaaugh_!"

She cried out as what felt like a monkey wrench clamped down one her arm and hurled her towards the lake. For two seconds all she could see was the red-hot molten stone and her own death. Then solid ground appeared beneath her, granting a safe, albeit rough, landing. She was up in arms as soon as she realized she was alive. "What the fuck, Eva?! I could've died!"

"Be glad I missed, then, and take a look around." Eva indicated the lake itself. The CIT swallowed her retort as she took in her surroundings. She sat atop a small, round island of stone sitting...no, _floating_ above the magma. It moved as well, drawing her closer and further from the shore, the intervals as regular as though it were controlled by a machine. And it wasn't the only such platform. The entire lake was covered with them, moving in all directions, as well as up and down. As she observed them, she realized that a single path to the other end was formed by their movements, a path far too perfect to be natural. She took a breath... "This is way to much like a video game. I really hate Chris."

"This lake is called Crucible. If you have enough time to complain, you have enough time to cross it." Eva landed on the platform, shaking it. Courtney squealed as she fought to keep her balance. As the athlete made the next jump, she turned back to glare at the sputtering CIT. "Get moving already."

Bridgette landed beside her next and appraised her. Courtney shook her head. "Nah, I'm fine. Thanks though."

The platform shook again as Geoff bounded over to it. "Hey, Courtney! Race ya!"

"Oh, you're on!"

The party made their way around the levitating platforms of Crucible, rising higher and higher until they were over halfway back to the surface. Geoff was the first to reach the other side of the ordeal; just as his foot touched down, Crucible shook, threatening to throw everyone into the rising magma. It didn't rise much, but it did cover the shore they had started on. As it spread over towards the blast door, Ezekiel resumed jumping. "Good thing we got here when we did, eh."

Once Crucible had been crossed, only a straight path to the crater remained. They marched in silence, noting the smell of sulfur and the rising heat. The crater opened up before them, and with it came sunlight, painful following their trek through relative darkness. Once Geoff could see once more, he gasped. There, dead center in the crater. "Dudes! The orb!"

The words had no sooner left his lips then a plume of lava blasted up from beneath the Red Orb, placing it upon an outcropping dozens of meters above them. A screech sounded from above them, and a winged beast hovered over them. Courtney noticed it and pointed up at it. "The Dragodile..."


	16. Act 6: Conflagration

Conflagration

"...what a joke!"

A crocodile stared at the laughing CIT with blank eyes, struggling against the twin metallic wires that suspended it over the uneven crater. Stiff brown wings protruded from its back, more for show than anything, it seemed. A pair of metal bars held its mouth open, revealing a flamethrower rising out from its throat like a metallic tongue. Courtney continued cackling at the "fearsome beast". "I mean, seriously! Does that thing in its mouth even work?"

Eva joined in the mocking of the beast. "Yeah. And if your gonna stick cardboard wings on a gator, at least paint them or something. And I was hoping for a good fight."

"Sh-shut up." A voice echoed from a stone rim above the party. Geoff looked up to see two men, one thin as a reed and the other thicker than Owen, both wearing masks. The Red Orb gleamed at their feet. The fat one, wearing a bull mask, continued his whining. "I worked hard on that."

Ezekiel appraised the Dragodile once more. "It doesn't look like it. The wing's on fire, eh."

"Shut up."

"You shut up, you idiot." The lanky man with a cat mask bonked his colleague on the head. "Keep working on the volcano, I've got a magic show to run. No, wait-"

Bullhead let go of his wire, and Catface nearly took a plunge as the Dragodile dropped to the crater floor. He snarled. "Idiot! Help me lift this lizard up!"

"But you said..."

Bridgette chuckled at them. "Wow, these guys really aren't the brightest, are they?"

Joining her in laughter, Geoff planted Enceladus into the rocky floor and leaned against it. "Honestly? I think those beavers were smarter. Wanna do the honors, Zeke-man?"

"It ain't gonna be that easy!" Catface struck a dramatic pose as his cohort lifted the Dragodile by one of the wires, cutting off whatever Ezekiel had to say. "Heh...flamethrower ready, wings attached, data chip in position..._elidogard htrof emoc_!"

The Dragodile writhed as a white spotlight appeared around it, hiding its features. The light grew brighter and brighter, blinding everyone within the volcano and sending up a beam visible from Clearwater. Once the light cleared, Geoff looked up to see what had become of the pitiful monster.

Two wings beat to keep the beast aloft as a jet of fire spewed from its mouth. The party stared in terror as the dragon glared down at them—until Bullhead let go of his wire, dropping the monstrosity to the ground again. Catface bopped his head. "You idiot, you made the wings too small!"

* * *

DJ groaned as he leaned back in the sand. His muscles still burned, but at least they weren't limp anymore. Wincing, he brought his hands behind his head as a cushion from the rough grains. _Nothing to do but...huh?_ "Bunny!"

As the rabbit raced away from him, he rose to his feet as fast as he dared, his body protesting even the smallest of movements. He lurched after the nimble creature, watching it dart towards the volcano. Huffing, he gave in to the pain and fell to his knees. As Bunny left him behind, DJ's eyes caught something.

Was that someone walking across the ocean?

* * *

As the masked men held its wires, the Dragodile launched forth on its undersized wings, maw gaping. Ezekiel and Courtney dodged left, Geoff and Bridgette went right and Eva stood her ground. Once the croc's head was close enough, she lashed out, blasting it straight back to the either side of the crater, nearly pulling Catface down is it crashed into the wall. Before it could recover, Ezekiel had his hand up. "_Donderhund hamer_!"

Lightning shot from his fingers; the smell of seared flesh washed over the crater as the Dragodile writhed. Ezekiel relaxed as the spasms ceased. Catface sneered down at him. "Hey. Bullhead. Seems we got a mage here. Be right back, don't let the Dragodile fall."

"Yeah, got it."

As Eva and Geoff, with Bridgette close behind, charged at the wounded pseudo-dragon, Catface made a spectacular leap, pointing down at Ezekiel. "Hey, if you thought my transfiguration was cool, watch this. _Etibtsorf_!"

A ray of ice struck Ezekiel's arm and side, throwing him against the wall. A sheet of ice radiated out from his side, freezing him to the stone. Courtney shrieked as Catface landed before her. He slashed with a clawed hand, cutting her across the face. Tasting blood, she returned the slash, drawing her knife and hacking at the nimble magician. He dodged, laughing. "Ha! Too slow!"

The Dragodile bowled over him from behind as it tried to flee Geoff and Eva, and the CIT tried to take advantage. Her blade plunged down at her foe's neck, but he whipped his legs around to trip her. Catface stood over her in triumph. "_Eralf_!"

"_Stoppenfenster_!"

A white jet of fire struck pale blue light and rebounded, searing its own summoner. Catface screamed and glared at the pointing, wall-bound prairie boy. "Damn it, you only need one hand to use magic? Then I'll finish you right here! Ultimate magic trick, _leraedhta_-gah!"

He gasped, suddenly finding it harder to suck in air as a dagger buried itself in his stomach. Courtney flashed him a wicked grin. "Considering your low opinion of your partner's intelligence, you're not exactly bright yourself."

A fist lashed out, striking Courtney in the face and removing the blade. "Yeah, but that guy _is_ an idiot. I just got caught up in the moment. Oy, Bullhead! Stop having the Dragodile run from those two and bring it over here!"

"Yeah, kay."

The Dragodile flew into the center of the room and Catface leapt atop the monstrosity's back. He cackled and pointed down at Geoff as the Dragodile rose higher. "In a flash of light, the Chosen One will disappear...forever!_ Tsrubnus_!"

Geoff howled as a beam of light crashed down from above; only a quick jump to the side saved him from incineration. As the magician's mad laughter echoed, he turned to Courtney and Ezekiel. "Dudes, this is so uncool."

He and Bridgette both squeaked as a blast of light came inches from baking the surfer; Bridgette rose shaking, looking over at Ezekiel, trapped by ice against the crater wall. She glanced at Eva as the fitness monster dodged a heated blast. The two locked eyes, and Eva interpreted Bridgette's thoughts. Rolling away from another jet and wincing at the resultant laughter, she dashed over to Ezekiel and slammed the ice with her palm. It cracked and broke, dropping the mage to the ground, arm blackened and limp from the frost. Catface laughed down at him. "And with a wave of my hand, you will vanish into thin air. _Tsrubnus_!"

A tiny stream of light tickled Ezekiel's chest, failing to even burn through his jacket, and Catface froze up. "Oh, um...Bullhead! I need to rest."

The Dragodile stormed back into action, wobbling in the air towards Ezekiel and Eva, belching fire. They scurried off to either side, and Bridgette approached the prairie boy, eying his arm. She traced the frostbitten appendage with a finger before he knew what she was doing. "_Gelure_."

Color began to seep back into Ezekiel's arm, and he give her a grim smile. "Thanks, but I'm nearly out of magic, eh."

Bridgette nodded, noting that the Dragodile once again fled when Geoff tried to confront it, targeting Eva with a chomp instead. "Didn't you buy a bow in Clearwater?"

Ezekiel brightened up and revealed the weapon from...somewhere. "Hey, ya, almost forgot. Thanks, Bridge."

His first shot took Geoff's hat off, and the beast pounced. As Bridgette shrieked and huddled behind Ezekiel, an arrow struck the creature's wing. It wailed and stalled its dive, flapping the damaged wing to dislodge the steel arrowhead. From atop, Catface sneered. "Tch. Good luck with _that_."

He squawked as a fist pummeled his steed, sending it into an upward arc. Eva smirked. "Don't worry, home-school. Me and Geoff got this."

Struggling to remain on the Dragodile, Catface didn't even notice Geoff approaching from behind. Enceladus pierced its body and the monster squirmed, freeing itself from the purple lance. Catface eyed his companion. "Oy! Pull it _agh_!"

An arrow had lodged itself into his shoulder, cutting to the bone. Almost in tears from the pain, he pulled out the missile, feeling blood stream down his arm. He glared down at the sniper as Ezekiel nocked another arrow. "_Uitbarsting_!"

This time, as the projectile flew, a fiery halo surrounded it. The Dragodile dove to avoid it, but the burning weapon clipped its wing. Its path took it straight into another punch from Eva, this one right on the nose and with enough power to slam into the far wall. As the bones in its face shattered into shards, the Dragodile thrashed about, threatening to throw Catface down to the ground. _Damn it, I can't cast a spell with it bucking like a damned bronco_...

As Geoff came in for another stab, Ezekiel reached back for another arrow. What he produced was a stick. _Oh crap, eh_. Courtney eyed the branch. "You only brought _three_ arrows?!"

"...um..."

"Oh well. Better than when Duncan wasted his only arrow with a test shot." Ezekiel nodded, slightly suspicious of her not raging at him. "Yeah, I guess..."

She surprised him further by handing him her dagger. "How's this; use my knife as an arrowhead."

Ezekiel blinked and winced as Eva took a blast of flames...and still managed to strike the Dragodile. "You sure? I mean, it's your only weapon, eh."

_Yes, I'm sure, because that cat-faced bastard would kill me in seconds if I was his only foe, and I'd like very much to get out of this alive, thank you. _"Eh, I just think you'll make better use of it than I will."

"Dudes!" Geoff's voice cut short whatever the prairie boy had to say. "We could _really_ use some help here!"

As if to prove his point, the Dragodile tried to take a bite out of his back; Geoff's metal plate crumpled a bit under the pressure, but no other harm was done. As Bridgette, having just healed Eva's burns, screamed and ran out of the way of a fire stream, Ezekiel worked on affixing the blade to his stick. Catface rose up and crowed, "Heh heh heh, all ready! Now, Chosen One, prepare yourself for the last magic trick you'll ever see! The great, the spectacular, the one known as _Relaed_-"

"_Willenijes_!"

As Ezekiel fought to stay on his feet, a white projectile pierced the air, chilling the entire crater with its presence before striking its target. Catface felt his right lung cave in from impact as he was lifted off of the Dragodile and stapled to the cavern wall just above the circular ridge. Ice washed over his body as he struggled to find air. "D...damn...it...give me...a...rope...Bullhead..."

Bullhead blinked at his half-frozen comrade before tossing the metal wire in his hands. As Catface's free hand snatched the rope, Bullhead placed both hands against the wall. Geoff caught Bridgette as the entire volcano began to shake, throwing all occupants around. Fighting for her balance, Eva growled as the Dragodile came her way, hoping for an easy kill. It wasn't about to get one as its target threw an uppercut, almost knocking it senseless. From his frozen prison, Catface groaned. _What the hell is with that girl? Gotta take out the mage, then...shit, I ain't gonna make it..._

The Dragodile swiveled around, staring down the panting prairie. It swooped, unleashing its scorching breath. Knees wobbly and eyes swimming, Ezekiel tried to meet its glare through his veil of fatigue. "_Stoppen...fenster..._"

The air rippled as Ezekiel's shield entered existence, but the thin barrier shattered under the fiery blast. The flames enveloped both him and Courtney momentarily, eating away at skin and clothing. Then the inferno rescinded and they both crumpled to the ground, rolling. Eva and Geoff came around, a second too late to help their comrades. Another fist to the front, another stab to the rear and the Dragodile was again retreating, dripping body fluids into...

"Since when the hell was there _lava_?" Eva glared at the incandescent molten rock oozing up from a crack in the center of the room. The crater gave a particularly strong rumble, throwing her to the floor. She glared up at Bullhead, his hands still against the wall. "That guy up there! Take him out!"

Bridgette frowned as she placed palms on both Ezekiel and Courtney. "How? Zeke's about out of magic—_b__rûlure—_and outside of him...and no, Geoff, you are _not_ using Enceladus as a javelin!"

Geoff whined as he lowered the weapon. Burns healed but still in pain, Courtney sat up to look around. "Uh, guys? There's lava coming from walls, too! And the entrance!"

"I...got this, eh." Everyone turned as Ezekiel, panting and sweating, looking like he was about to pass out on the spot, rose to his feet and placed a hand on Courtney's shoulder. "_Pareling bloedzuignap_."

"God damn it, why do you always-" Courtney fell silent as the spell ended, leaving her feeling somewhat tired. The mage, on the contrary, looked more energized than he had moments before. Noting that enough magma had seeped in from the sides that a ring of the viscous material lined the crater, he reached over to touch the wall. "_Seismische_."

Bullhead's eyes opened as he felt his perch crumble, dropping him to the lower level of the crater. He landed rear-first in an inch of lava and rocketed back up, smoke blowing from his hind end. His heat-induced flight ended suddenly when his head smashed into another ridge high above, and he dropped back down...right into liquid rock again. This time, instead of bouncing skyward, he managed to leap to safety, cradling his burnt backside. If the Dragodile hadn't decided to attack during Bullhead's misfortunes, Geoff imagined he would probably on the ground laughing.

"That hurt." Although no one could see it behind the mask, Bullhead wore a sullen scowl. "Who did that?"

Ezekiel signified his involvement in the incident by fainting into a surprised Bridgette's arms. Bullhead's eyes narrowed. "You're dead."

He charged, trudging along at first but gathering speed as he continued, not unlike a train. Each step indenting the loose floor, he drew near the terrified surfer, arms held back behind him. They came around, two sides of an iron clamp clapping together to crush the girl's head. The twin wrecking balls never crashed together; Eva, having shoved Bridgette out of the way, caught Bullhead's wrists. With a smirk, she planted her foot into his stomach, sending him back. Above the scuffle, Catface sighed. _Damn it, I'm done...not without one last trick, though_...Gripping the steel wire, he mouthed silent words to send a magic pulse through the rope. _Heh...guess this is it..Bullhead, turn 'em into confetti..._

As he expired, the wire wrapped around the Dragodile's wings and glowed, merging with the flesh. Its wings glowed and enlarged, stretching until each was over twice the size of its body. It roared and blew fire at Geoff. The party boy yelped and ducked, the heat of the burst scorching his hat. He shook the burning hat to put out the flames, eying the lava rising around him. "Hey, Zeke, can't you do anything about this lava? Or the Dragodile?"

Courtney looked up from the unconscious prairie boy. "Zeke's out, Geoff. Come one, you're the damned Chosen One! That lizard shouldn't stand a chance against you!"

She shrieked as Bullhead rumbled past, ignoring three easy targets to try to take out Eva. The fitness buff smirked and caught his fist...and failed to stop its momentum. The fist shook in her hand for a moment before exploding forward, catching her in the chest. She tumbled back, tried to anchor her feet...something burned into her foot.

Eva glanced back and gasped. The very heel of her foot had come to a halt in the lava. Wincing as some of her flesh melted away, she whipped her head around as a low rumble echoed in the hollow cone. Bullhead dashed forward again, the magma's red light reflecting off his feral grin. The punch came again, but this time Eva responded by sidestepping and grabbing his wrist. Behind the mask, his eyes widened as he realized he was trapped. Eva began pounding her other fist into his face, a jackhammer chipping away at the thick clay.

Geoff yelped and ducked the Dragodile's fiery swoop, groaning about having to douse his precious hat again. He glared up at the beast, Enceladus pointed up at the monstrosity. The Dragodile dove again, a ball of fire launched as a prelude to its real attack. Its jaws chomped at Geoff as he rolled away from the flames, clamping down on Geoff's armor and pinning an arm in a barbed vice. Feeling tears evaporating in the heat, he gripped Enceladus tightly as the Dragodile thrust its head side to side. The teeth burrowed deeper into his arm. Fighting to stay aware, Geoff brought the sword up as the Dragodile's wings beat, lifting them off the ground. As Bridgette screamed his name, he brought Enceladus down. The sacred blade pierced the dragon's skull, and the body crashed to the ground. The iron jaws relaxed, allowing Geoff to roll away a bloody, broken but alive mess.

Bullhead's mask had shattered after only a couple punches from Eva, but that didn't stop her from smashing his face in. Her beat down ended when he managed to grip her wrist. Her fury subsided long enough for her to take in his appearance. "Wait...you were an intern at that crappy summer camp, weren't you?"

"Yeah." The dark-skinned man ceased his attempts to free his arm. "Catface worked there, too. Something with lighting."

"Whatever. Can't say I'm too pissed about beating the shit out of someone involved with that place!"

Bullhead flew following her next punch and was greeted by the scent of seared flesh. He rose to his burned feet as fast as rotund belly would allow and caught Eva's fist. He returned the favor, smirking at her instinctive block of the blow. Once again, she felt trembling in his punch and her defense faltered. She stopped her subsequent tumble just short of the rising lava. Bullhead chuckled and advanced. "You're strong. I have the power of earthquakes. You can't block my attacks. Die."

He dashed again, shoulder lowered for a ram. Woozy, Eva had no time to even realize what he was doing until he was too close to be dodged. Her eyes widened...and something round and red crashed down on his head, dropping him like an anvil. A moment later, two big eyes peered over the upper ridge. _Bunny_. Eva chuckled. "Heh...saved by that rabbit. Go figure."

"I'm not done." Clutching his head, Bullhead rose and backed up. "Not gonna happen again."

Once more he came with a shoulder barge. Eva snarled and reared her fist back. _If this doesn't work, I'm dead_. "Slayer!"

The fist collided with his shoulder and for a moment the two forces battled for supremacy. The seismic power of ram took effect for a second, and then...Eva's punch went through, rocketing Bullhead to the other end of the crater and imbedding him in the loose stone. Blood dribbling out of his mouth, he stared off, darkness starting to overtake him. "Heh...you win...but this place is going boom..."

And with that, he fell forward into the lava, arms stretching towards the liquid. What happened to him from there is best left without description. Eva sighed and sank to her knees, feeling as though every muscle in her arm had been pulled apart and then stapled back together. With rusty staples, at that."That's that...you alright, Geoff?"

"_Pain_." Bridgette looked up from her boyfriend, having just finished healing his gashes. "He'll be fine. I'm almost _whoa_!"

The entire cavern shook for several seconds, more violent than the previous times, and the lava rose even faster. Courtney grabbed Ezekiel and moved away from the fatal flood. "Oh hell, this is very bad! If only..."

Ezekiel shook his head, eyes fluttering as the room shook him. "Just five more minutes, dad...huh?"

He looked up to see his comrades staring at him expectantly.

* * *

"Wow, I can't believe that worked."

The party stood at the base of the volcano, trying to catch their breath. Courtney leaned back against a slope next to Bunny. "Although I wish he'd stop using me as an energy source, that was certainly creative. You know, with the ice spell and whatnot."

"Yeah." Geoff cradled the orb as Bridgette healed his various minor wounds. "When he summoned that geyser...man, that was awesome."

Eva sniffed. "Too bad he passed from that..."

"Eh, he'll back up in no time." Geoff rose and stretched. "Well, better get going—that volcano's gonna go off any time now. Hey, where's Deej?"

He scanned the island's sands, but saw no trace of his friend. Shivering from a light breeze—was it always this cold here?—he headed east towards the boat, hands cupped over his mouth. "Dude, DJ! Can you hear me? I repeat-"

"If he could, he would answer the first time." Eva stormed ahead, her suddenly sour mood startling the others. "This place is about to be a crater. If DJ can't make it...what the—"

DJ was frozen at the waist to the side of the ship, either unconscious or worse. And standing on the deck, wearing a malevolent grin..."_Hola_, Chosen One."

Alejandro smirked down at the stunned party.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for the cliffhanger. And the delay. I was planning on putting the encounter with Alejandro here, but...I think it'll work well enough in the next chapter. And besides, it's been over a month since I updated.**


	17. Act 6: Agent Of Chaos

**A/N: Updating after only a day? Whatever is this madness? It's simple; I this was already about halfway done before the last chapter went up. And I decided this little scene worked best as its own chapter. So yeah.  


* * *

**Agent Of Chaos

Bridgette's eyes widened. "Alejandro? You did..."

Alejandro's smirk widened, looking more sickening as it did. "He got in my way. Good thing he was weak. Hate to have to waste energy on the opening act. Now, to finish what I started in Tofino."

"_You_." In an instant, everything clicked in Bridgette's head. All traces of her peaceful surfer persona vanished as she advanced, shaking with her fists clenched. "Attacking Tofino, kidnapping Cody, killing King Enke...there's no way that serial killer could have done it. It was all you, wasn't it?"

"_Ay, ay, ay_, such accusations." He gave a theatrical sigh and rose... "But yes. I did. I also planted the bombs in the sage's shack and killed the psycho, but I doubt you care about minions. _Muy buena, hermosa_."

"You piece of shit!" Courtney joined Bridgette and allowed Ezekiel to just fall off to the side. "If Ezekiel was awake, I'd have him burn you to ashes, you bastard! And how'd you even get here, anyways."

"I walked." He jumped down to the beach and sauntered toward the party. "And your pathetic mage's spells couldn't do shit to me. _Llanto_."

"Hah! Shows what you know! Zeke could probably destroy an entire...what the hell."

Alejandro, skin glistening in the sun, came to halt, crystalline teeth set in a maniac's grin. Ice spread across his body, merging with his skin and turning him into a human icicle. He walked by the girls, reveling as they shivered from fear and temperature, and stopped before Geoff. "Don't worry. I don't plan on hurting your friends. You're my only concern. Besides..."

The grin he gave Bridgette would have been charming had he not had icy shark teeth at the moment. "_Me gusta_ _este_ _much__ísimo_."

He chuckled as Bridgette's righteous fury manifested itself in an unexpected manner; a punch that slid right off his angular cheek, only succeeding in bruising her knuckles. "Heh. Wanna try again, _chica_?"

"Bridge. Courtney." Geoff drew Enceladus, face grim as death. "Take Zeke and get to the ship. I'll take care of this guy."

"Like hell!" Courtney reached for her dagger, forgetting in her rage that Ezekiel had used it as an arrowhead. "I'm glad you're finally acting like the Chosen One for once, but there's no way we're leaving alone with this fucker!"

"He's not alone." Eva stepped up next to Geoff. "You guys aren't exactly my favorite people in the world, but _this_ guy..."

"Seriously, you two. Zeke's in danger as long you stick around." Geoff sighed, eyes trained on Alejandro. "I don't want anything to happen to any of you."

"...right. Got it." Bridgette turned back to the ship, supporting the unconscious prairie boy. Coming to grips with the reality that it was impossible for her to win an argument with these people, Courtney threw her hands in the air. "Fine. Whatever. But if you die, I'll never let you hear the end of it! For the road, Aledickweed!"

She planted a foot between Alejandro's legs. He raised a frosty eyebrow as she winced. "Okay, does no one here realize that I'm currently made of _ice_? Geez..."

"...go to hell." As she limped away, Alejandro jumped several feet back, smirking at Geoff. "Well then. _Empezamos_."

He clapped his hands together before either Geoff or Eva could move. Two sheets of ice sprouted between them. The walls shot out in separate directions, twin bulls pulling the two apart. Alejandro chased after the tumbling Geoff, icy mist flowing from crystalline hands. "Game over."

His hand lashed out at Geoff's face, but Enceladus intercepted it. Ice spread over the sword, freezing Geoff's hands to the blade. Alejandro's other hand came around, twisting and sharpening into a pike. He stabbed, intending to pierce Geoff's throat. The Chosen One dropped and slid forward, cutting Alejandro's legs out from under him, the icy point glancing off Geoff's iron plate.

Near the boat, Ezekiel stirred in Bridgette's arms, first thought concerning the proximity to her. His second came when he saw the ice man. "Wuh...?"

His half-question was answered when Alejandro drove his pointed hand down, almost skirting around Geoff's parry. His window of opportunity ended there, however; Eva's fist put distance between the two. Geoff rose, panting, wincing as the ice around his hands hardened further. Alejandro rose, smirking. "Good one, _perra_. You _almost_ managed to hurt me."

"Really? Then I'll make sure I do this time! Overkill!" Her foot shot out, carrying her several meters before it impacted, embedding her shoe print on Alejandro's cheek. Ice chips covered the shoe as Alejandro took off across the sands, slamming against the shaking mountain. He rose and popped his neck. "Ooh, nice. But it has nothing on _this_."

Taking off again, he weaved between their attacks and gripped both of their shoulders. A blue light shone; when it faded, Geoff and Eva were encased in cocoons of ice. The pods rose into the sky as Alejandro clenched his fist. The ice cracked as it condensed further, crushing both fighters...

"_Jebranden_!" Alejandro saw the prairie boy point straight at him as Ezekiel conjured up a bolt of flames. _Oh_. The ice receded from Alejandro's body, returning him to normal just before the fire jet struck. He howled and fell to his knees as Geoff and Eva fell, freed from their deathtrap prisons. Tearing up, Alejandro tore his eyes from his newly scarred chest and forced a smile. "Well, Geoff. Guess I gotta take down one of your friends after all. Feel my hatred, the gift of Styx! _Odio_!"

His features darkened as a black aura settled around him. In a blur of shadows, Alejandro vanished. Bridgette, Courtney and Ezekiel shrunk away as he appeared before of them, index and middle fingers black. Too fast for any eye to follow, his fingers became embedded at the base of Ezekiel's neck. Alejandro's fingers injected the darkness into his veins like a medical shot. The prairie boy gave a weak croak and collapsed, paler than a sickly Gwen.

The reality of the mage's fall struck the party like a bullet an instant later. Courtney was the first to react. "Shit, Bridgette, _do something_!"

Though stricken with a sudden wave of grief, the surfer nodded and knelt down to observe him. After a few seconds, she shook her head. "I...I don't what I can do...he doesn't have any physical injuries..._you_."

Alejandro smiled at her ferocious snarl. "Me? Me what? Did your mage not do this to me, _chica_? Do I not have the right to vengeance?"

He indicated where Ezekiel's spell had torched his shirt, a mass of upper-degree burns. Courtney roared and lunged for his throat, trying to strangle with her bare hands. "I'm...I swear I'm gonna..."

Alejandro swatted her hands away before placing a fist in her chest, winding her. "Please. You're nothing, _perra_. The flames of Phlegethon will now rise to scorch the Chosen One, just as I've been burned. _Fuego ardiente_!"

He performed a backflip a moment before Enceladus could impale him, landing behind Geoff and Eva. His hair burned and flames rose from his fingertips like claws. With a cackle, he dug his hands into the ground. Red heat spread across the beach before several balls of hardened magma blasted out from beneath the surface, raining death upon the party. Bridgette and Eva found cover by the boat, but Courtney and Ezekiel lay helpless. Geoff stood over them, deflecting every meteor that came near them. As the barrage ended, Courtney looked up at Geoff. "Thanks, but you might _really_ wanna wrap this up quickly; that volcano's like a time bomb!"

"Right." With clear skies above him, he charged at Alejandro. The flaming teen smirked and waited for the first strike, a clumsy slash aimed at his head. He ducked the blow and closed the gap, the his torches melting straight through Geoff's armor. A followup kick shattered the front plate and threw Geoff to the ground. Groaning, the Chosen One opened his eyes to see Alejandro bearing down on him. A blur of tan furs intercepted him and Eva pinned Alejandro to the ground. "Geoff! Take home-school and get on the ship! You need to go before that thing erupts!"

As if on cue, the whole island shook. And didn't stop. Geoff rose to his knees, gripping Enceladus. "But...what about you? I can't just leave you here-"

"I'll be fine! Move it! You're too important to be taken out be a damn volcano! Besides, I'm supposed to guard Abyss, remember? I can't leave!"

Alejandro gave up on trying to beat her with physical strength and dug into the ground. Knowing what came next, Geoff turned without a word and collected Ezekiel. He glanced at the boat and saw that DJ had been freed, boarding the ship with Bridgette. A fiery stone ball whizzed past his head and bounced off the boat, leaving a heated crater in the armor. Behind him, he heard Courtney's voice. "Eva, don't let him destroy our boat!"

Geoff could tell that Courtney ran along behind him, but he didn't dare look back. No more balls flew by during his sprint. Once aboard the ship again, he saw why. Eva held Alejandro up by his wrists, ignoring the burning kicks to the chest. Handing Ezekiel to a very woozy DJ, Geoff turned to Bridgette. "Let's get outta here...wait, did any of us actually grab the orb?"

Courtney produced the Red Orb from her sack. "I'm not stupid. And don't worry about Eva, she says she'll be fine."

"Girl, that's cold." DJ leaned back against the railing as the boat left the beach. Courtney shrugged. "It's Eva. If anyone can make it through a volcanic eruption, it's her. And certainly _not_ that guy. Let's go."

DJ blinked. "_Volcanic eruption?!_"

* * *

As the island shook harder than ever, Alejandro ceased his struggling. "Heh. _Muy fuerte_, I see. Why waste your strength helping those losers?"

Eva's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "The way I see it, Geoff's quest is the quickest way to leave this stupid world. Why do you care? In fact...why are you going after him?"

"Because it's all I can do." All traces of amusement melted off of Alejandro's face and he met her sneer with one of his own. "I was brought here as an extra. A nobody. Unimportant. If there's one thing I hate, it's being used but not having a purpose. And so I made my own purpose; fuck up Chris's little play by killing a prominent actor. And since Heather's holed up in a flying castle, that leaves Geoff. I am simply an agent of chaos. Oh, and don't think I can't escape whenever I want to."

A rush of hot wind surrounded him, a tornado of heat orbiting like a satellite. Callouses rose on on Eva's hands. "What the-"

Alejandro laughed as the sizzling cyclone burst, erupting all around him and blowing the helpless fitness buff back. Landing on his feet, he dug into the ground again, summoning the black boulders once more. At his bidding, they flew straight ahead. Skin reddened and blistered, Eva rose just in time to receive a shot to the chest. Furs were burned away as she fell to her knees. Two other caught her shoulders, throwing her onto her back. Alejandro stood over her. "And I thought you'd be a good fight. Die."

"Slayer!" As the muscles in her right arm still felt shredded, Eva lunged with the left, catching Alejandro in the stomach. He found himself face down on the side of the volcano. Which, he noted shook harder than the rest of the island...a bulb went off in his head. "Hey. _Chica_. This volcano's about to erupt, yeah?"

Down on her knees, Eva nodded, both arms hanging almost useless from the uber-punch. Alejandro's hair returned to normal and his flame jets died. "Um...bye. _Llanto_."

Icing over again, he stumbled to his feet and, though doubled over, ran towards the beach as smoke rose from the crater. Panting and wobbling, Eva stood up and tried to trudge to the ocean, soon to be the closest thing to safety for her. _Damn, this hurts. If he's stupid enough to stay close enough for me to reach him, he's so _dead. The island gave another mighty shake, almost throwing her off her feet...

* * *

A monolithic roar washed over Geoff's party and a great cloud of ash rose from Inciniera's lone mountain. As soon as she figured the others could hear once more, Bridgette looked up from Ezekiel, noting with concern that every visible vein had turned to black, a spiderweb from Hell spun under his skin. "Okay, his breathing and heartbeat are normal, no temperature change, no visible wounds on his body, not even where Alejandro jabbed him...he's perfectly healthy except..."

"Except he's out of it." Hand still clamped over an ear, Courtney turned a concerned eye to the prairie boy. "So nothing you can do? DJ, you wouldn't happen to know anything?"

Sagging against the helm, DJ shook his head. "Sorry, nothin'. Never heard of anything like that."

She sighed and leaned against the railing, looking at Geoff. The Chosen One hadn't said a word since boarding the ship. Feeling her gaze, he turned to meet it. "Huh?"

"Nothing. You're just not acting like you...although, I'm glad you actually stepped up for once."

Sighing, Geoff turned away. "Yeah, I guess. But...I dunno, this is just getting so heavy, man. I thought this was gonna be a fun adventure, but now...we've lost both Tyler and Zeke, and the Alejandro guy has it in for me...and we don't know if Eva...man, I shouldn't have just left her..."

Two fingers rested against his lips in mid-sentence. He turned to see Bridgette sitting next to him. Her smile concealed her misgivings. _There's more to it than that, I know it_. "Eva and Zeke'll be fine. And remember, we agreed not to talk like Tyler's lost. You did great back there."

In her presence, Geoff felt his negativity fade away. He smiled back at her, only half forced. "Sorry 'bout that. Bridge, you're too awesome. I'll take Zeke down to the cabin."

"In a minute." Courtney stood straight despite feeling drained. "First we need to decide where to go. Zeke should be our first priority. He needs to be looked by...well, _any_ expert in healing magic. So, the entire province of Tofino is out, and we should thankful for that. Now we haven't been to Uturneos, Discordia or-"

"Leukonesia. That teleptastic message thing said to go there." Geoff yawned and lifted Ezekiel. "I'm gonna take a nap; need to sleep off these bad vibes."

Courtney blinked as the party boy swiveled and headed into the cabin. "O...kay, then. Leukonesia it is. And for the record, it's pronounced 'telepathic'!"

Her eyes caught something in the distance. A ring of spires rising out of the sea with gargantuan waves crashing over them..."Oh, not this crap again..."

* * *

Eva poked her head over the surface of the water, sneezing as she breathed some of the still-hot ashes. The water fell just short of boiling temperature, hot enough to scald what few parts of her body hadn't been burned already. Treading water, once not even worth a thought, proved to be a chore with two damaged arms. She sighed and ground her teeth. _All right, Eva. Stay calm. You're the iron woman. You can take this_.

She made her way back to the burning beach, thankful that only ash had come from the volcano...for the moment, at least. She was no expert, but she figured that the lava would come soon. Whether or not she could take water heated by _that_ remained to be seen.

Her eyes caught a sparkle in the distance. Already a near kilometer from the island, a frozen man walked on an icy pathway away from Inciniera. Eva growled. _Damn you, Alejandro...

* * *

_

**A/N: Er...um...sorry, Zeke fans? And I suppose Eva fans, as well. I hope that Geoff doesn't come across as too OOC here; let me know if he does.**

**Also, no less than four characters will make their debut next chapter.  
**


	18. Act 7: Gjoa Haven

**A/N: I blame video games for the delay. Sorry about that, but hey; at least it wasn't nearly four months this time.

* * *

**

**

* * *

(Chris narrating): Last time, on Total Drama Quest...Courtney did something useful! Before your heads explode from amazement, keep in mind that all she did was swindle a certain blacksmith into putting armor on their ship. Useful? Yes. Awesome and actually interesting? Not so much. But it got them to Inciniera, so that counts for something. I guess.**

** On the island, DJ fought a very angry Eva for the right to continue onward. And now I'd like to take a moment and clarify something; I, your friendly neighborhood totalitarian dictator, had nothing to due with her attitude problem. Moving onward, DJ won with some help from Ezekiel and the party (with Eva) traveled into something called Abyss. Don't worry about that place, there's nothing of importance there. It is _not_ the droids you are looking for.**

** In the volcano, Ezekiel and Ev****a took out a couple useless interns from TDA and Geoff, in a display of...I don't know, **_**manliness**_**, killed a dragon. While being chomped by said dragon. In other words, he was awesome for once. Oh, and then Alejandro ambushed and owned them, taking Zeke out of commission and probably would have killed Geoff if Eva hadn't kept him busy while they fled. Like **_**cowards**_**. I don't know exactly what he's planning, but hey, I won't say no to a wild card.**

** What dangers await them in Leukonesia? Will Ezekiel survive? And when the heck will I, your handsome host, get some well-deserved screen time? Seriously, folks, I'm a king! I deserve better than this! All these questions will be answered in...**

**ACT VII: Necroshi-yi-yine**

**...on Total...Drama...Quest!**

Gjoa Haven

"Are you stupid? How does that make any sense?"

Geoff and Courtney sat over a map DJ had brought with him. A hole was punched into Leukonesia as Courtney jabbed a finger at it. "Leukonesia is up north. We're down south. We can't go south to get north! We cut through the Black River again and get to Leukonesia like that. End topic."

"Oh come on, you've obviously never played video games. If you wanna go north quickly, you head as far south as you can and you'll pop out on the other side of the map."

"Video games, Geoff. Not kinda sorta real life. Video games. Urgh, why am I even arguing this?"

"Geoff? No." Bridgette stood at the helm, eyes on the plethora of ships just off Tofino's southern coast. "We'd have to go halfway around the world to get to Leukonesia like that."

"Finally, someone agrees with me!" Courtney's outburst went unnoticed by Geoff; he opened the door to the cabin and stuck his head in. "I'm getting a third opinion."

In the corner of his eye, a pointed spire of ice formed, destroying a ship no more than a kilometer north. He and Bridgette met eyes and they nodded. The surfer twisted the wheel in the opposite direction. "Okay, south it is!"

* * *

Alejandro seethed, scanning the ocean with a glare from atop his frozen watchtower. There, in the far distance, he saw what _might_ be his quarry. Maybe. _Impossible to tell from here_. He sighed and reverted from his icy form. "_Fuego jodienda ardiente_."

Flames blossomed at his fingertips and he drove a fist into his perch. He _had_ them. _Twice_. And both times, the Chosen One managed to slip away because of his accursed allies. His lips twisted, revealing snow-white teeth set in a vicious grimace. _Well, guess I'd better stick around Clearwater until Cody's done_.

_Besides, it's not like Geoff's my only choice here..._

* * *

"This is so stupid. This is so _unbelievably _stupid. Damn it, Geoff, why the hell are you right even when you're _wrong_?"

Courtney stormed into the cabin, leaving Bridgette and Geoff to watch the ivory shores of Leukonesia draw nearer in peace.

* * *

"Uh, Beth? Heather needs us."

"Huh?" Beth yawned and groped for her glasses. "What...what time is it, Linds?"

"I think, like...twelvish?"

"What?" Finding the lenses, she threw them on and blinked at the figure in the darkness. "We're down to _four_ hours of sleep now? What's she thinking?"

"I dunno. She seemed really impatient, though." Light poured in as Lindsay opened the door. "Ilia and Omar are there, too."

Beth froze in mid-stretch. "Izzy? But that means..." She trailed off, hoping that her friend would be able to pick up on what she meant. And for the nth time, she overestimated Lindsay's intelligence. "Means what?"

"Never mind, let's go."

The journey to the castle's enormous entrance room took the better part of five minutes to make on a good day; Lindsay's lead raised that figure to seven. It came as no surprise that Heather was tapping her foot and shooting death glares at over a hundred servants by the time the two arrived. "Okay, good. Beth and Lindsay are _finally _here. Now crazy girl can spout her insane plan and I can get back to sleep."

"Okay!" Heather's eyes rolled as Izzy leaped down in front of a cylindrical object in the middle of the crowd. A tarp covered it, leaving all but a select few to wonder what manifestation of insanity Izzy had concocted this time. "Owen! Reveal the cannon!"

Owen tugged on the tarp and yelped, fleeing as it dropped to blanket a cadre of servants. A rusted cylinder of scrap metal was unveiled, albeit with several sections not yet built. Oohs, ahs and an annoyed glare from Heather were subsequently produced. "Izzy. Is that thing safe, or will it just collapse into a rusty pile of garbage when fired?"

"It's totally safe! Except for the part where you blast through the wall."

"Which is why _you_ are going to be the guinea pig for this...thing. I'll ask more about it when I'm less annoyed." Heather turned her attention to the various servants below, noting their various signs of sleep deprivation. "All right, mooks, here's the deal. The Chosen One is getting _way _ too close to reaching the moon. Or so my special agent says. In case you can't tell, Izzy's...cannon...thing...isn't exactly ready yet. It needs to be done quickly. Now, I figure that if you all work twenty hours a day for the next two days..."

"Now wait a bloody minute!" A muscle-bound soldier stepped forth, gripping the sword at his side. "We've 'ad just about enough of this, lassie! We ain't gonna let you run us into the ground no more. In fact, I think we're just about done with ya!"

"Oh really?" Heather crouched down, fixing the man with a smirk that bore no malice. "You have a family back in Discordia, right agent 52? How's this; once the Chosen One is defeated, I'll give you all two weeks off. Just work hard now."

"Ya mean it?"

Her smirk grew into a twisted representation of kindness. "Would I lie to you?

As a raucous cheer rose up, Heather cast her smile in Beth's direction. "And that's how you stop a riot. Of course, if it hadn't worked, I could've just dropped the earth out from under them."

* * *

Cold permeated the ship. Its icy fangs bit not just into Bridgette, who bore the brunt of the frosty gusts as she stood at the helm, but also dug into the cabin, chilling its inhabitants toward frostbite. The land that awaited the ship looked almost like a sheet of blank white paper, its cliffs and mountains indistinguishable from its plains. Except for a towering black wall nearly hidden in the whirling blizzard, that is.

The ship lurched to a halt as it ground into an ivory beach, throwing Bridgette against the railing. Considering heading down to the cabin to inform the party of their arrival, she shook off the thought and opted to start heading for shelter ASAP. Besides, the collision had probably alert them, but just in case..."Hey, guys. We're here."

Thankful that she was the warmest dressed of the group, Bridgette dropped to the snowy beach and marched towards the wall, scanning for some form of visible landmark. Through the snowstorm she managed to pick out the shapes of cliffs on either side, what looked like a glacier just beyond the black monolith, and a rather familiar figure in black and teal. She nearly jumped at that last sight. "H-hey, Gwen!"

The goth, leaning against some sort of black pole, gave her a halfhearted wave. "Hey. Might want to tell whatever crew's with you that this blizzard's gonna get a whole lot worse in a few minutes."

"No need, we're coming." Geoff jumped down to Leukonesia, with DJ following right afterward, carrying Ezekiel. The party animal gave a cheerful wave. "How's it going, Gwen?"

"Okay, I guess." She looked at the unmoving prairie boy. "What happened to him?"

"Oh he got..." The last person made her way into the Arctic winds and stopped in mid-sentence when she saw who she was answering. The air grew chillier as Gwen and Courtney glared at each other. The goth cut off first, turning towards the wall. "Whatever. Let's go."

"Oh, yeah, we're just gonna follow you into a blizzard." Courtney sat down on the railing, glaring as her comrades did just what she said. "Oh, come on guys. You're just gonna trust her? She might be working for Heather, for all we know!"

In spite of the cold, DJ turned to give her an amused smirk. "_Gwen_? Work for _Heather_? Nuh uh, not happening."

"You're too trusting, Deej. That girl totally tried to steal my boyfriend last summer! She's clearly-"

That managed to get Gwen's attention. "Like I've said a million times, I'm not interested in Duncan. And you're being stupid. Will you _shut up_?"

"Oh, I'm so sure." Courtney could have sworn the temperature rose when Gwen came to a halt and turned to glare at her. "Look, if you want to stay here and freeze to death, that's just fine with me."

This time, Courtney broke the glare-off first. Dropping to the snow, she trudged along behind the others, grumbling under her breath. Up ahead, Bridgette drew near Geoff, resting her head against his breastplate. As soon as her face touched the ice-cold metal, she sprang back, feeling even colder than before. Gwen eyed the pair. "Do you wear that everywhere?"

Geoff glanced at his armor. "Uh, yeah."

"Well, at least you won't die from it." Having reached the wall, Gwen leaned against it, reverting back to glaring at Courtney. "As soon as everyone's here, we can go in."

Courtney rolled her eyes and bit her tongue. Once she was close, Gwen jerked a metal door set in the wall open, revealing a hundred-meter long corridor, darker than obsidian. Bridgette cocked an eyebrow at the opening. "So, do we get to know what's up with this place?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, for example, the wall. It has to be as tall as this hallway is long." The door slammed shut, leaving the five blind in the black passage. "And also, judging by the length of this hallway...is this like a fortress or something?"

"Right in one, Bridge. Taloyoak is a fortress city. The wall should speak for itself, the entire city's indoors and it's surrounded on three sides by mountains and glaciers." Although they couldn't see it, Gwen put on a nasty smile. "Oh, and if anyone unwanted tries to get in through the front door, the ceiling will crash down on their heads!"

DJ whimpered at the last remark, ceasing his walk long enough for Courtney to bump into him. "Ow! Whoever that is had better get moving..."

"Sorry, Courtney. But I gotta know, Gwen, are you guys expecting to be attacked or something?"

"You could say that. You never know what Queen Crazy's up to." Gwen opened the door, revealing the interior of Taloyoak to be constructed of brick and lit by torches. What looked like a main thoroughfare sprawled in front of them with corridors branching off every several meters. A massive wooden gate waited at the end of the main tunnel. "Personally, I don't believe it could be anything positive. Nor do I trust how idle she's been."

"Point." Geoff fell into step beside her. "So, have you guys, like, amassed an army or something? We could totally use the help."

"We?" Gwen glanced at Enceladus and smirked, trying not to crack into laughter. "Oh wow, _you're_ the Chosen One? Didn't expect that. Well, at least it's someone I know won't actually be trying to screw over this world."

"Wait, weren't you expecting us?"

"We were just told that we'd have visitors coming by. Nothing about the Chosen One."

"More importantly," Courtney harrumphed, looking even less pleasant then she had two minutes ago, "_why_ haven't you made any moves against Heather? Too scared?"

Gwen returned the look but didn't rise to her bait. "No, it's because _our _queen isn't convinced that Heather's what she seems to be. She won't act unless Heather does something first. Says that Heather doesn't do anything without reason."

"Tch. Great monarch you've got here."

"Want me to throw you back outside?"

"Guys, guys, calm down." Bridgette gave both nervous looks, internally hoping with everything she had that their conflict wouldn't come to a head anytime soon. Gwen reached the gate before a reply could be made and bent down to lift the gate from the bottom. After a quick jerk up, it rose to expose them to Leukonesia's elements once more. Not far from the gate, enclosed on all sides by the octagonal city, a two-story palace of a deep ruby color glistened. Gwen ushered the party onwards. "And that is Gjoa Haven, our palace."

"Wow, beautiful." Geoff appraised the red tower. "Not as impressive as Clearwater Palace, but much prettier."

Gwen snorted. "It's stupid. I mean, seriously. Red sticks out _way_ too much in a place like Leukonesia. Bad strategy by whoever built it."

She glanced back and caught Courtney with her mouth open. "Something to add, CIT?"

The CIT's mouth clamped close, but DJ smirked. "I'm pretty sure she was gonna say the same thing as you...but she's refusing to be caught agreeing with you."

"Shut _up_!" Courtney's elbow dented his armor and Gwen rose an eyebrow. "Seriously? I'm surprised Geoff hasn't booted you from the party for your surliness."

"I wasn't 'surly' until _you_ showed up!"

"Sure, whatever." She pushed the doors of Gjoa Haven open. "Keep telling yourself that."

"It's true! How would you know what-"

"Oh, don't tell me that the visitor Harold mentioned is that scrawny little CIT!"

The doors ahead of them burst open to reveal two more figures. As Trent slung his guitar behind his back, Leshawna smiled upon seeing who it was and waved to the group. "Hey, wassup, y'all?"

* * *

Heather watched with satisfaction as her minions scuttled around the cannon. It was so easy to get them to work; just throw either a promise or a threat out and they would begin scurrying around like ants to carry out her demands. But now wasn't exactly the time to simply watch her servants follow Izzy's mad orders; not when one of her right-hand women had things to say. "Alright, Lindsay, spit out. What do you want?"

"Well, I was just wondering...why'd you promise those guys a vacation? Didn't what's-his-name say that once the Selected Guy is, um, dead, we'd return to the real world?"

"It's called motivation. _They_ don't know that they're never gonna leave this castle."

"But why not just threaten them...like always?" If Heather picked up on the resentment in Beth's voice, she didn't show it. "Because that would be counter-productive in this case! Seriously, they were ready to revolt, and a threat would just get more of them to join! Unlike most so-called 'evil overlords', _I_ am _competent_. When the time comes, I'm not gonna stand at the front of my army waiting to be cut down, I won't grant the Chosen Dweeb a last request and I certainly won't pose dramatically in the middle of battle, assured of my non-existent immortality. I will, however, keep the troops happy long enough to ensure no rebellion occurs under my nose,_ force_ everyone here to fight him before he reaches me, and if he manages to get past you bunch of morons, I'll be sure to kill him _as he's opening the door_..._yes_, Lindsay?"

Lindsay lowered her hand, but continued bouncing on her heels. "Ooh, is that bit about immorality the reason you had me hide those jewels in a chest in that small town nearby?"

Heather froze up. _She didn't just_..."You blockhead! What part of 'never mention this again' didn't you..."

Ceasing her thundering, she looked down at the workers. Yep, every single minion was staring at her. Perfect. She smiled and waved at them. "Nothing to see here, people. Carry on."

Once she was sure no one was paying attention anymore, she turned a much more controlled brand of ire back to Lindsay. "Listen. If you tell anyone about those jewels again—_anyone—_I will make your life here miserable. Same for you, Beth. _Got it_? If so, the bilge needs cleaning. Get to it."

Both nodded...but although her face was neutral, Beth's mind was racing. _How can you claim to be competent when you treat your closest henchmen like this, hmm?_

* * *

"Oh man, could it be? Real food!" Geoff's mouth watering, he scanned the ivory table before reaching out as far as possible to grab a whole roast turkey and taking a bite out of it. Bridgette couldn't help but giggle at the ravenous display; across the table, Trent chuckled as well. "Geez, bro, you're acting like Owen."

"Which is _not_ a good thing." Leshawna, in her white fur cape and gown, was far less amused. "Do you have any idea how much it costs to get turkey here?"

"No, Your Majesty, he doesn't." Bridgette ripped the browned fowl out of Geoff's hands. She looked around the circular table. "By the way, where's Zeke?"

"Trent took him down to the infirmary. I'll check up on him in a bit." Gwen took a drink of some foreign fluid. "What happened to him?"

"Well, we were fighting this one dude, Alejandro, and he did that."

Gwen rolled her eyes. "Real informative, Geoff. What _exactly_ did he do?"

"What does it matter to you?" Courtney hadn't touched any of the food, but had spent the banquet glaring at Gwen. "It's not like you're capable of caring."

"At least I don't attack people whenever something goes wrong!" Gwen pounded her fist on the table, overturning her plate and shattering her glass. "And I'm asking because out of everyone here, I probably have the best chance of knowing how to cure it."

"Well, you see, Gwen, this dude Alejandro made some kinda...oh man, this fish is delish..."

"Concentrate, Geoff!"

"Oh, sorry. Well, he made this black cloud thing surround him and he, like, jabbed Ezekiel in the neck and put the black stuff into him, I think. Really creepy, man."

Leshawna cocked an eyebrow. "Huh. Know anything about that, girlfriend?"

Gwen shook her head. "No. Not with that much information. Come on, did he say anything before he did it? Any magic words or anything?"

"Something about sticks, I think." Courtney shrugged. "Why does what he said matter?"

Once again, food bounced and spilled as Gwen pounded the table. "Because the magic words words are obviously _important_! Wait, did you say Styx?" Gwen's anger faded as apprehension set in. "Were there any other spells like that? Cocytus, Lethe, Phlegethon..."

"How should I-" The CIT's oh-so-helpful retort died as Bridgette placed a hand over her mouth. "He definitely said that last one, I remember it. And he gained fire powers from it, too, if that helps any."

Gwen sat still, stony-faced. "I'll be right back."

And she stormed off before Courtney could launch a complaint. Once she'd disappeared up a flight of stares, Leshawna smirked at Geoff. "So, white boy. What brings you to Leukonesia? Oh, and don't worry about that 'majesty' business; little ol' Leshawna likes keepin' it casual."

After swallowing another overlarge mouthful of turkey, Geoff returned the grin. "We got a telepathic message from somebody telling us to come here. We're looking for some white orb thing. Got anything like that?"

"Sorry, honey. Ain't got nothin' like that up here."

Trent looked up. "Wait, didn't Harold say something about an orb a few days ago?"

"Might've. You and Gwen get all the messages; I just gotta piece it together from what you guys say."

Stroking Bunny as the critter nibbled at some lettuce, DJ cast a bitter look at the amount of meat present. _Poor animals_. "Uh, why would Gwen and Trent be getting' Harold's messages?"

"Because he kept interrupting _very important meetings_ to read _love poems_. It wasn't easy to do, but I had to ban that boy from doing that." She allowed herself a chuckle. "Just shows there's no getting' over my lusciousness."

"Harold can be found in Uturneos," Trent informed them. He leaned back. "Course, it's not easy getting into that province. Very prideful, the Uturns. Don't let just anybody in."

Leshawna rolled her eyes. "Don't worry, sugar, Harold can get you in."

"Great. Wonderful." Courtney's surliness had only increased with that knowledge. Racing footsteps signaled Gwen's return. She flew into the room, stopping by the table with a half-decomposed book in her hand. Geoff could just make out a pentagram surrounding what looked like Chris's face on the cover. The goth girl slammed it on the table and turned to a marked page, written in some language that managed to look violent. "Okay, dinner's canceled. Home-school needs help _now_."

Three members of Geoff's party exchanged startled looks; Courtney just glared and grumbled. "Well, at least we'll get our mage back right away."

"No, you won't. Ezekiel's been cursed and if we don't get him cured in the next few days, he'll _die_. _Painfully_."

"Well, at least we have an expert here, right, _Gwen_?" Courtney wore a sinister smile that grew as Gwen seethed. "Sorry, but you can't purify black magic with _more black magic_. All I could do is make it worse. Which means that-"

"You're absolutely _useless_!" Courtney erupted with a jab of her finger, sarcastic smile gone. "Sorry, but if you can't do anything to help, why don't you do me a favor and _go away_?"

"_I'm useless_?" Gwen jumped atop the table, kicking aside dishes as she did so. "Tell me, what makes _you_ so useful to the Chosen One?"

"Strategy and morale."

DJ choked on a grape. "Don't flatter yourself, girl."

She cast him a glare and he squeaked, rushing to hide under the table. As the glaring contest resumed, Trent leaned towards Geoff. "I think we should get out of here, man."

"Right behind you, bro."

Bridgette joined them in inching away as Courtney joined Gwen on the table. "And what can you do, huh? Write angsty goth shit or an enemy?"

"Oh, believe me, I am more than capable of kicking your butt."

"Really? Then why don't you try?"

"You really want a fight that bad? I'd love to leave you in pieces, but somehow I don't think _your host_ would like that very much!"

"Sounds like cowardice to me, you...pale emo wannabe! Besides, I think I owe you something for getting your goth hooks into Duncan!"

"Not this again...for the last god damn time, _I don' like Duncan, you delusional psychopath_!"

"ENOUGH!" The girls, inches from each other's throats, jumped back as Leshawna slammed a studded scepter between them. "Gwen, girl, go sit right back down there. _You_...there's a guest room up the stairs to the left. Go up there and stay _quiet_, you hearin' me?"

Courtney scowled at the queen. "Yes, _mother_."

"Oh, I _know_ you ain't sassin' me!"

With a flip of her middle finger, Courtney vanished from sight, although her stomping could be still be heard. Leshawna let out a sigh. "What is that girl's problem?"

"Me." Gwen sat down, scowling at the misplaced food. "Apparently, I'm the match to her powder keg."

"Naw, she's like that with everyone these days." Geoff crept back into the dining hall with the others. "So, what do we need to do for Zeke?"

"We need a mystic." Gwen's answer was met be blank stares. "Crazy people who can purge evil crap, read minds, see the future or any combination of those. And generally be freaky, to boot."

Bridgette looked up. "See the future, huh? What would you say if I told you Cody might have a mystic with him?"

Gwen shrugged, but her anger did diminish. "I'd take Zeke to wherever he is."

"You?" Blinking in confusion, Leshawna turned to her friend. "I figured you'd want to join the Chosen One."

"I can't use my abilities and you know that, Leshawna." Rising, Gwen sauntered towards the another set of stairs, this one leading into the basement. "And I'm not explaining it to those guys, either. Come on, let's get Zeke so we can take care of this."

"Already?" Geoff looked over the ruined meal. "Aww, first time I get a nice meal since Tuktoyuktuk and-"

"And this ended a bit better than that one did." Pulling her boyfriend to his feet, Bridgette followed Gwen to the stairwell. "You guys coming?"

"Course we are, honey." Leshawna led DJ and Trent and the group headed down the stairs. "Oh, and Gwen? I know there's more to you not travelin' with party boy than your powers."

Gwen sighed. "Okay, fine, I don't want to be near Courtney for the next _ever_."

"Fair enough. But just so you know, I'm gonna make sure she don't tag along with Geoff here."

"Wait, what?" Geoff's head turned back and he nearly tripped on the next step. "Uh, isn't that kinda my decision?"

"Well, yeah, but I was figuring since she has no combat value whatsoever, we keep her on the sidelines where we could put that conniving brain of hers to use."

Bridgette considered that. "She has a point, Geoff."

"Yup." Geoff nodded before turning to Leshawna. "Um, could you break it to her? Preferably after we're far away? She's not gonna take it too well, ya know."

"Fine." Stepping onto the white floor of the infirmary, she walked over to where Ezekiel lay. "All right, Gwen. Take him and go."

"Right." The goth lifted the unconscious prairie boy and glanced at Geoff. "So, where is Cody anyways?"

"Little town in Tofino called Ucluelet. Dude lives in a metal tower on a hill. Can't miss it."

"Gotcha." She turned and raced towards the stairs. "Oh, and I'll make sure to let Harold know you're coming. Well, I'm out. See ya guys whenever."

"You know, the food's great and all, but we should probably take off, too." Bridgette and DJ both looked surprised at Geoff's proclamation. The party continued. "The sooner we take care of Heather, the sooner we get out of here."

_And the fewer chances I have of losing anyone else_. Geoff's smile faded as the thought crossed his mind. "Course, it is only me, Bridge and DJ at the moment..."

"What're you talking about, dude? Ya got me!"

Geoff and Bridgette met eyes at the familiar voice. There in the far corner, wearing a blue jumpsuit, waving at them...Bridgette found her voice first. "_Tyler_!"

Leshawna chuckled nervously as the pair raced to the bed. "Oh. My bad. Forgot to mention him."

Sure enough, the jock was there, resting in the corner bed. "Hey, guys! How've ya been?"

"Dude! You're alive! Bridge, look, he's alive!" Bridgette giggled at the party boy's enthusiasm. "As you can see, we're doing okay, Tyler."

Tyler chuckled. "Heh. Good to see you guys. Me...I've been better, obviously. Still planning on helping you guys kick Heather's butt, though. Where's Courtney? I saw Zeke come in earlier, but..."

"She's pretty much in time-out." Trent came over and leaned against the wall. "First thing she did here was pick a fight with Gwen."

"Figures." Tyler sat up, squinting in pain as he did so. "So, where are we going first?"

"_You_ are going _nowhere_!" A vulture-nosed nurse rushed over to give him a stern look. "You are still recovering and you shouldn't even stand up right now!"

"Ha! Says you!" Tyler jumped to his feet and struck a combat pose. A crack sounded from the middle of his back and he froze up, falling stiff as a board back onto the bed. "Pain."

The nurse rolled her eyes, oblivious to the wincing of the others. "Like I said, you're not ready. You're spine's still damaged, and you just erased four days of therapy. Get back to sleep and call if you need anything _within reason_."

As she hurried away, grumbling about teenagers, Geoff gave Tyler a piteous look. "Sorry, dude. I promise we'll bring you when we go after Heather, though."

"It's okay." By the look on Tyler's face, it _wasn't _ okay, but..."Just as long as I get my shot at Heather...that's all I really want. But you still only have you three people."

"I'll go." Trent stood straight and brought out his guitar. "I got nothing better to do around here...plus, I think you'll find I'm good enough in battle."

When Geoff still looked apprehensive at the thought of a guitarist fighting, Leshawna cut in. "Don't worry, he'll do fine. He ain't me or Gwen, but he is the next best thing. Okay listen, you need to get goin'. Like, now. Go back to Wawanakwa and head as far east as you can. There'll be some huge wall there; Harold will find you there. Don't ask how, the skinny little white boy's just good like that."

* * *

Chris smiled as he lounged back. Everything, it seemed, was running smoothly. Given Geoff's pace, it shouldn't take him more than a couple weeks to reach Heather. And then...

The circular door creaked into motion, metallic screeches reverberating in the chamber. The rolled away to reveal Chef. The host rolled his eyes. "Um, aren't you supposed to be somewhere? Doing king-type things?"

"Just an update. Chris, man, I think you'll like this." And so Chef gave his report. By the end of it, an insidious grin had wormed its way onto Chris's face.

* * *

Just as Leshawna had said, a wall formed the boundary between Wawanakwa and Uturneos, stretching north and south further than the eye could see. As Geoff, Bridgette, DJ and Trent stared at it, a voice sounded from above. "Hey guys. How's the weather down there?"

Geoff looked up and spotted a figure sitting cross-legged on the _side_ of the wall. He blinked. The figure was clad in dark blue with a similarly colored mask concealing his face and hair. However, those glasses looked awfully familiar..."Harold?"

The nerd dropped to the moist grass, chuckling. "The one and only."

* * *

**A/N: Yeah, I know, lot's of dialog. But hey, next chapter, the final four characters will all put in appearances!**


	19. Act 7: Enemy Territory

**A/N: Once again, I take forever to put out a new chapter. *sigh*. Oh well, my college schedule has a nice little gap that practically begs to be used for writing, so maybe the next chapter won't take two months to put out. _Maybe_.**

**Also, I should probably point out that TDWT did not happen in this particular continuity and thus has no bearing on the events of this story. Although, this should be pretty obvious.  
**

**Thanks to everyone who's reviewed, and nothing about Total Drama belongs to me.**

* * *

Chapter 19: Enemy Territory

Uturneos, it seemed, was comprised of lush, rolling hills and deciduous forests. A pristine lake here and a fresh stream there rounded out what Bridgette called the most beautiful province yet. After Tofino and Leukonesia, Geoff couldn't disagree. Seemed to be the most peaceful, as well. No way danger could possibly exist in this exemplar of tranquility.

Harold seemed hellbent on convincing them otherwise. "By the way, the random encounter rate in Uturneos is much higher than in, say, Tofino or Leukonesia. The chances of finding a horned cottontail in any given meter of land is nearly 25 percent; the even more dangerous bunnicorn is approximately 7.914 percent, and lopuns are at-"

"Harold?" Bridgette, wincing, had her hand clamped over her forehead. "What are you even talking about at this point?"

"The chances of randomly encountering monsters, gosh! Anyways, if you have a high enough agility stat..."

"Uh, Harold? I don't see any horned rabbits anywhere." Trent silenced the rambling nerd with a hand. "And you haven't told us where we're going. Or...anything, really. Like why you're in Uturneos in the first place."

"I've told you lots of stuff!" He smirked. "And I'm here because of who I am."

His words only served to baffle Geoff. "And...you are..."

"Gosh, you guys. Isn't it obvious from my many mad skills—which, by the way, have been doubled in quantity in this world?" He struck a pose. "Though I may look weak, my muscles are like suspension wires! My brain contains the contents of dozens of D&D derivatives and ripoffs! I swear, on my honor, that I will aid the Chosen One in any way I possibly can! I am Harold of the three sages! And I am also..._a ninja_!"

Geoff's confusion vanished in an instant. "Dude! You're the second sage? Awesome!"

"And a ninja. I'm also the best fighter out of all three sages. You can count on me! Oh, and Geoff?" Breaking the dramatic pose, he looked at the Chosen One's weapon. "I'd advise you to hide Enceladus."

"Uh...why?"

"I should probably start by telling you about Uturneos. The provincial monarch is about equal to Justin or Chris in terms of vanity and narcissism, but is far more sinister. There are rumors in Saint Felicien—the capital and our destination—that citizens not up to his standard of beauty are cast out of the city, never to be heard from again. Through my incredible stealth ability, I was able to confirm that the king was sending them to Uturneos's only ally; Discordia."

Geoff came to a stop, eyes widened. "So, wait, dude. We're currently in a province that's helping _Heather_?"

"Yep. City guards have orders to kill you on sight. Fortunately, they don't actually know your face; they're just looking for Enceladus." Geoff drew the blade, looking it over. "Uh, OK, how am I supposed to hide four feet of purple glowy sword?"

"Here, I'll take it." Harold extended a hand with a reassuring smile. "Like I said, you can count on me."

Sighing, Geoff looked into Bridgette's eyes and received a nod. "OK, I guess...just be careful with it, though."

Harold received the blade and stashed it in a sheath on his back that looked custom-made for the glowing weapon. The cap Harold screwed on to conceal the blunt end substantiated the notion. "Let's go. Saint Felicien should be in view in the next hour or so."

* * *

Gwen frowned at the shiny metal pseudo-tower before her, trying to figure out the logic of building such a visible dwelling at the top of the hill, given the sage's importance. Tightening her grip on Ezekiel, she walked up to the front door. "Uh, Cody? Are you here?"

A camera jutted out of the wall , scanning her. It spoke, using what sounded like her own voice. "Please recite password."

"_Password_? Look, I-"

"Incorrect. Termination protocol initiated."

"Termi-_gah_!"

Tossing Ezekiel to the side, she threw herself back as a laser beam fired from where she had just stood. The ray blasted through a metal outcrop hanging off the tower, and the hunk of metal hurtled through the air. Falling right where Gwen sat, panting. It clocked her on the head and she fell back to the earth like an anchor. The door opened and Cody poked his head out. "Oh, crap, sorry about the laser, Gw..."

Upon seeing Gwen laid out on the grass with a chunk of metal next to her, he fainted, the door sliding shut behind him.

* * *

Geoff marveled at the marble pillars and ornate statues decorating a house that, judging by its size, was low-class by the standards of Saint Felicien. Reaching out to grab his arm, Bridgette followed Harold down the reflective streets of ivory, past nobles in fancy dress. She followed Harold, Trent and DJ towards the eastern end of town, trying to keep up through the swarming masses stalling their progress. Harold glanced back and saw the two falling struggling to pick their way forward. He stopped to wait for them. "By the way, I should probably mention that we're entering the shopping district. It's gonna get very crowded from here on out. You guys should see about buying some supplies here. I need to check something. After-"

"Wait, dude." Trent scratched his head. "What kind of supplies are we gonna need?"

"Well, we're gonna have to make camp in a few hours, so get a tent. Food would be sweet, too. Anyways, once you're done, wait for me at the eastern edge of town. You'll need me to get to..." Harold's voice took on a spooky, warbling tone. "_Boney Island_. Home of the White Orb. It's just a bit east of here."

While DJ whimpered and tried to work out how that particular cursed island could exist in this world, Geoff shrugged, smirking. "So we're just going up against those beavers again? No sweat, we creamed a pack of them like two days after we got here."

Harold chuckled back, a darker sound than the party boy had ever heard from him. "You'll soon wish it was just those beavers. It's said the island is cursed, and that a messy fate awaits all who venture upon its shores under the moonlight. But you'll be fine if you have me and the other sage with you." _I hope_.

Geoff paled. "O...kay, then. Well, I guess we'll see you later. Let's go, Bridge!"

The couple left, Trent tagging along behind them. Harold turned and cast a questioning eye at the still-trembling DJ. "Aren't you gonna go with them?"

"Nah. I don't need anything, and I figure I might as well stick with you."

Harold smiled. "Fine with me. Here, let's get out of this..."

A bulky giant collided with the lanky nerd, knocking Enceladus off of his back. The sword plummeted to the hard road and the case broke open, revealing the purple sword. Several onlookers turned to glance at it...

* * *

Tyler gazed up the ceiling, pain surging up his back in time with his pulse. He couldn't stand, could hardly move; the worst possible fate for an athlete, as far as was concerned. And yet, a ghost of a smile rested on his lips. _They_ wouldn't fail, and soon he would be free of this world, free of the paralyzing prison of his own body. And when Heather's reign ended, he would have Lindsay back.

The possibility of Geoff failing never once crossed his mind, nor did an even more terrible thought: _what if I'm stuck like this forever_?

Footsteps alerted him to an arrival. Smile fading, he turned to acknowledge the nurse coming down the stairs. She fixed him with a stern glare. "Tyler, you have a visitor. Remember; don't even _think_ about trying to show off."

"Gotcha." As she turned to leave, Tyler eased himself into a sitting position and waved at the newcomer. "Hey, Courtney. Been a while."

"Um...hi, Tyler." Courtney returned his wave and sat across from him. "Hope they're treating you better than they are me."

"Heh, don't worry about me. They're nice enough. Heard you arguing with the queen a while ago."

"Just a...difference in opinion. Apparently, I'm not good enough to travel with the Chosen One, so Geoff just _abandoned _me here." She rolled her eyes and huffed. "Oh, and Leshawna's threatened to throw me out of Taloyoak if I can't keep my temper around Gwen."

Tyler chuckled. "Same old story, then?" His hands rose as her eyebrows slanted. "Just joking."

Breaking off the glare, Courtney sighed. "I guess I do lose my temper a little too often. But what about you? Are you still planning to..."

"Kick Heather's ass? Of course I am. Ha, just watch. I'll be back on my feet in no time, and then it's _Tyler time, _baby! Woo!"

The nurse peeked her head back into the infirmary for a warning glance before departing once more. With a sheepish chuckle, Tyler whispered, "Ten coins says she's just around the corner."

"No bet." Her grin faded just as fast as her glare had. "But all joking aside...you _can_ recover from this, right?"

"Yeah, no prob! Like I said, I'll be ready for-"

The nurse stormed back in. "Okay, that's enough! You need to leave before you excite my patient too much!"

Neither teenager looked happy with the ash-haired grackle, but Courtney rose to leave anyways. She paused before taking a step. "You know, none of us gave up on you after...well, you know."

Tyler blinked. "Really? That's..."

"_OUT!_"

* * *

"No Geoff, we are not throwing a party when we get back to Leukonesia."

Geoff excitement faded at Bridgette's dissuading look. He turned to put the sugary pile of..._whatever_ that was back onto the wooden rack before heading over to skim over a selection of armor. "I was just kidding, Bridge..."

"Hey, I wouldn't say no to a party." Trent circled a tan tent on display in the center of the shop. "Gwen could use some cheering up, that's for sure."

Making a mental note to ask the musician more later, Bridgette put a hand on Geoff's shoulder. "Maybe after we take down Hea...I mean, after we complete our quest."

Her eyes darted around the packed store. It seemed that no one had overheard her. Making another mental note, this one about being more careful in hostile territory, she followed Geoff over to the food. "But hey, no harm in getting some sweets, I guess. Right, Trent?"

"Eight sides...huh?" Trent looked away from the tent. "Oh, yeah, sure..."

A second later, Geoff felt as though cannons had gone off in his ears. "_Omigodgeoffbridgeyandtrent! EEEEEEEE!_"

Bridgette had no time to look at the owners of the squealing voices before she was swarmed by them. She recovered from the impromptu glomp in time to see Katie and Sadie greeting Geoff in a manner that was quite unsafe for his hearing. The thinner BFFFL managed to form coherent words, unlike her larger friend. "_Oh my god_, I, like, totally didn't expect to meet you guys here! That armor makes you like _so_ cool, Geoff! Kinda makes you look like a hero or something!"

Sadie hooked Bridgette's arm from behind. "Bridge, there's some totally fetch shirts and stuff in the back! We should totally go there now!"

As her friend dragged Bridgette towards the back, Katie rushed over to the last member of the party. "Ohmigod, Trent, it's been too long! Wanna, like-"

"Uh, girls?" Bridgette wrenched herself from Sadie's grasp, wincing. "Sorry, but as much as we'd love to hang with you, we kinda have some important stuff to do."

The squealing ceased and Sadie's face fell. "Awww...what kind of stuff?"

"The kind of stuff that warrants death, perhaps?" With those chilling words, Geoff found a dagger pressed up against his throat. A stocky man with a scar running the length of his bald head sneered at him. "I seem to have overheard your broad saying something about killing Queen Heather. Got an explanation, or should I kill you right now, Chosen One?"

A crowd had gathered, forming a circle around the two. Geoff, about as calm as a hunted mouse, stammered out gibberish as the blade pressed closer. Storming out from the crowd, Bridgette barked, "Excuse me, but I'm pretty sure you misheard me. I said _nothing_ about the queen."

"Really. Then explain the armor. The fact that he matches accounts of the Chosen One. The fact that _you_ match descriptions of one of his allies. Prove to me that I didn't just 'mishear' you and I might let him live."

"Well, you did," Trent called from the crowd. He shoved his way forward. "We're bounty hunters from Terra Nova after the Chosen One. How about _you_ offer us proof, hm?"

"Insolent pup! Under what authority do you command me, the former supreme commander of Uturneos's military? I will do as I see fit. Cut the bullshit, you have one last chance."

"Let him go!" The command rang out and Katie stepped forth, the crowd melting away. Sadie watched, fidgeting, as Katie swatted the knife away. "_I _can tell you that these people mean no harm to the queen."

"Lady Katie, my apologies." The former soldier backed away. "I...I had no idea they were with you. I suppose I should inform you that the queen has an agent on Boney Island. I do not know what he's doing there, but the queen is not one to give orders without reason. Unless you think you'll encounter that damned insurgent, I'd say you're presence here, while welcome, is unneeded. Farewell."

He gave a short nod to Katie before disappearing into the crowd. Geoff, rubbing the spot where the dirk had pressed, started heading the opposite way. "Guys, I think we need to get going _now_."

Bridgette and Trent followed without a sound. Exchanging confused looks, Katie and Sadie followed out of curiosity. The larger of them called, "Wait, what's the rush?"

Geoff didn't look back. "I'll tell you when we're out of town."

* * *

Thirty odd soldiers, weapons drawn, had Harold and a panicking DJ surrounded. Enceladus lay at the nerd's feet, pathetic plastic casing in pieces. Behind them, thousands of civilians ringed the battlefield, anxious for a brief display of combat prowess. Sighing, Harold drew a katana. _No other way out, I suppose._ "So it's a battle you want, huh? You'll get no sympathy from me."

"You are one of the sages aligned with the Chosen One, yes?" A man stepped forward, spear at the ready. Harold's eyes narrowed at the man's armor; brighter than that of the others and laden with spikes. A gold emblem was etched into the chest plate. Either the commander or their strongest soldier. "And quite confident, it seems. But lay all hope to rest. We shall grant no quarter to enemies of the Ice Queen. Not that you expected any, yes? As supreme commander of the Uturn army, I shall best you myself. _En guard_!"

Harold readied the long blade. "May I have the honor of knowing your name before we duel?"

"You are an arrogant fool to ask the name of your superior, yes? Swine who serve our enemy do not deserve such an honor. Now, unless the civilian next to you wishes to die, he will move, yes? Now die, sage!"

DJ yelped and fell onto his behind as the commander planted the point of his weapon into the cobblestone and vaulted on it. Harold stood his ground as his foe came down, bring his spear around for the kill. The blade passed straight through Harold, who vanished in a puff of smoke. His real self faded into existence behind his enemy. "Oh, did I forget to mention I know many ninja techniques? Creating intangible clones of myself is quite simple, really."

"That's not a ninja tech…never mind. You dare make a fool of me? You will be struck down where you stand, yes?"

"You can try, but I'll have you know I already sliced through your armor while you were talking."

"You speak nonsense, _huh_?" In the blink of an eye, Harold seemed to vanish, reappearing behind the commander, katana poised as though he'd already slashed. The commander had just enough time to realize where his enemy had gone. Then his armor collapsed around him, cut clean by Harold's attack, and his draconian helmet flew threw the air, landing in the crowd. All without the sage moving from his pose. As various civilians fought over the helm like hyenas over a scrap of meat, the commander yelped as a chilly wind struck his body, now clothed only in boxers. Glowing red, the bald man gave as commanding of a glare as he could to his men. "You will kill him now, _yes_?"

He turned to flee, but his embarrassment grew as he stepped on Enceladus and slipped over the cylindrical weapon. No one in the crowd dared laugh as he collected himself and fled, spear in hand. The soldiers closed in and Harold sheathed his katana. He looked at DJ and asked, "Well? Gonna help?"

As soldiers shifted their aim to him, DJ exchanged looks with Bunny. Leaping to his feet, he grabbed Bunny by the legs. The rabbit stiffened, its metal-covered ears pointed straight ahead. By all accounts, it looked as if DJ was wielding a sword. "A'ight, Bunny, let's do this!"

Harold smirked as the soldiers advanced. "Well, then, I guess I should whip out the greatest of all ninja weapons." He pulled out twin discs hold together by string. Dangling the weapon in both hands, he spun the ends around, too fast for the eye to follow. "The nun-yo."

* * *

Geoff's brisk pace led them out of the empty streets of Saint Felicien in less then five minutes, but he didn't cease his march until Boney Island, covered by fog, appeared in the twilight. As soon as he slowed down, Bridgette was right beside him. "Geoff, Harold said not to leave town without him! Not to mention that we shouldn't be anywhere near Boney Island at night. What's-"

"Babe, I think Heather's man's after the orb. If we don't get there soon, we may lose our only chance to get it."

"Oh. _Crap_." As she sat down on a mossy boulder, Trent leaned against a tree. "But you left Enceladus with Harold. You're not actually thinking about fighting him without it…are you?"

Geoff pulled his hat further down, casting deep shadows over his face, and he started toward the island again. "Not just thinking about it, brah."

After staring at him for a moment, Bridgette gave a small chuckle. "Wow. If Courtney was here, she'd be gushing about you finally acting like the Chosen One."

"Well, yeah. I've nearly lost two buds already; I couldn't-"

"Waitwaitwaitwait. _You're _the Chosen One?" Geoff, Bridgette and Trent all turned to gawk at the awestruck Katie. Geoff brought himself next to his girlfriend and nudged her. "Uh…forget that they're following us?"

"They hadn't said anything in nearly an hour. I kinda forgot about them."

"Ohmigod, you, like, totally have to help us!" Katie, so in synch with her friend that two teared up at the exact same time, wailed. "The city guards are totally trying to send Sadie to work as a slave for Heather because they're too stupid to see that she's just as pretty as me!"

Trent cocked an eyebrow, hand resting the neck of his guitar. "Uh, why haven't they done it, then? We heard from Harold that…"

"The king's taken a liking to her," Sadie sobbed. "That's gotten her just enough power to stop their attempts, but…"

"But what if I'm not around and they catch her and kick her out and I never see her again and-"

"Katie! Calm down." Bridgette placed her hands on the hysterical girl's shoulders. "It's okay, we'll make sure that no one is sent to Heather."

She almost regretted her act of kindness when Sadie glomped her, squealing. "Oh, thankyouthankyouthankyou! EEEEEEEE!"

Once he was sure it was safe, Geoff uncovered his ears. "Uh, Sadie? You're kinda crushing my girlfriend."

"Oh. Sorry, Bridgette!" Bridgette, thinking that her ribs must have been crushed, tried to catch her breath. Katie turned to look at Geoff. "So, what's the plan?"

"Go to Boney Island for this orb thing." Geoff rubbed his chin. "Of course, I'm not sure how to get to an island without a boat…"

"Ooh, there's a town on the bay that has a ferry specifically for Boney Island! I could, like, probably talk whoever runs it into letting us on for free!"

"Cool, that…wait, a ferry only for Boney Island?"

Sadie looked up. "It's a bit of a tourist attraction. You know, whenever any tourists actually get in without, like, totally getting killed or something."

Trent yawned. "Well, if Geoff's sure about this..."

"Course I am. If that guy gets the orb, it's game over, man!" Geoff pulled the still-gasping Bridgette back to her feet. "Lead the way, Katie."

The journey to the port town Ganby was short and devoid of any randomly appearing monsters. By far the smallest town they'd seen, it was little more than a cluster of buildings on a boardwalk and a pier stretching across the water. They found an aging man sitting on the dock of the bay, watching the water with a wry smile. Katie stepped up to him. "Excuse me, these people, like, need to reach Boney Island. It's important and totally top-secret business for the king."

"Lady Katie, is it? For you and your party, I shall waive the fee." The ferryman gave her a toothless smile. "Karron at your service. Climb aboard."

* * *

"Unh...where am I?" Head pounding, Gwen opened her eyes. Her first sight was a tan-skinned girl with purple hair and what had to be the _creepiest_ damn smile ever. The girl took one second to process Gwen's awakening... "OMG, Gwen! I finally get to meet you! Just so you know, you were voted the third most awesome contestant on one of my fanblogs, only behind Duncan and Cody. Ooh, you know what would be super cute? If you and Duncan..."

As the girl rambled on, Gwen couldn't help but picture her as anything besides a hyperactive chihuahua on sugar. Which, considering her current migraine, was _not_ what she needed at the moment. Clamping a hand over the chatterbox's mouth, Gwen sat up. "I am _not_ awake enough for this. Where the _hell_ am I, who are you and what asylum did you escape from?"

The girl's eyes widened and Gwen braced herself..."_Oh my god, Gwen actually asked me about me_! _EEEEEEEEE_!"

And with that, she unleashed a suffocating bear-hug of bliss upon the unprepared goth. Gwen struggled against the constriction and choked out, "Let...go..._now_!"

It seemed that her demand went unheard; in fact, the vice-like grip seemed to grow tighter. Gwen placed her hands as close together as possible and began concentrating… "Unh…Sierra?"

The hug ended, leaving the goth gasping, and Sierra bounded over to another bed, this one holding a groggy tech geek. "Cody! I was so worried when I found you!"

"How'd I get here?" Cody sat up, shaking his head. "Wait…did you bring me here?"

"Uh-huh."

Cody, now fully awake, blanched. "_You know my password!_"

"Yep! Obviously, it's 'Gwen'. But _I_ have a better alternative…"

Cody blinked, looked at Gwen and whispered, "Help me. Please"

Rolling her eyes, the goth stood up with a sigh. She wanted to do anything _except_ communicate with the crazed fangirl. "So…Sierra, was it? I had a…friend with me. Where is he?"

Sierra released the 'comforting' hold she had on Cody and glanced back past her. "Ezekiel's in the other room. What happened to him?"

"Evil stuff. He needs a 'mystic' to cure him and…and now that I think about it, you look like you fit the bill."

"Yeah, she's one." Cody shuffled a couple inches away from Sierra. "At least, I think so. Every once in a while, she'll babble out some kinda prophecy; every single one has been right on so far."

"I do?" Sierra stared up at the ceiling, scratching her head. "I don't remember making any prophecies. An archenemy will evade notice by the slimmest of margins."

Gwen and Cody exchanged looks and the goth smirked. "Yep, I think I've found a mystic."

"Huh?" Looking even more confused, Sierra said, "But all I said was that I don't remember making any prophecies."

"And that I'd barely miss finding an enemy."

"…Um, no. I think I'd remember saying something like that. Unnatural metal forms the gates of life behind which the universe began and will end."

"There! You just made another…weirder one…I think."

"I did? But all I said was-"

Three metallic knocks interrupted her. Stretching, Cody stood up. "Oh crap, he's here already? Sierra, could you watch over Gwen?

As he left, Sierra said, "Okay! So, like, Cody doesn't know it yet, but I'm totally planning our marriage in two weeks! That's enough time to make him like me, right?"

Cody shuddered at those last words as the door slid shut behind him. Just the idea of living with her chilled him. Sure, in her less insane moments he could call her a friend, but the rest of the time. Shuddering again at the thought, he passed by Ezekiel's bed and pressed a button. The front door opened to reveal a tan-skinned teenager. "Hey, Al."

Fighting back his desire to smite the geek where he stood for the nickname, Alejandro returned the smile. "_¿Como estás?_ Is it ready?"

"Just finished it today." Leading Alejandro into the hut, he looked around the workshop. "Crap, I think I left it in the other room. Just a second."

Cody hustled into the room, inciting a shout of glee from Sierra and leaving Alejandro alone with a certain comatose prairie boy. Smirking, he wandered over to Ezekiel's makeshift cot, words of death dancing on his tongue. He placed a hand where his magic had been injected days beforehand. Just a little more, and Ezekiel would be beyond help. And if he could do it without being caught… "_Odi_-"

"Here you…" Cody trailed off as he reentered the room, a black pistol in hand. "Uh, what are you…"

"Just checking on him." Cursing the sage, Alejandro withdrew his hand and smirked. "He's a member of Geoff's group, _sí_? A shame I believed them enemies of Tofino, and even more of one to see their mage end up like this. If I could do anything to help, I would, you have my word. Now, I'll take it that's your laser gun prototype."

"Uh…yeah." Cody shook his head, clearing it of what he thought he'd saw. _Are you really who you seem to be?_ "Um...what do you need it for again? I mean, it's really unstable; one shot will probably make it explode in your hand, and I'm not even sure it'll work."

"Because I'm going after Heather myself, and I don't believe my powers to be sufficient." Alejandro took the laser gun and turned to leave. "As much as I respect the Chosen One's quest...I don't put much stock into fairy tales. Farewell, _amigo_."

As the front door slid shut, the one behind Cody opened to reveal Gwen, clutching her head with one hand and dragging Sierra by the wrist with the other. "Is there an off switch for your mystic's mouth?"

"None that I've found." But his eyes weren't on his crush; rather, they stayed focused on the door Alejandro had vanished through, wondering if he'd just made some grievous mistake.

* * *

The choking fog hanging over Boney Island blanketed the crimson ribs of trees jutting from sand the color of bleached bone. A cliff rose from the waters, the twin holes and multitude of cracks giving the appearance of a skeletal being watching over the bay. As the sun disappeared, it looked like a white light shone from one of the eye sockets of the skull motif. A boat drifted to a stop by the shore.

"I'll be waiting for ya here, then." Karron gave the mortified party a hearty wave as they stepped off the boat. Once he thought they were out of earshot, Geoff, wide-eyed, yammered, "I am never letting a creepy old man ferry me anywhere again!"

"Oh my god, I know!" Sadie, shivering, dropped to her knees. "I mean, did you guys, like, see his oar?"

"Oar?" Trent was the only one not shaking. "I thought that thing was a scythe!"

Bridgette shook harder at the thought. "Tell me about. And I did _not_ need to hear that story about…"

"Please don't remind us." Katie shook her head, trying to clear it. "I'm not gonna sleep for _weeks_!"

"Anything _I _can do to help?" The party turned to find the newcomer. Some stared harder than the rest as Justin, shirtless, walked up to them. "Ah, Geoff. Glad to see you, Chosen One. I'll take it you're here for the orb?"

"Uh…yeah." Geoff cast an uneasy eye on Bridgette, transfixed by the model, and approached him. "So…like, are you the sage or something? I kinda expected it be Noah."

"Yes, I am. And who said the sages need to be smart, hm? Noah's probably just too mean to be a good guy. Am I right, Trent?"

The scowling musician made no attempt to hide his contempt. "Yeah. Sure. Whatever."

If Justin noted the anger in Trent's voice, he didn't show it. "Well, then. The orb's on the other end of the island. Since this dank air can't be good for my skin, I'll be leaving soon. But you guys can handle yourselves, right?"

As he spoke, he drew next to the BFFFLs and stroked Katie's cheek. The excitable girl gave a truncated squeak and keeled over in a faint while her closest friend almost did the same. Justin blinked. "Oops. Forgot she does that when I get too close. Well, later."

And he vanished into the fog. Bridgette, looking like she had just broken out of a trance, knelt next to Katie. "Well, I'll just wake Katie and…"

"You don't actually believe that conniving bastard, do you?" Trent spoke with such harshness that the others (the awake ones, at least) jumped. "That guy…"

"What do you have against him?" Geoff grasped his hat as a strong wind blew past him. "I mean, yeah, he tried to be the second coming of Heather, but he never did anything to you…I think."

"He forced Gwen to throw the challenge and get booted from the show! He and Duncan are the reasons everything went wrong for me."

"_Sommeil_." After making sure that her spell had succeeded in waking Katie, Bridgette to him. "But that was after you and Gwen…broke…wait, you still were…"

Ignoring Katie's attempts to figure out how she'd blacked out, Trent nodded. "Yep. Never stopped liking her. But…well…she doesn't seem to feel the same way."

"Well, you did go, like, totally crazy for a while there," Sadie reminded him. He sighed. "Yeah, I know...I'd rather not dwell on this right now. I suppose you guys all believe him?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Totally."

"Like, _duh_."

"Not one bit." As they others turned to him in surprise, Geoff reasoned, "The guy doesn't exactly fit in with the other sages, dudes. I mean, seriously. Harold, Cody and _Justin_? That just doesn't add up."

"Does it have to be so predictable?" Sadie was still blushing. "And why would he be here if he wasn't the sage?"

"Because he's working for Heather. If he's not the sage, that's the only explanation." If Trent thought his declaration would be supported by Geoff, he was wrong. "Uh, dude, let's not go that far yet. Since we're kinda split on this, how about you four go grab the orb and go I spy on him? See what he's up to...what side he's on."

"Geoff? You're not exactly the stealth type," Bridgette said. "And why you, anyways? Why not me or Trent?"

"The dude has _powers_, babe. It's too risky to let you, Katie or Sadie follow him; it'd be too easy for him to, like, charm you into joining him or something. As for Trent...sorry, dude, but you've got too much beef with him. I have nothing against the guy and I'm pretty sure he can't charm me."

Bridgette just stared at him for several long moments. "...wow. That made a lot more sense than I thought it would. All in favor?"

Trent shrugged. "Any plan keeping that snake away from me is a good one in my book."

Katie and Sadie both nodded. Geoff smirked and turned to leave. "Okay, then. As soon as I figure out if he's on our side or not, I'll...eh, I'll find you guys some how."

"Wait, Geoff!" Katie ran up to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "What if, like, he finds and attacks you or something? You don't exactly have a weapon right now."

"Then I just won't get caught. Later, guys."

As he headed off into the mist, the rest of the party headed the opposite direction. Geoff didn't have to walk far before spotting Justin's frame in the fog. He sped up, not paying attention to anything but the male model...

"So, are you 'just visiting', too?"

Geoff stopped himself from shouting, but it was close. He turned towards the origin of the sound. Noah, seated on a rock with a book in his hands, glanced up. "Or perhaps you're here to play hero?"


	20. Act 7: Nightfall On Boney Island

**A/N: ...that was fast.**

**Nothing Total Drama belongs to me, and Trent's views on classic rock do not necessarily reflect my own.

* * *

**Chapter 20: Nightfall On Boney Island

Panting, Harold surveyed the street. Though awash in people, very few remained standing. Hysteria had broken out among the crowd after their supreme commander had been embarrassed; most had fled soon after. And it was good for their morale that they'd done so. Of the several hundred soldiers stationed in Saint Felicien, less than thirty remained in fighting condition. The rest had been soundly defeated by the sage, all either unconscious or disabled in some fashion.

Harold, on the other hand, had not a single scratch on him. Holstering his nun-yos, he pulled out a bo staff and struck a defensive pose, feet straddling Enceladus. DJ bumped his back against the sage's, Bunny by his side. Though not as well off as Harold, he'd managed to avoid any major damage. Knowing his situation was far more agreeable than those of the soldiers, he smirked. "Hey man, I think we got this one."

"I think you're right. Shall we finish this?"

"Heck yeah!"

"Then, with honor, let us end this!" They bolted in opposite directions. DJ shoulder rammed the first soldier who dared approach him while Bunny unleashed what looked like a dazzling array of martial arts, as impossible a thought as that was. Three soldiers were felled by his paw, and a fourth who figured the rabbit was easy pickings received a vicious uppercut to the jaw, debilitating him. DJ had no time to figure out how Bunny could have done such a thing; the next wave was already rushing to their inevitable defeat.

Harold smirked as, for the nth time, he vanished and reappeared behind the swarming soldiers. Two struck each other while the other three were brought down with two spins of the stick. "Too easy; the Inverse Ninja Law holds true once again."

"What might that be, sage?" An elder man with a scar crossing his head stepped forth, twirling a dagger in his hand. "Never mind that. I, former commander of Uturn forces Halford, will have the honor of smiting you, evildoer. Soldiers, kill his companion."

DJ yelped as the rest of the cadre of soldiers closed in on him and his rabbit friend, but Harold just returned Halford's smirk and swapped the staff for a pair of three-pronged dagger-like truncheons. "I, the ninja Harold McGrady, accept your challenge. And you know that your soldiers have no chance against DJ, right?"

"And why not?"

"When many faceless goons fight a single opponent, they are destined to lose."

Halford watched DJ hurl Bunny at a soldier. The rabbit, curled into a spiked ball, slammed into his head and ricocheted over to another goon, taking him out with what looked like a kick. Lips curling into a smirk, Halford noted, "I count two. Now, enough. Fall to the Razor Wind!"

He slashed at Harold from meters away. Reacting on instinct, Harold raised a sai as though to parry. The cold prongs had no effect on the wind that came, an invisible blade that drew a cut through Harold's mask. Now breathing slightly easier, the sage reversed his grip on one knife and charged. The man stabbed from afar and this time it struck Harold with the force of a bullet, throwing him several meters onto his back. Rising, Harold couldn't help but grin. "It seems you too have mad skills. You're certainly better than the supreme commander. Perhaps I should take this a bit more seriously. _Bunshin_!"

Several clones of Harold appeared, surrounding his enemy. Halford raised an eyebrow. "I wasn't aware ninjas possessed supernatural abilities. You are just a magic wielder masquerading as a ninja. Nevertheless, a fine trick…if I wasn't capable of _this_."

He spun, dagger extended, and sent a wave of the cutting wind all around him, slicing his adversary and blowing everyone else out of the road. All of the images of Harold faltered and vanished, leaving Halford alone in the middle of the thoroughfare. He snarled. "Where'd he-"

"Try this on for _size_!" Harold dropped from above, sai pointed down at Halford's head. The former soldier dodged, but Harold's second weapon struck as the sage landed. After blocking a stab to his stomach, Halford slashed into the sage's arm, releasing the Razor Wind as he did so. Lacerations broke out all the way down to Harold's hand and he cried out, sai dropping to the street, useless. "Dang! Gotta be…huh?"

He shrieked as the man's dagger slashed him from thigh to neck and then stabbed him in the chest. Harold stiffened up…and then he was gone, replaced by a log. As the wood split in half, Halford lowered his dagger, stunned. "Okay. That makes _no sense at all_. Did I even get you?"

Cradling his mangled arm, Harold stowed his sai and looked down from the roof of a shop. "Of course not! No one can even touch a ninja! Unless it's part of the ninja's plan, of course. I have this won."

Halford didn't have time to find the source of Harold's voice before three throwing stars descended upon him. He dodged, searching the rooftops for the ninja. Harold's head came up, followed by a trio of shuriken, and Halford slashed. The wind deflected the weapons and struck the sage. Smirking, Halford prepared another cut…Harold quivered and vanished while something heavy became entrenched in Halford's back. Wincing, he fell to his knees and pulled out the offending object; an angular knife. He grimaced. "So, reverting to cowardly techniques, it seems. Fight like a man!"

"Why? Ninjas are not bound to fight honorably. You have no chance of defeating me if I keep this up. _Bunshin_!" An army of Harolds rose, covering the surrounding buildings. Halford froze up as a torrent of stars rushed at him. Three dug into his shoulder while the rest dissipated upon contact. With an incoherent expression of rage, he slashed at each of the buildings in rapid succession even as shuriken continued to cut into him. Even as the clones vanished, more popped up to take their place.

"Great…DIVIDE!" With that final scream, Halford spun in place. A visible wave, white in the twilight, cut through the tops of buildings. As the shops and homes collapsed upon themselves, the images vanished. The hail of shuriken ceased and he stood alone, panting and wondering where the real Harold gone. Without warning, Harold appeared behind him and caught Halford's knife between the prongs of his sai. With a twist of the wrist, the dagger broke, its blade clinking against the marble street. Harold delivered a punch to the solar plexus that threw Halford back into the rubble. He struggled to rise to his feet despite the metal blades impaling his legs. "It seems you win, ninja. End it, but know that your deceitful ways will be your undoing."

Harold chuckled and stepped away. "Sorry, but I'm not exactly into killing. Besides, you are truly a great rival. I'll let you live today so that we may battle once more."

"…fool. That kind of thinking will get you killed in this world." Unarmed, Halford made his way towards the towering castle in the center of Saint Felicien. "Men, try to kill him. Not that you can…wait, where are they?"

DJ and Bunny emerged from an alleyway, somewhat worse for the wear. DJ yawned. "Wow, that was actually kinda easy. Don't know why I was afraid at first; they really didn't seem too well trained."

Halford stared at the knight for three seconds and bolted. Chuckling, Harold grabbed Enceladus and approached his friend. "Well done, Sir Devon. We sure make an awesome team. Now, what do you say we go meet up with Geoff and the others? I just hope they didn't decide to go to the island without us."

"Don't worry man, they'd never do that. Especially this close to nightfall."

* * *

Geoff, still trying to figure out how he'd failed to spot Noah, shrugged. "Playing hero, I guess…wait, what are you doing here?"

Rolling his eyes at Geoff, Noah resumed reading. "Clearly, I'm here for the scenery."

"Uh…"

"Sarcasm. Look into it. Now what are you here for?"

Geoff glanced back into the fog. Justin was nowhere to be seen. "Well, I was kinda trying to follow Justin…"

Setting aside the novel, Noah sighed. "And why would you follow that idiot?"

"Well, I'm the Chosen One and he said he's one of the sages…"

"A Chosen One without Enceladus and the Anti-Me implying he has a brain…right, and I'm a toucan." Noah stood up, looking quite unhappy about doing so. "Whatever. Can I assume you're trying to figure out if Justin's a sage?

Under Noah's hawk-eyed scrutiny, it was all Geoff could do to stammer out, "Um, yeah."

"Pro-tip; Anti-Me is about as trustworthy as a tabloid magazine."

"You read those?"

"_Not the point_." After intensifying his glare for a moment, Noah shrugged and opened his book once more. "Well, whatever. Go have fun with your spy mission, 'hero'. By the way, your shirt practically screams 'I don't know what stealth means'. Consider removing it, if for no other reason than to spare my eyes agony. _Adieu_."

Noah made a shooing motion and smoke, almost indiscernible from the fog, billowed out from beneath his feet, shrouding him. Once it faded, no trace of him remained. Confused, Geoff glanced around. He shrugged when no bookworm was spotted. "Noah? Huh, oh well…"

Relegating Noah's advice concerning his shirt to the back of his mind, he trudged across the beach where he last saw Justin. It didn't take long for him to spot the model's silhouette, crouched. Ducking behind a spiny bush, Geoff crept along as silently as he could, catching whispers of conversation. Justin glanced up at the bush and, seeing nothing in the fog, resumed speaking. "It's nothing, Your Majesty. Probably just the wildlife."

Leaning in, Geoff thought he heard a voice reply, too quiet to make out. Justin flinched and said, "No, I haven't obtained it yet. It's kinda dangerous climbing up to it, and the world couldn't bear a scar on my face…"

Closer now, Geoff jumped at the same to as his quarry as a shriek rose up from somewhere around Justin's knees. Frowning, Geoff tried to lean in closer. That voice sounded quite familiar…Justin seemed to decide he'd had enough of the yelling. "Okay, okay, geez! I'll go grab the orb in a minute. Don't worry, Milady, it isn't in danger. I managed to mislead Geoff's group-"

"_Geoff's _there? You idiot, go grab it _now_! We can't afford to let him get it."

_Heather_. Geoff frowned and reached for his sword. Only after grabbing thin air did he remember Harold that had it. He sighed and tiptoed away, staying low to keep Justin from spotting him, leaving the model to be berated by the evil queen. As he passed the rock Noah had been perched on, the bookworm phased into being before him. "Well?"

Tripping and falling to the sand in surprise, Geoff spat out a mouthful of the coarse grains. "Justin's working with Heather and knows where the White Orb is."

Roll of eyes…"Shocking. Never would've guessed. Planning on doing anything about it?"

Pulling himself back up, Geoff brushed sand off his shorts. "Well, Bridge and the others are looking for the orb right now..."

"And just where are they searching?"

"Justin said that the orb was on the other end of the island…"

Annoyed stare, followed by a facepalm… "And you listened to him. Wonderful. This island's about to become a circle of hell, your friends are headed into something I doubt they can deal with and your nemesis is about to get her hands on the orb. You really screwed the pooch this time, buddy."

Blanching, Geoff took an uneasy step back. "Wait…what's on the other end of the island?"

* * *

"Ohmigosh, Sadie, can you believe someone as totally gorgeous as Justin is the sage?"

"Eeeeee, I know! He's so totally hot! Don't you agree, Bridgette?"

"Huh?" Bridgette, wincing, unplugged her ears and looked back. "Oh, yeah, sure, I guess…"

"I don't get what you see in him." Trent, scowling harder than ever, surged ahead of the twins. "Guy's a total jerk and definitely not as good-looking as he thinks he is."

To say Katie and Sadie didn't take that well would be an understatement. Matching glares dug into Trent's back and Katie came to a halt. "Whatever, you're just jealous."

"Not now, guys." Bridgette, at the front of the group, slowed down. "I see something."

Having gone around a rocky bend, a massive shadow appeared in the mist. Forty feet long, the creature rose and flapped a pair of wings, blasting the party with wind. Trent ducked down, gripping his guitar. "What _is_ that?"

"Oh, _that_." Katie skipped ahead, Sadie right behind her. "That's just the Pearl Goose."

"That…really doesn't tell me anything. Is it dangerous?"

"Only if you attack it. But isn't it beautiful?" Once they were closer, they found the creature to indeed be a gargantuan, long-necked bird with snow-white feathers and beak. It eyed them and honked, louder and more painful than either twin's shrieks. Despite the headache she received from the noise, Sadie grinned. "See? It says hi."

"Really?" Trent, thrown back from the sonic force, pulled himself up from the dirt and felt his cheek. His hand came back with a red smear. "I interpreted that as 'go away'."

Bridgette shook her head and healed Trent's cut. "I thought you said it was only dangerous if we attacked it."

Whatever Katie had to say in return was cut off by another squawk, this one throwing everyone to the ground. Trent was the first to his feet. "Well, looks like it's ticked. Stay back, I'll take care of it."

The unasked question of how he would take down the titan with a guitar was answered right away. Fingers settling on select spots, he strummed up and down the strings of his instrument, playing a serene—and quite familiar—arpeggio. After several seconds of nothing happening to the bird, Bridgette asked, "So, how is playing Led Zeppelin gonna defeat the Pearl Goose?"

"Simple. I'm trying to bore it to sleep so we can slip in and grab the orb."

"What?"

"_What_?"

"HONK!"

A sonic boom rolled over the party again, throwing the guitar out of Trent's hands. Katie didn't even wait to get up before yammering. "Why were you playing the greatest song ever to bore something to sleep? I mean, I haven't actually heard the entire song, but everyone says it's the best ever, so…"

She went momentarily deaf as the Pearl Goose's klaxon wail sounded again. Almost blacking out from pain, Bridgette groaned and tried to stand. "Unh…well, it's clearly hostile. Trent, you're supposed to be a good fighter. Got anything besides putting it to sleep?"

"Yeah. Just let me get my guitar and…"

"Nah, we got it." Sadie gripped the top of Katie's head in one hand. "Just give us some support."

Katie glowed white, brighter and brighter until no details were visible. Her form shifted, thinning out while lengthening. Her head become a cylinder, her feet merged into a single point and when the light dissolved, Sadie held a ten-foot saber in her hand. She gave her comrades a cheery grin that did not fit her choice of weaponry in the least. "Did we mention we're not too bad in a fight? Fighting's kinda a bummer, though…"

Another honk, and her smile faded. "Oh, that's _it_. I'm, like, so totally tired of that sound already. Hee-yah!"

She charged, faster than she had any right to be. The bird unfurled its wings and leaned in, mouth opened for another cry. It never got the chance; harsh chords sounded as Trent played his guitar; with each flick of his wrist, waves of sonic energy rattled the bird. Its heaven-bound screech contained none of the repelling power of its honks, and it leaned back as Trent's assault continued. Sadie took advantage of its moment of vulnerability and hacked at it, producing a red line across its breast. The beast stretched its neck and roared, drowning out the guitar...and took off towards the setting sun, leaving behind a crater that seemed to have served as a nest of sorts. Katie shone white once more and transformed back to her normal self, sweating. "Oh, wow, forgot how...different that feels. Sadie, you totally kicked butt!"

As the two squealed, Bridgette looked Trent over. "I'm not even gonna ask about their abilities. That's just _too_ weird." Finding no visible injuries, she headed towards the hole in the ground. "Not that using songs as weapons is normal, either, but at least it has nothing to do with nine."

Trent followed her, strapping his guitar against his back. _Okay, not telling her what chord I was playing_. "Hey, girls? The orb?"

The squeal-fest come to a close and Katie wiped her brow. "Oh, right. You know, I, like, can't believe how easy that goose was."

Sadie nodded. "Oh my gosh, I know. _Way_ easy."

Rolling his eyes, Trent descended the crater to find, among a rabble of random garbage, a single white sphere. Dull from spending its time in a mudhole, it pressed in slightly when he grabbed it. "Huh, kinda sticky. Hey Sadie, wanna hold it? You did strike the last blow."

"Yes!" She ran down the slope, somehow keeping her balance, and retrieved the ball, not even noticing it stretch a bit. "Oh, thank you so much, Trent! You're so sweet."

As Sadie gushed, Bridgette watched the skies where the Pearl Goose had flown. It was no longer there. Nor was the sun, having slipped behind the ocean. Reasoning that the bird must have just changed direction, she pointed towards Karron's ferry, unable to shake her feeling of dread. "Hey guys, we'd better get back. It's just about nightfall."

As they headed back, a great many things stirred meters below their feet.

* * *

He returned to consciousness in degrees, feeling pain running through his body before anything else. It took a few minutes before his hearing returned to the sounds of what may have been an argument. Regardless of what the two girls were talking about, he didn't care at the moment. He rested, as though asleep, until he regained movement. Ezekiel's eyes fluttered open to the sight of a scrap metal ceiling and two girls with unnatural hair colors. Gwen noticed first. "Well, Sierra, guess you did manage to revive him. Told you."

The other girl, whom Ezekiel did not recognize, looked confused. "But I didn't do anything. Unless it was when I wore his hat…"

If Ezekiel could have, he would have protested a stranger taking his hat. Gwen rolled her eyes. "Look, I told you. You were in the middle of one of your crazy, kinda creepy stalker ramblings. Then you suddenly started speaking another language that _might_ have been Latin and you put your hand on Ezekiel and made him glow purple. The spider web thing in him went away, and now he's waking up."

"But I didn't do any of that! All I was saying was that Ezekiel should totally try to hook up with Heather! Right, Cody?"

The tech geek came into view. "Actually, Gwen's right, Sierra. And personally, I don't see why you'd want those two together. Hey, Zeke."

"Mmph." Ezekiel wished he hadn't made any sound at all as Sierra focused her attention on him. "Oh, hi...um, are you still sexist? Cause I have nothing to say to you if you are. It's weird, despite all my viewings of the first season special, I never could figure out if you were just trying to..."

"Considering Bridgette and Courtney both seemed quite concerned about him, I would say no, he isn't." Gwen blew a stray hair out of her face. "And personally, I think everyone really overreacted to his comments."

Sierra's eyes widened. "But he said-"

"I know what he said."

"...You weren't offended?"

"Not really."

"I...I..." After a sharp cough, Ezekiel croaked, "I...got those ideas...from..."

Gwen nodded. "Yeah, from your dad. I figured that. Don't try to talk for a bit." Glaring at Sierra, she added, "And _you_, don't go crazy stalker on him just yet. Hey, by the way Cody, who came by earlier?"

Cody shrugged. "Just this guy that the former king brought on. He says he's going to try to bring down Heather. Why?"

"Sierra said something about just missing Geoff's enemy...is there any chance the guy's name is Alejandro?"

Before Sierra could remind everyone that none of her prophecies were ever said, Cody nodded. "Yeah. How did you know?"

Ezekiel beat Gwen to the punch. "That's the guy who did this to me, eh!"

* * *

Watching a bird fly away from the island, a scowling Noah came to a stop next to the skull cliff, surprising Geoff. "Uh, dude, we're not there yet. Shouldn't we-"

"They're safe for the next twenty minutes." Drawing a sigh, Noah leaned back against the rock face. "After that, we're all probably gonna die. By the way, one of the other sages said he'd accompany the Chosen One here in the morning. If you're supposed to be the hero, why isn't he with you and why'd you come here at night?"

"Yeah, Harold told us to wait for night and go with him. But we got split up and we heard from some guy that Heather had someone on the island, so..."

"So you went ahead. Without Enceladus or Harold." Noah nodded, folding his arms. "Well, at least you aren't totally stupid...I guess..._oh gods_."

"What's wrong, man?" He turned to follow Noah's stare. Coming up the path were Bridgette, Trent and the twins, Sadie with an orb in her hand. "It's just my party. And it looks like they found the orb, too!"

Katie perked up when she saw them. "Eeee, hi, Noah! What're you doing here?"

Waving the sphere, Sadie joined her in sprinting towards them. "Look, we got the orb and Trent let me hold it! It's kinda sticky, though..."

Taking a look at the white object waving before him, Noah rolled his eyes. "That's not the orb, genius."

"Oh? Then what is it?"

"Droppings from the Pearl Goose." Sadie stared, mortified. She shrieked and flung the ball as hard as she could; it came inches from braining Bridgette. The surfer shook her head and scowled. "Seriously? Justin told us the orb was there. Maybe we just didn't-"

"Justin's working for Heather, babe." Geoff walked over to her. "Sorry. Trent was right."

"Told you he was a snake." If Trent was satisfied by his judge of character, he didn't show let it show. "But then, who's the sage?"

Noah gave a sarcastic wave. "Okay, Trent, think hard on this one. Who lives on this island, is not actively furthering a megalomaniac's bid for world domination and was able to immediately identify something as not being the orb? Was it Geoff? No. Was it...Bridgette? No. Was it-"

His storm of sarcasm was cut off by Katie glomping him. "Oh, this is so totally awesome! You're the sage, eeeeeee!"

Bridgette nudged her boyfriend. "Should we help him?"

"Nah. Dude needs a girlfriend. Should help him lighten up a bit."

Freeing himself from Katie's death-grip, Noah, red-faced, glared at him. "Sorry, but 'obstreperous' is hardly a trait I look for in a girl. Now I suggest we all get serious lest we die horribly in fifteen minutes. Now, does anybody remember seeing a white glow coming from the island's eye?"

"Ooh, I did!" Shock gone, Sadie reverted to her normal, bubbly personality in a heartbeat. "What about it?"

Bridgette smirked. "The orb's there, right?"

Leaning his head back, Noah gave an exaggerated sigh of relief. "Thank you. At least someone in your party is capable of thinking. Follow me."

As the know-it-all marched towards the front of the cliff, Geoff raced over to catch up. "So, you do believe I'm the Chosen One?"

"You knew Harold was the sage, I doubt you have ill intentions and no offense, but I don't think you're smart enough to deceive me."

Geoff pursed his lips. "...none taken."

Noah came to a sudden halt and sat down cross-legged. "Alright, gather around and I'll tell you how to get up to the orb."

"Noah?" Trent stopped by his side, appraising the cliff. "That eye is about a hundred feet up! You got a teleporting spell or something?"

"I do, but its use is...shall we say, limited." Pulling out a rolled-up scroll, Noah allowed himself a smirk. "Besides, I could use a laugh. Featherweight."

After being yanked open, the scroll dissolved in violet fire, ashes spreading over the party. For the briefest speck of time, they glowed purple. Then...nothing. Trent blinked, raising an eyebrow. "Uh...and that was...what?"

"Featherweight. In case you can't decipher that word, your bodies are now a fraction of their normal weight, but your muscles have lost no strength. Thus, you can easily jump up the cliff."

Looking dumbstruck for a moment, Trent shook his head and growled, "What, are you joking? We're supposed to _jump_ up there?"

Katie nodded, less incensed. "I thought your magic was, like, gonna be cool, Noah."

Noah shrugged. "Practical's better than flashy and no, I'm not joking. I suppose if we had time, you could scale to the top of the cliff and climb down, but you'd best be off this island in ten minutes, so...Geoff, you're up. You only have one shot at this, by the way, and I'm out of Featherweight scrolls."

"Wait, why am I first?"

Noah stared at him. "Look, hero, we're running out of time. Either jump now, or I'll force you to leave the island until morning and hope Justin doesn't get his hands on the orb."

"Sure, I guess. Just don't see why..." Letting his protests die, Geoff eyeballed the gap in the rocks. He took off running and jumped. Sure enough, he found himself flying higher and higher, watching as tree tops passed below him. Smiling, he looked up at the cliff...just before crashing into the rock a meter below the hole and sliding off. The others winced as he splashed into the bay. Noah, snickering, said, "Okay, whoever's next, _don't_ make a running start. And make it snappy, what with there being about eight minutes left and all."

As Geoff pulled himself from the bay, the other four made their leaps, each managing to enter the opening. As they landed at about the same time, a figure turned to them, White Orb in hand. Justin smirked. "Well. This is interesting."

"You meanie!" Katie placed her hand on Sadie's head while Trent drew his guitar and stepped towards the model. "You lied to us and made Sadie hold bird crap! I'm gonna blow you up if you don't give us that orb!"

"Oh dear, that won't do." Justin placed a hand on his hip as Sadie glowed white. "I guess I'll just quietly..._do this_."

And he grinned. A flash of light emitted from the smile, filling the cave. When it faded, he saw Trent had covered Bridgette's eyes. Katie and Sadie, on the other hand, both held blissful emptiness in theirs. Justin, chuckling, tucked the orb into a pocket. "Ladies? Kill them."

The twins nodded and Sadie completed her transformation...into a mass of steel mounted on Katie's shoulder. Trent's high-pitched scream was drowned out as the cannon fired a burst of explosives, bringing the back of the cave down. Having just dodged the blast, Trent shot straight to his feet, bringing his guitar out. Katie turned to Bridgette, pressed against the cave's edge in terror. Before she could fire again, Trent strummed his instrument, the sonic shock paralyzing Katie. More of the ceiling fell and the thinner twin was stunned for the moment. Seeing that Justin had escaped, Trent swooped over, grabbed the surfer and jumped out of the cave. Bridgette shook off her fright. "Thanks for the save, but _why did you jump_! Justin had a zip line set up, we could have just used that!"

"Didn't see it, sorry. Besides, this makes for a more dramatic rescue."

She scowled. "Who cares about drama? All that matters is that we chase down Justin and get the orb back!"

"Like I said, sorry. And why haven't we hit the-"

The landed in the bay, water splashing halfway up the cliff. As they surfaced, they heard a familiar voice. "Dudes, what gives? And where's Katie and Sadie?"

Bridgette spat out salt water. "Brainwashed by Justin and on their way down. Did you see Justin?"

Geoff shook off the water like a wet dog. "Yeah, he took off towards shore. I'll go...move!"

Bridgette grabbed Trent and swam away just before Katie crashed into the water, soaking Geoff further. Her charge submitting to her superior swimming skills, Bridgette dragged herself and Trent to shore while Katie struggled to keep with them. Before Bridgette could say anything, Geoff had a hand on her shoulder. "Go get that orb, babe. I'll try to snap them out of it."

"But you don't have a weapon!"

"Which is why I have no business going after Justin." He gave her a reassuring smile. "Don't worry 'bout me, Bridge. I'll be fine."

* * *

Harold crouched over the moist ground, studying the myriad of footprints despite the absence of light. He sighed, figuring the worst possible situation had come to pass. Unless DJ had good news...

The knight came back, stroking Bunny. "Hey. No sign of 'em, man."

Sighing, Harold waved DJ over. "Well, I've found two pairs of tracks that I'm pretty sure are from Geoff's and Bridgette's sandals. Your conclusions?"

"Fools went to Boney Island without you or Enceladus."

"I'm afraid so. Your suggestion?"

"...wait 'til the morning so we don't encounter any scary monsters and hope they're still alive?"

"No. We be brace, Sir Devon! To Boney Island! For not just my sake, nor yours, nor even Geoff's, but the sake of the entire world!"

DJ sighed. "Why me?"

* * *

Justin smiled, bringing out the orb to observe it and paying no mind to the sounds of subterranean scratching. "Well, that was too easy. Almost doesn't feel right..."

"It's never that easy, Anti-Me." Justin turned to face Noah. The sage drew a scroll. "Fighting you is rather bothersome, but it's preferable to letting your queen plunge this world into darkness. Flare."

White flames doused Justin, dropping him to his knees. The model coughed, pocketing the orb once more. Despite the burns, he smirked. "Should have known the nerd would show up. If you were more social, you may have beat me to the orb. But you didn't, and frankly...you don't stand a chance. And Heather's not my queen."

"Really. And you're helping her because..."

"Oh, it's not really her I'm helping. Let's just say that I serve...a higher authority."

Noah rolled his eyes for what must have been the millionth time that day. "Right. Let me guess, your true master requires you rip off lines from video games?"

"Huh?" Justin shook his head and turned his back. "Whatever, it doesn't matter. You can't kill me (I think), so all I have to do is..._where's my boat_?"

"Ya reap what ya sow, eh lad?" An old man appeared from thin air before the model, holding a bladed oar. "Name's Karron. May remember me as the helpless old man ya stole a boat from. I don't 'preciate thieves, so I sank your boat. And now...I'm not quite so helpless now, hm?"

Justin stepped back, frightened for the first time since entering servitude to Heather. "You sank my boat? But...but don't you know what happens at night on Boney Island?"

Noah chuckled, hollow. "I do, actually."

Skeletal hands burst from beneath the ground. "The living dead rise to kill intruders."


	21. Act 7: For Dead

**A/N: For once, there was a reason for the delay; new story! It's something along the lines of a TDI/Mega Man crossover for those who may be interested. **

**I own nothing that I don't own.  
**

* * *

Chapter 21: For Dead

As green plasma collected in the soaked Sadiecannon's hollow cone, Geoff stepped back, holding his hands before him. "Don't do this, Katie. You can break that dude's hold, I know you-"

He screamed as the gun loosed its deadly discharge. Although he dived out of the way, the blast pelted him with sand and gravel. As he tried to rise, something cold as ice gripped his ankle. A hand of bone, covered by a patchwork of rotting flesh, protruded from the earth, keeping the unarmed Chosen One down. Several more hands rose, a forest of skeletal digits, and their bodies soon followed. The scent of decayed flesh permeated the fog coating the island as long-dead bodies rose from the depths.

Wrenching free of the zombie's grip, Geoff just had time to stand before three more grabbed him, skeletal smiles unhinging to snap at him. Two chomped on his armor, but the third got the side of his neck. More swarmed over to him, fresh-spilled blood acting like as a beacon. As the bony mass engulfed him, Geoff felt more half-skeletal hands grip his ankles and pull him down. As he sank into the earth, he caught one glance of Katie charging up Sadie again. He braced himself, hoping she was still following Justin's orders. _Oh man, this gonna suck..._

It did. The green burst lanced into the skeletal crowd and exploded. He was blown back, his armor bursting into shrapnel. However, it did obliterate every zombie that had been clinging to him. After colliding with and snapping a tree in half, Geoff struggled to his feet, seeing about ten Katies before him. He tried to shake off the dizziness even as more zombies rose, one particular fiend darting straight for him. Noting that it moved much faster than movies would have him believe, Geoff lashed out. His fist took off the zombie's lower jaw and twisted its neck around, but didn't deter it in the slightest. Icy fingers slashed his face while a hand latched onto his three. Geoff had no trouble snapping its hands right off due to their lack of sinew, but another one bit him from behind. Knocking it off with an elbow, he hurried away, fleeing towards the shore.

A scream sounded from the fog, and Geoff's startled jump was all the delay he needed to be grappled by a zombie again. Pulling free of the moist grip, he turned back to find Katie flailing in a mob of revenants. Racing through the forest of rising to grab an ankle, he a ploughed a fist through the masses and found Katie's wrist. "Don't worry, girl, I got ya!"

Katie's bleeding face emerged for a moment. "Geoff! Get back!"

"Huh-_guh_." A zombie grabbed him from behind and jabbed the back of his neck. His body locked up, muscles entering a state of total paralysis, leaving him helpless against the gluttonous ghoul…and unable to brace himself from the green glow building up in the Sadie-cannon. _Oh crap…_

The blast went off, exploding right between him and Katie. When he opened his eyes, Geoff found himself staring into the blank night sky, something flowing down his face. Feeling returning to his body, he sat up and wiped off the stream of blood. If any undead had not been obliterated, they were hidden by the fog. Sadie, no longer an energy gun, sat up, rubbing her head. "Ow…where am I? The last thing I remember is…oh my God, Katie, are you alright?"

"Yeah, I think so," Katie groaned. Having been at the center of the explosion, she'd fared the worst; burn marks adorned her face and one eye looked as though the eyelid had melted shut. "You okay, Geoff?"

Geoff, head ringing, nodded and trudged over to her. "Yeah, don't worry 'bout me. Thanks for the save."

Katie nodded and fell back. "What's going on, though? The last thing I, like, remember was seeing Justin in the cave…"

"He kinda hypnotized both of you and escaped. Then zombies popped out of the ground." He offered each girl a hand. "Come on, we gotta go. At the very least, we need to got off this island before any more-"

A fleshless hand jutted out of the soil to clasp Geoff's ankle, and the party boy screamed and fell back, accidentally taking the limb with him. Shuddering, he tossed the arm to the side while the zombie's flailing did nothing to extricate itself from the earth. "Oh my god, we're gonna die!"

A hand gripped his shoulder and he squawked, turning to see the not-so-rotten face of Sadie, glowing white. "Put your hand on Katie's head! Trust me!"

As Sadie's features disappeared and something began to weigh down on his shoulder, Geoff followed her order. Katie glowed white as well, transforming into a sword. Once the transformations were complete, Geoff checked out his new weaponry and turned to the emerging zombies. "On second thought, maybe we're not totally-"

* * *

"Screwed. We're totally screwed. I blame Anti-Me." Noah backed behind Karron and Justin as an army of zombies rose from the ground. In spite of his fear, Justin smirked. "Wouldn't it be more appropriate to say that we're b-"

"Don't even make that horrific pun. My sanity is at its limit already." Noah crouched, feeling the scrolls on his belt and trying to decided which one would be most effective. Karron kept his eyes on the legions as he said, "Ya live here, aye? What do ya do ta survive the night?"

"Stay in my hut and read. So I guess we fight our way back to the top of the cliff. Now listen, these monsters aren't the lovable green things you see in movies."

Justin whipped around, scandalized. "Lovable! They maim faces! I couldn't live with-"

"Yes, yes, scarring faces is a much worse sin than eating brains, I know. Anyways, not only will they try to eat you, they can paralyze with a touch and will try to grab you from below and pull you under." A pair of hands grabbed his ankles and Noah facepalmed. "Like so. Now, I have the only key to my hut, so one of you might wanna-"

Karron sliced the hands and Noah kicked them away. "Thanks. Now listen. Justin, you lead. Old guy, you take the rear."

"Or," Justin said, heading back towards the shore, "instead of dying trying to get through these ugly things, we can just sail away. Or, at least, I can. Laters."

"Seismic Shift." Noah's scroll pulled the ground Justin was standing backwards. "If you wanna get killed while making preparations, you can do it after you give us the orb. Now, mush."

"I'm not a sled dog-"

"_Mush_!" Justin took an uncertain step forward, and the zombies, who had been standing still, took that as the signal to advance. As the wall of putrid beings came forward, Justin yelped and tried to hide behind Noah. "Dude, this isn't cool! Why do I have to be first?"

"Because while I have my scrolls and oldie has his oar…axe…thing, all you have is mind control. And I'm sure that would work wonders on half-decayed brains. You're the meat shield."

A hand pushed Justin ahead and he stumbled into the swarm of zombies. As he fell into their arms, he froze up; not from their touch but rather the knowledge that his face would soon be ruined forever. A bright flash exploded in the center of the congregation, scalding him but blasting the zombies into pieces. As he snapped out of fear's paralytic grip, a condescending voice berated him from behind. "Good job. Running unarmed into a group of hungry revenants is a display of tactical brilliance not even Sun Tzu could match."

"You pushed me!" Justin rose and turned to snap at Noah. "You shoved from behind right into those things!"

Noah raised an eyebrow. "Yes, Justin, I managed to push you from behind despite standing in front of you."

"That'd be me, coward." Karron stepped between the teens, hacking apart a zombie. "Now listen, both'a ya. Stop fightin' right now, or we'll never survive this. Got it?"

Noah exchanged annoyed looks with Justin and sighed. "Sure. I suppose. Follow me."

* * *

"_Blessure_!" Trent gasped as Bridgette's spell wiped away his bite marks. Gripping the moist guitar, he strummed a few chords, letting the sonic waves blow the zombies back. Back to back with Bridgette, he said, "This isn't gonna work. My guitar isn't exactly meant for bludgeoning skeletons."

"It's gonna have to do." It was all Bridgette could do to fend off the zombies with her overpriced stick. The cost to her jacket was great, but at least she hadn't succumbed to the droves yet. "We just have to hang on and hope either Geoff or Noah find us."

Trent hacked at a ghoul, crushing its ribs and blowing it to the side. "And if they don't?"

Bridgette didn't have an answer for him. A zombie got past her frantic whacking frenzy and she focused on keeping herself healed until Trent could take it down…except she felt numb. As her muscles locked up and the shattered branch fell from her hands, she tried to call out to the guitarist, but her jaw refused to move. The breath of the dead washed over her face as the zombie moved in for the kill…

Something exploded, and she was face-down in the dirt, the paralysis gone. She groaned, shook of the daze and looked up. Various bits of animated corpses littered the ground. Rushing to her aid was Geoff, armed with a saber and shoulder-mounted cannon. "Geoff…? Where'd you…"

He leaned down next to her for a hug. "You alright, babe?"

She nodded. "Yeah…I think so."

A zombie popped in right between them and Geoff wound up hugging the undead monster rather than his considerably warmer girlfriend. He shrieked and stepped back, cutting it in two with the blade. Behind him, Noah gave a slow clap. "Beautiful display of affection there, Geoff. Okay, we've got to get to the top of the cliff before we become zombie food. Now, where are the Wonder Twins?"

Geoff brandished his sword and tapped the cannon on his shoulder. "Got 'em."

"And they can't drive me insane from that state. Perfect. Okay, everyone stay close. We're gonna travel in a diamond formation. Bridgette, keep us healed and stay in the middle. Trent, stay beside her and protect her. Geoff, you're the most heavily armed, so take the rear. Justin, you're the meat shield, so you take the fore. Old guy and I will take the sides. Now…Beacon. Mind Meld."

After Noah unraveled two scrolls in quick succession, Geoff watched a bright yellow ball of light form and rise, hovering just above the cliffside hut. And all of a sudden, he could feel the intents and emotions of six others; he sensed where Bridgette planned to step next, Justin's displeasure at being at the front of the party, Noah's satisfaction at the varying states of wonder, even Katie's and Sadie's perpetual excitement. Concentrating on Bridgette's…signal, for lack of a better word, he his mind was flooded by half-words in her voice. He turned to Noah. "Dude…what is this?"

Noah's mouth didn't move; instead, Geoff heard his message in his mind. _Mind Meld. Your minds are now connected, and so we will be able to help anyone who gets grabbed by an unseen ghoul or something. If you concentrate hard enough, you can almost hear each others' thoughts. And no, Geoff, you simpletons can't even begin to comprehend how to use telepathy. Don't even try._ Geoff snapped his fingers. "Darn."

_Now, we'd better move right_. The rest of the party towards the cliff at the same time as Noah. _That beacon's our only light, but…the zombies are kinda attracted to light. We might wanna move_.

Following Noah's mental prodding, Justin lead the group to small rocky ramp at the mountain's base. Crawling with zombies, of course. Two shots from Geoff cleared them, although it attracted several more. Geoff readied the Katiesaber, prepared to hold the slope, but the ghouls stopped a few meters away, mouths clicking. The clicking sound resonated all over the base of the mountain. Noah frowned. _Well, looks like they overcome individual weakness in some other way besides sheer numbers_.

Though still displaying a façade of confidence, everyone could tell that Trent was shaken a bit by Noah's 'words'. "Uh, what? They're just, like…I don't know, what are they doing?"

_Through whatever unholy bastardization of necromancy created these things, they seem to be cognitive enough to not just speak, but understand the concept of strategy. In short, they might be smarter than Justin._

"Okay, dude, that wasn't funny the first time, it isn't funny now." After getting over his indignation, Justin grasped what Noah had just said. "Wait, you're saying that _undead_ can think? Their brains have rotted! Everyone knows that zombies can't think."

_Which means they're not your typical Hollywood zombies, genius. They could be liches, but I doubt that; those typically know how to use magic. And don't tend to be out en masse. Therefore..._

"They're skeletons!" Trent's proclamation earned him odd looks from everyone, including the undead. "What? Most of them don't have much flesh. It's not perfect, but…"

"That makes no sense, lad." A zombie popped up next to Karron and the old man grabbed it by the head and shoved it in front of Trent. The beacon's light illuminated the beast's face, a mix of rotten flesh and barren bone. "It has flesh. It's no skeleton."

Trent jabbed at the boney sections of its face. "But look, it's still decomposing! It should be a full skeleton in a few weeks. The rest are probably the same way."

As the discussion continued, Justin nudged Noah. "Hey, am I really stupider than that?"

_…Sorry, I was busy failing a saving throw for my faith in humanity, so I kinda tuned you out_._ Okay, you two, stop arguing about your toy—which, by the way, is somewhere between a zombie and a ghoul. Get rid of the ghoul so we can climb this thing_."

After rolling his eyes, Karron shoved the monster off the edge. Down below, the clicking grew louder, angrier. Sensing Bridgette's worry, Noah patted her shoulder. _Don't worry, we'll be fine_.

They continued up the spiraling path, rising out of the fog and fending off constant ghoul attacks until they reached a narrow pass cutting straight through the heart of the mountain. Noah halted them with a mental command. _Alright, Geoff, see the two cliffs above us?_

"Yeah."

_The one on the left has the mountain's peak, as well as the skull face thing. The right one is where my hut is. Shoot the very top of the left cliff. And since I can tell that you're gonna question me, I'll go ahead and say 'just do it' And don't hit the bridge, unless you don't want to reach my hut._.

Geoff shrugged. "Kay…"

The plasma blast exploded, dropping sediments and sand nearly a hundred feet down into the pass. And with the debris came dozens of destroyed undead. Several more slipped down into the ravine and scrambled towards the party. Geoff and Karron both surged ahead to battle them, but Noah's telepathy stopped them. _Wait. It's a trap; there are hundreds underground, more on the other cliff and a bunch coming in behind us. Karron, fight the ones behind us. Geoff, take out the other cliff and then help Karron. Bridgette and Trent, stand by._

The second cliff collapsed, crushing ghouls underneath and Noah unraveled another scroll, murmuring something. Dust, rocks and undead swirled through the air as a giant whirlwind formed, eroding a crater into the pass and obliterating all zombies in the area. Behind him, the creatures ambushing from behind were decimated in short order by Karron's oar and the Katiesaber. The few surviving undead in the crater charged and were as successful as their brethren. Noah smirked. And then rolled his eyes, saying, "Oh, right. Using another spell cancels Mind Meld. Hold on."

Another scroll was torn, and the party felt connected once more. Three zombie attacks later, they found themselves at the mountain's peak. Across the ravine was a simple brick hut. Noah headed down towards the bridge. _And that's why I never leave my hut. Thirty minutes is way too long to…oh crap._

* * *

Beth sighed as she slipped out of the kitchen, hoping that Izzy's madness would keep Heather busy for at least another few minutes. Cursing the slave-driving totalitarian queen, she entered the empty cannon room. Empty except for one person. A certain blond beauty asked, "Beth? What are you doing here?"

Beth sighed; she couldn't lie to her best friend. "I'm leaving, Linds. We're down to four hours to sleep, and when we're awake, all we're allowed to do is work on the cannon. I can't take it anymore."

"But…" Lindsay scratched her head. "But Heather's changed! She's not as mean anymore, and besides she has a good cause! Maybe if you talked about it over a pedicure…"

As she trailed off, the sounds of Heather's frenzied shouts echoed from the other room, while Izzy answered her angered queries with prim logic. Beth wondered who was really the insane one in that room. "Sorry, Linds, but I don't think talking's going to help at this point. She's so bossy now, and only pretending to care for us. I mean, did you hear what she was saying to that guy who accidentally bumped into her? He's still terrified, and that was three days ago! She says she's trying to save the world here, but…I don't see how a so-called 'savior' could be so evil! I'm sorry, but I'm done here. I…guess you're going to try to stop me, right?"

Instead, Lindsay smiled and gave her a hug. "Aww, I couldn't go against my bestie. Don't worry, I won't tell Heather."

Shocked for a second, Beth returned the embrace. "Thanks. I…guess I'll see you later, then."

Giving a small, sad wave, Lindsay didn't say anything as Beth trudged over to the main gate and opened it with the press of a button. A metal ramp extended from the castle down to mainland Discordia. Beth disappeared from her view, and she sat still for several minutes. Well after the ramp had retracted and the door had shut, Heather stormed in, hair frizzy, eyes bloodshot, breath hissing, hands cut from her fingernails being dug in. Taking apparent offense to Lindsay's presence, she glared at her servant. "What are you doing here? And where's Beth? I could have sworn you two were joined at the hip or something."

Lindsay cowered away from the furious monarch. "I-I-I don't know. I haven't seen Beth in a while."

"Whatever. It doesn't matter; she's not exactly important, you know. All that matters is that crazy girl's stupid cannon works. Get to bed, construction's gonna start extra early tomorrow."

* * *

A gathering of zombies, looking to number in the hundreds, encircled Noah's shack, transfixed by the bright yellow beacon. Until Justin stepped on a branch, cracking it, at which point they turned their collective hungry gaze upon the party. Noah slapped his forehead. _Great. Just great, Anti-Me. You know what, this your fault, you deal with it_.

Justin's smirk did not console Noah, nor did the sudden treacherous thoughts budding in the model's mind. "Sure…_Ant-Me_."

Before either Geoff or Karron could strike him down, he gave the zombies a flashy grin. Their charge slowed and ceased as they gaped at him. With a triumphant laugh, Justin turned to the stunned party. "Heh. Who's the stupid one now? Thanks for telling me that these things could think; couldn't have done it without you."

Noah snarled. "Your intelligence is still utterly dwarfed by everyone with a thousand kilometers and simply charming the undead is hardly enough to stop the Chosen One. I might enjoy this. Oh, and the term is _Anti-Me_, you ignoramus!"

Chuckling, Justin looked over his shoulder to his new army. "Zombies? Please eat the smart one. I don't care what happens to the others. Later."

Hungry undead surged forward and Justin entered their midst. He smirked, wondering what the next step should be…

He got his answer a moment later as a massive figure rose up behind the beacon. Skeletal wings stretched out, thirty meters from tip to tip, and the beast shoved its skeletal face right in front of the model. It unleashed a banshee shriek, blowing down everyone on the mountaintop, including most of the ghouls.

The Pearl Goose had returned to reclaim its island.


	22. Act 7: Dry Bones

**A/N: Well, this certainly took a while to write. Granted, I've been very busy with college-related stuff (and BlazBlue) these past few months, but still.**

**Nothing from Total Drama belongs to me.  
**

**

* * *

**Chapter 22: Dry Bones

Justin paled as the semi-living bird skeleton landed on the hut and screeched again, a deafening roar that could almost certainly be heard in Saint Felicien. Mind swimming, clutching at his head, the model rose up and faced the monster. If the undead could fall for his charms, then perhaps no being was safe. His mouth curved into a sparkling grin...and the unimpressed skeleton honked right in his face.

Noah chuckled as the model bounced away from the sonic force, disappearing over the ridge. As a green explosion decimated a number of zombies to his left, the egghead said, "So, oh great Chosen One, what do we take out first? The monster or the bird?"

Geoff took one look at the Pearl Goose. "The bird. Definitely the bird."

Shrieking, Bridgette stumbled to the ground as several ghouls advanced on her. Karron's bladed oar cut them down. "Yer crazy, lad. These accursed undead are more of a threat to everything but our ears right now."

The surfer shook her head as Karron pulled her to her feet. "Even if we take down Justin, the zombies will still hunt us down. The Pearl Goose is far stronger than them; it needs to be first."

Guitar chords had little effect on the hordes, but all present agreed that it at least sounded nice. Trent cursed his ineffective 'attacks'. "We're getting swarmed by zombies here. I think we should cut their numbers down a bit before going after the goose."

He strummed again to no effect, and Noah facepalmed. "You're sure doing a lot of good here, Clapton. Here let's try-"

A shriek cut off the egghead, and he turned to glare at the bird. "Hey. Quiet. Trying to-"

The bird squawked again; Noah felt as though a fissure had been carved through his skull. "Okay, seriously, bird-"

Another shrill honk, and Noah snapped. "Gah, enough. Silence!"

He ripped open a scroll, sending a beam of blue light at the Pearl Goose. As an azure aura crested it, the skeletal bird leaned forward and opened its beak, but no sound came forth. It was hard to tell whether it or Noah was more surprised. "Wait, that actually _worked_? Those kinds of spells are usually about as effective as..."

A ghoul's hand gripped his neck and pulled him back as the egghead clawed at the fleshless arm on instinct. To no effect; his body locked up almost as soon as he was grabbed. The zombie bit through his shirt, tearing away flesh; he couldn't even scream. Geoff's sword took out the zombie, leaving Noah to fall to his knees, heaving from the agony. Agony which was alleviated by a single word from Bridgette. He nodded at her. "Thanks...wait, I just got an idea. Bridgette, cast that spell on the Pearl Goose."

Everyone, including the zombies, looked at Noah as though he were a certain red-haired lunatic. The surfer said, "Uh...what?"

"Just an idea. Let's see what happens. And besides, it seems that whatever passes for brains amongst ghouls holds curiosity. They've stopped."

Sighing, Bridgette stepped forward as the goose continued its vain attempts at vocalization. She pointed at the bird. "_Blessure_."

After the healing spell did nothing, the goose turned to her and opened its mouth. A hail of bones, sharpened like spears, flew from the abyss of its throat. She shrieked and flung herself to the ground. Two dirks scraped her back, but she knew they weren't even worth the energy to heal. As the goose tried to screech again, Bridgette glanced back to see that most of her companions, upon seeing the imminent threat, had hidden behind the zombies, using the undead as shields. Except for one.

Gripping the spear that cut all the way through his arm, Karron stood panting. All around him, zombies retreated, issuing that same clicking sound as before. The ferryman turned to look at her...and she had to hold in a scream as his eyes burned like stars. The clicking stopped and total silence reigned as Karron removed the spike from his arm. No one, not even the goose dared to move; his very presence stifled such ideas, as though his spirit would strike down whoever budged first...

Panting, though unharmed sans a few scrapes, Justin pulled himself to the top of the cliff, whining. "You stupid bird, you scratched my face! It would be terrible if it never healed, you know. The entire world would suffer for this!"

The tension was gone and the Pearl Goose took flight, raining bone spears down on all below. Geoff raced over to cover Bridgette, taking a moment to fire his cannon at the beast first, Noah protected himself and Trent with a shield scroll, and Karron stood still and watched. Then he spoke, a chilling voice nothing like the gruff tones they'd grown accustomed to. "I have been awakened. Soon, the harvest will begin."

Geoff blinked. "Dude? Uh...what?"

Lowering his oar, the ferryman ignored the party boy and gazed up at the diving Pearl Goose. "And darkness will follow."

Various shouts sounded as the bird's maw closed around Karron, swallowing him in an instant. As it ascended, the party watched as the ferryman slipped through the goose's ribs and fell to the beach below. They had no time to ponder his fate; another bone rain descended, taking out more of Justin's zombie army. Noah rose and drew a scroll. "Note to self; old men are crazy. Avoid bringing them to zombie-infested islands. Why was he here anyways?"

"He was our pretty much our ride." Giving up on musical attacks, Trent clobbered the next zombie that approached him with his guitar. He turned to glare at Justin, who was half-hidden by a small group of zombies. "Hey! What do you say you put the zombies to use and help out with that bird?"

Justin smirked. "And why should I? You guys made it mad, it doesn't have any reason to come after me. I'm just sticking around until that know-it-all's zombie food. No reason to…"

He trailed off as his circle of zombie bodyguards all pointed to the goose. The skeletal avian glanced at them, made a motion as though it were rolling its nonexistent eyes, and fired five precise blades of bone. Justin glanced around at his fallen guards and blanched. "Uh…maybe a truce is…best? Zombies, destroy the goose."

Ghouls all around nodded, stared up into the sky and emitted confused clicks. Bridgette facepalmed. "Uh, Justin? Thanks for trying, but zombies can't fly."

Ducking under bone spittle, Geoff smirked. "Well, at least they aren't attacking us anymore. That's pretty good right there."

Noah rolled his eyes. "Whatever, so Narcissus has some level of use. Don't get too close to the zombies; brainiac here probably thinks any time's good for backstabbing."

With a theatrical sigh, Justin said, "Ah, so mistrusting. I have no plans of betraying you until our enemy's _goose_ is cooked."

Dead silence. Before anyone—or anything—could comment, the goose swooped down, clawed feet set to rake Justin. The model dived to the ground, the back of his shirt getting ripped in half by the razor. Removing the shirt, much to the delight of the weaponized Katie and Sadie, he turned to his undead minions. "Zombies! To me!"

As the ghouls gathered around him, Noah rolled his eyes. "This looks like the hallmark of a genius. What, are you gonna perform Thriller to distract it?"

"...what's a thriller?"

As though on cue, the goose dived, intent on ripping the egghead asunder. Noah backed up a couple of steps before screaming and turning tail towards the hut. A green burst didn't even faze the bird and Noah was just able to dive out of the way. Panting, he glared at the goose, its skeletal form rising towards the full moon. "Well, that _could_ be called a thriller, but not the kind I was referring to...you're kidding me."

In the light of the beacon, all caught a glimpse of the Pearl Goose's mammoth ribs, truncated and jagged from Geoff's energy blast. As the bird hovered, the bones extended, smoothed out, came to a point...within seconds, it was as though the creature had never been harmed. Everyone below, sans the undead, gaped, any ideas of wearing down the beast vanishing. Bridgette shook off her surprise first. "What now? We don't have any way to take it down!"

Her pointing out of the obvious was halted by yet another dive bomb from the goose. She turned to run, but gravel slipped out from beneath her feet and she toppled over face-first. Spitting out dirt, she rolled over to the lovely sight of a skeletal bird opening its maw to gobble her up. She jumped to her feet and ran, the Pearl Goose gaining on her by the moment...

"No!" Geoff's howl preceded another blast of green, this one blowing out a joint on the wing. The bones in the wing separated, hailing down to the mountaintop, and the Pearl Goose crashed to the earth, a squall of gravel pelting the party from its skid. It crashed into and through a boulder, the only obstacle to prevent it from careening off the mountain. Flailing its remaining wing, it came to halt on the very edge, shrouded by dust. Geoff didn't seem to notice the bird; despite Noah's warning which he only half heard, the party boy dropped Sadie from his shoulder and raced into the dust cloud, looking for any traces of turquoise or blond. He spotted Bridgette's prone body and knelt beside her, feeling her bloodied neck for a pulse. Feeling one, he breathed a sigh of relief. Then he heard Trent's voice. "Dude, are you crazy? Get away from that thing!"

"Huh?" No sooner had Geoff grunted his confusion than a skeletal wing slashed at him. He raised the Katiesaber to parry; its blade cut through the wing, which didn't exactly stop the attack. With the wind knocked out of him, Geoff tried to struggled back to his feet; he was cut down again before he even made it. Quite certain that a rib or two had at least cracked from the previous attack, he held the sword up and rose to his knees, glaring into the empty eye sockets of his avian foe. Again, the wing barreled over Geoff, the sword's razor edge slicing right through the bones instead of blocking them.

Coughing, he lay prone in the dirt, feeling as though the world was spinning. From somewhere out of the mist, he thought he heard an electric guitar's droning dirge, a five-note harbinger of doom. After wiping away the blood streaming towards his eyes, he stared up at the goose. Its neck arched back like a snake and lunged. He raised his blade, even though he knew it would do nothing against the swift strike. Except, he realized, it _wasn't_ so swift compared to the wing slices. In fact, the head, enveloped in a nigh-invisible blue light, was moving slow enough for him to...

Geoff rolled to the side, and the head dug itself into the ground. Though dizzy from the assault, he turned, straightened the Katiesaber and hacked down on the beast's neck. The blade cut straight through and the decapitated bird collapsed. Panting, Geoff wasted no time in racing over to Bridgette. The battered surfer moaned but did not stir as he knelt beside her. Trent, trailed by an apprehensive Sadie, approached him from behind. "You all right, man?"

Geoff coughed. "I...think so. Bridge's alive, so that's good. By the way…was I hearing things, or…"

"My guitar?" Trent smirked and strummed the lower strings. A thunderous roar sounded. "Yeah, that was me. Noah has a spell that works as an amplifier for…I guess most instruments."

"…Why does he have a spell like that?"

Seated on the ground, Noah stopped counting his scrolls and looked up. "Do you have any idea how much free time I've had? Instead of wasting it with wild parties or…whatever you cretins do when bored, I decided to write down every spell that might be useful. Multiple times."

Sadie blinked and tried to exchange a confused look with Katie. Needless to say, the sword hilt was not capable of doing so. "Why do have to, like, write your spells? Like, can't you just say the words?"

He looked back down. "My spells are contained in the scrolls, which, by the way, I have to write out by hand. Calling my attacks is strictly-"

"Zombies! Swarm it or something!" Justin's startled command cut through the egghead's apathetic monotone, and Geoff, Trent and Sadie found an army of zombies rumbling towards them. The musician stumbled to prepare his guitar, Geoff hacked at the first group and Sadie screamed, curling into a ball. As zombie remains slid off the Katiesaber, Geoff prepared to cut again, knowing that the three of them could not stand against such a rush…before realizing that the undead were stumbling _past_ them. He glanced back and saw the Pearl Goose, head half re-grown, falter as is wings were weighed down by the undead. The bird screeched, blowing several ghouls away. Gripping the saber, Geoff turned to Sadie. "Grab Bridgette and take her somewhere safe! Me and Trent got this."

Sadie, in rare soundless state, nodded and lifted the limp surfer. As she trudged away, Trent began playing the same five-note music passage; the blue aura surrounded the Goose once more. Before Geoff could begin hacking away at the beast, Noah stopped him. "Wait. Do you really think you can kill it with a sword? I mean, I know your image isn't exactly placed next to the dictionary definition of "smart", but I thought you could figure at least _that_ much out."

Trent scowled but kept playing. "So what do we do, then? Our weapons are useless."

"We need to one-shot. Total annihilation in one go. And I've got just the thing." Trent and Geoff followed where he was pointing…Geoff blinked at the giant ball of light. "The beacon? What good is that, dude?"

The goose honked, and Noah squinted from the pain. "Just a second. Silence."

He ripped another scroll open; as the infernal sound was cut off, the Pearl Goose seemed to pout. "Yeah, you can just go right back to shutting up, foul beast. Anyways, I have a scroll that will make the beacon explode. Probably destroy most of my hut…Anti-Me, climb up the roof. With Sadie."

"What? Why me?"

"You're expendable."

Justin sighed and frowned. "Well, I do want to get of here alive…"

Sadie, on the other hand, balled her fists. "No way am I going up there with him! He's a total-"

"Mind Meld." Another scroll opened, and all living beings, Katie included, present may as well have been one. At once, they understood Noah's plan, felt the anxieties of both Justin and Geoff, felt burning, shallow anger from Sadie…and without a word, they began following the plan. Geoff and Noah retreated behind a rock as lances of bone were jettisoned from the goose's mouth. Trent's playing continued, safely to the beast's side. After clambering to the top of the hut, Justin turned and helped lift Sadie up. She became a shoulder-mounted cannon as he turned to his undead minions. "Zombies? Release the bird."

The ghouls dropped like anchors to the ground and the bird rose, seeking the egghead who'd rendered its sonic blasts useless. A green explosion ripped into the back of its head, blowing much of its skull into dust. It turned and flew towards Justin…and the beacon that lay between them. Its flight was far slower than was optimal due to Trent's song. Another green shot rocked it, destroying its beak, and it fired back. Bone chunks cut into the model, knocking him on his back and sending Sadie bouncing away. The beast rose up, nearly into the beacon. It eyed its prey and dove, beak widening. Justin sat up, clutching a gash on his shoulder, fear rising up; if Noah didn't come through…

"_Nova_!" For an instant, nothing happened; all Justin could see was the bird's silhouette against the beacon. And then everything went white. Heat scorched the ground, incinerated the monstrosity, atomized the front of the hut, destroyed the remaining zombies, threw Justin back onto the ground with concussive force, and nearly blinded everyone in the vicinity. As the fireball faded, nothing remained of the Pearl Goose.

Geoff, eyes still adjusting following the blast, collected his filthy, burnt hat and placed it on his head. "So…did that do it, man?"

Having somehow not been bowled over by the explosion, Noah helped the no longer pointy Katie to her feet. "It better have. I don't have any more of Nova scrolls; be glad you got to see the only use of that eye-catching spell. Now, the orb."

Squirming in pain, Justin could do nothing as Noah approached. In spite of his agony, the model smirked. "So…that's why you chose me. Quite clever, nerdling."

"Save it. The orb. Now."

"You know Heather will be mad about this." Justin dug into his pocket and handed the orb to Noah. "Still, I suppose I have no choice."

"You sure gave that up remarkably easy." Another voice joined the conversation, and everyone turned to see Bridgette back on her feet, looking as though she never received cuts and bruises from her tumble. Her clothes, on the other hand, were shredded, bloody and caked with mud. Before she could reach the model, a certain party boy had his arms around her in a suffocating embrace. "Bridge! I was so worried about you, babe! Are you okay?"

She giggled at his exuberance. "I'm fine, Geoff. But I kinda…"

"Oh, sure, sorry." He released her, and the surfer walked over to Noah and Justin. The model grinned. "I guess it does seem like that. Well, the way I see it, I'm absolutely at your mercy at the moment. I'd rather give up the orb and live than die and have the orb taken anyway. And besides…like I told Noah-"

"You serve a 'higher authority'." Noah rolled his eyes and huffed. "Doesn't change the fact you tried to kill us and take the orb to Heather. Bridgette, leave this sad sack of treachery behind. He'll live."

Bridgette glanced down at the stunned model. His leg looked broken, much of his chest was covered in deep burns that were sure to become scars, and his face bore a resemblance to burnt lasagna. He wasn't moving anytime soon, and if the zombies rose again and he was unable to mesmerize them due to his blackened face…"_Blessure_. _Brûlure._"

The burns faded, the leg mended and Justin blinked up at her. "Wha…um, thanks."

She frowned at him. "I'm not gonna forgive you for what you've done…but I can't just leave you to die. Plus, I guess you helped against the Pearl Goose."

Rolling his eyes, Noah muttered, "He played a marginal role…"

Justin's smirk returned. "Marginal being the center of your plan?"

"We're leaving." Noah turned, not waiting for Bridgette to follow him. In the remains of the hut, Katie and Sadie were locked in an embrace, squealing congratulations back and forth. He rolled his eyes for what had to be the hundredth time since running into Geoff. "You can find your own way back, Anti-Me. Probably with that queen you…oh wait, you don't actually serve her, do you? Might wanna reconsider that if you wanna leave this island."

Justin nodded…and dropped back, eyes closed, seeming as though all strength had been drained. Casting a piteous look at the model, Bridgette walked over to her waiting boyfriend.

* * *

Down on the beach of Boney Island, Geoff's party searched the sands. Acting on Bridgette's suggestion, they looked for any trace of a former comrade. Geoff slumped against the cliff. "Well, Karron's not here. Dude probably sailed away already. Can we go now? This place gives me the creeps."

Noah shook his head. "We just dealt with the worst this island has to offer. You can't possibly be that chicken, can you, Mr. Star Quarterback?"

"The zombies just made it worse! I feel like we're being watched, man. Watched by hundreds of ugly, flesh-eating things just waiting for the right moment to-"

"Geoff. Not now." After silencing her boyfriend, Bridgette slumped. "And there's absolutely no trace of him!"

"Well, yeah." Katie had spent much of the search trying to chat with Sadie, Trent and Noah. "If he's sailed away, there's, like, no way we'd find him."

Paying no mind to Sadie's most recent question, Trent shook his head. "No, I think she means there's no trace of him even _landing_."

The surfer nodded. "Yeah. There should be some indication of him…well…"

"Crashing down from the goose's rib cage like a meteor?" Noah offered.

"Well, yeah. There should be some kind of indentation in the sand or something. But there's nothing! It's like he just vanished in midair!"

Noah shrugged. "Well, then. Not much else we can do. I agree with Geoff; the sooner we leave this accursed island, the better. Although I suppose having dwelt here for three months may affect my bias…"

"HI-YAAAA!"

A battle cry threw Geoff's entire party into a panic…until the offender landed, sword drawn. Harold's glasses managed to glint, despite the fog. "I, the great ninja Harold, warrior of justice, have arrived! Beware, zombies; with my katana, I shall deliver you into the maw of…where are all the zombies?"

Katie grinned and grabbed the nearest sage. "Noah blew them up! Along with Justin…"

Harold gaped. "Impossible…but the Pearl Goose."

"It, like, totally went 'boom', too! Isn't Noah awesome?"

"I see. So I was unneeded, it seems." Finally sheathing his blade, Harold clapped his hands and bowed low. "I see I'm not the only sage capable of holding my own in battle. Well done, great sage."

Noah rolled his eyes, making no attempts to wrench himself free of Katie's grasp. "Yeah, well, it kinda cost me my only Nova scroll. Can't ever that spell again. And how'd you get here, anyways?"

"After saying farewell to Sir Devon, I ran across the bay. 'Tis an ancient ninja art."

"Running across water is _not_ a ninja art! And you actually left _DJ_ by himself? At _night_! The guy's probably scared of his own shadow."

"Exactly! Why bring him to a zombie island? And it is too a ninja art!"

"Is not."

"Is too!"

"Is. Not."

"Is _too_!"

Trent slapped a palm across his face and dragged it down. "Two of the four great hopes for this world…arguing like children. Wonderful."

"Excuse me? Guys?" Geoff stepped between the sages before the infantile argument could devolve into infantile insults. "Can we please get going? This is a kinda evil island…"

Harold nodded. "Yes, I believe we should. First of all, Geoff, here's Enceladus. Secondly, I can carry one fair maiden across the bay myself. I presume you have a boat to take?"

After taking back his sword, Geoff pointed west; in the fog, one could just make out the shape of a ferry. "We'll take that back…hmm, but we are gonna be kinda cramped in there…could you carry Sadie back across the bay, man?"

After one glance at the larger girl, Harold's confident pose broke. "C-certainly. I'll do it."

"But I wanna travel back with Katie!" As Sadie wailed, everyone expected Katie to either rush to her side or politely convince her it was a good idea. Noah didn't let either happen. "Sorry, but if we send anyone else with Harold, we won't fit in that thing. We need to go now."

She complied in silence; although Harold was able to lift her, his knees wobbled as he did so. Without another word (presumably because of the strain required to carry her), he trudged along the surface of the water, hoping that he would not find himself under the waves.

* * *

On the other side of the bay, DJ sat, shivering from cold and fear. _A zombie island? So close? What if they learn to swim? What if they cross the bay? _"What if they _eat me_?"

"Oh, be quiet." DJ shrieked as a boat slid up against the beach. Expecting to see the undead lumbering towards him, he was relieved that it was only Geoff's party, with Noah at the front. "Nothing's gonna eat you. All the zombies are back on that island; they dissolve when submerged."

Geoff tapped his shoulder. "Don't you mean they're all blown up?"

"They regenerate themselves after a few hours. Yes, I know I didn't tell Justin or anyone else that. No, I don't care. None of you admonish me about it right now, please, it wouldn't change anything."

Making mental plans to confront him about it later, Bridgette turned to scan the beach. "Huh? Harold's not back yet?"

"I'm…*gasp*…over…*wheeze*…here…"

They turned and saw the ninja approaching he beach, Sadie petrified by fear in his arms. No one spoke as he trudged onto land, dropped his passenger, and collapsed to his knees, panting. "My…mission…is complete…"

Trent cocked his head and went to kneel next to him. "You alright, man?"

"Of…course…a ninja…never…gets tired…_thud._"

Harold dropped to the ground in exhaustion. As Bridgette raced over to check on the sage, Geoff smiled. "Alright then, now that we have all the orbs…"

"We stop by Gjoa Haven first," Trent said, more assertive than anyone expected. "Gwen's probably gotten Ezekiel back. We could use the firepower."

Noah nodded. "Fair enough. After that, we head to Wawanakwa; there's an island off the southeast coast called Full Moon Island. No points for guessing why it's called that. From there, we can send Geoff and…whoever wants to go to the moon."

Geoff looked confused, then excited. "Ooh, is there a space shuttle there?"

Not even bothering to roll his eyes, Noah said, "Yes, Geoff, there's a space shuttle in a _primarily medieval world_. Obviously, such technology ex…oh, wait, forgot about Tofino. No, there's not a damned space _anything_. You know those shinies you've been collecting? The colorful ones, that there are three of? _Those_, along with me and the other two sages, will get you to the moon. Which reminds me; we need to pick up Cody along the way. So add a swing by Tofino to our list of destinations. Oh, by the way, Katie? Sadie?"

"Yes?" The simultaneous shouts pained Noah, but he shook it off and continued. "I need you two to stay here. After we finish up with the moon, we're gonna need to cross through Uturneos once more. Here, Katie, take this."

He pressed something into her hand; when she opened her palm, she found a red crystal within. "What's this, Noah?"

"I can use that to contact you when we're ready. When I do, meet us at the wall between Wawanakwa and Uturneos."

"O…okay…" After looking confused for a few moments, Katie shook her head and gave Noah the most confident smile she could. "Okay! I, like, don't know how this works, but I'll totally do whatever I can to bring down Queen Meanie!"

Sadie seemed to teleport over to her friend's side. "Like, so will I!"

Geoff grinned. "Well, then…see you ladies in a while."

Their cacophonous farewells mingled together into something indistinguishable as a language as they headed towards the rolling hills surrounding Saint Felicien. Once they were gone, Trent turned to Noah. "Wait, what's this about the moon?"

* * *

Justin clung to a tree, face pale. Below him, a swarm of zombies groaned their hungry, trying to shake him out of the tree. He had tried to charm them, of course; their response had been to come at him even faster. He had one hope left…although he didn't like it. Taking a small mirror out of his ruined pants, he opened it up and spoke in the calmest tone he could muster. "Dear god, Heather! I need help!"

His image shifted into that of the queen. "What do you need help with? I'm busy; psycho hosebeast's cannon is almost ready."

"Zombies! I'm in tree! Can't charm them! Gonna die!"

"Oh, really? I'd love to help…after you show me the orb."

He didn't think it possible, but he paled even further. He tried to speak, but couldn't choke anything out. Heather tilted her head. "What's the matter, hm? You look like Weird Goth Girl. Could it be…that you don't have the orb?"

"I…kinda gave it to them?"

For a moment, all he could hear were the moans of the undead. Then…"YOU IDIOT! You _gave_ the orb to Geoff? You realize he has all the orbs now, right? _Do you realize what will happen_?"

"…yes…"

"Hmph. If you had the orb, I'd teleport over there right now to save your incompetent butt. But since you don't…I'll send Izzy instead. I think you two need to..._bond_ a bit. Don't call me again."

The mirror shattered in his hand and he sighed. Yes, he knew that he was very unlikely to survive…but still, he managed to do_ it_. Soon, the fruits of his efforts would…something brushed against his leg. He looked down to a very comforting sight. "_Since when could zombies CLIMB_ _TREES_?"

* * *

"You bastard! How dare you leave me behind like that?" Geoff hid behind Bridgette as Courtney unleashed a hurricane of anger upon him, echoing through the halls of Gjoa Haven. "I had to put with Gwen! _Gwen_! Ugh, I can't believe you. Did you ever think about what you were doing? I swear, Geoff, if you _ever_ pull that crap again, I'm so gonna-"

"Please calm down, eh." Ezekiel emerged from the stairwell leading to the infirmary, assisted by Gwen. "You're giving me a headache."

Seeming to not have even heard Ezekiel, Courtney turned her wrath on the goth. "Get your hands off of Zeke! You're gonna taint him with your…gothiness!"

"My _gothiness_?" Gwen let go of the prairie boy as she clasped her hands together. "I'm pretty sure nothing I do can 'taint' him worse than you damn near did with your _mouth_. I swear, you've gotta be part banshee."

"Enough, you two!" With a booming shout, Leshawna came thundering down the hall, wielding a scepter that looked as though it could easily double as a mace. "Why can't the two of you go five minutes without fightin'? I mean, the crazy in training already had an arm broken. When you gonna learn?"

Courtney rolled her eyes. "Well, if you would just-"

"You know what, I've had about as much of your sass as I can take, girl! Keep it up and you won't be joinin' Geoff again anytime soon!" Satisfied that neither girl would continue fighting, the queen smirked at Geoff's party. "How you guys doin'? Got the orb?"

Noah stepped forth and produced the shiny ball. "I suppose you're the queen here?"

"You got that right. Trent didn't tell you?"

"No, he didn't." Noah bit his tongue to stop any commentary on the guitarist. _Best not to be...well, me around a queen_. "We're only here to see if anyone here is willing to join us."

"I'll go!" Having spoken at the same time, Gwen and Courtney turned to glare at each other. Before this newest spark could ignite, Leshawna said, "Yeah. That sounds good. Both of ya, go with them. Take Zeke, too. Right after this..."

Gwen smiled like a madwoman. "We go after Heather."

Courtney was wordless, a rarity, so Ezekiel was left to fill in the silence. "But...I'm not ready, eh?"

"Huh?" Bridgette hurried over to where he leaned against the wall. "What, did something go wrong? I mean, you seem to have the mystic..."

"I'm okay. It's just that...well, that curse completely drained me, eh. It's gonna be a while before I can cast any spells."

"Oh, just go with 'em, hon." Leshawna walked over to the stairs. "You guys wanna see Tyler, I'll bet. Let's move."

"But I..." Ezekiel's words trailed off as they descended into the infirmary. On his way down, Geoff grasped the prairie boy's shoulder. "Good to have you back, man."

"Um...thanks, eh."

As they entered the bed-covered room, a tortured scream split their ears, as though all the denizens of the underworld had joined together for a single, brief chorus. "Someone get her OFF OF ME!"

In the very back, only two beds away from where Tyler was reclining, Cody struggled to worm out of Sierra's grasp. The psychotic fangirl refused to relent. "But Codykins, you might have some unknown disease! We can't risk you dying, so _stay put_!"

"I just coughed! I'm...help me, Geoff!" Sierra turned away from Cody, took in the sight of the party and rushed over to them to gush. "Like, OMG. The Chosen One! And his party! It's been too long!"

Bridgette backed away from the crazy. "Uh...it's only been a couple weeks at most..."

"Yeah, too long."

Joining Bridgette in backing away from Sierra, Geoff gave a nervous chuckle. "Heh, I guess...um, you know when you said only one of us would live through the entire quest?"

Sierra's joy vanished, swallowed up by confusion. "Uh...when did I say that? 'Cause I'm absolutely certain I'd never say anything like that to you guys..."

Cody, having snuck out of the bed and hidden behind Geoff and Trent, said, "Um, she doesn't remember any of her...prophecies."

"Why does everyone say I make prophecies? Bringing me into the castle of darkness will lead to ruin."

Geoff and Bridgette exchanged looks and the surfer said, "Um...that's...interesting...look, we really just need Cody. And maybe Tyler."

As Tyler gave a whoop of approval, Sierra shook her head. "Sorry, but Cody isn't going anywhere. He might be coming down with something."

"...I can probably heal whatever he might have."

"Sorry, but I have no faith in magic. What he needs is rest and lots of love."

Behind Geoff, Cody retched. Seeing a futile argument, Noah stepped beside Bridgette. "Okay, miss crazy, we have something far more important in mind for your 'Codykins' than whatever sick fantasy's going through your head. Go to sleep."

He unraveled a scroll. Sierra blinked once...twice...and then keeled over, snoring. Meeting the silent disapproval coming from all directions with an annoyed stare, he shrugged. "What? She was obstructing us. I dealt with it. Someone can drag her unconscious body over to our boat and she won't be able to relieve us of one of our senses. Everything works out. Hey, sporto, we're leaving now."

"Huh?" Tyler glanced over at him before unleashing a raucous cheer. Rolling out of the bed, clothed in red, he landed hand-first, attempting to balance on it before performing a flip. Instead, to the surprise of no one, the arm collapsed under his weight and his face slammed into the tiled floor. A storm of winces broke out among all present and Bridgette pointed at him. "_Blessure_."

"Thanks!" Face no longer shattered, Tyler was back on his feet in an instant. "All right, Tyler's back, baby! Look out, Heather, 'cause I'm comin' to get Linds back! Woo!"

Leshawna chuckled. "Well, glad to see you've kept your enthusiasm. A'ight, fools, this is how it's gonna be. I can't go with ya just yet; got something very special planned. Just go on ahead; I'll meet ya'll on Full Moon Island. Quickly, before Tyler's nurse gets back."

Bridgette leaned against Geoff and looked up. "Well, Chosen One? Ready to go?"

"Hell yeah!" Geoff pointed upstairs with Enceladus while DJ lifted Sierra. "We gonna _rock_ that...moon...or something..."

Sighing, Noah shook his head. "With heroes who are certain to get us all killed with that terrible mix of idiocy and exuberance, who needs villains?"

* * *

In the entry hall of Castle Discordia, Izzy and a very pale Justin were greeted by a single figure. Heather gave the model a cruel smile. "Ah, Justin, Justin. Giving away important items to the hero...can't really forgive that, now can I?"

Justin just gulped. He knew her powers; knew that she could burn him to ashes, freeze him to the wall, or drop the ground out from under him with a thought. In the face of certain death, he was speechless. The queen's smirk widened. "Can't talk, huh? Don't blame you; you think I'm going to kill you, right? Well, I'm not. Instead, I'm gonna reward your failure...with a trip to the moon with Izzy."

As Izzy grinned as per usual, Justin blanched, almost wishing he'd been killed instead. For a moment, he wondered what was to come was truly worth this torture.

And he realized, yes. Yes it was.

* * *

**A/N: Well, there we go. Finally done with this arc. Book 1 is almost complete; I'm guessing only about 5 or 6 chapters left.  
**

**Also, although it may be slightly premature, there's a new poll up. One that may influence how the Castle Discordia chapters go.  
**


	23. Act 8: Moon Rocks

** (Chris narrating): Last time, on Total Drama Quest…Geoff and co followed the advice of a random telepathic message and went to the icy wonderland of death known as Leukonesia. There, Courtney's…anger issues finally got her booted from the party, forcing them to bring along the much-less-interesting Trent.**

** They met Harold at in Uturneos, where he subjected them to the kind of torture that only a nerd could provide. Geoff then eschewed Harold's advice and went to Boney Island at night. Oh, and he brought Katie and Sadie along, too.**

** So after three questionable decisions, Geoff was able to **_**not**_** dig himself deeper by not trusting Justin. Of course, the rest of his party did and wound up ticking off the island's primary resident, the Pearl Goose. Shut up, I didn't name it. Well, to cut a longish story short, Justin wound up with the white orb. Oh, and he just happened to be working for Heather. Let's give Geoff a round of applause for nearly bungling everything!**

** Of course, something had to interfere with Justin. While that normally be his own lack of…well, **_**anything**_** not related to looks, this time it was zombies. Including a zombified Pearl Goose. Fun island, eh? In a rare display of teamwork, Geoff's party put aside their differences with Justin to fight off the hordes. Well, at least until Noah tricked the model into getting exploded for the sake of destroying the Pearl Goose. Oh, and then he took the orb back. Sneaky little bastard. Wait, did I forget to mention Noah was there? Sorry, this past arc just felt so long…**

** Now, Geoff's party has their sights set on the moon. How will they get there? What does Heather have planned for her minions? And can anyone possibly stand Harold's rambling on video game clichés? Found out right now in…**

**ACT VIII: Fly Me To The Moon**

…**on Total…Drama…Quest!**

Chapter 23: Moon Rocks

In the center of a massive room, a giant cannon swiveled, the scrapes of metal on metal echoing through the chamber. It ground its way into position; aiming straight at a wall. Down at its base, an angry teenage girl scowled at her nearest henchman. "Izzy. You realize that you're going to blast yourself right through a _wall_, right?"

The redhead, hanging upside down on the cannon's base, nodded. "Of course, queenie! That's half the fun of it!"

Shaking where he stood, the third teen backed away from the mechanical monstrosity. "_Fun_? That's…that's gonna ruin my entire body! Please, Heather, please send Owen or…anyone else instead!"

Heather quirked an eye at Justin. "You know, you're lucky to be alive right now, considering how bad you screwed up on Boney Island. The only reason you're not going alone is because I doubt you'd stand a chance against the Chosen Idiot. Your charms don't work on anything that hates you."

Now swinging from a rope protruding from the cannon, Izzy cackled. "Don't forget about the Kaleidoscope!"

"…You still haven't told me what that is. It's a secondary objective at best."

"Oh, it does all kinds of awesome stuff! Mostly with time."

The cannon locked into place, ending the discussion. As the side of the scrap heap popped open, Heather gestured for the others to come to her. "Okay, listen. _This is our last shot at defeating Geoff before he comes crashing the castle_. You two _must_ end him. This spell will give you some air and protect you from all the crap that comes along with being in space. You have about an hour. Maybe two if you're lucky."

Justin, still quaking, raised a hand. "What about reentry? Wouldn't we just burn up on the way back?"

Izzy grinned, feeling Heather's spell take effect. "Oh, don't worry about that. Characters never die like that in video games. Well, usually not…"

She scrambled into the hole in the cannon. Although far from reassured, Justin followed her without a word; terror seemed to have locked up his mouth. Once both were in, a hooded minion slammed the hatch shut and turned to Heather. "Awaiting firing command."

Unaware that her foot was in the masses of rope protruding from the cannon, Heather smirked. "Do it."

Several more minions on an overlooking balcony fiddled with a control panel. A whirring sound came from the cannon…and in a jet of smoke, two objects were propelled straight through the wall, tied to a rope. Heather thought she heard a whoop of joy…her evil smile faded as something tightened around her ankle. She glanced down to see rope coiled around her foot, and then she was bouncing through the back end of the cannon. When she dared to open her eyes, she saw the castle flying further and further away…no, _she _was the one flying. Her anguished screams went unheard as she flew over the ocean. When the ride stopped, she was hanging upside down by her ankle, thousands of feet above the desolate wastes of Discordia. "…someone. Is going. To _die_."

* * *

High in the stratosphere, laughter reigned. Izzy flung out her arms as though she were a plane and cackled, her ecstasy doing nothing for Justin's utter terror. The model had tried his best to curl into a fetal ball, but found it rather hard to do when it felt as though he'd be torn apart by his velocity.

Laughter dying, Izzy turned her attention to him. "Isn't this gonna be _so cool_? We're going to the moon! Izzy can't wait to tell all her imaginary friends about our amazing adventures! They'll be so jealous. Woo! Do you think Zeke will be there? It'd be so awesome if I could convince him to join us! Don't you think so? Izzy is…"

She then did the absolute worst thing possible: she looked down. Below, she could see almost the entire world. Discordia, Uturneos and Wawanakwa all merged together into a brownish mass in a blue void, with only the green of forests breaking the monotone. Her shrieking resumed, though far less jovial than before. "Izzy'sgoingtodie_Izzy'sgoingtodie_IZZY'SGOINGTODIE!"

Justin screamed at the outburst before looking down and coming to the same conclusion as his partner. Their screams carried only as far as their magic air bubbles allowed, ending when the spearhead at the end of the rope crashed into their destination and anchored itself deep within. Her hysterics ending even faster than they came, Izzy, dizzy from impact, shook her head and looked around. "Oh, awesome! We're on the moon! Let's see if I can jump over that rock!"

Justin pulled his head of the ground just in time to see Izzy crash into a boulder, gravity clearly not working like she thought it would. Shaking off her pain, Izzy drew a notepad from somewhere and began scribbling. "Hm…either the gravitational pull of the moon is the same as whatever planet that is, or Heather's spell includes a gravity field. However, I must conduct more experiments before coming to a conclusion."

And she crashed into stone again, her jump only carrying her a few feet higher than normal. She didn't even seem to notice the pain of the collision. "Upon further review, the gravity field is a bit weaker here than on…I'll call it Chrisney World. Probably isn't too far from its real name. Anyways, while my jump was only about two feet higher than normal, my velocity remained similar. I theorize that gravity on the moon works in whatever way is most convenient for whoever's on it at the time. This requires further testing. My evil, plotting, treacherous, ugly ex will provide the next few tests."

"Ugly?" Justin had dared not move until the word 'ugly' had slipped from Izzy's lips. "You wouldn't know beauty if it hit you in the face! And we never dated, why do keep you saying that? Oh, and I'm not slamming myself into a rock! What if I end up like you?"

"My genius manifested itself and was not the result of slamming repeatedly into solid objects headfirst as a child."

Clutching his head, Justin dropped back to a knee. "Is there an off switch for that nonsense-spewing mouth of yours? Please say yes."

"Yes, there is no off switch. Ooh, that looks awesome!"

She scampered off and Justin, acting against his common sense, followed her up a hill. He found her grinning from ear to ear, transfixed by a series of scratches in a pentagon shape dug into the moon's surface. Feeling as though she might bite his hand of for doing so, he gave her a nervous tap on the shoulder. "Uh, Izzy? What is that?"

"I dunno."

* * *

"Why only four?"

On a circular island was a small gathering of teenagers. At their feet were lines dug into the rock; five in the shape of a pentagon with one tip pointed straight north, five inside forming two triangles. Two lines stretched from the top point to the two bottom ends; three connected the east and west ends with both each other and the center of the southern line. At each point of the pentagon, a hole was dug into the earth. In the southern hole rested a yellow orb, just like the ones Geoff had recovered. Noah stood at the southeastern hole, tapping his feet. "Because I only have five air scrolls, and I'd like to keep one in case I need to make more. This is probably a bit more important than, say, Nova or Amplify or Summon Horned Cottontail."

Geoff raised a hand. "You can summon one of those monsters?"

"Not the point. Anyways, I can only send four of you. I'm sure that if someone was observing our actions as though this quest was a show or novel or something, they would be greatly disappointed. But that's how it has to be; no, Geoff, I'm not letting you go on another tangent. You, Bridgette, Gwen and Trent; to the center of the pretty lines."

Slumping over, Tyler scowled. "Aw, come on. I wanna go, too! Why them?"

"Because you're still not in fighting condition and should be thankful you're even allowed to tag along. Sierra and Courtney are about as useful in a fight as Anti-Me is in a trivia game-"

"I'll have you know that I am perfectly capable of fighting. I stabbed that one idiot in the cat mask…"

A scroll emerged from Noah's belt and the CIT fell silent, not daring to find out what spell Noah had in mind. The egghead continued, "And you promptly got completely _owned_ by him. Home-school's the only reason you're not dead. And…probably Bridgette as well. Speaking of home-school, taking him along is out of the question; a mage with no magic is probably less useful than a loudmouth. We sages need to stay here; we're needed to send you there and bring you back. Geoff obviously needs to go, we couldn't hope to stop Bridgette from following him (plus healing's always good), Gwen is supposedly the strongest fighter here, and Trent…well…you might be useful somehow. Oh, and Amplify. "

Trent's guitar glowed and Courtney facepalmed, groaning. "I was silenced by a _guitar amplifier_?"

"Still…" Tyler didn't seem ready to back down. "I can handle anything that the moon throws at me. And if all your spell does is create an air bubble, can't I just stay close to someone for air?"

Harold spoke up. "Do you have any idea what kinds of effects the space vacuum has on humans?"

"Why does space need a vacuum?"

Groaning, Noah couldn't bring himself to even look at the jock. "You're an idiot. Myth has it that exposure to space will freeze you solid, make you explode, all sorts of fun stuff…of course, most of that is about as accurate as Izzy's stories. You'd still die, just not like that."

Hand on her hip, Gwen glowered at the sage. "Look, can we just get going already? The sooner we got this done, the sooner we can kick Heather's ass."

"Okay, if jocko doesn't have any more complaints…" Though displeased, Tyler shook his head. Noah smirked and walked up to Geoff. "Alright, hero. Plot coupons, please."

"…what?"

Noah's eyes narrowed in annoyance. "The orbs, genius."

"Oh, right. Gotcha man…what about 'em?"

"_Give them to me_!"

With a meek whimper, the party boy dug into his pockets and produced the three shimmering balls. Noah took them and walked over to the other sages. Clutching the white orb, he handed the blue one to Cody and the red one to Harold, along with a scroll for each. Each one headed to one of the indentations, in which the orbs were placed. Red glowed in the north, blue and white at opposite ends of the southern trench. Once the orbs were placed, the lines connecting them glowed. Cody looked up from his orb. "Alright, Gwen. And the rest of you. Step into the middle of the…uh…"

"Alchemy circle-like thing," Harold finished. "Once you step in, we will open these scrolls and teleport you to the moon. According to Noah, there's a symbol like this one there. Just step in the middle of it to return. Easy as that."

"If you step into the magic thingy and don't teleport, you can blame one of your so-called-friends…" Noah stopped to give a warning glare to Sierra. "For distracting one of us and thus breaking off the connection."

Harold sighed. "We are so dead if an owlbear decides to attack…"

Taking in a deep breath, Geoff stepped in between the glowing lines. "Well, babe…ready to go?"

Bridgette smiled and sidled up to him. "Of course. I can't wait for this to be over."

"I feel ya." Trent entered the pentagon, guitar slung over his shoulder. "This world kinda sucks."

"Just kinda?" Gwen was the only one without any joy on her face. "This world's the pits. Glad it's almost over."

Geoff turned and signaled to Noah. "Ready whenever you are, dude!"

Ripping open four Air Bubble scrolls, Noah smirked. "Well, at least this isn't getting stretched out too long. Alright, on my mark." He grasped his scroll and the other sages followed suit. "One. Two. Three. Open."

As the trio of scrolls were ripped apart, beams of red, yellow, blue and white streamed into the sky. The lights converged into a triangular white ray, shot up out of sight…and when it disappeared, Geoff's small party was gone. Silence reigned as the three sages placed their hands on the orbs before them, eyes closed in concentration.

* * *

"Geez, Bridgette, thanks." Gwen glared down at her boots, covered in a myriad of vile substances. Moaning, the surfer tried to stand back up. "I'm sorry, that trip was just really rough on…oh. My God."

She looked up to the sight of a massive orb hovering over them, whites and greens set on a canvas of blue. But most of all, the planet above them was…Gwen said it first. "Okay, is Chris's little world really that small? Seriously, I can see every province."

"Yes, Chrisney World really is that small!" An exuberant voice made the whole party jump. They turned to see Izzy grinning at them, a terrified Justin at her side. The redhead jumped down to where they were, looking over the party. "Aww, you didn't bring Zekey this time? How disappointing."

"Zeke's not in very good condition right now." Bridgette answered the unspoken question, drawing closer to Geoff. Friendly as Izzy was, she was still working for Heather. And if her actions against Chef were any indication, the psycho was a formidable opponent even in the real world. If, like everyone else, she had new abilities here… "Let me guess. You're here to stop Geoff, right?"

"No, she's apparently trying to find herself." Justin, moving slow so he wouldn't attract too much of Izzy's attention, stopped just outside the pentagon. Blinking, Izzy shook her head. "No, Izzy's not trying find Izzy. Izzy's trying to find Kaleidoscope."

Gwen raised a hand. "Have you gotten even crazier since TDA? Seriously, at least you used to make _some_ sense…occasionally."

"Kaleidoscope, not E-scope. Big difference. Hmm, but I suppose our secondary orders were to stop Geoffy…" At her words, Geoff's party assumed battle poses, Trent's menacing drawing of his guitar counting for him. The musician smirked. "So, you think you take down the Chosen One, the strongest fighter in Leukonesia and a healer? Oh, and me."

Izzy reached up and pulled a mini-gun longer than she was tall from thin air. "Yeah, I think so."

Geoff's jaw went slack. "What the- where'd _that_ come from?"

"Hammerspace." Whatever followed was drowned out by sharp bursts of gunfire. The entire party dove to the ground as bullets flew and a madwoman cackled. Justin smirked for a moment before realizing that the recoil of the gun was spinning Izzy around…right towards him. With an indecipherable shout, he hit the ground, lead flying just inches over his head. Taking advantage of not having a death machine aimed at them, Geoff's party clambered behind rocks and boulders to wait out the salvo. With any luck, Izzy wouldn't stop firing until the gun ran empty.

And luck, it seemed, smiled down on them. The recoil threw Izzy to the ground and she continued firing into the air, her weapon spinning her in circles. Even after the _rat-a-tat _of rapid fire gave way to blank clicks, she continued with her hyena-like laugh. Hoping it was safe, Justin peeked his head from behind a rock. "Uh, Izzy? _Are you crazy?_ You could have killed me! _Me_! The man whose face shines more brighter than the sun! Imagine the trauma my death would cause!"

Izzy stopped laughing to ponder his question and ignore the rest of what spewed from him. "…Is that a rhetorical question?"

"Okay." Gwen emerged, hands clasped together. "You just broke at least one of the laws of physics. _Into pieces_. You're definitely top priority."

"What can I say? The fourth wall could never hope to contain Izscope!"

Geoff, looking down at his ruined hat, came out to stand beside Gwen. "So wait, you can pretty much bend reality? That's…pretty broken, girl."

Izzy gave him a blank stare before bursting out into another fit of laughter. "Bend reality? Oh no, it's nothing like that! I need the object in my inventory, silly! Note to self; find way to bend reality. That will make Izzy _unstoppable_! MWAHAHA!"

"Still, you're pretty damn dangerous." Gwen smirked. "Good. I need a good warm-up before wrecking Heather."

Grinning right back, Izzy said, "Ooh, is this the part where we have an awesome battle? Izzy would love to see Gwen's powers!"

"Oh, you'll get to see them." Gwen closed her eyes, feeling everyone watching her in curiosity. "Restriction 666 released. Dimensional interference field deployed. Awaken, Epitaph!"

A red light formed around her, shaped in an elaborate seal. As Gwen pulled her hands apart, the light seemed to shatter, blinding all in the vicinity. When the light faded, a long pole rested in her hands. The staff was topped by a massive red crescent blade. Her grin widened. "Messing with reality is a decent trick. Somehow, though, I don't think it'll be enough to beat Death's scythe."

Geoff's eyes, though still recovering from being assaulted by flashes of light for the second time in five minutes, widened. "Aw, come on! I'm the Chosen One! Why am I so out-classed here?"

"Oh, that's pretty normal. The hero will usually have a few allies a bit stronger than him. Don't worry; you'll still get the strongest weapon in terms of damage. And…" Izzy looked from Geoff to the planet hovering overhead. "Damn it, Chris, stop ripping off stuff from awesome games!"

Silence reigned as everyone wondered what made Izzy think Chris could hear her from the moon. The redhead a deep breath and shouted, "_Gladly_!"

When she became aware of the confused stares she received for her outburst, she shrugged. "What? He said to bite him."

Justin shrunk back. "Why do I have to be with the crazy? Ooh, Heather'll regret this…"

"Yeah, I think she regrets hiring you every time she sees your face." Paying no mind to Justin's shocked face, Izzy turned back to Gwen. "Well, gotta say that's a pretty awesome trick. Shall we do this?"

"In a moment." Gwen didn't look away from the psycho; Izzy was far dangerous to leave unattended in any fashion. "Geoff. Bridgette. Let me and Trent deal with these two. You guys need to figure out how to power up Enceladus."

"Aw, but I wanted to watch this!" Giving a disapproving look to her boyfriend, Bridgette grabbed his wrist. "What he means is we'll be going right now. Come on, Geoff."

As the two headed away from the upcoming battle, Justin overcame fear long enough to address his partner. "Uh, Izzy, aren't we supposed to be killing the Chosen One?"

"Eh, that's optional. I'm just here for an awesome battle with Gwen."

"_What_? You didn't even know she'd be here, how is _that_ your priority? And what about that Kaleidoscope thing?"

"Awesome battle's primary. Kaleidoscope's secondary. Geoff's tertiary. Now let's get it on, Gwenny!"

"I was just thinking the same thing." Gwen and Izzy stared each other down, each wearing grins that placed their collective sanity into doubt. Yet neither made a move. Relaxing a bit, Gwen said, "Well? Your move."

"Ooh, is this battle turn-based?"

"…no. Before we fight, I have a question."

"Izzy's all ears. And a few other facial features."

"Why are you siding with Heather? She's clearly the most evil person from Camp Wawanakwa. I know you're not evil, Izzy. You're just…"

"Crazy," Trent finished for her. She nodded. "Yeah, that. So why ally yourself with such a bitch? Pardon my French."

"Because Heather's the good guy this time around."

That was not what anyone else expected to hear. Not even Justin. The goth's smirk faded. "What? But Geoff's the Chosen One."

"Yeah, he's what we call a 'villain protagonist'. Or is he a 'heroic antagonist'? Izzy's not sure and she doubts Geoff even realizes it. You see, if Heather's killed, it will cause a great catastrophe. A calamity trigger, if you will."

Trent strummed his guitar, fingers white against the frets. "You're talking about calamities with _mile-wide grin on your face_. If I had any doubts about your sanity, they're gone now."

"…I can't accept that." Gwen readied her scythe. "You seem like you really believe that, though. I like you, so I'll refrain from killing you."

Justin raised a hand. "What about me?"

"I have no qualms about _ending_ you, you deceitful, idiotic, ugly bastard." Before Justin's indignation could manifest into something audible, Gwen threw herself at Izzy, swinging Epitaph in a wide arc. Izzy jumped it and landed on Gwen's head, throwing her to the ground. "Hey, I thought you said you weren't going to kill me!"

"There's a difference between killing and maiming. I'll gladly do the latter." She parried a kick to her head and Izzy produced a bomb from thin air. Gwen watched the explosive fly at her face…

Trent winced as the bomb exploded at point-blank range in Gwen's face and Izzy slumped over. Seeing no trace of the goth, the redhead muttered, "What? That's it? That's…pretty disappointing."

Behind her, Gwen rose up from the shadows, unharmed, and flew forward, feet hanging inches off the ground. The blade swung again…and at the last moment, Izzy lashed out with a kick, striking the goth in the face and throwing her back. "Oh wow, you can sink into the shadows to move? Can you teach me how to do that?"

"You don't have Epitaph, so no. Plus you're an enemy." Gwen sighed. _So I can't win this just with basic strikes. Crap. This is gonna suck, but I guess I'm gonna have to go all out_. She pulled on either end of her scythe, splitting it in half. The red blade shrank and another crescent grew on the other staff. She sliced at the air; a pair of nigh-invisible waves of darkness flew towards Izzy.

The acrobatic psycho leapt them and launched herself forward. Gwen parried the kick with one _kama_ and slashed with the other, catching her foe on the arm. Izzy's next kick connected with Gwen's head, knocking her down. The goth melted into the shadows, dodging a stomp. Her hand grew out of the moon's rocky surface and hacked at the back of Izzy's leg, gashing it. Leaping away from her subterranean foe, Izzy produced another bomb and chucked it where she'd been just a moment before. The blast burned a crater into the sand, but Izzy knew better than to assume she'd gotten her foe. Foresight served her well; when Gwen appeared behind her with a full scythe at the ready, Izzy brought her back down with a leg sweep. Reaching for another bomb, she paused when she realized that Gwen's scythe had vanished. Acting on instinct, Izzy jumped as far back as she could. A giant spike rose up from nowhere where she had just been. Izzy imagined the impaling that would have occurred and shuddered. "Wow, Gwen, you're really good! I've usually won by now."

"Same." Panting and looking to be in far more pain than she should have been, Gwen stood back up, scythe in hand again. Well away from the combatants, Justin gave Trent a nervous glance. "Um…so can we agree not to get mixed up in that fight? Please? I'd really hate to be scarred by a chick."

"Yeah. Sure. Whatever." Trent was appalled that anyone could even stand against Gwen, much less actually appear to be winning. Justin drew a knife. "Let's further this. We just watch. The moment you start strumming that guitar of yours is the moment my knife enters your ribcage. Okay?"

"Fine. The moment that knife goes towards Gwen is the moment I concuss you with my guitar."

* * *

Alejandro smirked up at the floating castle, its mechanical drawbridge inching its way down to the cliff. _Muy bueno_._ That control was rather poorly hidden. Now, maybe I can end this before the Chosen One arrives_. The ramp touched down and he stepped onto it, his brisk pace keeping it ahead of the retracting plank. Soon, it would all be over.

Soon, either Geoff or Heather would be dead and the play would be over. And it wouldn't be the ending Chris envisioned, either.

* * *

"Okay, one more question." Panting, Gwen made an attempt at stalling for time. She had forgotten how much her weapon drained her. "Pretty much everyone else falls into a traditional RPG class, even if it is loosely. You, however…"

"Izzy's a berserker! That means that she can do anything she wants!"

"…are you sure that Chris didn't say 'you're berserk, do whatever'?"

"…That may have been it. Izzy has re-imagined my meeting with him so many times she doesn't remember what really happened. I think the cyborg-ninja-bear was real, but…well, only Chris really remembers."

"…Yeah. Definitely berserk. Wait, why even am I even still wondering about your sanity?"

"Izzy's perfectly sane in some universes."

"…You used a _Looney Tunes joke_ to explain where you got a _mini-gun_ from. You're far from 'perfectly sane'."

"Oh, yeah, Izzy forgot about her gun!" She pulled a smaller machine-gun from her 'inventory'. "Hey, mon, you are ready for ze dakka, _ja_? Let us fight, _mon ami_! Izzy shall pwn you!"

Gwen vanished before the bullets even came close and reappeared behind Izzy, disarming her with a bone-cracking kick to the wrist and slamming the flat side of her scythe against the crazy's skull. Dazed, Izzy couldn't dodge the waves of darkness that followed; as they lifted her up, she felt her joyous spirit dwindle. In their grasp, she felt crushing despair. Then they slammed her against a rock, returning her emotional scope to normal as they dissipated. Refusing to so much as acknowledge the pain pounding in her skull, she reached up to produce another bomb.

And then Gwen appeared in front of her, weapon having shape-shifted into a crimson club. Swinging it like a bat, the goth struck her in the stomach, sending her arcing back against a rock. And then the bomb went off, scorching the redhead. Wheezing, she tried to stand back up and regain her composure; Gwen didn't let her do that. Appearing from the shadows again, she struck Izzy in the chin before carving a gash up from her midriff to her chest. She added a kick to the face for good measure. Panting just as hard as her foe, Gwen said, "Give up, Izzy. There's no way you can fight in that condition."

Blackened, bloody and bruised, Izzy still managed to grin at her. "You clearly don't know E-scope that well. Tactical retreat!"

She produced a smoke bomb and struck Gwen in the face with it, clouding the goth's vision. Gwen sunk into the shadows and warped herself outside of the smoke cloud. She surveyed the area, but saw no trace of Izzy. Until the redhead came flying out of the cloud, planting her foot in Gwen's face. "I knew that'd work! And thanks to those herbs, Izzy's good to go again!"

"So, when you said 'tactical retreat, you meant me? That…was actually pretty smart." She blocked another kick from the redhead. In the corner of her eye, she saw Justin and Trent sitting on a rock, watching the melee. That distraction was all Izzy needed; displaying maneuverability and speed one could only find in a video game character, she unleashed a dazzling series of punches, kicks and headbutts on Gwen, finishing it with a bomb to the back. She stopped and posed, assured of her victory…something crashed into her back, slicing her exposed back and tossing her into the dirt. Gwen reached up and caught the spinning sickle, rising to her feet. "Not bad. You might want to watch your back next time."

Izzy gasped as Epitaph's blade split into three and Gwen swung it down…only to stall, crying out in pain. Although Izzy had no idea why Gwen stopped, she couldn't let an opportunity like this pass. She unleashed another series of physical strikes, ending it the same way. As Gwen fell to the ground, smoldering, Izzy cheered. "Yes! 27-hit combo! New record for Izzy! Why did you stop attacking?"

Spitting out blood and sure that she'd lost at least one tooth, Gwen sneered. "Epitaph isn't a weapon meant for mortal use. There's a damn good reason I prefer not to fight."

She lashed out once more, the blade missing Izzy by inches. Izzy kicked behind her the moment she saw Gwen disappear, but her instincts failed her this time; Gwen's attack came from her right, slicing down her side. Again, Gwen finished her attack with a kick to the face; Izzy wondered how her nose was still intact. Producing an herb from midair, she relieved her injuries and smirked. "It's time to-"

Gwen dropped down from above, performing a bicycle kick that sent her foe sprawling. She closed her eyes and the scythe vanished, emerging as spikes drilling into Izzy's back from the ground. Before Izzy's next attack could strike what Izzy thought as a defenseless opponent, the scythe was back in her hands. Izzy altered her attack at the last moment to avoid having her foot sliced off; that just allowed Gwen to pummel her with a fierce punch to the chest. Izzy rolled to the side, dodging another teleporting attack from Gwen. Panting, she somehow managed to grin. "Wow, you really are better than me! Impressive! But I'm not down yet! For I am…no, _we_ are…E-SCOPE!"

Gwen thought she was seeing things; _two _Izzies stood where there had only been one. They dashed forward, far faster than anything the redhead had displayed earlier, and _both_ slammed into Gwen, launching far back. Another clone, for lack of a better word, awaited her, launching her into the airless atmosphere with a sharp kick. The first two Izzies met her there, a double kick that would have created a creater had the third Izzy not been there to kick her away. The painful ride coming to an end, Gwen struggled to her feet; she could feel that her left arm had been shattered by the attack.

Which, of course, rendered it useless. She grimaced, knowing that her last resort was not a pleasant one. Extending the broken arm, she lifted the scythe over it. As Izzy, with her copies gone, watched in curiosity, the blade slid along its base, severing the arm. Both arm and blade vanished, leaving Gwen to clutch a bloody stump. She forced a grin. "Come on, Izzy. Try and finish me."

"Izzy is not fooled by obvious traps! She is curious as to what this one is, though. Yah!"

She ran forward and went into a jump kick aimed at Gwen's face. Mere feet before she collided, a red web sprung out of the abyss, ensnaring her and keeping her in the air. Gwen shouted, "Eclipse!"

Above, the black sky became dotted by hundreds of tiny sickles, waiting for Gwen's command to descend and erase Izzy. The goth smirked. "If I were, I wouldn't give into your curiosity next time. Now, when I release you from the web, you can either head back to Queen Bitch…or I can annihilate you entirely. I'd prefer the first, but…gah!"

The tax of wielding Epitaph caught up to her once more, and she fell to her knees in pain. For a few seconds, she sat helpless, although her opponent had no means of freeing herself.

Justin decided to make his move right then. He dashed at the helpless goth, knife in hand. The suddenness of his attack startled Trent, but the musician was quick to give chase. Izzy and Gwen, both unable to move, could only watch as Justin drew nearer, smirking. He drew the dagger back…with one last burst of speed, Trent found himself in range. He lifted his guitar and smashed it down on Justin. The model's head poking out of the ruined body, he groaned and fell limp, blood streaming down his face. As Trent stared in horror, Gwen's movement returned to her.

With a silent command, the web retracted back to Gwen, reforming her severed arm. It looked like nothing had ever happened to it. She stood up and scowled at Izzy. "So what will it be?"

Limping towards the goth, Izzy glanced at her unconscious partner. "I will take advantage of your gracious offer and get outta here; dying is not on my list of things to try. Can I have my evil ex, though? I mean, I know he just tried to kill you, but…Izzy just doesn't want to let him die. Or something."

Rolling her eyes, Gwen shrugged and moved away from the model. "Whatever. And did you two even _date_?"

As she pulled Justin out of the instrument's wreckage, she nodded. "I am certain that our interactions at Playa Des Losers could constitute 'dating' in some other cultures. Or worlds. Or universes."

"You never turn off the crazy, do you?" Gwen sighed and sidled up to the shell-shocked Trent. "All right, like I said, I'll let you live. But warn Heather; when we meet, it won't go well for her. I'll make sure of it. And seriously, Izzy, reconsider your allegiance."

"If you won't listen to Izzy, Izzy can't help that." The redhead stopped to force-feed Justin an herb, which closed most of his wounds. "Well, see ya later, gotho! Whahaha!"

As Izzy tried to race off into the distance, dragged down by Justin and her own injuries as she was, Gwen nudged Trent. "What do you think? Should we go after Geoff?"

"My…guitar…my guitar's broken…the damn Justin…"

"Snap out of it. I'm sure we can pick up a lute or something before we go to Discordia."

"I don't know how to play a lute!"

"Well, I guess you're SOL, then."

"Aw man…" Shaking away his anguish, Trent smiled down at Gwen. "Well, at least it went out protecting you, Gwen."

Reforming her scythe and sealing it away, Gwen smiled back. "I suppose. So, should we go track down Geoff?"

* * *

"_Venin_." Bridgette's spell purified the poison in Geoff's veins as the party boy stabbed at the strange creature floating before him. It died in a single stroke, but its brethren, hundreds of single celled beings ballooned to great sizes (a whole foot in width), swooped down. He hacked at them, destroying several with each cut. Yet the slightest brush against one was enough to inject the poison right back into his system. "Man, I hate these things! They're so annoying."

"_Venin_, _venin_. I really wish Noah had warned us about them." Bridgette ducked beneath a straggler and smacked it with the pitiful remains of her stick. She sighed as another bit of it broke off. _300 coins for this_. "Wait, I see something. Let's hurry!"

The two took off running through the canyon. In the distance, a shrine appeared, translucent with a tinge of ice blue. As they left the canyon, the creatures stopped pursuing them. They approached the crystalline palace, its stairs almost invisible in the near total darkness that was the back side of the moon. As she tried to step foot on the first step, Bridgette was thrown back by an invisible, painless force. When she looked up, she saw that Geoff had his foot resting atop the stair. "You okay, babe?"

"Yeah. Guess I'm not allowed in there." She moved into a sitting position. "I'll wait right here for you, Geoff. Good luck!"

"Yeah, thanks, Bridge." He smiled at her before climbing the stairs. The staircase was short and he found himself atop a flat podium with a hole in the middle. Above, he saw another shrine, floating in the middle of space. Confused, he stepped over to the hole. Words were etched into the crystal. He leaned down to read them. "'Chosen One, place the Sword of Eternal Frost into the hole to begin your trial. Our associates are not liable for any damages you receive during the trial. If you get killed, it's not our fault. Don't even try suing'. Huh, okay. So I guess I just…"

He took Enceladus and plunged it point-first into the hole. The shrine glowed a brilliant sky blue as a voice sounded. "Greetings, hero. Prepare yourself for your trial."

Geoff sighed. "Man, you know you're in a video game when everything is harder than it needs to be."

* * *

**A/N: Okay, I should probably note that I've started not one, but _two_ more stories since the last update. Hopefully this won't affect this fic too bad; I believe my update 'schedule' is slow enough as it is.**

**And remember; poll that may influence the next few chapters.  
**


	24. Act 8: Sword Of Eternal Frost

**A/N: Three updates in the space of one month? I'm on a roll here.  
**

* * *

Chapter 24: The Sword Of Eternal Frost

Geoff looked around, but saw no one. "Wait a minute, who's talking to me?"

After a slight cough, the deep, bass voice said, "I am a mysterious helping voice. Some call me…Mysterious Helping Voice."

"Ah, gotcha. So where are you?"

"I am speaking to you from the astral plane. I cannot see you, nor can you see me. Union rules."

"…There's a union for disembodied voices?"

"Not the point. Hold on a moment; I need to review my instructions. It's been centuries since I last gave advice."

Shrugging, Geoff sat down to wait. After a few moments, the voice muttered to itself. "Okay, so it's give random advice and _then_ begin the trial. Got it. Young hero! Please heed my advice, lest you…die or something."

"Okay, shoot."

"A true paladin will sheath his sword."

"…Uh, how does that apply to me? I don't even know what a paladin is."

"Are you not a dark knight who climbed to the top of a mountain to repent his past sins, thus becoming a warrior of light?"

"No, I'm some kinda Chosen One who gathered orbs to…"

"I see. You are on a quest to defeat the king of demons then. I warn you, once Baramos falls, a new evil will rise. Now then-"

"No, no, no, that's not right, either!"

"Describe yourself, then."

"Okay, I have blonde hair…"

"Do you wear a green hat and, if so, which direction is Death Mountain in?"

"No, I don't, I don't even wanna know what-"

"Then, is your hair spiked to a ridiculous extent and is your sword as long as you are tall?"

"Will you _please_ let me describe myself without interrupting every five words?"

"Sorry. Please go on."

Sighing, Geoff shook his head. _This guy actually thinks he's being helpful? All he's helped me with is giving me a headache_. He jumped as the voice spoke again. "I heard that."

"You can hear my thoughts? That's not fair! Well, anyways, my name's Geoff. I have a sword called Enceladus and I'm on the moon at the moment. Does that help?"

"…I see. My apologies, but I really cannot waste time with such an unimportant hero. I will have to delegate this to someone else."

A transparent image of Chris appeared before Geoff. "Yo, Geoff! How's it hangin', my man?"

Looking at the ground, Geoff clutched his head. "I am _so lost_ right now. You're gonna be my spirit guide thing?"

"Yep!" The image of Chris hovered over to the edge of the shrine. "Keep in mind, I'm not actually Chris. Just his...what was the word...oh yeah, 'astral self'…or something. I don't know what I'm saying, either. Anyways, this challenge will be split into three parts."

"Don't you mean trial?"

"Eh. Same thing. The first part is the Deadly Tightrope Of Courage! You will walk along this empty void, following a preset path. Only by displaying courage will you make it to the Upper Shrine."

"Dude. There's nothing there! How am I supposed to walk to this Upper Shrine thing?"

"What are you, chicken? As cliché as it sounds, if you are courageous enough, you will reach the Upper Shrine. The next part of the challenge is…um…screw it, I can't come up with anything deadly-sounding for a trivia game. It will supposedly test your wisdom; I'm pretty sure Chris was getting bored when he came up with this. And finally, up at the Chris Shrine, we have…the Unbearable Bear Of A Battle Of Power!"

Geoff gave him a bored look. "Let me guess; I get to fight a bear."

"Precisely! I can _barely_ believe you figured it out."

"Do you have any imagination at all, man?"

"No. But the real Chris has plenty." The image scowled and tapped its foot on air. "Well, what are you waiting for? Let's get going."

He hovered a few feet out into the sky and Geoff, questioning why he was even doing this, followed. Swallowing down his fear, he took a step out into space. It was as though he were stepping onto an invisible platform. After taking a deep breath, he walked over to the image, trying not to remind himself he was walking on thin air. Chris hovered away, leading the party boy higher and higher until he reached the second aquamarine shrine.

Geoff smiled as he stood upon visible ground once more. "You know, that really wasn't that bad. I've ridden carnival rides more terrifying than that."

"Good for you, maggot!" The image of Chris shape-shifted and took on the appearance of a familiar angry cook. Chef Hatchet drifted forward to glare at Geoff. "Now listen up! This second part of this challenge is supposed to test that fleshy pink thing between your ears. And before you ask, I don't know why I'm the one doin' this part; I'd much rather spend my time crushing your puny skull beneath my foot, but _no_, Chris has to stick with a _classic_. Bullcrap, I call it."

"…Isn't going off on irrelevant tangents supposed to be my job?"

"Just because you do it all the time don't mean I can't!" The specter produced a set of cue cards. "Now, question one: who is the most handsome man in the world?"

Geoff facepalmed; he should have figured any 'test of wisdom' concocted by Chris would go like this. "Well, since I'm sure Chris set this up, I'm guessing the answer is 'Chris'."

"Correct. Question two: who deserves to be god over this world?"

"Chris, again."

"Correct! Question three: who should be the true hero to end all sorrow with his amazin'…looks…I really hate this man sometimes…"

"Obviously Chris."

"Ya got it. Question four: Who won the 1978 World Series?"

"…Chris?"

"Wro-wait a minute…the cue card says that's _right_? I knew Chris had an ego, but…er, um, question five: you are walking at 65 miles an hour on a winding road in a vaguely north by northeast direction. Your friend is walking at 23 minutes per…day? The hell kinda a question is this?"

"Whatever it is, I'm just gonna assume the answer is Chris. Hey, Chef, man, can you speed this up? I only got a couple hours of air."

"Yeah, it's Chris. If I had a physical form, I'd be smackin' him upside the head right now. Okay then. Last question. What is the answer to life? I'll give ya a hint; it ain't 42 like it should be."

"Chris. Are we done now?"

"Yep. I'd say that was a gigantic waste of time; that didn't test _nothin_'."

The image shifted back to Chris's visage. "Hey! I worked hard on those, dang it! Er, I mean, Chris worked hard on those. And yes, Geoff, you did prove your wisdom; you showed that you know the true meaning of Chris, who is all."

"…I didn't think it was possible, but your ego's somehow gotten even worse. Can we please move on? I don't get why I even have to do these 'trials'."

"By having completed the first two challenges, you have proven strong in will and mind. Now, prove your strength of body."

Geoff shook his head as his body hovered up from the floor, ascending towards the final shrine. "All I've done is walk up an invisible flight of stairs and say your name a bunch of times…"

"Well, Chris couldn't make it too difficult; can't have you fail, now can he?"

Geoff didn't respond. Once his feet were set back onto solid ground, hundreds of feet above the moon's surface, he glanced around. The final shrine was just a square of the same ice blue material as the first two, about a hundred feet across. Floating down in front of him, Chris smirked. "So, the first two trials were easy, huh?"

"Uh, kinda?"

Chris's translucent body erupted, twisting itself into a bear. A twenty-foot tall bear. Growling, it looked down at the petrified party boy. "**DEVOUR**!"

Geoff did the first logical thing that came to mind. He screamed and ran away.

* * *

Heather's eyes fluttered open, reminding her of her predicament. Dizzy from hanging upside-down for an hour now, she clutched her head, cursing her sloppy minions. _When I get back...no, if Geoff is on his way, I should refrain from killing any possible meat shields_. Sighing, she bent forward to glare at the knot of rope around her ankle. She considered burning it away; the mile-long plunge into hard stone wouldn't have too much impact in the long run. But no. She should be patient; not worth losing a jewel over...

The rope twitched. Subtle, but Heather still felt it. It continued shifting, feeling as though tension was leaving it. And then, with no further warning, it retracted itself, pulling the queen along with it. She cursed, she screamed, she tossed fireballs in random directions, but she knew that her only choices were to crash back into the cannon or fall into the ocean. The former would give her less trouble.

Bracing for impact, she watched the hole in the wall grow ever closer. Before she knew it, she was in the pitch-black environs of the cannon, disoriented by a pounding headache. Looking out at the single light source (the cannon's barrel), she saw a gray speck draw closer...and closer...

Izzy cackled in delight as the spear at the end of the rope crashed back into the cannon, shattering the machine into millions of sheets of scrap metal and wires. She glanced around at the carnage surrounding her. She and Justin were the fortunate ones; the multitude of minions gathered had been caught in a maelstrom of debris. Up above, Lindsay waved down at the returning madwoman. "Hi, Lizzy! Did you see Heather on your way back down?"

"Huh? Why would I have..."

An arm, soaked red, emerged from the wreckage; Heather followed right after it. She turned to snarl at Izzy, but was too slow to beat Lindsay. "Oh, there you are, Heather! What happened to you?"

"Shut it, Lindsiot." Wobbling, she trudged over to Izzy and her unconscious partner. "So. _Please_ tell me you completed the mission."

"Yep! Primary objective achieved."

Heather stepped back, gaping. "Wait...you actually _killed Geoff_?"

"Huh? No, that was my tertiary objective. Primary objective was having an awesome battle with Gwen. I lost, though."

"You...fought...didn't...kill...Geowen...kill...Chosen..._KILL_." Fireballs erupted in Heather's hand and she launched them at Izzy. The redhead ducked and raised a hand. "Um, before you get back to killing me, I'd just like to say you're taking this better than I expected."

"_FAILURE!_" As the two girls raced out of the room, Justin decided he'd continue pretending to be unconscious a little while longer.

* * *

Geoff ducked a swipe from the bear's claw, mind scrambling to find some way to fight it. He had no sword and while he had decent physical strength...well, that didn't matter much against a giant spectral bear. The monster roared something indecipherable and lunged in to chew off Geoff's head. After turning tail again, he yelped as a claw scraped his back. _Okay, think, Geoff. You can't beat it with physical power, you gotta outsmart it...aw crap, I suck at this kind of stuff_.

Abandoning the idea of outsmarting the beast, he turned and punched it. In spite of its phantasmal appearance, it was quite solid. That didn't do Geoff any good, though; it was like hitting a mossy boulder. Arm feeling sprained, he was thrown to the shrine's edge by a clawed paw. Clutching the bloody wound carved into his unarmored chest, Geoff rose to his knees. As the bear tried to maul him again, he dived between its legs and took off to the opposite end of the shrine, leaving the monster to wonder where its prey had gone.

"Okay. Definitely _don_'_t _have the strength to beat this guy." He heard a roar, followed by colossal footsteps. The bear had found him. Setting his mind on a plan, he scurried to the other end of the shrine, stopping with his feet inches away from the edge. He smirked, despite the gaping wound in his chest. "Hey! Bet you can't even touch me!"

"**DESTROY**!" As the bear charged, Geoff stared him down, a confident grin on his face that hid the terror rising inside him. The bear's maw lowered and lunged, and once again the party boy rolled under its legs. Its momentum carried it to the edge of the platform; teetering, it howled as it tried to regain its balance. Before it could, Geoff rammed his shoulder against the back of its leg. He was sure that he dislocated the joint upon impact, but the shove was all he needed.

The bear went over, turning to glare at Geoff as it tumbled to the lunar surface far below. "**CURSE**!"

* * *

Bridgette sighed, resting her chin on her palm. _He's been gone for half an hour; we've gotta be running low on air. I hope he's alright. Gwen and Trent, too_. Hearing a roar, she looked up. A big turquoise…_something_ fell towards her. She squinted, trying to make out what it was…

A giant bear. She shrieked as it crashed down, a blue meteor that did not leave a crater. After landing, it turned to look at her and she figured that her stay in this world was over. Then it transformed, warping and shifting until it resembled Chris. "Oh, hey, Bridge."

He floated back up, leaving her a shivering, shaking mess.

* * *

Clutching his chest, Geoff panted, hoping that the bear was defeated. The projection of Chris rose up to give him his answer. "Well done, Geoff. You have passed the trials and now…"

"Now what?" Geoff blinked as the image disappeared. A rumble at his foot told him something was wrong; he wasn't able to act on that instinct before the shrine plummeted, crashing into the one right below. He screamed as both impacted against the one on the ground, forming a large block of crystalline material. From atop the collective shrines, Geoff waited, too scared to move.

He looked over at Enceladus, trapped within the mounds of aquamarine. The purple blade glowed, absorbing the material around it. The entire construct glowed white as it was eaten by the mystic weapon, disappearing faster by the second. As the last bit was swallowed up, Geoff plunged himself to the ground, fearful of being consumed by the sword. When he looked up, he was amazed at what lay before him.

Enceladus stood straight up where the shrine once was, glowing with sacred light. Once a strange weapon that looked more like a purple nail than anything, it now sported a wide blade made of what looked like ice. The blade grew out of a cross-guard of the material; the ice was tinted purple by Enceladus's glow. After stepping up to the sword, Geoff grabbed the hilt, the only part of the weapon not covered in the substance, and drew it. A voice, the same from when he first entered the shrine, spoke. "Hero, you have claimed the Sword of Eternal Frost; it seems that your journey is nearing its end. Heed my warning."

For once, Geoff didn't have anything to say, allowing the voice to go on. "Though it may seem straightforward from here, there are forces at work beyond what you realize. Two men will stand in your way. One seeks chaos, the other godhood. You will have to defeat both of them before your quest is complete."

"Wait, chaos?" Geoff gripped his weapon tighter, memories of Inciniera flooding his mind. "You mean Alejandro? I can't beat that guy! His magic is _way_ too strong!"

The voice was silent for a moment. "All magic has a price."

* * *

**All magic has a price**.

Alejandro didn't so much hear the words as he felt them; agony coursed through his temples as he gave an anguished cry and fell to his knees. "_Que_…the hell? I know the cost…"

Panting, he looked up, straight into a mirror stowed away in the basement of Castle Discordia. Though few in number and very subtle, wrinkles outlined his face. The pain continued and he felt his consciousness wane. "Damn it, I can't…fail…or my brother…_my damned_…guh…"

* * *

Geoff nodded. "Okay, but I don't see how that helps me…"

"You will. As for the other one…treachery is his tool. Drop your guard and he will tear those close to you apart. Trust no one but yourself."

"Uh, have I already met this guy?"

"Yes."

"Wait…I thought I was too 'unimportant' for you to talk to."

The voice silenced itself. "Um…I am not actually Mysterious Helping Voice. I am…um…a robot clone of Mysterious Helping Voice. Beep."

"How do you make a robot clone of a _disembodied voice_?"

"…Bye. Bye. Beep."

Geoff felt a presence leave and knew that it would be no use talking anymore. He turned around to find Bridgette waiting for him. "Hey, babe."

She threw herself at him, enveloping him in a tight, terrified embrace. "Oh my god, Geoff, it was scary, this big blue bear thing fell from the sky and then it turned into Chris and then…"

"Oh, that? Yeah, I had to fight that." Bridgette's eyes widened even further, a feat which should have been impossible, and her grip tightened. "You had to fight _that_? Oh wow, you must've been through a lot."

"Eh, that was by far the worst of it. I'll tell you about it on the way back to the magic…circly…thingy."

As they entered the canyon again, a swarm of the venomous creatures from before descended upon them. Snarling, Geoff prepared Enceladus to cut through the abominations. "Or maybe it'll wait 'til later."

* * *

"Lindsay, report."

Oblivious to the severity of the situation, Lindsay nodded and gave her queen a wide smile. "Okay, all dividends except for the…third are in that one room with the cannon thing. Ollie is waiting in the kitchens. Isabel and Justin are still recovering from their trip to the moon, but they say they'll wait just outside your throne room. Third divider is in Terra Nova…ooh, are they buying food for the party?"

Heather gave her servant a deadpan stare. "What."

"We're…getting ready for Geoff's party, right?"

"Yes, Geoff's _party_. That means the losers traveling with him, not an actual party!" Rubbing her temples, Heather sneered. "You are _such_ an idiot."

"Oh, okay." A silence followed, which convinced Heather that Lindsay didn't really understand. She was right. "So the party's for Geoff's friends? Why are they having it here?"

"Just shut up, please. All I need you to do is stay by my side until I tell you otherwise. Got it?"

Following Lindsay's meek nod, Heather rose and paced around her throne. "This is seriously driving me _crazy_. No one here has any semblance of competence, and now we're down to our. Last. _Stand_. This fails, and we're screwed. You _can_. _Not_. Mess this up, Lindsay. If I fall, it will be up to you to stop…well, whatever comes after. I hate to do it, but since Beth seems to have gone AWOL, I have to place my faith in you. _Can you do it_?"

Despite the anger coming from Heather, Lindsay grinned. "Of course."

* * *

"Nice, Bridgette. Real nice."

Noah glared at the surfer, who had once again been unable to keep her lunch down after teleporting back from the moon. "Sorry. Teleportation doesn't seem to agree with me."

"Whatever." The egghead looked over at Geoff. Or, to be more specific, Geoff's sword. "So, that's the true form of Enceladus, huh. Didn't realize you'd be swinging a claymore around."

Looking up and down the blade, Geoff shrugged. "Huh. I guess it's kinda big."

"Fool, that thing's five feet long and at least a foot wide. That ain't just 'kinda' big." The weary travelers turned to find Leshawna amongst the rest of their comrades. Harold, trying to subtly edge near her, said, "My chocolate goddess just got here a few minutes ago. She's got something for both Geoff and Bridgette."

"That's right, it's why I stayed back in the first place." Leshawna strode up to them, carrying a simple breastplate of silver and an ivory rod. "Couldn't help but notice your armor got destroyed, Geoff. I had our smiths craft somethin' up for you, and our magicians added some magic protection. Here you go."

"Nice!" Shucking the twisted remains of his old armor and wondering why he was even wearing them, he threw the new suit on and tightened it. "Wow, thanks, Leshawna!"

"No problem. As for you, girl, we thought you might need somethin' to protect yourself with. It ain't too strong, but it'll be fine. More importantly, it's also got a lotta magic in it. If you make it your…what was it again, Zeke?"

"Source of Magic, eh."

"Yeah, Source of Magic, you can draw magic from your staff instead of…well, from you."

"That's…thank so much!" After giving Leshawna a quick hug, Bridgette raced over to Ezekiel. "Hey, Zeke, can you show me to make this my Source of Magic?"

"Of course."

Geoff smiled. Glad as he was to see she had some way of defending herself…Sierra's words still made him nervous. _Nothing's happening to you, babe. I'll make sure of it._

A hand waved in front of his face and he turned to find Cody at his side. "Geoff, man, you with us? Kinda spaced out there."

"Yeah, I am. Just thinking." From the other side of the island, Courtney cleared her throat. "Um, guys? I know you're all excited and stuff, but shouldn't we really be going? I don't know about you, but I am really sick of this stupid world."

"Well, Geoff?" Sierra popped up behind Cody, scaring the life out of the tech whiz. "Ready to go?"

With a deep sigh, Geoff nodded. Without a word, he headed towards the ship, his party trailing along behind him.

* * *

Alejandro woke up in the same place he collapsed, forehead still aching. He had no idea what had happened; he knew full well what the cost of his abilities was. No matter. He was where he needed to be. Smiling as the pain died, he stretched and stood up. "Well, let's get this little _fiesta_ started, shall we?"

* * *

**A/N: The end of book 1 is at hand; only one act left. The poll will be closed when I upload the next chapter, so if you haven't voted yet, do so.**


	25. Act 9: Lawless Lands

**A/N: I say that starting a couple new stories won't slow me down too much and then proceed to take SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS to update. My apologies; this should not happen again. Especially considering that the next several chapters will be mostly action. Action comes quickly to me.  
**

* * *

**(Chris narrating): Last time, on Total Drama Quest…it finally happened. Geoff's sword became an actual sword. Hats off to you, buddy; I know those trials were difficult.**

** Oh, and it's probably worth mentioning the savage battle between Izzy and Gwen. A contest of two of the strongest fighters we've seen yet, but in the end, Gwen emerged the victor. And besides that…nothing happened, really. Besides Bridgette finally getting a real weapon. Sheesh, how'd she go so long without one?**

** What evil traps and diabolical foes await Geoff in Discordia? Who will live? Who will die? And what the heck is gonna happen if Heather's defeated? It's been a long road. Now get ready for…**

**ACT IX: Discord And Rhyme**

…**on Total…Drama…Quest!**

Chapter 25: Lawless Lands

The situation looked dire; four monsters surrounded the party in the barren wastes of Discordia. Constructed of the same brown stone they rose from, the golems towered; DJ's head didn't even reach the shortest one's midsection. A vicious battle seemed imminent, yet no one had moved in nearly a minute. All eyes were fixed upon Noah and Courtney, caught up in an important argument.

"Lawful good. You actually think you're lawful good." Noah scoffed, shaking his head. "Justify it, because as far as I'm concerned, you're chaotic good _at best_. Probably closer to chaotic neutral; I imagine that if joining Heather was the quicker way to leave this world, you'd go for it."

"No, I wouldn't." In contrast to Noah's calm annoyance, Courtney's voice was harsh and hostile. "And I am lawful good, dammit! I follow the law when it's convenient and I'm definitely on the good side; therefore, I am lawful good."

"Your biggest contribution to this quest is conning a blacksmith into armoring our boat for free. That alone disqualifies you from being lawful _anything_. You're in the same boat as Izzy in my book; chaotic and crazy."

"I'm not crazy!"

"Denial at its finest."

"You're the one who's crazy!"

"Funny, because you _are_ driving me crazy. Gonna need an institution by the time I'm done talking to you."

"Guys?" Quivering, DJ pointed at the nearest golem. "Can't you wait until we're _not_ surrounded by scary rock monsters?"

Trent nodded. "Seriously. Why does Courtney's 'alignment' even matter?"

"Fine." With a roll of his eyes, Noah drew a scroll and shredded it. One of the monsters turned into ice, melting within seconds. "Happy? There goes my second-to-last Flash Freeze scroll."

Losing one of their kin sent the golems into action, lumbering towards the party. Ezekiel fired lighting from his hands, the blue bolts destroying the core of one of the monsters. Her scythe disappearing, Gwen smirked as it rose up as a drill, grinding another into gravel. The last was cut in half by a single slash from Enceladus, Geoff rolling away as its parts split and crashed to the earth. Clutching his nun-yo, Harold sighed. "Dang. I was hoping to get in on the action. I mean, gosh, you four have been doing all the fighting."

"Not our fault we're overpowered." Gwen's scythe returned to her and she leaned on it. "Or maybe the monsters are just weak."

"Where are these monsters comin' from, anyway?" Leshawna hefted her scepter, resting it on her shoulder. "One moment, there's nothin'; the next, rock monsters just happen to be surroundin' us. Crazy."

"Gosh, don't you guys remember what I was saying?" Harold crouched down, putting away his weapon. "We are in the 'Lawless Lands', the mountainous region of western Discordia with no towns or anything. The random encounter rate here is the highest in the world!"

As if to prove the nerd right, a golem sprang up from thin air right beside Leshawna. She crushed it with a pair of blows to its chest and scowled. "Can we just get movin'? The sooner we're outta these Lawless Lands, the better. And would you let Cody breathe?"

Cody, face red from suffocation, nodded, although he doubted Sierra even heard. To his surprise, her iron grip relaxed; he didn't get a chance to enjoy the sweet air before another monster spawned in front of him, slashing him with its wing. The beast, a winged reptile with no forearms and a spiked tail, belched a wave of fire at the party before they had even realized what was happening. Gwen and Noah were scorched, prompting Bridgette to heal them. Ezekiel pointed up at the wyvern. "_Donderhund hamer_, eh!"

Lightning flung itself at the dragon; the bolts splashed off its scales, with one large electric stream bouncing right back at the prairie boy. The spell left a crater in the stone and Ezekiel a blackened mess. Bridgette went to heal him, worried about being forced to heal twice in less than ten seconds after not having done a thing in hours. Noah scowled as DJ tried to hide behind Geoff. "Wonderful. Wyverns are spell resistant, and stabbing them with pointy sticks won't exactly work, either. Unless someone has an Enlarge Person spell."

"Um…" Geoff stared at the mass of scrolls affixed to Noah's hip. "Wouldn't you be the one with that spell, dude?"

"Because I'm the only magic user here, right?"

"Woo!" A joyous whoop erupted over the sands as Tyler flew at the beast, flung by a now-cowering DJ. He drew a fist back. "Alright, back in the game! I'm gonna-"

The wyvern swung its tail and swatted Tyler back to earth. And, for good measure, billowed fire onto the party again. As Bridgette, astounded and demoralized by how bad they were losing to a single monster, healed Tyler, everyone else turned to the gentle giant. DJ peeked between his fingers. "What? Brother really wanted to try a, um… 'fastball special'."

In spite of currently being on the losing end of the battle, Harold grinned. "Tyler knows about the fastball special? Awesome."

"Why'd you do that, Deej?" Courtney raced towards where Bridgette crouched over the twitching jock. "He could have been seriously hurt! Does anyone ever think before-"

A fiery missile blasted her and left her lying in a crater. Upon receiving glares from the party, the wyvern shrugged its wings. _What? She was giving me a headache_. Then it realized that those below it were either enemies or prey and dive-bombed Geoff. He slashed with Enceladus, getting smashed to the ground in the process but managing to gash the beast's underside. As it flew higher into the air, a fiery arrow pierced its wing. Roaring, it twisted its neck around and belted out another fireball at Ezekiel. The prairie boy muttered, "_Stoppenfenster_, eh."

Unfortunately for Ezekiel, the ball shattered his barrier and leveled him. Unfortunately for the rest of the party, the wyvern loosed a howl and its wounds healed in moments. And then swatted Epitaph away as the scythe flew at its neck. Noah's eye twitched as Bridgette treated Ezekiel's burns. "You know, I think we might want to try what might be our best skill."

Leshawna rolled her eyes. "And what might that be, small fry? If Gwen ain't able to down it, there ain't nobody who can."

"Yeah, I was referring to running, actually." With a scream, Noah took off away from the wyvern; nobody followed. The monster eyed him, considered its options, shrugged again and chased after the bookworm. A whirling scythe, a lightning-enchanted arrow, a metal plated rabbit, a bomb that unleashed stunning electricity, sonic waves from a guitar and blows from Enceladus and Leshawna's scepter failed to slow it down at all. It opened its mouth as it closed in on Noah, who reached for a scroll…

"No! Bad lizard! No eating Noah!"

No one expected a short girl with a whip to stop the pursuit with a command. As the 'lizard's' maw snapped close just inches behind Noah, the bookworm buried his face in a palm. "Wonderful. Saved by the pig girl after that incredible display of mine. My dignity is at an all-time high."

With no regard for Noah's snarking, Beth approached the confused wyvern. "Aw, it's okay. They're not going to hurt you; you don't need to defend yourself…"

"Um…" Gwen blinked a few times. "_What_."

"Oh, hi guys!" As if she had just noticed them, Beth turned to the party and waved. "Funny meeting you here!"

"Oh, yes, conveniently random meetings totally aren't cliché at all." To everyone's surprise, Noah advanced towards her with a scroll in hand. "So, what's your story? Random victim of Heather's rule? Traveling rogue in search of a party seeking to overthrow the evil queen? Farm girl who just _happens_ to control monsters?"

"Huh? I…I'm not on Heather's side! Swearsies!" Beth backed away as the wyvern growled. "I-I used to serve her, but she's just so mean…I tried to take Linds with me, but…"

"So, it was the first one…"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Noah, dude. Chillax." Geoff raced over to them, not at all liking where Noah was going. "Why don't we hear her out?"

"'Chillax'. You actually told me to 'chillax'. I swear, party boy…"

Nevertheless, Noah put his scroll away and stepped back. Beth shook her head once to clear away the fear and smiled. "Th-thank you, Geoff."

"No prob." Daring to sheath his sword, he took a glance at the entranced wyvern. "So…um…"

"You can command the monsters?" Bridgette led the rest of the party over to Beth. "That's really cool!"

"Yes! I am…" Beth extended her whip in what she thought was a heroic pose. "An animal master! She who controls the wild beasts of the world! Um…only one at a time, though. And before anybody asks, no, Mr. Scales will not give rides."

Harold gave a groan of disappointment, and Gwen smirked at him. "Sorry you can't ride on a wyvern, Harold."

"Hey, Harold!" Trent's voice made Harold jump; he'd forgotten Trent was even there. "What does your knowledge about these random encounters say about this?"

"Well, my chocolate goddess…" Harold pulled out a book and, everyone else gave him stares of varying levels of bemusement. As he scanned the pages, he said, "Well, since we didn't actually defeat the wyvern, this battle isn't over, which means…no more random encounters as long as Mr. Scales is with us!"

He expected cheers and a demand to party. He received a look from Gwen that said, quite clearly, she thought he was insane. "Is that a _player's guide_?"

"Um…" He shoved the manual into the deep recesses of his pocket, pricking his finger on a shuriken. "No."

Her stare became deadpan. "That _was_ a player's guide. Have you been hanging out with Izzy or something? Because that's the kind of thing I'd expect from her."

"No, it wasn't! Gosh!"

"So, um, Beth…" DJ cut off the argument. "You can take those scary monsters and, like, make them your _pets_?"

"Um…" Beth rubbed the back of her head, blushing. "Y-yes? I mean, I wouldn't call them my pets…"

DJ's eyes watered in happiness and, trembling, he squeaked, "That…is…_amazing_!"

With a groan, Courtney rolled her eyes. "You are so pathetic, DJ, you know that? I swear, if you hide behind _Beth_, of all people…"

Noah rolled his eyes. "Can we get to the point already? Why should we trust you?"

"Hey!" Slinging on arm over Beth's shoulders, Geoff grinned. "Beth's cool. Why are you so paranoid, man?"

"Gee, I don't know what I was thinking. I guess that magic voice that told you not to not to trust anyone was just kidding around, right?"

Leshawna nodded. "He's right, fool. Beth, I love you girl, but we can't risk it. Sorry."

With an ill-concealed smirk, Courtney said, "Yeah. So, bye."

"W-wait!" Dead scared now, Beth cowered against the wyvern's side. "I can get you guys inside Heather's castle!"

"Sure you can." Noah rolled his eyes. "Of course, you just _happen_ to have knowledge we need. You're about as trustworthy as an eel to me."

"Um, guys?" Cody looked up from some metallic frame he was working on in the absence of danger. "Heather's kind of an all-powerful witch, right? Why would she need to set a trap?"

Courtney rolled her eyes. "Because she's not stupid? Seriously, I thought you were supposed to be smart."

With a huff, Sierra stomped towards the CIT. "Don't you talk to Codykins like that! If he isn't smart, then how could he have built...that...um...lolwut?"

Nobody commented on her odd choice of word as they were too busy staring at Cody's construct. A metallic sheet with rails and machinery on its underside. The tech geek gave them all a broad smile. "Um...okay, this thing is a hovercraft of sorts. If Mr. Scales can pull us along, we'll get to Heather's castle in no time."

Silence reigned as the party glanced amongst each other.

* * *

As the metal contraption raced across the rocky fields, pulled by the wyvern, Gwen cast a curious gaze at Cody. Noting that the tech geek blushed under her scrutiny, she asked, "Cody? Where'd you get the stuff to make this thing, anyways?"

"Huh?" Cody rubbed the back the back of his head, glancing around. To his relief, Sierra was knocked out at the front end of the vessel. It seemed that Noah's sleep spell had quite a long duration. "From my, um, inventory."

Across from Gwen and scowling at her, Courtney blinked. "Your inventory? What do you mean, your 'inventory'?"

Gwen sighed and buried her face in a palm. "Trust me, you don't wanna know."

Courtney huffed and looked away, nose in the air. "I wasn't even asking you."

As the two girls squabbled, Geoff, seated at the very back of the skiff, drew Bridgette closer to him. "So, Beth. How do we get into Heather's castle?"

Beth glanced away from DJ, who was cowering in the very center of their ride. "It's not really hard, actually. There's this strange little panel thingy on a cliff kinda near Terra Nova. Just press and a bridge extends. I'll probably need to point it out to you, though."

"That's fine." Bridgette rubbed up against Geoff's side. It was nice, she decided, to finally not have to walk to their destination. "I'm surprised it's that easy, though..."

Noah snorted. "Well, when you're an all-powerful witch, keeping people out isn't exactly a priority. Know any weaknesses or anything?"

"U-um..." Beth rubbed her fingers together. "Lindsay said something about some jewels in a small town, and Heather got really mad..."

Geoff and Noah exchanged looks and the party boy said, "Seriously? Sounds like we should find them. Any idea what town?"

"It would have to be Cape Yarmouth. Only town near the castle besides Terra Nova."

At the name of the town, Noah face-palmed. "Geez...I just realized how creative Chris was in naming these places. And now that I think about...no, never mind. Not important. What do you say we do, o leader?"

Geoff rubbed his chin in thought, something Noah figured to be a struggle for him. His suspicions that the party boy could only come up with the most basic idea were confirmed a moment later. "We split up. One group goes to find those jewels and another goes to...fight Heather."

"Of course that would be your plan..." Shaking his head, Noah stood up and extended his arms for balance as the machine zoomed across the land. "Alright gang, over here."

As soon as everyone except the still-snoozing Sierra and Tyler, who was leaning against a rail, complied, he took a seat. "Okay. We have two goals here. Not only do we need to defeat the wicked queen, but there are some jewels or crystals or something hidden in the nearest town. And since we're in an RPG here, the chances of those being unimportant are about the same as Owen's chances of losing weight. Our brilliant strategist Geoff here has decided that best idea is to split up. So, I say that the first-"

"Um, excuse me?" Courtney waved her hand. "Shouldn't Geoff be the one to decide this, since he's…you know…our _leader_, as everyone likes to remind me?"

"Sure. We'll send him with his closest friends to deal with Heather and have a party while the rest of us just…" Noah sighed, unable to bring himself to use a certain word.

Gwen nodded. "Noah's right. Sorry Geoff, but you're not exactly the best when it comes to thinking."

Geoff nodded; his grin had not faded in spite of the digs at his intelligence. "It's cool. Go ahead, Noah, dude."

"Okay…obviously, Geoff needs to go. I'm not exactly coldhearted, so I guess Bridgette can go with him. Prairie boy goes, too; you step in whenever it looks like the goal is going to be derailed by the lovebirds sucking face."

"Um…" Ezekiel blushed at the thought and scratched the back of his head. "Got it, eh."

"Gwen, you're too powerful to not go after Heather. Plus, being cut in half by the Grim reaper's scythe for not letting you go after Heather is not my idea of fun. Beth, we apparently need you to get us in, so you go, too. Just know that if you so much as _think _about turning in us…"

Beth raised her hands. "I'm not going to betray you! I promise!"

"Okay. Now, two more. I say…"

"I'm goin'." Leshawna stood up, hefting her scepter. "Little Shawnie's gonna give Heather a good talkin' to. See if I can't through to her."

"Yes, because _talking_ to the final boss works in games…" Noah shook his head, not willing to argue at the moment. "Okay, fine. I'll take you want to go too, four-eyes?"

Harold shook his head. "As much I would love to escort my lovely Leshawna, I think it's best for the sages to stay together. We probably get some wicked stat bonuses for having all three in the same party at once, and there's a good chance we have some awesome triple-techs we can-"

"**No**. Shut up now." Noah removed his hand from his face. "You take this video game thing _way_ too literally. Alright, so…"

"I'll go!" In spite of his enthused shout, Tyler did not leap to his feet or otherwise physically show his spirit. Instead, he fixed Noah with a look of pure intensity and resolve. "I need to."

"Uh, no. Sorry, jocko, but you can't even walk straight."

"Maybe not, but…" Tyler looked down. "I gotta save Lindsay. I don't care what happens to me, I gotta save her. I'm going no matter what you guys tell me."

Bridgette looked at him with wide eyes. "Wow…you really do care for her. Noah, he's coming with us. That's final."

Noah groaned. "Alright, fine, your suicide. Now then-"

"Woo!" In rapture, Tyler jumped atop the thin railing. "Hear that, Linds? I'm _whoa_!"

Unable to balance upon such a precarious ledge at such velocity, Tyler's balance went and he fell over. As he bounced along the ground behind the skiff, Courtney elbowed Beth. "Hey! Tell your stupid flying lizard to turn back! _Now_!"

With a roll of his eyes, Mr. Scales veered around back towards the fallen athlete.

* * *

"Hey, dude, can you tell me…aw, not again!" For the tenth time in five minutes, the person that Geoff attempted to talk to simply vanished without warning. Cape Yarmouth, he decided, was the single strangest place they had visited so far. The people vanished when spoken to, houses were only half-formed, trees and bushes and even the ground seemed to waver in and out of reality, although they were always physically there, and Cody had even fallen into a pit that had looked to be a slight rise in the earth. And all around, Chris's grinning face blinked at them from the walls. "Man, what's with this place?"

"It seems that this place was poorly programmed. If I had to guess, I'd say Chris designed this city and did a poor job with the coding." Harold walked right through a passing woman, her image disappearing on contact. "Just further proof that we're in a video game and that my ideas would work. Gosh, we can't we-"

"Oh, stop whining." Courtney glared up at a nearby mountain, which flickered between existence and oblivion. And happened to extend from a marketplace. "Okay, how the hell are we supposed to search a city that's actively disappearing around us? This is insane! What if we crash the, ahem, 'game'?"

"I don't think that would happen." Cody had given up escaping Sierra and just relaxed in her grip, hoping she didn't decide to squeeze tighter. "And even if it did, I imagine that we'd just be kicked back into reality…however that works."

Courtney blinked. "Geoff, keep talking to people until you crash this! _Now_!"

"Uh, no." Noah scowled at the party. "Well, are we going to make like the Scooby Gang and split or what?"

Geoff nodded and pointed Enceladus forward. "Alright, dudes and dudettes! Are you ready to rock? Because we're gonna…um…okay, I don't think 'burn this place down' really works here, but, um…let's rock this casbah!"

With whoops and cheers sounding, he was followed by Bridgette, Ezekiel, Gwen, Leshawna, Beth, Tyler and Mr. Scales. Noah tried to slam his face against a wall, only for it to disappear and send the egghead to the ground. "The castle's the other way."

"Sorry, didn't see it."

"It's hovering in the sky, is huge and can't possibly be called a casbah! How blind do you have to be to not see it?"

* * *

"Well…that switch wasn't very well hidden, eh." Ezekiel trailed behind the rest of the group as they ascended the drawbridge to Castle Discordia. He cast a scared look at Mr. Scales. "And do I really have to walk beside the dragon?"

"It's okay, Mr. Scales won't hurt you." Beth froze up, paling. Tyler bumping into her prodded her to continue on her way, but her worry remained. "Oh no! I totally forgot something!"

Bridgette looked back at her. "What is it?"

"Heather said she was going to have all of her soldiers wait at the entrance of the castle! I'm sorry, I totally forgot to mention it!"

"Really?" At the front of the group, Gwen put on a nasty smile, the kind one would expect from a psychopathic killer. "I think I can deal with it."

"Huh?" Leshawna blinked. "Girl, I know you're strong n' all, but you ain't gonna take down an army by yourself."

"Wanna bet?" As she reached the massive double doors, Gwen pulled on the handles. They didn't budge. "You know, Beth, you could have at least mentioned that the doors were locked."

Chewing on her fingernails, Beth shivered. "S-sorry! I swear, I didn't know!"

"It's fine, I got this. They open from the inside?"

"Y-yes…"

"Cool. Give me a minute. Restriction 666 released. Dimensional interference field deployed. Awaken, Epitaph!" Her scythe appeared in her hands and she dissolved into darkness, a circular shadow on the metal catwalk that rimmed the bottom of the flying castle. The spot of darkness slid underneath the doors. For several moments, Geoff's party listened to horrifying silence. Then… "Crissaegrim."

Screams of agony and panic followed, accompanied by what could only be described as the screams of the denizens of Hell. Bridgette clung to Geoff, all color drained from their bodies. After a couple minutes, the screams died down. The door cracked open and Gwen, looking as though she were about to keel over dead, poked her head out. "Okay…that sucked…but done. Um…it's kinda messy in here, so if you're squeamish…close your eyes."

* * *

Heather glared at the handsome man who had just opened the door to her throne room. "And you are?"

"An agent of chaos." Alejandro stepped through the doorway, smirking at the queen. "I've come to the conclusion that _you_ are an easier target than the Chosen One."

Heather snorted and rose from her bed, hands clenching as an electric field sparked around her fingertips. "Oh really? What makes you think that?"

"The fact the Chosen One is supposed to defeat you. _Fuego ardiente_!"

Fire jets sprouted like claws from his fingertips and he pounced, the flaming points stretching to melt off Heather's face. The queen teleported in mid-stretch, reappearing behind him. With a flick of her finger, lightning splintered out and burned the darker-skinned teen, hurling him through a bedpost and into the wall. He grunted and rose, heat still emitting from his hands. He countered a second blast of lightning with a fireball from his palm. The two elements met in the center of the room and exploded, blinding the queen. With a triumphant cackle, he thrust his hand skyward and a pillar of flame rose from beneath Heather. The heat whipped across his face even as it burnt itself out.

Heather stood in a crystal encasement, unharmed by the volcanic blast. Scrunching up her nose at the smell of sulfur, she threw an icicle dagger at her foe. "Oh, please. You're gonna have to do better than that if you want to actually hit me."

Alejandro kept smirking as he dodged the transparent blade. It shattered against the wall as he punched the ground, a devil's gleam in his eyes. Three chunks of molten stone rose from nowhere and orbited him. With another laugh, he vanished and appeared on the ceiling. The stones burned through the castle's roof as he threw a trio of fireballs down at Heather. Without waiting to see if she dodged, he disappeared again. A stone whip to the face greeted him upon his reentry to the material world. Spitting out the iron taste of blood, he dropped his fiery aura, sneering into the queen's mocking grin. She flailed her whip around. "So, ready to give up?"

"Not on your life, _perra_. _Llanto._" As his hands crystallized, the whip shot out again, cracking its thunder as it came down. Alejandro screamed as his left hand shattered, a shot of pain followed by numbness. The ice ceased its cancerous spread and vanished. He collapsed to his knees, cradling his stunted appendage. Heather strode up to him, empty-handed. "Do you understand now? The legends say that I can only be defeated by Enceladus, therefore nothing you do will matter. At all. And the Chosen One can only be killed by me. _Capische_?"

_Damn it...Styx would be useless against her, Cocytus just lost me my hand, she has no trouble countering Phlegethon..._Groaning, he stood back up and matched the haughty look in her eyes. "And I say legends are bullshit. _Olvido_!."

She stepped back as the edges of Alejandro's pupils expanded and split, forming a black ring around either iris. He waved a hand and approached, smirking at her. Her hand shot out, a finger pointed straight ahead as she called upon her magic to smite him. Her mind fumbled for the mental command, unable to recall how she threw a lance of lightning. Uneasy she stepped back and tried to call upon first a meteor of ice and then an earthy maw to swallow Alejandro. Nothing came, and his smirk became even more mocking. Shaken to her very soul, Heather retreated, panicked eyes watching the wolf-like teen approach. "What did you _do _to me? Why can't I..."

"The River Lethe. An aura that grants me the ability to peer into a mind and erase whatever words or thoughts I don't like. If I had truly mastered it, I would be able to place you under full amnesia. Any last words, _chica_?"

"Yeah. Bite me." Giving up on destruction through magic, Heather rushed him and threw a foot at his head. Alejandro's neck whipped to the side and he fell, a broken tile cutting his abdomen. A foot drove his face into the floor. "Let me guess. You can't use any other magic when using this Lethe, right? A cheap trick won't save you."

And her foot dug through the ceramic to give his chin a boot, sending flying into the far wall. Groaning, he slid down the smooth surface, focusing all his energy on keeping Lethe going. Heather smirked at him, arms crossed. "Forget it. You're done."

"_Incorrecto_." A black metal object found itself in his grasp and he lifted the gun, holding it at arm's length. "A present from Tofino's sage."

A bright red flash and an explosion flooded the bedroom and Heather was thrown back against the wall, tasting blood. As the stench of burned flesh assaulted her nose, she looked down to see scorched skin right where her heart was. She slid down the wall, leaving a trail of red behind. His remaining hand vaporized by his weapon's self-destruction, Alejandro turned his back to her and released the magic with a wince. "And that's why I don't buy into fairy tales. Now, to deal with the Chosen One..."

Heather's breathing started back up again, her heart pumped, her fingers clasped at the broken clay, and her mind recalled her ultimate spell. Sneering, she rose back up, unfazed by the laser shot, and waved both hands at him. Her single footstep, scraping a piece of tile against the floor, alerted Alejandro to her recovery. He turned and met a flash of fire.

Heather watched the blackened crisp of a man fall to the ground with a hard _thump_. She smirked. _It cost me a gem, but..._ "What an idiot. Lindsay!"

Five seconds later, the blonde girl rushed into the room. "Yes, Your Maj-ewww! Is he...dead?"

"Not yet, but it won't be long. But never mind him. Heal this wound. _Now_."


	26. An Early End

**A/N: For those who don't know, it is with great regret that I am discontinuing this story. Here is what I managed to get done of chapter 26 before making this decision, raw and not having gone through the proofreading process.  
**

* * *

"What. Is. Going. On." Heather shook the unlucky man before her, seething with rage. "Answer me!"

"The…entire garrison…entrance…killed by one girl…" Feeling nauseous from her shaking, the guard dared to look at the heated coals of her eyes. "…Don't kill..."

"One girl?" Ceasing her shaking of the soldier, her glare intensified. "What did she look like?"

"…Blue-green hair…black skirt-"

"Grah!" Heather tossed the man across the room, where he lay motionless. "Owen! Get in here!"

It took a full minute, but the portly teen burst through the door, panting. "Y…yes? You need me?"

"Yes, I do." Her nose wrinkled at the stench that accompanied Owen. "You are my last line of defense before the Chosen Idiot gets here. You _cannot_ fail. Do I make myself clear?"

"Eh…" Finally standing straight, Owen rubbed his chin. "I dunno…I'm awfully hungry, and I don't work well on an empty stomach. Besides, that Ezekiel is, like, really scary with his magic…"

Heather hissed and prepared to smite the oaf where he stood… Instead, she gave him a smile, venomous in its false sweetness. "Of course, I can't have my minions be unhappy. What kind of queen would be that cruel?"

"Um…most evil queens?"

"…That wasn't a serious question."

"Oh…sorry."

"Anyways…" She heaved a deep sigh. This was getting _way _out of hand. _Damn it, Justin and Izzy still aren't recovered from their failure at the moon_… "Of course I'll give you a reason to do this. If you manage to kill Geoff and his party…no, no, no, _capture_ Geoff and his party, I'll let you have anything you want to eat afterward. Do we have a deal?"

The watering of Owen's eyes answered for him.

* * *

"_WHAT_? How _dare_ you say that about Cody?" Sierra rose onto her tiptoes to glare at the image of Chris carved into the wooden hut. While the rest of the hut vanished into oblivion every minute or so, the face never disappeared. "You take that back right now!"

The face didn't move, but Chris's voice sounded in robotic monotone. "Cody is a cowardly loser. Trololol. He is stupid and insecure about everything. Trololol."

"Why you…and Cody is never insecure about anything! Well, as long as he has stuffed emu…and me. You wanna fight?"

"Cody loves Gwen more than you. Trololol. You are a fat cow who will never win his affections. Trololol."

"Sierra." Noah stopped bashing his head against a wall to glare at her. "You've been arguing with a _wall_ for five minutes. All questions about your sanity have been answered."

"But…" Sierra couldn't decide between glaring at the wall and looking at Noah. "It's saying mean things about Cody! Mean, untruthful things! I should know, I-"

"Am a professional stalker, I know. And the fact that the wall is designed to troll everyone that talks to it doesn't change the fact _it's a bloody WALL_!" Noah took a few moments to cool down. "As should have been obvious from it punctuating every sentence with…"

He broke off, refusing to utter the wall's favorite word. With a roll of her eyes, Sierra crossed her arms. "Oh really? I think it just wants to fight."

"…It's been repeating the same five preprogrammed phrases ad nauseum since you starting arguing with it."

"It has?"

As Sierra scratched her head, the wall said, "Cody is a cowardly loser. Trolo-"

Sierra's eyes glowed and purple flames ate away the wall in an instant. As the ashes blew away in the wind, she blinked. "Oh hey, the evil wall's gone!"

Shaking his head, Noah walked away. "Okay, that's enough hanging around the crazy. Now, let's _gah_!"

He tripped over thin air; a moment later, a gnarled root appeared, although there were no trees anywhere nearby to account for it. A moment later, Courtney and Trent came around a half-formed house. The CIT glared at the egghead, face down in grass that may or may not have been real. "What happened to you?"

"Haven't figured it out yet, but I'm pretty sure it had something to do with something appearing out of nowhere. You know, story of this stupid city."

"Should've guessed. Have you two achieved anything? Me and Trent have found nothing, and I haven't seen DJ, Harold and Cody since we split."

After standing up and brushing off his clothes, Noah jerked a thumb in Sierra's direction. "Well, she got trolled by a wall. Pretty sure that's an achievement of some sort. Worth 30 points, probably."

As Trent and Courtney blinked at her, Sierra shrugged. "What? It was insulting Cody. But it's gone now. Just kinda disappeared. I wonder what happened…"

"Well, I'm starting to wonder if these gems really are here." Trent wandered away from the rest of the group. "I mean, I'm pretty sure we've looked all over the _waaaahhh_…!"

He vanished in an instant, falling through the ground and landing on concrete below; he was pretty sure the impact broke his arm. A moment later, the veil of grass he had stepped through disappeared to reveal an uncovered manhole. Clutching his arm, Trent looked up to see his comrades staring down at him. "Well, I think I found something."

* * *

Up and up the black staircase wound, a spiral design lined by gargoyles every so often on the stone rail. Catwalks extended towards doors, but none of Geoff's party would enter. Their goal was at the top of these stairs, according to Beth. To sway from the straight path was to risk falling prey to a trap, courtesy of one of the most fearsome manipulators they knew. Mr. Scales flew straight up in the center of the stairwell, wings coming inches from scraping against the stairs. As they approached the top, a voice stopped them. "Hey…can you guys…wait up?"

Geoff glanced back at Gwen, who stumbled along the stairs on all fours, drained by her magic. He turned around and descended the stairs toward her. "Hey, need a hand?"

Gwen nodded, panting. "That…would be great. Can I just…ride the dragon?"

Beth and Mr. Scales exchanged looks and the wyvern shrugged its wings. The farm girl said, "Okay. That's fine with Mr. Scales."

The dragon hovered closer, destroying the catwalk's railing with the beating of his massive massive wings. Geoff and Ezekiel helped her onto its serrated back. Once she was settled atop the beast, they resumed their pace up the stairs. At the very top, a pitch black door awaited them, giant spikes serving as door handles. Geoff paled at the door. "Think she's behind this, guys?"

Bridgette nodded, clutching her staff. "Probably. This door is really giving me the creeps."

"I know, sister." A she hefted her scepter, Leshawna flashed a broad grin. "Like the room right before a hard boss in a video game. Well, she can bring it on! Shawnie ain't 'fraid of _nobody_!"

"Alright! Let's do this!" Ignoring the fact that his back was not up for such exertion, Tyler bounded forward and kicked the doors down. A sickening crack resounded as he did so and when he came up, his body tilted to the right. The utter tilting of his spine was not enough to break his enthusiasm. "HA! Urk...you're going down...ow..."

"Oh, hey guys!" Seated on a plush armchair, Owen waved a half-eaten turkey leg at them. A wide saucepan covered the top of his head; frying pans protected his chest and gut. Exerting considerable effort, he stood up with a wide grin. "Been a while! That last encounter was _awesome_!"

"Never mind. Just Owen." Using her scythe as a walking stick, Gwen stumbled toward him. "Look, Owen, it's nice to see you and all, but...we need to get past you."

"Oh. Um..." Owen rubbed his chin and ripped a huge swath of flesh off the drumstick. "You guys are my friends...but...Heather told me to stop you, so..."

"Um..." Ezekiel tilted his head in confusion. "Why would you listen to her, eh?"

"She offered me food."

After a moment, Bridgette's eyes went deadpan. "Owen. You have food. _In your hand_."

"...She offered me even more food."

With a sigh, Gwen shook her head. "Why am I not surprised? Well, whatever. Sorry, Owen, but...we need to get through."

"Oh. Um...okay, what would Izzy say...? Um...something about a mini-boss or something?" After a moment, a manic grin blossomed on Owen's face. "Oh, who cares? Bring it on!"

With that, Owen stomped on the floor, a large plastic spatula appearing in his hand. His footfall shook the tan tiles of the kitchen, sending the others stumbling around. Ezekiel in particular barreled straight toward him. Owen bounced back and prepared himself. "Okay...let's see how my cloning power works on..."

His jaw unhinged, dropping down to waist level, and a vacuum force blossomed, gripping Ezekiel and pulling him in as though Owen's mouth were a black hole. With a cry, the prairie boy was sucked inside the maw. The jaw closed shut for a moment before Owen spat him back out with enough force to slam him against the wall and crack it. A moment later, noxious yellow gas spouted from Owen's backside. The fumes twisted and turned, shaping into a human form. What resulted resembled Ezekiel, albeit almost bald and with green-gray skin. Meanwhile, the real Ezekiel slid down from the wall, wiping himself off once he was back on his feet. "Oh, man…feels like I'll never be clean again, eh…"

The feral, fabricated Ezekiel raised a hand and loosed a wordless howl. Lightning crept up his hand, coalescing into a blue-tinged ball. The real Ezekiel's eyes widened. "Oh crap, eh…_stoppenfenster_!"

A large blue wall sprouted before Ezekiel and the rest of the party just before dozens of lightning lances launched. They shattered the barrier, but it succeeded in preventing much harm to the party. A moment later, Mr. Scales burst through the doorway, blasting the wall into rubble. After spouting off a fireball at the doppelganger, it descended upon Owen. The portly teen stared up at the dragon. "Oh crap, oh crap, oh CRAAA-"

Nobody knew exactly what had happened, but a moment later, the dragon was gone and Owen looked sick, mouth clamped shut. Then his mouth opened and launched Mr. Scales back out, sending him through several walls until he was all the way outside. He smirked as gas billowed behind him again and turn his head to gaze upon the resulting dragon. "Hey, big guy…wanna help me…?"

He broke off at the sight. A salamander about three inches long rested at his feet. "Um…okay, so maybe dragons are too complex to clone…um…bye!"

With that, Owen screamed and raced through a door behind him. Gwen blinked, took a moment to work out what had just happened and hobbled after her foe. "After him!"

A fireball stalled her dash and she turned to glare at the false Ezekiel. "Oh, right. You."

"I'll handle him, eh." Ezekiel stared at his doppelganger, mind racing. That…that couldn't be him. How could such a thing ever pass as him… "Go after Owen."

Geoff blinked. "You sure, man? This guy looks…kinda scary…"

"Yeah, I got it." Ezekiel turned to the rest of the party, eyes ablaze like never before. "Go, eh!"

As the others scrambled away, the false Zeke howled and fired another blast of lightning after them. Transparent blue walls again stopped the electric attack and Ezekiel stepped forward. "Let's do this, eh…"

* * *

**A/N: And so this comes to an incredibly abbreviated end. Still, I am quite glad to have gone through with this, due to the experience garnered, the friends met and just how fun it was to create this story. There will be another update, but not on here, as it won't be a proper chapter. Rather, it will be a detailing my plans for the rest of the story, so as to provide proper closure. **

**That post will be on my DeviantArt page (a link to it should be on my profile). Thank you all for reading, and farewell.  
**


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